> I'm trying to learn about reaching out & opening up so I don't fall so easily

how quickly heart ache or failure can make imaginary shoe strings tangle themselves under your steps.

some how dying is always the answer.

the truth about me is, when i thought of dying i never realy wanted to die. never wanted to pass into the unknown, whether greeted by gates or nothing. all i wanted was to stop the world around me. my world around me. i wanted to almost die, so people around me would stop and realize how precious time was. how much they loved me and how little they had shown it.

it would be a punishment to them.

uh-- just to type that is ugly. and selfish.

i have never even swallowed more than 3 advils. never noticed the veins in my wrists. never tried to fall asleep in the tub.

but i thought about it.

today: i realized that i'm a big ass baby. and i need to grow up before i try and come close to dying..


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