I found your message to be moving, sad, yet positive. I myself have been going through a series of pittfalls and sometimes I feel as if I no longer want to continue on with my pursuit of personal happiness...but there's always this inner voice that speaks to me in moments when I feel the most vulnerable. I continually remind myself that this is a battle within ourselves and a battle that I refuse to lose.

If I give up now, then everything that I've worked so hard for up to this point meant nothing.

I was born and raised in the east coast and I moved to LA about a year and a half ago pursuing many dreams. blind faith led me to this city and for the first year, I was absolutely miserable. stuck at a job that I really didn't like and finding it so hard to adapt to an environment that was the least bit familiar to what I've always known. I had only my girlfriend to talk to who went to school in LA and the rest of the time, I was alone trying to rekindle the passion and fire to be creative and spontaneous. My creativeness and will to succeed have always been my strengths and eversince coming to LA, I felt as if I lost it all. At times, I felt as if I was a lifeless being just letting the days pass me by like a bum on a bench. other days, I feel like I can take on the entire world. These mood shifts has made myself feel totally inbalanced and as a result has made my life a living hell. I take it out on people that care about me the most and sometimes I don't even know who I am when i look myself in the mirror.

for me, these upcoming months are crucial. almost a sense of urgency! I'm making the initiative to change my life. I'm going to seek professional therapy to deal with my pseudo depression/stress/anxiety. I'm going to consider other avenues as far as work is concerned. Most importantly, I'm choosing to take back what is most important to me right now....and that is my life and well being.

My childhood idol, Bruce Lee once said

"Be like water. Water is the most purest substance in the world. If you pour water into a cup. It becomes the cup. If you pour water into a tea pot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow and it can crash. it can penetrate through any rock. be like water, my friend"

this basically sums up a lot of things for me...and that's to learn to adapt to everything that comes at me.

I hope this message reaches to you soon. I honestly feel that you two are very very close to where you need to be. And if that requires for you to ADJUST or shift things, then baby thats what you got to do!!

although you and I have different stories and lives, there are many parallels to yours and mine and i can feel it. so I hope that you are able to find that peace of mind as I am striving to find this as well.

if you ever stop into LA again cause I know this is your stomping grounds, give me a holla. My girlfriend and I would love to meet ya!


keep it jazzy and fat!

a supporter and someone who's feelin' ya

maddbuddha
maddbuddha@hotmail.com