just trying to console and listen.

we cried. we wondered why. we cried. we got pissed. we tried to piece things together. we looked back. wondered if we could have done more. we cried again

one thing we remembered about you. you were stubborn. not saying in a bed way or a good way. u were just set on something ...anything... and that was it. there was no deterring you.

ultimately this was your choice. :-( you wanted to do this, and even tho we, the people around you, tried to deter you, and actually thought we had. this was obviously something u wanted to do.

well hell. u know how i am. people knew how u were. we thought of some memories. thought of you naming your new car (whoever thought of such? naming their vehicle? :-) )
we remembered how you got the previous one. a POS special. how u said u were gonna drive to chi-town in it. we laughed away a touch of pain.

one of my favorite stories/ memories that we both remembered. u had said that u were just driving along and the car just caught fire. a small fire. and how your pops was upset at his friend, because his friend had done the work on your car RIGHT before is spontaneously combusted.

lay: damn nikki, is the car totalled? are you ok?

3rd i: i'm cool, the car is fine, it was a small fire, but my dad is on the phone with his friend now screaming at him.

lay: well yeah i'd scream too

3rd i: he said he's gonna come back over and look at it, and fix it

lay: sheeeeit. u sure u want THAT negro under your hood...again? i'd be like "nah that's cool"


ha ha we laughed a good lil while thinking back on your personality, and humor, .........and then we cried some more.

i never knew dj teddy bear personally. had just seen him post eveyr now and again. so i could only imagine what the cats that knew him went through. i fuckin understand now. so many questions, so many "did i do all that i could?" u gotta lotta people thinking that right now, nikki.