But here goes:

I used to bartend at a club a few years ago and exchanged glances w/ a woman on the floor on my way to the bathroom. Later, she came to the bar and passed me a note w/ her number on it. It had her number and address on it and said to call her later. I wondered why her address was on it, but whatever.

So, on my way home I call her. Her son answers (like 3:00 in the am) and he says his mom can't get on the phone because she's deaf. WTF?

Anyway, he tells me that she says to call and come over tomorrow. Cool.

5 minutes later, dude calls back and says come over right now. For a minute, I thought I was being set up to get robbed or something. But dudes think w/ the lil head bigger than the big one.

Anyway, I get over and she's really deaf. I'm hesitant to make a move w/ her kids over but I close the door and make a move. I ask her if she has condoms and she pulls some out. All she had were nonlubricated ones. So I put it on and try to get it in. She's REALLY tight and I'm tryn to get it in. And while I'm tryin', it's starting to feel good. And it's not all the way in.

Then, the unthinkable happens. Yeah, I busted.

Biggest L ever.