Second friend getting married that wants to have a no kids policy
I’ll go along with it because it’s local, but this is the last one
Like folks are really out here treating kids like pets. Out entire life is shaped around this kid, particularly at this age.
Shit feels like, come to my wedding but don’t bring your spouse.

*the bride to be is pregnant any damn ways.

Once she drops that kid she is going to have to respect other people’s no kid policy.

but it ain’t like she is telling pregnant women to stay home. That would be hilarious tho

The second you start inviting people to activities it becomes a group day. It’s fashionable to say x,y,z event is all about them
But realistically it’s not. People don’t leave their personhood behind to celebrate your activities.
It’s why when I had my wedding I had it in the middle of the city, so that half the people wouldn’t have to rent cars just to get around for a one off event.
It’s why you have vegan and vegetarian options
It’s why you make considerations for how long people will be standing
Or dress codes for weather
Or accessibility options for your others friends
Or you’re careful around recovered alcoholics not putting drinks right on the table


You already make a hundred mini concessions to your friends and family.

Because it's YOUR wedding. So the concessions you make and don't make are your choice. You're spending THOUSANDS of dollars on this. You try your best to accommodate everyone. But at some point you need to think of yourself as well and how you want the day to go.

It's like inviting people over and saying "no pets, please" and someone like you being all curmudgeon-y about it. Who do you think you are.

And like someone else pointed out, it's not your choice to decide whether or not you can bring your kids into someone else's home or wedding. But you can certainly decline the invite !

My kid is my life responsibility. Not a moment of a day goes by that I don’t have to be accountable for her or myself with relation to her.

I scan the web page too to make sure she’s not on there
Meet with the teachers every other month
Just because she’s not in my person doesn’t mean she’s not in my immediate responsibility.

and why are you implying that not taking your kids to a wedding means you don’t care about their welfare?

I get it, there are times when I used to feel guilty about leaving them to have a fun night out. I got over that shit.

You will too.

Me: you’re talking attachment, I’m talking logistics.

You: some shit out of left field.

and you are talking about an app and how you love them dearly.

that wasn’t my question.

... with your kid is. But re: what you typed below, that's great that you're such an attentive and good parent.

If you are uncomfortable leaving your child for the day/nite/weekend to go to this wedding, you decline. It's not your day, you're not paying for it. It's as simple as that. Your particular relationship with your particular child is not the bride/groom's problem. It's yours. So deal with your problem accordingly.


>My kid is my life responsibility. Not a moment of a day goes
>by that I don’t have to be accountable for her or myself
>with relation to her.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

If you don't like it, decline the invite. It's as simple as that. You want a kids party, invite people to YOUR place and have them bring all the kids.

Feel you on all of the above...
And we went out of our way to accommodate everyone that we'd invited to our wedding....
In retrospect though....I kinda wish we'd just been selfish with it and done something completely different and saved some loot, time, energy and drama.

Cousin had a wedding last year...and I'm really convinced that these young folks just don't have any sort of understanding about planning & etiquette...
SHe did the "No Kids" thing...despite 95% of her cousins having young kids...
She had it set for OUTSIDE in North Carolina in JULY!...TF?!!??
AND she put on the invite...BLACK TIE ONLY! WTF???
We scoffed so much at that invite when it came in the mail....


























We went doe...
She ended up having it indoors at the last minute...
And fck a Black Tie.....I rolled up in a linen suit like WHHHHuuuuut...

>Feel you on all of the above...
>And we went out of our way to accommodate everyone that we'd
>invited to our wedding....
>In retrospect though....I kinda wish we'd just been selfish
>with it and done something completely different and saved some
>loot, time, energy and drama.

You definitely should've.


>Cousin had a wedding last year...and I'm really convinced that
>these young folks just don't have any sort of understanding
>about planning & etiquette...

Apparently neither do you or MEAT ? Along with a lack of understanding that it's not your money, and therefore not up to you.


>SHe did the "No Kids" thing...despite 95% of her cousins
>having young kids...

... so what. It's not the cousins' wedding. It's hers.


>She had it set for OUTSIDE in North Carolina in
>JULY!...TF?!!??

THE HORROR !


>AND she put on the invite...BLACK TIE ONLY! WTF???
>We scoffed so much at that invite when it came in the
>mail....

While I also scoff at black tie weddings, it's NOT MY WEDDING so I oblige the requests of the people paying thousands of dollars for the day.


>We went doe...
>She ended up having it indoors at the last minute...
>And fck a Black Tie.....I rolled up in a linen suit like
>WHHHHuuuuut...

Then you're an insufferable asshole.

KEEP HOPE ALIVE BREW!


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

In 2014 my wife and I went to 14 weddings.

And we've been anywhere from 4 to 8 in the years since. Got another 3 this year.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

lol

his stance as reasonably thought out.....



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

It's not your place to tell a couple they should have kids at their wedding.

Just like it's not anyone else's place to tell you not to have kids at yours.

It's pretty simple. Weird that someone with the perspective of having kids can't grasp some common sense.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

don’t try to make someone else’s wedding about you.

You won’t be able to mitigate that and they’ll (the parents) likely act out worse since they don’t have to parent that night

my kids are older now, so they can stay home anyways. but if we got invited to a no kid joint when they were younger, we'd go if we had accommodations. otherwise, see you when I see you. not mad either way.

hell, its not a bad idea to get away from the kids from time to time to have some adult fun.

>RE: seems like a way to get a smaller audience at the wedding.
>my kids are older now, so they can stay home anyways. but if
>we got invited to a no kid joint when they were younger, we'd
>go if we had accommodations. otherwise, see you when I see
>you. not mad either way.
>
>hell, its not a bad idea to get away from the kids from time
>to time to have some adult fun.


^^^^ yup. You'd think this would all be a v simple concept, to everyone. But alas.

She made you have a no kid wedding, didn't she? She demanded black tie only? There were certain friends you weren't allowed to invite? She only let you pick like 2 or 3 songs, huh?

Seems like he struck a nerve.


I don't think I've ever seen you this mad outside of politics haha


In here comparing my kids to pets and shit lol.


Your point is don't like it, don't go.


That works most of the time. But sometimes there is guilt involved, etc.

Plus it is kinda shitty cuz the kids aren't messing with anything. Or very little.

Its just a day.

and not everyone has child care at their disposal to take advantage of an adult night out....



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

sho wouldn't want to waste on a wedding....
I'm just saying...



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

if you feel going to a wedding would be a waste of a babysitter.

>sho wouldn't want to waste on a wedding....
>I'm just saying...
>

wedding that I'd feel obligated to go to....

Anybody else send me some wedding invite talking about "No Kids"...it's "Aight den..."



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

I haven't felt obligated to attend anyone's wedding except my own. everyone else will be fine with/out me.

What I’m saying is that kids, particularly at the ages of 3-4 and below are SUCH an extension of a person that asking a couple to come but to leave them behind is inappropriate.
The ask is.
And the reason I’m stating is that it doesn’t appreciate what the ask is.
Like the last wedding, I got, it was at a women’s club with a no kids policy and it wasn’t the crowd I’d bring my kid to. Lots of drugs, some nudity, I get ... but I would’ve liked rather than not having kids allowed, saying this environment is kid inappropriate and the venue has a policy.

For this situation, it’s neither, it’s a preference. And I’m saying it’s a whack preference. I think choreographed dances and up lighting is whack too.
But I’m saying it’s whack specifically for how it treats what a kid is, and what guests are.

they're not saying they don't want you there.

but they're not planning an event for your whole crew

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

others don't. I don't. I also think its an easy decision to make about going or not.

they get to make those decisions. I wouldn't feel slighted or unaccommodated by them setting up their wedding as they want.

>What I’m saying is that kids, particularly at the ages of
>3-4 and below are SUCH an extension of a person that asking a
>couple to come but to leave them behind is inappropriate.

That's insane.

Vegan menu? Them niggas can eat around the meat.

Alcoholics? Don’t come to the reception. There will be dranks. Not setting a drink at a table doesn’t stop them from getting up and getting one.

My wedding was on a Friday in a small port town on the water during hurricane season. My fam drove from Pittsburgh. Some people didn’t make it. That’s okay... but it was my wife’s day, it was in her childhood town on the water and it was awesome.

Her maid of honor asked if she could bring her best friend who my wife couldn’t stand. My wife said no. Why? It was her day.

If people can’t get over themselves for a few hours and let someone else have their day then just stay home.

>Vegan menu? Them niggas can eat around the meat.
>
>Alcoholics? Don’t come to the reception. There will be
>dranks. Not setting a drink at a table doesn’t stop them
>from getting up and getting one.
>
>My wedding was on a Friday in a small port town on the water
>during hurricane season. My fam drove from Pittsburgh. Some
>people didn’t make it. That’s okay... but it was my
>wife’s day, it was in her childhood town on the water and it
>was awesome.
>
>Her maid of honor asked if she could bring her best friend who
>my wife couldn’t stand. My wife said no. Why? It was her
>day.
>
>If people can’t get over themselves for a few hours and let
>someone else have their day then just stay home.
>
>

Ain't really your call.

But even ignoring that, I tend to agree with them on the no kids policy. Kids take over weddings, the dance floor, etc. They distract from the party atmosphere IMO. So I've always preferred kidless weddings, just on a personal level. But obviously I understand the hardship it can create for you and others, so I get where you're coming from.

But again - not your wedding, not your place to dictate.

even before i had kids, the atmosphere was just better if it was open to kids. Way less uptight.

Seeing Auntie get low is only entertaining for the first 2 minutes that she does it the first time...after that...shit's depressing ...


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

And your issues about kids taking over the dance floor is a parenting issue.

Which isn't true. So instead, you say "I'd rather not have kids at my wedding. Which I'm spending several thousand dollars on (at least)."


>And your issues about kids taking over the dance floor is a
>parenting issue.

And adults that allow their kids to disrupt an event are adults that would allow themselves to disrupt the same event.

..why is this an issue?


*skatin' the rings of saturn*


..and miles to go before i sleep...

And only during confirmation much later have they let me know that it’ll be no kids
It’d be helpful to have to that information to start because that’s two different conversations.
Do we want to go x y z’s wedding is one conversation
How do you feel about going to x y z’s wedding that we committed to but they’re NOW telling us to leave the kid home, is a different one
Because my wife may have some feelings about that and it’s fair to have all of the information presented to her when she’s making decisions.

In that specific context I can understand your annoyance and would share in it.


>And only during confirmation much later have they let me know
>that it’ll be no kids
>It’d be helpful to have to that information to start because
>that’s two different conversations.
>Do we want to go x y z’s wedding is one conversation
>How do you feel about going to x y z’s wedding that we
>committed to but they’re NOW telling us to leave the kid
>home, is a different one
>Because my wife may have some feelings about that and it’s
>fair to have all of the information presented to her when
>she’s making decisions.

them telling you much later after you confirmed it was a no kids thing.

That’s a different situation than what you presented in the original post and I would argue based on your annoyance in this post that’s really what is driving you being irritated not that it was a “no kids” thing overall.

All that being said still you could just decline after saying “yes” before, it should been seen as totally acceptable by the bride and groom since they didn’t do you the solid of letting you know from the jump.

unfortunately, a lot of people haven't finalized their plans when they're first reaching out, they're just trying to figure out how many people they need to get ready for and....that means they haven't figured kids in yet

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>And only during confirmation much later have they let me know
>that it’ll be no kids

that shit should be on the invite
but the choice of making it a no-kids event is 100% up to them and not something that you should feel any type of way about.
sometimes you have to be 'this tall' to ride the ride.

..Forgive me if I'm missing something, but the standard protocol is:

• Save the Date
• Invitations
• RSVP

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they still within the correct timeframe to notify their guests?


*skatin' the rings of saturn*


..and miles to go before i sleep...

Y’all prolly need a break too

So if the choice is between my out-of-town college buddy's 4 year old who I've met once, or a local fringe friend I am still relatively close with and see semi-regularly, guess who's getting the invite.

nm

Because doing both just comes across as silly to me, and a waste of time.

I understand feeling some type of way because you’re taking it personal because you have a kid but why not chose to look at it as they want a fun adult time and don’t want screaming and crying children running around the place?

It is their day so I don’t think it is asking for too much to have it exactly as they want it.

Not just generally about not allowing kids at your wedding.

That changes the whole post because then it becomes not an issue about kids but an issue about not letting someone know something ahead of time before you accept an invite.

Those are different issues.

Also as I said up top he still is perfectly within his rights to reject the invite after they said no kids later, he wouldn’t be wrong for saying “sorry, you changed the game and I have to decline”, but since he isn’t doing that and is STILL complaining but also going it is still on him to not waste his time like this.

Kids free weddings are for the birds.

The last one, I wouldn’t have wanted to take my kid
The one we went to in Chicago, we CHOSE not to take our kid
Folks acting like telling someone don’t bring a kid isn’t wildly invasive is weird
Y’all would feel some kind of way if the wedding throwers specified the colors that you’re supposed to wear as guests, but bring a kid into it and suddenly it’s “don’t go”

if you don't like the rules then man, lemme tell you -- THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU THERE

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Typical non parent thought lol.

Yeah it makes even more sense now to not invite kids, I get 1 or 2 year olds won’t eat the reception food but any other age yeah you’re paying for the plate.

Like 1-5 people will no show to a wedding.

>Like 1-5 people will no show to a wedding.

I got married back in 2006 and even back then the per guest cost was at $75 with the open bar included. There wasn't an adult/child option or even a separate "not including open bar because it's a kid" option.

In addition of this, if we'd allowed kids, the guest count would have been way more difficult to predict - because instead of a "plus 1" some guest with kids might end up with parties of 4-5 (or more, I have one cousin who would have brought 6 kids with her.) At $75 per person the reception cost and guest count would have gotten out of control QUICKLY.

Not even close.

For us it would have meant going from a guest list of 200 to a guest list of 300+. At $75 per plate you’re talking about going from 15k to over 22k, just for food and drinks, for kids who can’t drink and would rather be eating pizza.

Not about breaking the bank, but it’s absolutely a factor in the decision making process.

Fast forward that to now - I’m in a band that plays one or two weddings a week now. These are really high end weddings - it’s an 11 piece band so anyone dropping over 10k just for a live band is spending a TON on their wedding. In 2019 we player around 70 weddings. I can count on one hand the number of those that allowed kids.

My kid over five is not invited by me personally.
That’s really some white people shit to my know when and where to bring their kids.

...maybe



www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

#1 Sometimes it isn't exactly easy to find a sitter. ("Then Don't go!")...well yeah, but if its someone you're close with then its pretty shitty. Especially if there is pressure/guilt to go from those getting married. Can't take it personal when folks decline an invite to your highly regulated wedding...

Always funny to get the "Wait, you're not coming!?!?" text. Motherfucker, you said my kids weren't allowed! Fuck Ima do?


#2 I've literally never been to a "kids allowed" wedding that the kids negatively impacted the shit. Folks in here acting like kids turn that shit into Chuck-e-cheese.


#3 I think its kind of entertaining to watch a couple try to make their wedding day some perfectly controlled event. I've also never known such a couple to last *shrugs*


#4 Those adults that, for some reason, strongly require time with "no kids" just have to wait till like 9 when the most of us dirty, filthy breeders go home.


But yeah, I'm always skeptical of the longevity of any couple trying to put on the perfect/ideal/borderline choreographed wedding. The shit aint prom. Yeah put on the wedding you want but at some point grow the fuck up. Its just a day.

>
>#2 I've literally never been to a "kids allowed" wedding that
>the kids negatively impacted the shit. Folks in here acting
>like kids turn that shit into Chuck-e-cheese.
>
>

I kinda agree with your other points, but to this point, I have a two year old and while he is chill, when I'm with him, there is no sitting and taking in a moment, he's two, he has the attention span of a fly so, you know, snacks & toys and toys & snacks and snacks & toys and toys & snacks, and we're controlling his media diet so it's not like we can just jack him into the matrix and have him content with hours of Daniel Tiger. We sitting and present, he gotta be sitting and present.

I will say though, that hes turning a corner and hes now chilling out even more while also amping up 10x so....the next year will be interesting.

>#1 Sometimes it isn't exactly easy to find a sitter. ("Then
>Don't go!")...well yeah, but if its someone you're close with
>then its pretty shitty. Especially if there is pressure/guilt
>to go from those getting married. Can't take it personal when
>folks decline an invite to your highly regulated wedding...

"Highly regulated" ? They chose not to invite people's kids. Who they prolly barely even know. Who they'd be paying for.

Do you consider it "highly regulated" if a friend of yours who may not be as close with the bride/groom isn't invited ? Who the hell are you to judge those decisions ?


>Always funny to get the "Wait, you're not coming!?!?" text.
>Motherfucker, you said my kids weren't allowed! Fuck Ima do?

Have you ever actually gotten that text ? And if so, once you made clear that it's too much of a hardship to attend because of your family situation (something most people would understand and be sympathetic to once described to them) did they continue to judge you ? If so, you have some pretty shitty friends.

Just like it's shitty for you guys to judge your friends for decisions they made for their day which they are paying for.


>#2 I've literally never been to a "kids allowed" wedding that
>the kids negatively impacted the shit. Folks in here acting
>like kids turn that shit into Chuck-e-cheese.

Cool. Still not your choice.


>#3 I think its kind of entertaining to watch a couple try to
>make their wedding day some perfectly controlled event. I've
>also never known such a couple to last *shrugs*

Judgey.


>#4 Those adults that, for some reason, strongly require time
>with "no kids" just have to wait till like 9 when the most of
>us dirty, filthy breeders go home.

Or they just decided that, with limited invites to hand out, they'd rather the invites go to other members of their family or friends, rather than kids they may not have ever even met before.


>But yeah, I'm always skeptical of the longevity of any couple
>trying to put on the perfect/ideal/borderline choreographed
>wedding. The shit aint prom. Yeah put on the wedding you
>want but at some point grow the fuck up. Its just a day.

Judgey.

>>#1 Sometimes it isn't exactly easy to find a sitter.
>("Then
>>Don't go!")...well yeah, but if its someone you're close
>with
>>then its pretty shitty. Especially if there is
>pressure/guilt
>>to go from those getting married. Can't take it personal
>when
>>folks decline an invite to your highly regulated wedding...
>
>"Highly regulated" ? They chose not to invite people's kids.
>Who they prolly barely even know. Who they'd be paying for.


There are levels, man. Yeah if I "barely know" someone I'm not going to care and neither are they.

But if its someone who we are close with, and know my kids, and say no kids allowed, AND get offended that we aren't going??

Or even bummed. Like, you set the rules you had to have thought that ruled some people out.

In your situation the couple getting married completely understands people not going.

I've experienced the opposite. My point is if you say "no kids allowed" don't get aggy when we have to skip.

You really disagree with that?

>
>Do you consider it "highly regulated" if a friend of yours who
>may not be as close with the bride/groom isn't invited ? Who
>the hell are you to judge those decisions ?

WTF?

Why are you taking this so seriously?

It honestly seems like you are projecting something here.

You never judge anyone's decisions?



>
>
>>Always funny to get the "Wait, you're not coming!?!?" text.
>>Motherfucker, you said my kids weren't allowed! Fuck Ima
>do?
>
>Have you ever actually gotten that text ? And if so, once you
>made clear that it's too much of a hardship to attend because
>of your family situation (something most people would
>understand and be sympathetic to once described to them) did
>they continue to judge you ? If so, you have some pretty
>shitty friends.
>
>Just like it's shitty for you guys to judge your friends for
>decisions they made for their day which they are paying for.

WTF man.

Literally everyone is judging in here. You just judged everyone in here with kids, me personally, and now my shitty friends.

Why can you judge and not me?



>
>
>>#2 I've literally never been to a "kids allowed" wedding
>that
>>the kids negatively impacted the shit. Folks in here acting
>>like kids turn that shit into Chuck-e-cheese.
>
>Cool. Still not your choice.

Cool. Never said it was. Just pointing out I think such a rule is silly.


>
>
>>#3 I think its kind of entertaining to watch a couple try to
>>make their wedding day some perfectly controlled event.
>I've
>>also never known such a couple to last *shrugs*
>
>Judgey.

Again, everyone is in here judging- including you.

My last line is a fact though. All three couples I can think of are done or on shaky ground.

Call me judgy all you want. I think its silly when couples try to make their wedding day some perfect event. And you judge me for that, so round and round we go.

>
>
>>#4 Those adults that, for some reason, strongly require time
>>with "no kids" just have to wait till like 9 when the most
>of
>>us dirty, filthy breeders go home.
>
>Or they just decided that, with limited invites to hand out,
>they'd rather the invites go to other members of their family
>or friends, rather than kids they may not have ever even met
>before.
>
Yeah, again- there are levels.

Inviting super casual friends with a single "plus one" or whatever is completely different than banning all kids.

You keep saying "its not your choice Stadiq"

No shit. But it is my choice to not go of course, and also my choice to kill time on Okayplayer sharing my perspective on the situation.



>
>>But yeah, I'm always skeptical of the longevity of any
>couple
>>trying to put on the perfect/ideal/borderline choreographed
>>wedding. The shit aint prom. Yeah put on the wedding you
>>want but at some point grow the fuck up. Its just a day.
>
>Judgey.

LOL and so are you man. You okay?

>
>#1 Sometimes it isn't exactly easy to find a sitter.

That sounds like a personal problem.

("Then
>Don't go!")...well yeah, but if its someone you're close with
>then its pretty shitty.

Kinda sucks, but again- that's your problem.

Especially if there is pressure/guilt
>to go from those getting married. Can't take it personal when
>folks decline an invite to your highly regulated wedding...

These are caveats that do have relevance to a specific situation, but still... if you can't find a sitter, that's your problem, and such is life.

>#2 I've literally never been to a "kids allowed" wedding that
>the kids negatively impacted the shit. Folks in here acting
>like kids turn that shit into Chuck-e-cheese.

This is 100% irrelevant.

>#3 I think its kind of entertaining to watch a couple try to
>make their wedding day some perfectly controlled event. I've
>also never known such a couple to last *shrugs*

Also irrelevant.

>#4 Those adults that, for some reason, strongly require time
>with "no kids" just have to wait till like 9 when the most of
>us dirty, filthy breeders go home.
>
>
>But yeah, I'm always skeptical of the longevity of any couple
>trying to put on the perfect/ideal/borderline choreographed
>wedding. The shit aint prom. Yeah put on the wedding you
>want but at some point grow the fuck up. Its just a day.

All of this sounds like you rationalizing, trying to justify your selfish desire for the married couple to cater to you, and not themselves.

>>
>>#1 Sometimes it isn't exactly easy to find a sitter.
>
>That sounds like a personal problem.
>
> ("Then
>>Don't go!")...well yeah, but if its someone you're close
>with
>>then its pretty shitty.
>
>Kinda sucks, but again- that's your problem.
>
>Especially if there is pressure/guilt
>>to go from those getting married. Can't take it personal
>when
>>folks decline an invite to your highly regulated wedding...
>
>These are caveats that do have relevance to a specific
>situation, but still... if you can't find a sitter, that's
>your problem, and such is life.
>
>>#2 I've literally never been to a "kids allowed" wedding
>that
>>the kids negatively impacted the shit. Folks in here acting
>>like kids turn that shit into Chuck-e-cheese.
>
>This is 100% irrelevant.
>
>>#3 I think its kind of entertaining to watch a couple try to
>>make their wedding day some perfectly controlled event.
>I've
>>also never known such a couple to last *shrugs*
>
>Also irrelevant.
>
>>#4 Those adults that, for some reason, strongly require time
>>with "no kids" just have to wait till like 9 when the most
>of
>>us dirty, filthy breeders go home.
>>
>>
>>But yeah, I'm always skeptical of the longevity of any
>couple
>>trying to put on the perfect/ideal/borderline choreographed
>>wedding. The shit aint prom. Yeah put on the wedding you
>>want but at some point grow the fuck up. Its just a day.
>
>All of this sounds like you rationalizing, trying to justify
>your selfish desire for the married couple to cater to you,
>and not themselves.
>

I don't care that much, just giving a different perspective because I've seen a couple get offended/stressed when several of their friends with kids couldn't go because of their own rules.

So, my main point is that if there are couples out there who want to set rules, then don't act in any way negative when some people can't go.

In other words

"No Kids for our perfect day that we will forget in a year or 2"

= we can't go

which, as you pointed out = only our problem

THEN

we can't go because of your rules = don't be surprised/bummed/whatever when we can't go. Don't make it your problem by feeling a certain way when folks can't show.

Its not that serious.

I'm asking no one to cater to me, I'm just in the corner judging *shrugs*

I have two young ones, a toddler and an infant. me and wife went to a no kid wedding end of last year and from the jump we were about it.

moma hit the sauce and danced, I had my drink and two step and we were able to have a night on the town and were able to hear every single word, see every single moment and have some drinks...and in the end we were able to calmly take off our unstained clothes at the end of the night because the nanny put the kids to sleep way before we got home.

if we were with kids we would have ended the night covered in milk, crumbs, mystery sauce, we would have been bone ass sober and having to spend pretty much zero time in the reception because, overwhelming drunk people and loud music.

maybe when the kids are 3 and 5 or 5 and 7, but right now, I'm going to take these free moments and live my best life with my wife.

Ain’t nothing wrong with respecting your guests

go or don't go

>Ain’t nothing wrong with respecting your guests

I’m not putting together a wedding. I did that. I’m good. I’m saying this choice is whack and I’m not doing it again.

>RE: What if other guests hate black people
>I’m not putting together a wedding. I did that. I’m good.
>I’m saying this choice is whack and I’m not doing it
>again.
>

How does that vibe with your other point that “it’s their day”

You'd have to accommodate those who hate black people, too. Damn, all this respecting every single one of your guests individually shit could get reallll messy.


>How does that vibe with your other point that “it’s their
>day”

The most.

There's a reason he said you're "doing a lot", and didn't directly address the actual point.

And that reason isn't because you're wrong.

if it bothered me i just wouldnt go

with my sister to go to a wedding in LA?

White girl: You just left them???

Me: Yeah.. but not on the runway. We just left them in baggage claim until we get back.

i'm around too many mexicans. it doesn't seem even possible.

Same with flower girl and other kid roles

>Same with flower girl and other kid roles

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

But I get it.. it's one of those topics parents get super sensitive about. *shrug*

again this is foreign as hell to me. weddings my whole life have been family events.

think birth control is an abomination or some shit IDK

But carry on

and say you couldn't find a sitter.
they can play with all the other kids that are gonna show up.

I’ll be fine. Everyone we’ll be. It’s the ask that I think is whack.
And I’m not doing it again. Next wedding I get invited to, I’m asking that upfront. In fact I already did just to be sure.
Because planning family shit is tiring and complicated. Like in this situation, if we already had grandma sitting the next weekend, we either now change those plans or try to figure out some other shit.
Folks that are in here on that yap yap, never tried to book the same sitter two weekends in a row or very close together.

Your kids and sitter situations and regular life frustrations are in no way the concern or responsibility of the couple getting married.


>I’ll be fine. Everyone we’ll be. It’s the ask that I
>think is whack.
>And I’m not doing it again. Next wedding I get invited to,
>I’m asking that upfront. In fact I already did just to be
>sure.
>Because planning family shit is tiring and complicated. Like
>in this situation, if we already had grandma sitting the next
>weekend, we either now change those plans or try to figure out
>some other shit.
>Folks that are in here on that yap yap, never tried to book
>the same sitter two weekends in a row or very close together.
>

You take into account what concessions you’re asking of people.
Like that’s a thing.
And some concessions you don’t even ask of people.
It’s ok to try empathy for your guests.

... not every single individual person can be accommodated for all their weird eccentricities.

Get over yourself. You're entitled as fuck.

Ok.

You can’t even fathom that your out of pocket over this

I think something is whack and I posted about it
Didn’t ask for a single thing from them folks
If y’all’s definition of entitlement is having an opinion on something then that’s a weird misreading of what entitlement is.

this wedding happens to be one
its not a big deal

cause you ain’t making no damn sense bruh

and I have a 2 and a 4 year old.

We get a sitter once a month if we are lucky. If we can’t bring kids and find a sitter we just don’t go but we don’t get angry at the people throwing their party.

WE decided to have kids and WE knew this would mean sometimes we can’t do things because our kids are young.

The world doesn’t revolve around you when it’s someone else’s wedding or event.

Either get a baby sitter, or stay home. Don't complain that THEIR idea of a good time doesn't much up with what is convenient/desirable for YOU.

It's their own party that they are spending their own money on. And you want to tell them how to run it?

We got no details, but what if it was a fancy formal type affair? You don't think some snotty nose kids would ruin that whole vibe?

For whatever reason, they want to party with adults. They don't want no damn kids running around, screaming, crying, fussing, causing distractions. That's the environment they want to create for their event. It ain't about you.

>Either get a baby sitter, or stay home. Don't complain that
>THEIR idea of a good time doesn't much up with what is
>convenient/desirable for YOU.
>
>It's their own party that they are spending their own money
>on. And you want to tell them how to run it?
>
>We got no details, but what if it was a fancy formal type
>affair? You don't think some snotty nose kids would ruin that
>whole vibe?
>
>For whatever reason, they want to party with adults. They
>don't want no damn kids running around, screaming, crying,
>fussing, causing distractions. That's the environment they
>want to create for their event. It ain't about you.

https://twitter.com/phontigallo/status/1116474104910176256

Always drop him off with someone. Last wedding was my cousin up in Brooklyn with an open bar last fall. lol @ bringing kids to that. Out of 5-6 of us with younger kids, only one cousin brought theirs.

Plus, my son would rather do something else anyway, so it's a win-win.

>Plus, my son would rather do something else anyway, so it's a
>win-win.

This shit is like 10 miles from the house
Nobody is losing sleep what we do or don’t and kid can use some grandparents time or cousin time
But give me a parenting choice.

...it wouldn't have been an issue either. Would have drank the same amount too... wasn't like I'm getting hammered.

>But give me a parenting choice.

One of my cousins brought her kids and it was pretty nice to see them. They had fun at the wedding, all dressed up.

Those With Kids
Those without kids
Those with kids that have easy access to child care
Those with kids that don't have easy access to child care
Live niggas
Un-live niggas


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

those who do and those who don't realize that not everybody gives a fuck about their kids.

Him: Yo. We are all set for march 14. Should i continue to put include you and (wife’s name) for the ceremony and lunch?

Me: Yup. And (child’s name)

Him: Sounds good. We are asking guests no kids.

Me: We should be able to find a sitter with a month of planning.

Traditionally...a wedding is an opportunity to share a huge life moment with people you love and care about. It's a pretty big deal...not just another party.

If you truly CARE about the folks you're inviting and WANT them to celebrate in this event with you...then you take all aspects of their particular situations into account. This includes not only dietary restrictions, accomodations and access for elderly and mobility challenged people, folks that you know don't get along, AND folks with kids.... If you really care about and want these people to celebrate your special day with you, then you think about ALL of that during the wedding planning, and the answer isn't just to exclude them...because if you really cared...you wouldn't exclude them or their kids or their disabilities or their dietary restrictions....

So yeah...the onus is on the wedding host....and they're definitely a shitty wedding host if they don't take this stuff into account and act in the best interest of the guests they're inviting.



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

What about the guests who hate kids ? How does a couple accommodate them while simultaneously accommodating whiney bitchass guests like you ?

"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

they hate shitty kids
who are, in reality, just kids with shitty parents (generally)

or any attention away from the bride and groom

They off playing with other kids away from grown folks

I’ll respect their wishes.

I can also drink much more without my kids there.

>they hate shitty kids
>who are, in reality, just kids with shitty parents
>(generally)

yeah its your wedding, but it does feel like a slight. i don't think that should ruffle your feathers as the one putting on the wedding.

If you got an open bar? Perfectly understandable.

in most people’s lives...

People spend stupid money for them. Hell, people actually put their future in jeopardy by overextended themselves for this ceremony.

I see you trying to spin, but it can easily be flipped the other direction.

If you truly CARE about the folks getting married, you could make this small accommodation and make arrangements for your kids for a couple hours.

If you can't, so be it. Hopefully the host is reasonable enough to understand.

Not everyone can attend every wedding. Sometimes it's too far and expensive, can't take time off work, or you can't get someone to watch the kids. How important the wedding is to you determines how much you'd be willing to stretch to make it happen

Guests don’t ask to be invited. If you know me and care, you gonna set the shit up to reasonably accommodate me. A kid is a reasonable accommodation for a wedding.


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

No one really wants you coming and being all extra asking for gluten free meatless ribs and shits.

Dietary restrictions? bring snacks nigga
Old wheelchair ass niggas.. bring fam who can carry yo ass up the stairs
Kids? Like MJ sang.. if you can’t watch the babies, don’t have the babies

All that accommodating bullish for guest is that progressive nonsense where everyone wants to be catered to.

Fuck all y’all. It’s my day. It’s my menu, it’s my music, it’s my party.. don’t like it? Don’t come.

I'm 90% sure FLUID is just trolling at this point Has to be. Cuz his takes are so outlandish and ludicrous.

This fool is basically saying that a couple needs to reach out to every single person/couple/family invited to their wedding individually - sometimes 200+ people - to ensure that their every ridiculous whim is catered to.

Gotta be trolling.


>Dietary restrictions? bring snacks nigga
>Old wheelchair ass niggas.. bring fam who can carry yo ass up
>the stairs
>Kids? Like MJ sang.. if you can’t watch the babies, don’t
>have the babies
>
>All that accommodating bullish for guest is that progressive
>nonsense where everyone wants to be catered to.
>
>Fuck all y’all. It’s my day. It’s my menu, it’s my
>music, it’s my party.. don’t like it? Don’t come.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

so, coming from a long line of people who said "fuck ya'll, Imma do me"...nah.

err, or rather, I didn't elope, I just got married at city hall with a small group of friends and we had brunch afterwards. me and wife instead spent wedding money on a long ass international trip combo honeymoon/vow exchange.

what I'm saying is, a wedding is a special event and its whatever it is you want it to be.

I've been to big ass 200 person events and small events with like 5 people and a dog. Its all what you make it.

they aint gonna miss you lol

why is it so important for Meat and the kids to be there lol

stay home and play with the kiddos.

>Like folks are really out here treating kids like pets. Out
>entire life is shaped around this kid, particularly at this
>age.
>Shit feels like, come to my wedding but don’t bring your
>spouse.
>
>*the bride to be is pregnant any damn ways.

You typed an awful lot of irrelevant nonsense to justify your smug feelings of entitlement.

It's not about you, or your kid, at all, in any way, shape, or form.
You're selfish, self-centered, and entitled.

until like two weddings ago, which was out of the country so we weren't bringing him anyway.

but i was like Mynoriti. Weddings were always semi-family reunions either for us or the wedding party. Not having kids there didn't even occur to me as a concept.

i don't think there's anything wrong with it, but it does feel foreign.

except for my uncles wannabe Jack and Jill ass wife? She hates us tho. We remind her of where she came from.

i mostly just find it odd, as well as surprising because judging by a lot of comments in here, it doesn't seem to be all that uncommon a thing

i didn't know it was that normal

SAYITWHITCHOCHEST!!
THAT SHIT IS WHACK B!

fuck children, get money

if anyone either doesn't invite me to their wedding

or has some kind of rule or scheduling wrinkle that makes it impossible for me to go

THEN THEY HAVE DONE ME A FUCKING FAVOR

having a wedding I can't go to is the greatest gift you, as a friend, can give to me


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

to something my first instinct would have been to see if could get out of it...

it's definitely a wonderful thing

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>
>having a wedding I can't go to is the greatest gift you, as a
>friend, can give to me
>
>

you got the ones you can't skip because they're super close family and friends, anyone outside that? I love y'all but I don't need to be there.


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

We sure as shit did.

Like, sure...I'd be bummed if certain people couldn't make it...but when we got that sweet, sweet "Regretfully decline" invite back - we fist pumped

it was basically our immediate families, their partners and a couple other people...which was still 40+ folks



www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

A real blue chip prospect, an absolute thoroughbred.

There aren't enough sports cliches to properly explain how dope this is lmao.

and i've been to a ton of weddings

my sister had a no-kids reception, but considering the money they were spending and the time it was happening, it really made sense.

we didn't have any rules on kids, but the dinner after was at a brewery, not really a kids place. my godson got right in the middle of the ceremony, idc, but having seen the way some people deal with their weddings? some folks would've freaked the fuck out

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

At least that’s how it is in Charlotte.

It’s the perfect setup because you can drink while watching your kids without being judged.

Well, I’m sure the childless people who were born as full grown adults judge but fuck those weirdos.

I refuse to take my kid to a brewery. You should be free to get as drunk and belligerent as you want in an adult space.
So if the only thing you have is corn hole and a fountain, that’s not a kid space
There’s a place here in San Antonio that had a full playground in the middle for kids.
We can go there.

and kids don’t need much.

Give heather some open space and a ball or cornhole bags and they are good to go.

Last thing I want is a full ass playground and beer.

Breweries with kids for us is 2 beers and bounce... and we still rarely go but when I do go by myself there are always kids.. and it’s never been a problem.

and they allow people under 21 until a certain time iirc, and we were done well before then



www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

that have the audacity to think such absurdity is acceptable....


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

Most people I know who do it are a bit extra.

It isn't a millennial thing. I'm not a millennial and almost every wedding I've been to had a 'no kids' policy.

What's more interesting... it wasn't even expressed... It was understood.

This some new shit IMO.

and when my fam had a party for my uncle his wife had a no kid policy. All my fam was like “where are the kids”

When I told them the policy they all went.. “oh, she is so extra” lmao.

A lot of this comes down to not wanting to pay for a kid to be a guest or preferring to use what limited space/budget they have on people they care more about.

I think people want their perfect day and kids are the wildcard.

You never know what you are getting with kids.

but it’s not like kids eat a ton or drink alcohol.

Hell, my wedding wasn’t big but I don’t think we even counted the kids in the head count when talking to the caterer.

I definitely respect why folks do it and wouldn’t push back on it.

Your day. Your dollars..

..there were plenty of weddings in the 80s/90s with no-children policies employed (for various reasons).

The entitlement & outrage is hilarious.



*skatin' the rings of saturn*


..and miles to go before i sleep...

I feel that I’d be displaying entitlement by talking to dude about how I feel
I feel like having a personal opinion on something someone asks of you isn’t entitlement, that it’s just recognizing how you feel about something.

Which sounds crazy af.

They didn’t do that imo.

I don’t see how’s that entitlement to feel that way. Y’all be in here talking about anti vaccination and what not but let it be about something as non serious as a wedding and I’m the weirdo.

you're feeling like you should have the option to bring lil folks or not. they're completely allowing you to make a parent decision by you staying away with them or coming without them, but you're not seeing it that way.

I don’t feel like they need to or should be obligated to do a single thing
I think their choices are whack. Y’all are some weirdos.

That’s it.

They are stopping you from making any other parenting decision. It’s their wedding. Their dollar, their day.

You can make a al types of parenting decisions you just can bring the kid.

That’s like getting mad at an Adult resort for not letting you bring your child. You can go somewhere else, stay home, etc.. you just can’t bring the kid.

Wanting to make that decision yourself when it’s their wedding is the entitlement.

An event on the short list of the biggest days of their lives.
An event you're not paying for.
An event you're not planning.
An event to which you're invited, as a guest.

And you've made the entire thing about you.
You said that your whole life revolves around your kid, as thought hat has anything at all to do with the couple, their wedding, or their decision to disallow kids.

You're the walking, talking, breathing epitome of entitlement in this situation.

>I feel like having a personal opinion on something someone
>asks of you isn’t entitlement, that it’s just recognizing
>how you feel about something.

Right. And racists just have a different opinion.

I’m saying what they want is whack
I also think no gf/bf spouses only policy is whack too ... which doesn’t affect me at all. It’s just an opinion.
It’s ok to have opinions

is irrelevant.

My opinion matters to me. And it seemed to matter enough to you to tip toe in here and respond. But all I need for it to matter is to me.

>I’m saying what they want is whack
>I also think no gf/bf spouses only policy is whack too ...
>which doesn’t affect me at all.

That's actually underscores your own entitlement.

You think that the whims, desires, needs, etc of the guests outweigh those of the couple getting married.

Extending your entitlement to other people doesn't make you any less entitled. It only highlights your entitlement, as you're simply using other guests to justify your opinion that you and your wants should be take precedence over that of the couple getting married.

It’s just an opinion.
>It’s ok to have opinions

It's ok to have opinions.

Sure.

That's a statement that plays well in a vacuum, but whether or not an opinion is valid depends on the specifics.

Because opinions can be, and often enough are, just plain wrong.

You can hide behind "it's ok to have an opinion", but that doesn't change the bar bones facts:

This wedding isn't yours.
This wedding isn't about you.
This wedding is about the people getting married.
This is their day, among the biggest in their lives.

The problem with your opinion, when it's "ok" to have, is that literally every opinion you've expressed in this matter is 100% about the wants of everyone except the couple getting married.

You've literally made their day about everyone but the couple, which is a very entitled mentality.

What they want isn't wack, or even unreasonable.
There's nothing overly demanding about the request.

The issue is that you think you're special because you have a child.

That your child is the center of your world is a beautiful thing. Truly. I think that's awesome, and a positive reflection on you.

But, and I speak as a father myself, the fact is, your child is not the center of anyone else's world.

Because as long as it doesn’t manifest itself to them it’s an opinion not an entitlement.

The entitlement is inherent in your mentality.

That's inescapable.

You keep running to "this is my opinion", but you don't address any of the valid points that are raised.

The actual opinions expressed are entitled, and rather selfish. That you're concerned with the desires of everyone but the couple, speaks directly to your sense of entitlement.

Whether you express this entitlement to the couple is irrelevant to whether or not it's an entitled opinion.

Your opinion is entitled, and you cannot pretend that your opinion is somehow separate from yourself, as though it's not an expression of who you are.

It does speak to your overall character that you're merely venting about it, and not making the demand of the couple to change their request. It's not like your a bad person, but you can't sit here and pretend that your opinions aren't an expression of you. The two are hand in hand.

You really do let your misery rot inside it seems.
A man takes the SMALLEST of outlets (archaic, quasi anonymous, message board) in the year 2020 and all of a sudden it’s like I ripped up their invitation front of them and rang church bells through the city.

It’s not that serious. You need a journal.

There will be tens of thousands of weddings just like this, with the same stipulations, and I'll think every one of them is whack if it's not at an adult only place. And half of the ones at adult only places I think will be whack.

>You really do let your misery rot inside it seems.

It's funny; you can't address any of the actual points raised. Not a one.

So you do.... this.

Funnier still, is I've been more charitable than anyone else in regard to your character.

That you chose to take this cheap ass potshot, instead of addressing the points raised, says everything about you- but nothing about me.

>A man takes the SMALLEST of outlets (archaic, quasi anonymous,
>message board) in the year 2020 and all of a sudden it’s
>like I ripped up their invitation front of them and rang
>church bells through the city.

That's an absurd, juvenile reply. Nobody, and certainly not me, is saying anything remotely close to this.


Tis, along with your odd, misplaced attack above, is the tact of someone who knows they don't have a leg to stand on.

>It’s not that serious. You need a journal.

Right. "It's not that serious" is easier than actually addressing points being raised.

Granted, that tact is entirely consistent with someone who thinks that a wedding is about everyone but the people getting married.

You try to debate people's opinions and it's weird to me.
I don't feel challenged by you. I feel like there's words on a screen saying "JUSTIFY YOUR THOUGHTS"

>You try to debate people's opinions

Everyone in here is debating the topic.

This whole forum- and format- is ultimately based on debating topics.

And yes, there are points made on the subject.

Like it or not, your opinions are a reflection of you, and are up for discussion, debate, etc.

If you have an issue with your opinions being discussed and scrutinized, you should just keep them to yourself.

That you hold dumb, poorly thought out opinions that you can't- not won't, but genuinely can't- defend, is on you.

>I don't feel challenged by you.

That's probably true, considering how comfortable you are with hiding behind "that's just my opinion".

But then... you sure did have a little tantrum there, for absolutely no good reason. You could have just not replied, but you went with the personal attack.

So, to recap: I'm a guy who challenges opinions, based on the merits of those opinions.

You're a guy who, when challenged on said opinions, throws a tantrum, makes personal attacks, and then says it's not that serious.

I can't keep up with your paragraphs. Historically I just kind of gloss over what you say. I've told you this before and you did another paragraph.

But I'm sorry for not responding respectfully to your attempts to engage respectfully.

>I can't keep up with your paragraphs. Historically I just
>kind of gloss over what you say. I've told you this before
>and you did another paragraph.
>
>But I'm sorry for not responding respectfully to your attempts
>to engage respectfully.

You ask if an apology would help, as though I've expressed hurt or offense, rather than simply point out the petty, spiteful tact you used because you couldn't handle a thoughtful, though generally unfavorable, take on the topic you started.

It's entertaining though, I'll give you that. You think that people getting married should cater to the whims and desires of everyone- including you- but themselves, on a day that should belong to them.

You also think that you throwing a smug, petty ego tantrum complete with hilariously ironic jabs about "misery rotting from the inside"is about me taking the time and care to provide complete thoughts instead of half assed sound bites.

You also present opinions as though they are autonomous, entirely separate from you, and not coming directly from you, and a reflection of your thoughts.


To recap;

You think the most important day in theives of two human beings, neither of which is you, is, or at least should be, about you.

You also think that your overly aggressive, non-sequitur replies to me are justified by the number of words I write, when ignoring the actual content of what I write.

You express opinions, but don't actually own them.

..Men, women, children, family, etc.

Your opinion doesn't count.

The fact that you still think someone "took a parenting decision/option" away from you (see reply #215), screams entitlement.




*skatin' the rings of saturn*


..and miles to go before i sleep...

and other variations of that same bullshit.

Entitlement like a mug.

I don’t know why this is a difficult thing for you to grasp.
I want my adult relationships to treat me as an adult. You got people in this world that want to manicure you for the sake of them and that’s whack.
There was recently a post on social media talking about a wedding party where the bride wanted everyone clean shaven and that included one of the groomsmen with dreads. The fucking gall to even ask that.
You got people that’ll say “no bfs/gfs” because they want to ensure that if “they going to spend money on you and a guest it’s something you committed to already”
The nerve
You have to respect the people in your life, that they’ll make the best choices for you and your relationship. And if someone isn’t capable of doing that then maybe they shouldn’t be someone you invite to this special function
For our guest list I allowed everyone on my side a plus one. MOST of the uncoupled didn’t bring dates, not because I said they shouldn’t but because they didn’t want to. One couple had teenagers, they left them at home, their choice.
Some people left an hour into the reception, they said they’re gonna double up their dc trip and party.
Etc
At the end of the night everyone made their choices and it was a respectful and fun ass night. Because the hundreds of adults in the room got to make their adult ass choices without us on some diva shit.

When you start to play dollhouse with your friends and loved ones, you’re not respecting your relationships to them. And that’s gross.

But again... it’s ok to feel that people make whack choices and express that. And if I’m not expressing to them, or in ANY manner that could get back to them ... how is that entitlement?


Because entitlement screams I think this particular situation should advantage me.
And my opinion is that “I’m glad that I didn’t put anyone else into this situation, and now that I’m in it, I think it’s whack where as before I didn’t care to have an opinion on it”

>But again... it’s ok to feel that people make whack choices
>and express that. And if I’m not expressing to them, or in
>ANY manner that could get back to them ... how is that
>entitlement?

Entitlement doesn't have to be an act, it can be a thought. In this manner, your entitlement lead you to believe that your opinion/situation should be taken into consideration by the people inviting you.




*skatin' the rings of saturn*


..and miles to go before i sleep...

I think when you say should, it implies something that I don’t feel.
I sure as hell WANT things my way
But I don’t have the capacity to believe in a world that is shaped by my desires
I’m a black man in America.
And so on that same token I accept the world and this situation included does not revolve around what I want and all I can do (action) is control how I respond


A good parallel in this situation is, I wouldn’t have grabbed marlos arm.
I would’ve come right on this website dot com and done the same amount of bitching that I did in here and then go about my life and not died over a fucking lollipop.

but I come from a big family.

Only time I’ve encountered it has been from those brand new negros.

for the reception in the back of the church lol.

At some of these higher end venues were you pay per plate unless you are immediate family in which case there's a good chance your kids are in the wedding anyway nobody is interested in paying for your rugrats to terrorize the venue.

People act like there's no such thing as adult only parties.

Some people have cookouts that they prefer people to leave their bad ass kids at home.

People that get offended by this stuff are usually the ones with bad ass kids that let them tear shit up and act like they don't see them lol.

That’s all I got for this post

bring their kids.

It was a big wedding and it was pretty expensive per head event so every invitation was pretty clear about who was being invited. For example, plus ones were reserved for people seriously dating someone. Don't find a date for my wedding (I didn't allow my boy to bring this random chick he was dating at the time).

It's easily to judge how other people do their wedding until you have to spend money on your own. After that, I felt guilty for all the no-shows I did when my friends first started getting married.


I guess if it were family I would expect I can bring my kids but I don't think I would assume it if they weren't family or super super close friends.

Their were tons of kids at our wedding (at least that's what the pictures show), but they were all close family kids we knew. I don't remember this being an issue because this was like 15 years ago and it wasn't like everyone had kids.




**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

>It's easily to judge how other people do their wedding until
>you have to spend money on your own.

want to pick and choose who could/couldn't bring theirs. I have an uncle with a family of 8. Ain't no way. Plus, he's prone to flake. I wasn't taking that chance. My day, my say.

Weddings are dumb.
Nobody but the host enjoys them.
Nobody but the host WANTS them.
Nobody but the host gets ANYTHING out of them.



"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7eX2wKWbGc

>Weddings are dumb.
>Nobody but the host enjoys them.
>Nobody but the host WANTS them.
>Nobody but the host gets ANYTHING out of them.


weddings are fun as fuck the actual ceremony is whatever but the receptions are usually great.

and it was literally the first time we were without our kids and out of town.

Shit was like a vacation.

and all the food and drinks and other stuff was free? What more could you want?

If you go to a wedding and don’t have fun it’s because you suck at having fun.


and by wedding I mean reception. Cause the actual ceremony is always a snoozer.

>Shit was like a vacation.
>
>and all the food and drinks and other stuff was free? What
>more could you want?
>
>If you go to a wedding and don’t have fun it’s because you
>suck at having fun.
>
>
>and by wedding I mean reception. Cause the actual ceremony is
>always a snoozer.

Especially when you have folks showing up that you haven't seen in forever. We usually have a blast at the weddings we go to.

They were mini-reunions with friends and family you don't see often.

The only ones I didn't really enjoy were a few that I really wasn't close to the bride or groom and didn't really know anyone there.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

This "weddings are dumb and nobody wants to go" is a post hoc rationalization.

I've been to weddings where I was excited and happy to attend.
I've been to weddings that were a chore to get through.

People are different. Some people love weddings. Some people hate them.

For others, it depends.

The issue here is that you can't reconcile the fact that *you* don't really matter in the decision making and planning of someone else's wedding.

You can't wrap your head around the fact this day, this event, simply isn't yours.

If this were really about weddings being dumb and nobody wanting to go, that would have been your initial reply.

the reception is invite only and some people have a problem with that.

If you're not immediate family just be honored that you're even invited, people's social entitlements kill me lol

mostly due to space at the wedding/church

Always seems like there are more people at the reception than the wedding.

>Always seems like there are more people at the reception than
>the wedding.

i feel like the wedding is for people that you expect love you enough to sit through it.

We weren't really thinking about the audience or anything. Neither of us care for long, drawn out pageantry as it is so that was a mandate for us.

Fortunately, the minister was a close friend, and he was on board with that approach. It wasn't overly religious or ceremonial, and we got straight to the point.

I'll see ya at cocktail hour.

But for me, I'm not going to attend at all if I don't care about you on a personal level.

So if I care about you, I'm willing to put my own preferences aside to be there for what should be among the most important days of your life.

While I don't have an objection to your position per se, I don't know that I'd want anyone at the reception who wasn't willing to attend the ceremony.

everything comes down to the bride and the budget. If you're not getting married or paying for it fuck your feelings.


>mostly due to space at the wedding/church
>
>Always seems like there are more people at the reception than
>the wedding.

The wedding had a limited number of people but then they invited a bunch extra to the dinner. And then they invited even more people beyond that for the party, dancing, drinking, etc. People had to RSVP for the wedding and the dinner. The reception was a free for all.

They only had a certain number of seats for the dinner. But the bride's mom started getting fast & loose with inviting people. If she would have invited folks for the after-dinner event, that would have been fine.

But people who had RSVPed ended up leaving because they arrived and there were no seats. The random invitees had snatched them up.

The groom's mother was ENRAGED.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

But the groom's mother had thrown in some additional money to cover some extra things.

I'm certain it wasn't about the money. I think it was the fact that folks who sent in an RSVP had to be turned away. Bride's mom should have stuck with the number of available seats.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

folks get mad that somebody else paid, it's wild

I'm in a fb group for a wedding planning podcast I listened to and the stories are RIDICULOUS

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

Wedding = boring, wack.
Reception = part everybody is actually there for.

i see why financially its the same, but i feel like i could be two stages of invite, honestly. Only so many people can fit in a church or mansion. You can rent out the club for a reception and just have a gift table

Has anyone seen an instance where folks were invited to the wedding but not the reception?

I've had the flip, where I was invited up for the party but wasn't invited to the wedding.

I was invited to both, but I think they had a lot of like church friends etc. who were invited to the wedding and a small event after but not the reception

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>
> Has anyone seen an instance where folks were invited to the
>wedding but not the reception?
>
> I've had the flip, where I was invited up for the party but
>wasn't invited to the wedding.

I've live if said above I've seen where the reception was invite only and usually there's a financial reason for that because the reception is at a fancy place and whomever is footing the bill has to pay "per plate"

lol

The irony....I know


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

But I'm among the few who believe that the bride & the groom call the shots and everyone else should roll with it. It was your wedding, so you make the rules. Folks don't like it, don't go.

But what an amazing play, inviting people to the ceremony but not the reception. It makes a lot of sense. There are plenty of people I'm happy to celebrate with but have no interest in partying with. Although the more commonly used phrase for these people is extended family.

edit: Actually kids fit that description as well.

I'm with oak.... that's a great plot twist though

i mean there's prestige in being a participant and there are a number of people that want to see you ceremoniously achieve an important life stage

but there are more people who love you on that level but feel more comfortable sharing with you in a more relaxed setting. i feel like kids also fall within this realm, especially family.

church which is pretty large, and at the time I was the pianist at the church, so the whole church was invited. There was also a casual “reception” at the church right after the wedding - just appetizers, cake, punch, etc. that anyone there could go to, and the actual reception party was an hour or so later at a hotel ballroom.

Bring your kids - have them there for the ceremony.

Send they asses off somewhere when the grownups want to party.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

No kids. And both were open bar and both had ppl with kids mad lol. Every setting ain’t good for kids but I see both sides

Nothing more.
I don’t expect nor demand people bend to me, I just have a preference.

I feel like half this post is telling me I’m entitled somehow for a want. When I’d feel the same way even if it wasn’t affecting my life.

That’s really the crux of it. Before I had a kid I didn’t care one way or the other. Now that I have a kid, hearing leave your kid at home to come hang out with me, pings a few emotions that I didn’t even have before.

But I’m a person that doesn’t appreciate being told what to do so part of that is that. For my wedding I didn’t have to put things like no casual wear, no bfs/gfs, don’t get into the aisle taking pictures ... my guests acted, dressed, arrived in accordance to who they are were and if it had bothered me only then would I have had a response.

I just don’t really believe in preventative rules in friend events. If a person is so worried about a kid acting out or increasing head count, just don’t invite the family. They’re probably not close enough for you to ask them to be there anyways. Like you wouldn’t ask me not to bring my wife and she might not want to come anyways, but if you ask me not to bring how, now neither of us want to go.

>Nothing more.
>I don’t expect nor demand people bend to me, I just have a
>preference.

Your "preference" is irrelevant at someone else's life event lol

>I feel like half this post is telling me I’m entitled
>somehow for a want. When I’d feel the same way even if it
>wasn’t affecting my life.
>
>That’s really the crux of it. Before I had a kid I didn’t
>care one way or the other. Now that I have a kid, hearing
>leave your kid at home to come hang out with me, pings a few
>emotions that I didn’t even have before.
>
>But I’m a person that doesn’t appreciate being told what
>to do so part of that is that. For my wedding I didn’t have
>to put things like no casual wear, no bfs/gfs, don’t get
>into the aisle taking pictures ... my guests acted, dressed,
>arrived in accordance to who they are were and if it had
>bothered me only then would I have had a response.
>
>I just don’t really believe in preventative rules in friend
>events. If a person is so worried about a kid acting out or
>increasing head count, just don’t invite the family.
>They’re probably not close enough for you to ask them to be
>there anyways. Like you wouldn’t ask me not to bring my
>wife and she might not want to come anyways, but if you ask me
>not to bring how, now neither of us want to go.

If someone invited you and your wife to a cocktail party in the evening would you expect to able to bring your kid to that?

>Your "preference" is irrelevant at someone else's life event
>lol

Yup

>If someone invited you and your wife to a cocktail party in
>the evening would you expect to able to bring your kid to
>that?

I’m not a white. So no. Wouldn’t even entertain it. Wouldn’t even want to.
Meanwhile this is a daytime event

A better parallel would be if someone ASKED me to bring my kid so that other kids would have some company, I’d also feel off put by that. She’s her own person and doesn’t exist just as a prop to shed or not.

>Now that I have a kid, hearing
>leave your kid at home to come hang out with me, pings a few
>emotions that I didn’t even have before.

Wedding vs. "hangout"

LOL. Man. Get ahold of yourself.


>But I’m a person that doesn’t appreciate being told what
>to do so part of that is that. For my wedding I didn’t have
>to put things like no casual wear, no bfs/gfs, don’t get
>into the aisle taking pictures ... my guests acted, dressed,
>arrived in accordance to who they are were and if it had
>bothered me only then would I have had a response.

That's really nice that *your* wedding was how *you* wanted it to be. Hopefully your friends are decent human beings and didn't judge you for it and call you disrespectful.

Like you doing a whole lot in here knowing good and damn well your people need explicit rules on how to be in public.

There's been people both black and white in here telling you how entitled and absurd you are. In fact the only person who's agreed with you at all is FLUIDJ and he already proved himself to be a filthy, rotten hypocrite in post #247, so you stand alone in said absurdity and gross entitlement.

And since you just kept dragging it out let’s bring it up
Just because some other folks think I’m out of line and they also happen to be black
YOU
are the one doing the most in here. Do you have a problem with black people having opinions? Is that why there’s more black people in your wedding band than were invited to yours?

>And since you just kept dragging it out let’s bring it up
>Just because some other folks think I’m out of line and they
>also happen to be black
>YOU
>are the one doing the most in here. Do you have a problem with
>black people having opinions? Is that why there’s more black
>people in your wedding band than were invited to yours?

Or just happenstance? Or did you make an explicit rule in the invite?

Now you're just flailing in the breeze.

Or can I only perform FOR you.

This is spectacular.

>And since you just kept dragging it out let’s bring it up
>Just because some other folks think I’m out of line and they
>also happen to be black
>YOU
>are the one doing the most in here. Do you have a problem with
>black people having opinions? Is that why there’s more black
>people in your wedding band than were invited to yours?

Like I’m being pure asshole right now but that’s some other shit

The short is that I remembered an exchange with Brew before that I had on some white people from Boston shit and so I tried to do a search because I couldn’t remember what that was exchange was and the fucking audacity for this dude to be in here with his corny ass wedding piggy backing on everyone else’s complaints was just too much for me not to up and then poke and prod.

>Nothing more.
>I don’t expect nor demand people bend to me, I just have a
>preference.

And you

>I feel like half this post is telling me I’m entitled
>somehow for a want.

Yep, and you're playing a semantic game. You're not simply saying this is what you want, you've spent much of this thread justifying why they're wrong for even asking.

When I’d feel the same way even if it
>wasn’t affecting my life.

The overarching theme is that, when two people get married, you're concerned with the wants of everyone but the couple.

That stands out like crazy.

>That’s really the crux of it. Before I had a kid I didn’t
>care one way or the other. Now that I have a kid, hearing
>leave your kid at home to come hang out with me, pings a few
>emotions that I didn’t even have before.

This directly contradicts your prior statement, which is that you'd feel the same way even if it didn't impact your life.

>But I’m a person that doesn’t appreciate being told what
>to do so part of that is that.

Lol....what.
It doesn't get more childish than this.

For my wedding I didn’t have
>to put things like no casual wear, no bfs/gfs, don’t get
>into the aisle taking pictures ... my guests acted, dressed,
>arrived in accordance to who they are were and if it had
>bothered me only then would I have had a response.

>I just don’t really believe in preventative rules in friend
>events.

This is a lot of gymnastics. A lot.

You don't believe in......preventative rules in friend events?

If a person is so worried about a kid acting out or
>increasing head count, just don’t invite the family.
>They’re probably not close enough for you to ask them to be
>there anyways. Like you wouldn’t ask me not to bring my
>wife and she might not want to come anyways, but if you ask me
>not to bring how, now neither of us want to go.

All of this is you setting guidelines for how they should run their wedding.

Your "want" is for people to plan their major life events around your wants and preferences.

That's entitlement.

Man... that shit is going to be epic