Edit: I just realized I didn't exactly specify here when I determined for certain who the culprit is/was. I was right about it being the owner of this specific car that I had my eye on from day one. The only question was who exactly drove the car, which I've since confirmed. So now, update:

First, update on my specific situation with this asshole: I haven't exacted my revenge yet, thinking it better to go with the long con so that he has no idea it's me. Also of issue is that this piece of shit works strange hours (sometimes he leaves for work at 3am, sometimes midday, sometimes early evening, etc.) and his house lights are always on so it's difficult to know when he won't be staring at his parking spot/car to see me do the damage. So I've spent the better part of the last several months feeling the situation out rather than being reactionary. I think ultimately I'll end up keying or spray painting his car when the wife and I rent out the condo which shouldn't be too far in the future, but we'll see.


But anyway: since my car was keyed in December, I've noticed that every car that is parked in that spot (literally every single one) is either spit on or keyed. The keyings are saved for repeat offenders. Typically a huge spit wad on the driver's side door is his go-to vandalism for 1st, 2nd and 3rd time parkers.

So, over the last few weeks, after a month or so of more or less having forgotten about this worthless loser, I began noticing a particularly large volume of cars parking in his spot and subsequently being vandalized, and I began devising revenge tactics all over again. In the middle of last week, I discussed with a friend of mine an idea I had about buying a $500 beater car, parking in that spot, and straight up never moving it. The benefit of course is that he could vandalize the car all he wanted and I wouldn't care, but more importantly his blood pressure and stress levels would increase to the point that he would have a heart attack and maybe die. It would bring me so much pleasure knowing that every single day he was closer and closer to having his anger boil over to the point that it would adversely affect his health.

Then, this past weekend, a gift from the gods. Friday afternoon, I noticed a Ford crossover SUV parked in his spot. Sure enough, spit was on the Ford's window by 8pm that nite. The car remained there all day Saturday, all day Sunday. As of Sunday nite, the coward left a note on the Ford's windshield reading "THIS IS NOT A PARKING LOT" (ironic, I know). I laughed but was also pretty fired up about this fucking loser's entitlement issues.

But here's the thing: THE FORD IS STILL THERE. It's now Wednesday and as of 10:45am when I stopped back into my crib to meet an electrician, the car still hadn't moved, not one time. The coward has spent the week parking in 4 or 5 different places on the street, which I just know is driving him *INSANE*. Unfortunately I've yet to actually see how red his stupid face is but just knowing that he's closer to a heart attack makes me so so so so happy.

I have no idea who owns the car or how long they'll be there. But whoever it is I want to kiss them on the mouth.