>i think the distinction should be emphasized between gender
>and sex but i think sometimes we in our attempts to correct or
>take offense to reasonable mistakes doesn't help

i think it's fine to correct and offense may even be appropriate depending on the context. sometimes ppl offend even when they don't mean to do so - that's when correction is needed. i understand it's frustrating to be corrected when one is actually trying to be sensitive and not offensive. but that's where empathy comes in. i'm fine w/being corrected by trans ppl when i say the wrong thing. i prefer it when i'm corrected w/patience and some understanding - and that's usually what i get possibly b/c i don't present as someone who's bent on disrespect.

>male/female should be used in this case...that might still
>have caused humiliation...anyone who suffers gender dysmorphia

i think gender dysmorphia should be removed from the DSM as a disorder b/c it unnecessarily stigmatizes trans. i hope we see that day soon - like w/the DSM6.

>and hasn't opted for the operations is likely due some
>misunderstandings...some of which will be humiliating no
>matter how socially sensitive one is

again...none of that is necessary. we can fix that. that's on us, not them. but yes, trans generally understand and expect some level of hurt from ppl who misunderstand them and their issues.

>i feel like those who have suffered 1000 cuts have a challenge
>to not be offended by those moments and those that do make
>misguided assumptions to be more understanding of why these
>situations could be offensive

nah. i think those of us who do the cutting have the duty to not cut.

>i understand these things don't happen in a vaccuum but that's
>just social interactions...anything that makes you different
>can present awkward scenarios

yes. and when those scenarios arise that's when correction is needed. i'm quite sure trans decide when and where to correct and when to let go. i do that as a gay man - just the other day a lawyer made an offensive, homophobic, off-the-cuff statement to me probably b/c he doesn't know i'm gay. i didn't correct him in that moment b/c it wasn't worth it - he's not important enough to me that i felt the need to tell him i was offended and to address the offensiveness of his statement. i moved on. however, that lawyer i just mentioned made that offensive joke in the presence of yet another lawyer who'd previously told me an offensive gay joke. i handled that guy in THAT moment b/c i like him (and he's handsome and i wanted to feel him out to see if maybe i have a shot w/him) so i corrected him. he took it in stride and we're cool. and i suspect he may have told that first lawyer what's up after the 3 of us parted - b/c i heard him wince when that first lawyer made the offensive statement. LOL. anyway, i'm sure trans do the same - pick their battles.

>if she was a cis-woman and just happened to have a real
>flapjacky FUPA...she'd still likely be offended lol

she might be and rightfully so.