as you say, and are on the same emotional page in that regard, then the baby shower itself is a moot point. It's really easy for people outside of these situations to inject their perspective as the correct one and then use the opportunity to cast aspersion (especially in this place, where people routinely put too much thought into the dumbest shit imaginable and not enough into things that really matter) but honestly there is no direct correlation between not having a baby shower and not supporting your loved one in what's about to happen. This is binary logic at its finest. The child and the future parent don't necessarily have to do without or be abandoned just because a party wasn't thrown. If a parent didn't want this for their child then they have a right to feel let down by the event itself, there's nothing wrong with that. If I had a child and this happened, I'm sure I probably wouldn't exactly be elated by it. But I'd like to think it wouldn't stop me from keeping my responsibility to my family.