she's having a baby, go ahead and have the shower. Invite who you want, but if she's having it, no sense in trying to shame her now.

Psychologically, if she has another baby at some point, that baby will likely be more "appreciated" because shame won't be part of the equation. That appreciation can affect the first child's confidence. Both children in such a scenario should be brought up to feel equally welcomed.

So what I'm saying is, making a conscious decision to not have the shower initiates shame if you ask me. And that shame may seep through to how that child is brought up.