i thought about seeking counseling but it's almost like i feel like my situation isn't jacked up enough to where i need to seek therapy...you know. my problems are so minor compared to other people's.

i'm finally in a city that i love....my job isn't bad, it could be better but i have no REAL complaints. pretty much, i can endure for the time being. my business is starting to take off...which i'm happy about....i'm saving up and hopefully buying a larger place so i can have a whole area to work in instead of a room.

however...it's this lonliness thing that's just really hurting me. i replied kinda explaining the situation under Novembersgift's reply about finding something GOOD (sorry I forgot the number). I think the reason why i'm so perplexed and just hurting about it is because....i see so much good and i know i can't force it because it doesn't help things. i've resigned myself to not making contact until he makes contact first....i guess it hurts because i was really into him.

and i think i'm feeling it more because every potential person i'll meet....i'm going to use him as my meterstick, you know. like...he's alright, but he doesn't have that cute southern accent like him....or dude's alright, but the flow of conversation isn't like with him.

sad thing about it is....we hadn't even slept together, but we've spent a lot of time around each other and he's been a good friend. i understand we all get busy....my life is busy, but i can manage to type a 4 minute e-mail or leave a message or text him.

plus....sometimes i just really think i'm depressed. i can go days without wanting to talk to people, and even the most basic stuff seems like a chore, you know. i love love love makeup....and i used to fix up and do funky stuff with my eye makeup anytime i was in the office.....now, it's just like...blah, whatever.

basically it's a lot of things....frustrated with my body image, frustrated with this situation. it's like all i wanna do is come home from work and lay on the sofa and watch Law & Order. :(