“I give up…I really do,” said a weeping Jay Boberg, the president of MCA. “I’m getting all this hate mail from the fans of…what’s their name…they play instruments and from that little town…oh yeah the Roots. I blame the internet.” In the past couple of months, he has received hundreds of mail (postage and electronic) asking for the release of the R&B duo Jazzyfatnastees as well as the Black Thought album.

“I’m saying,” said hip-hop fan Atruhead, “if Large Professor drops an album before Black Thought, I’ma be very upset. So instead of sitting back and wishing on a star, I would rather send my beef through emails” Okayplayer.com supporter KayDee (not to be confused with the rapper of hip-hop gangsta crew, Da Lench Mobb) also chimes in with how MCA is treating their artists. “The majority of us on Okayplayer know what is going on. We have access to Billboard, Soundscan, newspapers, weed spots so we are more advance than we were three to four years ago. We know more about this business now than when Q-Tip warned us that record execs were shady. But what would make Jay Boberg even THINK that he has enough power to destroy the Internet. That makes no sense,” he said in between puffs of hydro.

Boberg has a legitimate claim. “I just don’t like them. Have you ever dealt with Rich Nichols?” We asked Dixpop for his opinion to which he replied, “Tell Jay to suck my dick.”

It was recently uncovered that Boberg has already put his plan in action. We found a report of a secret society called the Sons of Liberty has been contacted by the MCA president to do away with the Internet. “Well I recently told a comrade of mine that the Internet is the work of the Patriots and everything we know is not what we know, “ said a man who would only go by the name of Solid Snake, “However if SOL succeed in their plans it would be worse than what the Patriots have done. The flow of information would be halted, good or bad. Without info, we would be nothing more than mindless drones even though a majority of us are like that anyway. I can’t call it.” He lit up a cigarette after saying, “But I do know one thing, be very wary of these artists that have a website especially http://www.prince.org which I know is nothing more than a cult-recruiting website. I can’t speak anymore about it seeing as there are some…legal actions being set into motion with that particular site.” He also told us that America need to be aware of the date April 30th.

Avant, R&B singer, backed up his employer with a quick statement, “MCA has been very good to me and they have faith in me so whatever Mr. Boberg wants, I support him fully. Oh yeah, go cop that ‘Soul Sista’ album…I’m on it. Thank you.” Shaggy also gave his support and Mary J Blige, with her new album titled “No More Drama” would only state that folks need to listen to her new single and “stop all this hateration”.

“I think that Mr. Boberg is missing the point of this powerful and useful tool for information,” said former President Bill Clinton from his Harlem office. “I understand his concern and worries, but you can’t get something erased just like that,” he said while eating a Big Mac, “ I tried…lord did I try…don’t print that last comment. But back to the topic at hand, I mean where else could I get information on the latest music to which movies that black, beautiful woman named Kitten were in. Wait…don’t print that last comment.”

Al Gore, the creator of the Internet, couldn’t be reached for comments

-It's American