in honor of this week's epic good-versus-evil championship matchup between me and ernie, i decided to do something a little fancier and make a youtube podcast. it's not long, just a brief preview, breaking down player matchups, lineup decisions, giving you guys a general sense of ernie's chances this week:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g77WN6obk4


LEAGUE STANDINGS (Chance of winning the chip in parentheses):

1. (100%) TheProfessionaLLLLs (10-4)
2. (zero-point-zero percent) AM GoHards (9-5)
3 through 12. no one cares


SOME STUFF THAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK:

TheProfessionaLLLLs - 135.40
The Brian Heenans - 108.28
What Had Happened: after finishing in 8th place the past two years, which is bad enough to get relegated out of most leagues, sarah demonstrates why he has no business being near a playoff game. it wouldn't be a sunday morning without sarah making a last-minute panic add, and he didn't disappoint this week by snatching donald brown from the clutches of absolutely no one. didn't matter, as a pretty fundamental roster mistake sunk his team from the get-go, and i won't even bother saying what it was. i've handed out so much free candy to you guys this year, you're gonna have to figure this one out yourselves. sarah's been ragging me all year for taking breesus in the first round, while he grabbed calvin and jimmy at the one-two turn. so naturally the reason for the fantasy football season drops 375 and 3 TDs-- throwing two of them to graham's backup TE in perhaps the funniest fantasy playoff trolling we've ever seen-- and the calvin/jimmy juggernaut combines for 130 yards, zero splashes, which is like a quarter and a half of football for yulio yones (why ju no draft yulio yones?). while sarah admittedly did way better at the turn this year than last (chris johnson and reggie bush), i'd encourage all of you to ignore any and everything he has to say about draft strategy from this point forward.

AM GoHards - 124.70
One Sixteen - 122.12
What Had Happened: the match to determine which planet is next up on the death star summer jam screen was a nail-biter. ernie had a bit of a meltdown on the boards midway through the afternoon over who knows what, and KC had to actually take off his headset, walk over to the other sideline, give ernie a hug and tell him everything would be okay. otherwise, the game would've never finished. KC also displayed an impressive level of chill by not complaining about hilton's in-game injury, one that almost certainly cost him the matchup. peyton completely running out of steam the past few weeks didn't help either. meanwhile, ernie dodged a 6-point disaster from rodgers that would've sunk most teams and rode victorious beckham's career day into the sunset.

Yahoo Public League Also Rans - 126.70
Vanessa Lane Bryant - 63.18
What Had Happened: think it's pretty clear at this point that shawn made the right call punting when he did. a warrenesque performance.

Super Generic Team Name IV - 112.30
Bernard Jarvis Green Ellis LLC - 94.62
What Had Happened: hard to believe ceej had his feet up on the table in the executive lounge, like, three weeks ago. i saved you from this guy being your league leader, everybody. you're welcome.


SOME STUFF THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET:

TheProfessionaLLLLs (10-4, #1) vs. AM GoHards (9-5, #3)
Proru Says: it's the matchup we all dreamed of. THE TEAM NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY versus THE TEAM THAT REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY THE TEAM NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY. first and foremost, let me say sincerely that i hope demarco suits up, 'cause A) i need him in my other keeper league semi this week, and B) i really need ernie to not have any excuses when the thing that's about to happen happens. i walked by almost 30 points against sarah with yulio yones on my bench. ernie's team isn't built for that. if murray's out, that's a wrap. i've got breesus and yulio yones in the superdome with tickets to the air show going on sale shortly, i've got leveon bell at home versus a leaky KC run D, i've got desean jackson-- whose shins have never felt better, in case you were wondering-- in a revenge game against his former squad, i've got armagordon catching wobbly bombs from the league's most favre-ian young quarterback, and ARIAN FOSTER IS LIKE THE 8TH BEST PLAYER ON MY TEAM. guru has me projected to put up 167 and win by 10, but with no fantasy football for another eight months, i'm leaving absolutely nothing on the field this week. THE TEAM NO ONE WANTS TO SEE WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP by 25.

The Brian Heenans (9-5, #4) vs. One Sixteen (10-4, #2)
Proru Says: now that i have no vested interest in the 3rd place game, maybe the commish will take my suggestion seriously that we make this game count for something next year. $100 to 3rd, $50 to 4th, take the extra $50 out of the 1st place winnings. as it is, sarah and KC have nothing to play for (is there even any draft advantage for next year by finishing higher?) despite there being plenty of meat left on this season's fantasy bone. it's dumb. we should change it. sarah by 30 'cause i think it'd be really funny if his team balled out the week after it matters.


LEAGUE POWER RANKINGS:

1. TheProfessionaLLLLs - we've had our differences over the years, fellas, but i think the one thing we can all agree on is that i've inspired you in ways you never thought possible. in the midst of an unprecedented 21-5 run, i've taught you a little bit about fantasy football, a lot about life, and that everything is better when you pronounce it with a spanish accent. i am indeed the wind beneath your wings. i think you guys made the right call changing the draft format next year, 'cause it's pretty clear i would've snake drafted my way to another ten straight executive lounge finishes. it'll be fun to switch it up. maybe another rule we can change next year is no players whose names start with the letter "Y." we'll call it the yulio yones rule. also, let's subtract 10 points from my score every week just to level the playing field a bit more. in conclusion, it's been an honor dominating you, gentlemen. same time next year.

2. i'm throwing a championship game after-party monday night in the executive lounge, and all of you are invited. keep in mind though, complimentary champagne will be limited to one sip per person and security will begin forcibly removing partygoers promptly at 9:00 p.m. also, there's a $20 cover charge.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

Not like I'd be forced to start Legarrete Blount or Desean Jackson if one of my studs is out.

Great matchup though. Best team vs loudest team. Best QB vs Drew Brees. Best WR corps vs Julio Jones and Josh Gordon. And so on. You've outscored me like twice in the past two months and one of those was with Rogers having the worst game of his career. So I like my chances. But hey maybe Gordon will hit his "projection" for the first time all year with his mess of a QB. Maybe Arian Foster will overcome the difficult matchup with nothing to play for and Case Keenum handing it off. Maybe you'll guess which one of your on the road defenses is going to come thru.

Maybe.

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i'm glad you think you have a chance this week. no one else does. at no point this season has your team been above mine in the standings. the reason is because my team is better than yours. higher floor, higher ceiling, higher wining percentage.

if i were you, i'd worry less about legarrette blount, who's on my bench yet would be an upgrade to your starting lineup, and worry more about tre mason, who's in your starting lineup right now. your best case scenario, with or without murray, is starting tre mason as your RB2. 8 points the past two weeks. 3 TDs all year. if only he could play the raiders every week. and hilariously, he actually is your best option, unless you're feeling good about your geriatric jackson duo. or andre "3YPC" williams. again, that's your best case scenario. worst case, murray sits or is limited, and you've got a big black hole in the middle of your lineup at both RB spots while i've got two top-5 RBs in the middle of mine. toast. extra crispy.

also, might want to go back and take another look at your roster 'cause you're making at least two other hilariously bad lineup decisions. neither is individually as egregious as sarah's mistake last week, but put together... lol. how are you in the championship game?

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

. lol. how are
>you in the championship game?

And led in breakdown. And coach. And true. And outscored you 10 times. And have the best QB in the game. The best RB. The best WR corps, by a country mile. And so on.

It's nice to see you understand how matchups work though. That way it's no surprise when Mason outscores Foster this week. And since you're so concerned with the last two weeks, you should probably be more focused on DJax and Gordon, who've combined for 12 points TOTAL their past 3 games. Literally. 2 guys. In your starting lineup. 3 games. Twelve points. That's not imperial march material. Do better.

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we play to win the game. we play for the executive lounge, which i've taken up residence in two years in a row. my high floor team is gonna stomp your high ceiling team nine seasons out of ten. case in point, last week, you got a 3 TD career day out of beckham while i had yulio yones hurt on my bench. i still outscored you by 10 points. floor beats ceiling.

and you're right, most people would look at djax and armagordon's last two games and send them to the bench. most people also happen to be bad at fantasy football and don't understand the concept of variance. you seem to be one of those people. are you one of those people, ernie?

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

>and you're right, most people would look at djax and
>armagordon's last two games and send them to the bench. most
>people also happen to be bad at fantasy football and don't
>understand the concept of variance. you seem to be one of
>those people. are you one of those people, ernie?

So only applies to your guys. Got it.

>As part of a dysfunctional and low-volume passing attack, Gordon has to be downgraded to a crapshoot WR3.<

lol

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you do know some of us have been in this league for over 10 years, and have more league wins in that time than you are claiming to have....





We the children of the Light, you know what I mean?
That's why I'm hating on the darkness like Paula Deen
Cause in my hood they masked up like it's Halloween
We going hard for the Rock, but we not some fiends
- Andy Mineo

>
>also, might want to go back and take another look at your
>roster 'cause you're making at least two other hilariously bad
>lineup decisions. neither is individually as egregious as
>sarah's mistake last week, but put together...

So, let's see. QB, RB1, WR1, WR2 and Flex are no brainers. I have one kicker and one TE on my roster. That leaves RB2 and Defense. Mason/FJax are a toss up. So apparently it was hilarious to not start the 12 point Titans. And beyond that you're just talking out of your ass again.

Do better.

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glad you're patting yourself on the back for not starting the titans D, but the question you should really be asking (about them and other players you own) is why they're even on your roster. there's a reason why i'm holding three defenses right now. by the time you figure it out, it'll already be too late.

actually, you should keep your lineup exactly like it is. it'd be really embarrassing if something i said caused you to swap out a guy and that was why you lost.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

>glad you're patting yourself on the back for not starting the
>titans D, but the question you should really be asking (about
>them and other players you own) is why they're even on your
>roster.

If Julio sits, holy shit are you fucked. Flip a coin NE back? Some dude named Kerywnn vs Seattle? A third stringer? Jesus, way to prepare. Is there even a top 75 flex option in that ragtag bunch?Meanwhile, I have starting options everywhere I look.

Do better.


there's a reason why i'm holding three defenses right
>now. by the time you figure it out, it'll already be too
>late.

Probably so you can guess wrong. I'll take the home team, thanks.

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your current lineup doesn't have enough points in it to beat me. you're going to lose. regardless of whether yulio yones plays. i could take a zero where yulio yones is right now and still beat you. that's the position you're in. i'm telling you this because i gave sarah a similar warning last week, and i feel it's only fair to give you the same warning. also, even if i told you what's wrong with your roster, you wouldn't know how to fix it. also, you're too afraid of making a change that you may later regret to do anything. as we saw with last week's sunday afternoon meltdown, you're not really built for this game.

sleep tight. fireworks start tomorrow.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

Your team is going to magically roll and it wont be close. Got it. Good luck with that.

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it's not really that important.

it's a pretty clear sign that you're panicking and using poor judgment. did you wake up monday morning wondering how donald brown got on your roster?

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

This is one of the dumbest agendas you've had and that's saying a lot.

Denard was picked up on a Sunday. In fact, picking up players after inactive lists comes out can sometimes work out.

Shit, Sunday might be the best day after Wednesday to add someone since you have new information to work off of.

Pretty dumb argument. Not sure how you lucked into the the title game this year. But keeping my name in your mouth kinda reeks of desperation but at least you made the playoffs unlike these other dick riders.

lol, no wonder you're so bad at this. i "lucked" into the title game by managing circles around the league, as i have been for quite some time now. i'm on a 22-6 run since last year. your record is 12-16 in that same time period. if you think all you need to get where i'm at is to get lucky, you should really pick a different game to play.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

yeah, 'luck'

you should pick a different league because I don't think you fit in.

12-16...

lol.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

Kept waiting for Pro to switch defenses, figured he was just fucking with me. The Lions against Jimmy Clausen would be the sensible option as opposed to the Eagles who are defending your own WR. I'll take it.

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the defense that's second in the league in sacks and fantasy points versus the offense that has surrended the second most sacks and fantasy points to defenses. the lack of pressure on RG3 was disappointing, but that's the game. *shrug* it happens.

my djax+D combo put up 19 last week, when i beat you by 10, and my wr2+D combo scored 25 the week before when i put up 175. so i'll happily take the 26, which puts me comfortably on track for 160+. that'd be about 20 to 30 more points than you're gonna score. *phew*

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

http://media.giphy.com/media/EPPvrXLVm6Axy/giphy.gif

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To be fair to ThePro, maybe he just looked at the rosters reversed. He did say he would win by over 30.

My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

Wonder if I should just give him the night off.

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http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

Figured there'd be at least a little sweat until AJ finished it off tomorrow night. What an embarrassing performance by the paper champs. My D outscores all 3 he was "blocking" for some reason. Odell >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yulio. Plug 4 outscores Josh Gordon with ease. Actually so did Fred Jackson. And Andre Williams. And Torry Smith. And so on. Still asking myself why they're even on my roster. Literally any and all pro predictions/analysis were 100% wrong. smh. What a maroon.

0.0

Oh, and them keepers tho

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My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

fuckin idiot

http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BMkC_lKxrVo

death star destroyed. armagordon averted. another fantastic blowhards season ruined by the most disappointing and anticlimactic ending since the homeland season finale. congrats to ernie, who rescued a mediocre draft by getting handed aaron rodgers on a silver platter (giving up ben tate, marques colston, and bishop sankey-- none keeper-eligible-- to get rodgers, fjax, and cruz... lol) and then won the waiver wire lottery by picking up OBJesus to replace the cruz he just lost. good luck repeating that strategy next year.

but it was indeed another good year, gents, so the after-party is still on tonight 8:30 p.m. in the executive lounge. because i'm feeling generous, i'm upping it to two sips of complimentary champagne per person, the cover charge has been reduced to $19.95, and security will now be forcibly removing partygoers at 9:05 p.m. go nuts, fellas. we're toasting to ernie's great year, which proved to all of us that dreams do come true and that anyone-- LITERALLY ANYONE-- can catch the right breaks and walk away with a title. that should be an inspiration to guys like ceej and sarah to never give up.

once again, i want to compliment the league on switching out of a snake draft next year, which it's pretty clear by now i would've dominated from now till kingdom come. a few things to remember for the auction, fellas:

- this is the second year in a row breesus has come up short in the playoffs. not worth bidding on.

- yulio yones is always hurt, isn't he? man, that guy sucks.

- did anyone else see the way leveon bell hit the wall after getting a few weeks of workhorse carries? so disappointing.

- armagordon is clearly out of shape, probably high, and has a terrible QB situation, and nothing about any of that will change next year.

none of these players are worth your bids and should be actively avoided. so let's get it poppin' tonight, fellas. no one is happier for ernie than me, which is why i custom ordered these festive party plates for us to dine on:

http://rlv.zcache.com/ernie_stamp_plate-r9468a106e87d4a12977b38c21e561531_ambb0_8byvr_324.jpg

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

>congrats to ernie, who rescued a mediocre draft by getting
>handed aaron rodgers on a silver platter (giving up ben tate,
>marques colston, and bishop sankey-- none keeper-eligible-- to
>get rodgers, fjax, and cruz... lol)

Aaron Rodgers has combined for 22 points the past two weeks.

My mediocre draft netted the No. 1 RB at 7, and two top ten receivers in the second and third. (You took Andre Johnson in the third.) I went upside with Sankey in the 4th and Colston was fine in the 5th......you went with the geriatric Steven Jackson you mocked me for having on my roster just two days ago. And Ray Rice. lmao. This is your draft. This is real life.

One of your only decent picks is keeper eligible Andre Williams....oh wait, he's on my roster now.

Jesus you are fucking awful at this.


and then won the waiver
>wire lottery by picking up OBJesus to replace the cruz he just
>lost. good luck repeating that strategy next year.

Wasnt waiver wire, it was forward thinking free agent pick up. And how will I repeat the "having ODB on my roster" strategy? hmmmmm, how will I pull that off?

Again, you're terrible at this.

You had exceptional keepers and blew it again.

0.0.

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Except theres 0.0% chance of that happening.

http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

Pro has and continues to mock others drafts.

His 3rd, 4th and 5th round picks netted:

Andre Johnson
Ray Rice
Steven Jackson.

Those guys. In 2014.

If not for Warren Coolidge's existence, that would easily be the worst 3-4-5 run in league history.

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WE ALL KNEW Ray Rice was a wife beater and he didnt care.

http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

of Drew Brees.

i like how the guy who choked the last two weeks and went from 1st place to out of the playoffs and the guy who benefited from that choking to sneak into the playoffs and immediately lose both games are joining forces to throw rocks at the executive lounge. it's adorable.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

Kinda too much.

http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

i finished first two years in a row. nothing else matters. even with those mid-round whiffs, i still finished with a better record than you and everyone else and took the executive lounge. again. *yawn* so congrats on winning the double coin flip that is the playoffs, but let's get super real here. if t.y. hilton hadn't gone down last week mid-game, you'd have lost to KC and i'd have won the title this week. you had a good year, but you caught an unfathomable number of breaks to get there.

there's a reason why you finished 9th, 6th, and 6th, the last three years (and only 3rd this year, despite being handed the league's #2 QB essentially for free and winning the waiver wire lottery with ODB). you're a mediocre fantasy football manager at absolute best, nowhere near my level. if you have any question about that, let's have everyone put down an extra $50 next year to pick one manager they think will make the playoffs. if they're right, they double the $50, wrong, they lose it. do you think even one person would put their actual money on you over me? just one person? me neither. no one thinks you're good at this.

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg

Zero sweat. Another #IGI to AJ, didnt even matter, since your team wasnt very good and I needed 60% of my squad to crush you.

>i finished first two years in a row. nothing else matters.
>even with those mid-round whiffs, i still finished with a
>better record than you and everyone else and took the
>executive lounge. again. *yawn*

Most points in league history.

so congrats on winning the
>double coin flip that is the playoffs, but let's get super
>real here. if t.y. hilton hadn't gone down last week
>mid-game, you'd have lost to KC and i'd have won the title
>this week. you had a good year, but you caught an
>unfathomable number of breaks to get there.

Ahh. NOW the in game injuries matter. NOW the "ifs" are relevant. Got it.

>
>there's a reason why you finished 9th, 6th, and 6th, the last
>three years (and only 3rd this year, despite being handed the
>league's #2 QB essentially for free and winning the waiver
>wire lottery with ODB).

Ok, Warren. You keep looking at record, I'll continue to put up more points than anyone. And you still dont know what a waiver wire is.

you're a mediocre fantasy football
>manager at absolute best, nowhere near my level. if you have
>any question about that, let's have everyone put down an extra
>$50 next year to pick one manager they think will make the
>playoffs. if they're right, they double the $50, wrong, they
>lose it. do you think even one person would put their actual
>money on you over me? just one person? me neither. no one
>thinks you're good at this.

lol. Now you're just furiously rambling. You talk shit with no factual back up.

Josh Gordon is a name and you got super excited about him. Even when he took the field and sucked.

You drafted 3 dudes in the prime rounds who were relevant in 2009. Seriously. Since you keep popping off on the draft, I assumed you had a great one. Andre Johnson. Ray Rice. Steven Jackson. FOH.

You dropped your only decent keeper option.

You were literally given a top 3 back to start off and you still FAILED. Without that monumental head start will you even win 3 games?

Do better.

0.0

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ME:
http://i.imgur.com/RpIcv.png

CEEJ and SARAH:
http://modernsurvivalblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/the-heimlich-maneuver.jpg

ERNIE:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/35/Broken_clock.png

merry christmas, fellas. see you next year!

"i smack clowns with nouns, punch herbs with verbs..."

Lol. I admire your dedication to being wrong. Most points in league history, outscored you 75% of the time, stomped the shit out of you when it mattered.....all without the ridiculous advantage of having a top 3 RB to start off.

You are amazingly bitter, but considering you failed to back up your mouth yet again, I understand.

0.0

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http://i.imgur.com/vPqCzVU.jpg