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Subject: "My Name is Detox, critisize please" Previous topic | Next topic
Jesper123
Member since Nov 17th 2014
2 posts
Mon Nov-17-14 04:42 PM

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"My Name is Detox, critisize please"


          

skip the introduction, D i'm the novice killer bee
always got royal flush, cause the cards are with me
it's what i see, with the third eye within my mind
that makes me catch your tough bluff to fully undermine
strategies of enemies with my melodies
a felony increasing the intensity
of my consistant weaponry telepathy
set my phaser rays to stun and daze
i blaze for days burning through shades
create artificial exceptions to the rule
got my own laws, my own flaws, i be my own boss
no school,i wont be a tool it's the golden rule
'carpe diem' in your face mind's traveling in space
in rhyme form like a wave and a particle
no one's certain where i am never leave a trace
it is heisenberg's uncertainty principle
quantum physical invisible pinnacle
dropping digital visual syllables from
lyrical miracles leaving you quizzical
idiotical imbeciles lacking logical
intelligence blocking the rational process
their brains fail to adress makin me nauseous
ape planet throwing feces to other species
Oxygen decreases fourty plus degrees and
water's rising, it wont suprise me if this the end of the line

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
up because of these lines:
Jun 14th 2015
1
RE: My Name is Detox, critisize please
Jun 23rd 2015
2

iammindful
Member since Apr 29th 2012
79 posts
Sun Jun-14-15 03:47 PM

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1. "up because of these lines:"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

it is heisenberg's uncertainty principle
quantum physical invisible pinnacle
dropping digital visual syllables from
lyrical miracles leaving you quizzical
idiotical imbeciles lacking logical
intelligence blocking the rational process
their brains fail to adress makin me nauseous
ape planet throwing feces to other species
Oxygen decreases fourty plus degrees and
water's rising, it wont suprise me if this the end of the line


I like what you did above. Flows well, definitely gave me a *head nod* vibe while reading. It's one of those things tho that made me say to myself, "I'm wondering if the flow of this will be just as good aloud?" A few misspelled words here and there, but definitely worth others reading and perhaps responding with a battle verse or two. Peace~

http://meetmsmindful.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/132318

  

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ThaAnthology
Charter member
21061 posts
Tue Jun-23-15 08:30 AM

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2. "RE: My Name is Detox, critisize please"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

it mos def pciked up in the middle and was relentless until the end. nice drop!

www.anthologyfmn.com

Enter the Written World of Fahim Malik Nassar

The House of Caine (available)

Melancholoy Funk (available)

Tha Anthology (Words 2001-2003) Poetry inspired by OKP and Wash, DC
(available)

The Spook who sat by the Radio Poetry (av

  

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