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The Cunstitution of the Disunited State of Omerica
a vandalism by Wolf Larsen
We the pee-pull of da Ooonited States, in order to paramour a mo' pooofect dis-a-union, establish injustice, insure domestic bailouts, provide for the cumming on da face, promote endless general warfare, and secure the blessings of cannibalistic cow hamburgers & frenchy fries & large diabetes in a cup to ourselves and our growing posteriors, do ostablash this Cunstitution for the Disunited State of Omerica.
Article I
Section 1. All lying powers shall be granted and invested in a Grand Cunnilingus or Congress of the Disunited States, which sell consist of 2 whore-a-houses: A House of Senility and a House of Rabies.
Section 2. The House of Rabies shall be decomposed by eloquent paramours chosen every second year by the big corporations as "People" of the States, and the Electors in each state shall have lots of Qualifi-vacations requisite for the Erections of the most nuumerous big Boobies of the State Leg-is-lazy-ture.
No Person shall be a Reprehensible or Representative who shit have not attained to the age of titty-five years, and – burp! – seven years a Crotchety of the Disoooonited States, and who shit big knots, when ejaculated, be inibberattedd of that state in which his shit be choosing. And this is some good shit!!
Reprehensibles shall direct & collect taxes – this shit be proportioned & taken from those who have the least gold and given to those who have the most gold, and this be the rule for those who have the gold make the rules. And blah blah blah with batteries included in this Union like a vibrator, accordion to their respective Numbers-racket, which shit be determined by adding & adding mo' & mo' taxes to yo' ass, excluding Indians not taxed ‘cause they mostly all dead, and something about three fifths of other Persons, and you know who they talking about there. The actual Enumeration shall be some grinded-up heart disease on a bun & frenchy fries & large cup of diabetes...
When vacuntcees-shit happen in the Re-peeeeeee-sanitatiooon from any neuRoTic sTate, the Ejaculated Authority thereof shall shit grits of Erections to fill such Vacuntcees. Huh??
The House of Rabies shall ch0ze there own Sphincter and other O00f-ersirs; and shall have the solar Power of I'm-peach-mints. Yum!
Section 3. The Syphilis or Senate, whichever cums first, of the Ooonited States shall be decomposing of two Syphilises from each state, cho-cho-chosen by the Leg-is-slAAA-trrrrr thereof, for oral sex years (orally serve-ing corpoo-ratE lubbeyists);;; and each Senator or Syphilis or Sphincter shall have one Vote, whichever pleases the corpoo-ratE lubbeyists best.
Immediately they shit be assembled from Corporation do-nations for Election, then each of they shit be divided as equally as may be into 3 fo'eign bankster accounts, (who's ever campaign contribuu-shuns be the moo-sst wins Erection). They Seats of Senility of the First Class sho' be vacationin' a lot! And then meetin' some more, with more blah blah blah blah blah blah... Until some more vacationin'.
No Prostitute shall be a Senator (because their R tings a Prostitute won't doooo) who shit is not have attained to the age of 30 years, and – burp! – nine years a Courtesan as Senator in the House of Senility of the Ooonited States and who shit not, when ejaculated, be an Inhabitant of that stupor for which his shit be achooo-sen. Hey, you got some more of that shit?!
The President of Vice of the DisOOOOnited States shall be P00p-sident of the House of Syphilis or Senate, which-everrrrr cums first, but shall have no vote, unless the moo-ney from corpoo-ratE lubbeyists be equally divie-upped.
It say here the Senilit-ors or See-nut-ors R supposed to be sharing their campaign-contri-bushons-shit with their Officers, and some Presidential blah blah blah clap clap clap neurotic-state-of-the-Union bull-ship-ment, and in the Absence of the President of Vice, or win he shit all over the Prezi-dent of the Urinated States. Huh?? Man, you getting this??
The Syphilators or Sen-nut-ors shall have the solar poo-wer to try all Incoherences. When shitting for that P00P-hearse, they shit an OOf of Afflictions. When the Poop-sident of the Disunited States is fried, the Shifty Justice shall preside: And no P00son shit be cuntvicted without the Circumcision of two thirds of the Members present.
Juggling in Cases of I'm-peaches-meant shall not exteeeeeeeeend fuuuuuuuuurther than to removal of your Orifice, and a dis-a-dification to hold and enjoy any Orifice of Honor, trust or profit! Profit! Profit! ("Where's mine!!!") under the Disunited States of quickly stashing it all in their Cayman Islands bankster accounts: buttocks the Party party paaaaaarty (Coca-Cola) cuntvicted shall nevertheless be lying-&-bull-shifting, and subjected to In-dick-ment, Titties, Jizzment and Poo-nish-mints, according to Law. Such be cracked-smokers in jail, and Coke-snorters passin' them laws puttin' everybody asses in jail. Is that the poo-lice???
Section 4. The Titties, Penises and Manner of holding Erections for Senile-ators and Rabiesentatives, shit be pre-ejaculatin' in each State by the Leg-is-lazy-ture thereof: but the Cuntgress or Congress may at any time by Law make or alter such Erectile-Dysfunctioners except ass to the Places of choo000zzzzzzzing Syphilis-tors or Senators. It all makes cents – as in what yo' boss pays you.
The Grand Cunnilingus or Congress shall ass-emble at least once in every Year, and such Meat-ing-less shit shall start on the first Moon-day in dezzzzzzemberrrrrrrrr, unless they shit by Law on a different Day.
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