"Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (the 5th one)"
Look it is what is at this point.
I don't hate as much as everyone else. And it's MILES BETTER than Baywatch.
It's just lazy and tired to be honest. And they have the nerve to set-up a return in the after credits stinger that makes no sense to be honest.
Since this is part one of the (long) goodbye, let's have this next last one be 90 minutes and at least try to do something fresh instead of a greatest hits.
Frank Longo Member since Nov 18th 2003 86672 posts
Sun May-28-17 12:30 AM
1. "A few clever action scenes. Def better than Baywatch." In response to Reply # 0
The guillotine bit made me laugh out loud, it was such a clever action set-up.
The movie can't maintain a lot of its frenetic action bits, and there wasn't as much swashbuckling as I've enjoyed in past installments, but I'm sure fans will be pleased and the indifferent will find nothing to enjoy.
3. "After part 3's length, I can't sit through another Pirates movie...." In response to Reply # 2
I enjoyed the first two enough to make it through the run time even though I can admit that the plot wasn't heavy enough to earn those times.
At World's End had such a bloated run time...ridiculous. There's an entire subplot that could've been cut. Not to mention that final battle was so long because it was supposed to be the final battle of the series.
A lot of these studio tentpoles follow that 'me too' logic so I'm not surprised that the time is shorter. Whenever one film comes out and it's successful without following the norms, everyone tries to do that. I don't know what film started this but everyone's pushing to get their films down to two hours or less now whereas that was the minimum in the 2000s.
4. "Pirates is a great example of a piece of shit franchise that should DIE" In response to Reply # 0
i dont think anyone will dispute the first film as being unexpectedly fun, hilarious and has Depp being Depp and killin it. everything after that, tho? pure hollywood bullshit. y'all need to stop paying money to see these films, first of all. and the industry heads need to stop being so fucking soft on the criticism. these shits have sucked.ass since movie #2. i remember seeing On Stranger Tides at the drive-ins, only cos it was the 2nd film and u basically get to see it for free (u pay for the first but then u just drive around to another screen and catch another one). i was heavily stoned. and ive seen all KINDS of movies at the drive-ins, just cos it ups the enjoyment factor (and the aforementioned heavily stoned, of course). its gotta be one of the rarest moments where i was completely.fucking.bored by a movie. at the drive-ins. heavily stoned. shit's like my fav thing to do, even when i see shitty movies (like that Denzel stopping an out of control train flick, shit was HILARIBAD but it was still thoroughly enjoyed, cos no matter how much it sucked, it retained a sense of dumb fun). Pirates? fucking sink them shits to the bottom of the sea already and leave em there. or at LEAST figure out how to write one as entertaining, fun and loose as the original w/out completely bloating the fuck out of the story and the cast.
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