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Subject: "We moved, everyone’s sad, and I ... don’t get it" Previous topic | Next topic
MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Fri Jun-07-19 01:38 PM

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"We moved, everyone’s sad, and I ... don’t get it"


  

          

I’m not mad. But I’m more sympathetic than empathetic and if anything trying to relate to sad people is super confusing.
Here are the facts

1. We can’t afford to thrive in DC. Even at good salaries we were just making it. And that’s with grandma as house care. Because we couldn’t afford to thrive we couldn’t afford to
2. move forward, which is items like child care, New car, real savings, home ownership, college fund, things of that nature just weren’t realistic. And so
3. A few years ago we started to talk about potential places to move, live, next steps and therefore
4. everyone has had years to mentally prepared for necessary change, and I recognize people get comfortable but there’s a part of me that’s a survivor and that part doesn’t allow for me to get too comfortable anywhere. Besides
5. I’ve been down here for two months, they’ve all had that long to in addition to the years to really accept change. And I know that logically but I also know that
6. That’s not how the cycle of grieving works and right now they’re grieving. But part of grief is
7. Accepting. And that more than anything is my biggest point of, internal irritation. Because I feel that
8. They should’ve been here years ago. Not the last few months, not the last year, but years ago. That’s hey, the life we’re living and want to live isn’t sustainable giving current conditions and whether it’s income, proximity to family, environment, or future needs .... you should be thinking of ways to keep that up.


And now I’m just venting here. Because I can’t take this to them. And if I hold it in too long it’ll come out in other ways.
I can’t call it. I’m not even here in the move. I’m just treating this as an opportunity to get those things we talked about.

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
same boat
Jun 07th 2019
1
San Antonio
Jun 07th 2019
2
cool beans
Jun 07th 2019
3
I am with y'all
Jun 10th 2019
18
      If you're planning to move to RDU area hurry...
Jun 10th 2019
20
Umm... didn’t you move back to Texas with fam close by?
Jun 07th 2019
4
Leaving the DMV... tears
Jun 08th 2019
5
The northeast skews your view on a dollar
Jun 08th 2019
6
      Farmers markets up here are a huge joke too...
Jun 08th 2019
7
      that's what i'm talking about
Jun 08th 2019
8
      Anytime I think about moving to the DMV or NE...
Jun 09th 2019
10
      Wild you say this, my ex was down in Texas last week.
Jun 10th 2019
21
           Here you go
Jun 12th 2019
31
           why do you know this?lol
Jun 12th 2019
32
                Lol. I knew exes can’t talk? Lol.
Jun 12th 2019
34
                     Ole Nola Darling ass response
Jun 12th 2019
42
                          Lmaoooo. Why you so accurate though?
Jun 12th 2019
45
It's gonna be fine. Just remember that patience thing I mentioned...
Jun 08th 2019
9
We moved from NYC to the DMV (NoVa) four years ago
Jun 09th 2019
11
The time to buy a house in DC was 10-15 years ago
Jun 10th 2019
16
its just how people are
Jun 10th 2019
12
There's a huge cultural difference between DC and SA.
Jun 10th 2019
13
folks cant process loss until it happens
Jun 10th 2019
14
RE: We moved, everyone’s sad, and I ... don’t get it
Jun 10th 2019
15
Charlotte hot right now!!!
Jun 10th 2019
17
I can’t do “the south”
Jun 11th 2019
25
      I don’t put much stock into labels like “the South” or “out West...
Jun 11th 2019
26
I've thought about Raleigh, Charlotte and Houston
Jun 10th 2019
19
No price for trusted support of family and friends
Jun 10th 2019
22
You gotta remember you’re in your familIar/comfort zone, she isn’t.
Jun 10th 2019
23
Living around family is overrated in 2019
Jun 11th 2019
24
      Bruh. You moved back to a familiar place.
Jun 11th 2019
27
           I really didn’t. If you had to move back to your stop between
Jun 11th 2019
28
                It’s a big country and you ended up back in Texas
Jun 12th 2019
30
                You’re literally staying with your parents.
Jun 12th 2019
33
                     I’m providing y’all with specific information yet y’all default to...
Jun 12th 2019
36
                          Even if you interact differently with family
Jun 12th 2019
41
                               Here’s a secret about me. I love being a Texan, I don’t enjoy Texas
Jun 12th 2019
44
this a troll right?
Jun 11th 2019
29
he is an industrial engineer
Jun 12th 2019
35
      This has little to do with my profession
Jun 12th 2019
37
           all i can tell you is that people are different
Jun 12th 2019
38
           And that’s why I’m venting here and not acting
Jun 12th 2019
39
                humanity in a nutshell
Jun 12th 2019
40
           Sounds like she doesn’t want to say goodbye.
Jun 12th 2019
43

Crash Bandacoot
Member since May 13th 2003
9396 posts
Fri Jun-07-19 01:44 PM

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1. "same boat"
In response to Reply # 0


          

i'm glad that you posted this, we're looking to move out of the DC area
soon too, I'm finding that it's just not feasible to live here anymore.
where did you end up moving to?

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Fri Jun-07-19 01:48 PM

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2. "San Antonio"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

Perfect launching point
Start with a solid company at DC level income with Texas COL, crash with my folks rent free until she finds work. Housing is affordable enough to purchase immediately ... then game plan from there.

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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Crash Bandacoot
Member since May 13th 2003
9396 posts
Fri Jun-07-19 01:50 PM

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3. "cool beans"
In response to Reply # 2


          

seems like Texas has a lot to offer

  

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Lil Rabies
Member since Oct 12th 2005
1542 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 01:26 PM

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18. "I am with y'all"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

Absolutely sure we won't be here by 2020 and am mentally prepared. For all the same reasons of DC Metro area living. This area doesn't offer the equivalent in cost of living like and do not want to raise a teenager here. Was thinking of going back to Baltimore, but after seeing that SW Baltimore has turned to shit, it would make me sad. I am hoping for Houston, but Cape Coral and Research triangle are also very likely. Being so imminent, my family and friends are actually kind of distancing in subtle ways and that is taking a bit of the excitement away.

Seen enough to eye you/
But I've seen too much to try you

  

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DickGrayson
Member since Sep 25th 2003
513 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 05:49 PM

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20. "If you're planning to move to RDU area hurry..."
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

Prices are creeping up with the influx of industry and people migrating from north raising the prices here. My wife and I are getting a house 20 miles from Raleigh because it's pretty much the only place we can afford to live and still roll with all the things listed in the OP.

_______________________________________
http://thebums.bandcamp.com
http://dickgrayson526.podomatic.com

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Fri Jun-07-19 02:31 PM

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4. "Umm... didn’t you move back to Texas with fam close by? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

This is all familiar for you. It sounds like it’s her fam that’s grieving and if she is big on family and has never been away from them I can see why they are going through the process.

Also, you have a young kid so that adds to it.

I know you are venting but be careful. I had a cousin who moved to NC from Pittsburgh and he just couldn’t deal. Dude was physically ill from missing his family and home. Some people can move and not skip a bit. That’s me.

But I know people who never left home and don’t want to leave. Family and familiar surroundings are more important than money to them.

Good luck.

shut up already, damn

  

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Mori
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3277 posts
Sat Jun-08-19 07:28 AM

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5. "Leaving the DMV... tears"
In response to Reply # 0


          

The DMV offers so much in such a small space. I think while we are all broke as hell and scraping by because we like living here.

I am in the same boat. It is just my daughter and I in a small condo. Now I want to move to a 3bd /3bath small bungalow/cape cod. I am about to drop $370k!!!

But we have built our whole world here, school, neighbors, enrichment activities, jazz in the park, birthday pool parties etc.

I don't even know where I would move to. I don't have friends or family located anywhere else in the US other than the east coast.

I have just surrendered to living simply and traveling to make it living in the new DC.

What did you find was most expensive other than childcare? After childcare was over, I found that I could enjoy life more if I didn't dine out or go to restaurants!

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Sat Jun-08-19 09:17 AM

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6. "The northeast skews your view on a dollar"
In response to Reply # 5


  

          

Last week in Texas I bought a FRESH pound of strawberries for 1.34
Gas is 2.11
Happy hours are real
Etc. A dollar goes far here.
If there’s one thing I disliked the most it was penny pinching and ironically eating out
For the money and paid, for average food either in restaurants or grocery stores I could get SO much better elsewhere for SO much less.

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
41275 posts
Sat Jun-08-19 12:17 PM

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7. "Farmers markets up here are a huge joke too..."
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

Wish y'all the best fam. Hopefully everyone starts to see the light and y'all live happily ever after.

  

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Crash Bandacoot
Member since May 13th 2003
9396 posts
Sat Jun-08-19 04:18 PM

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8. "that's what i'm talking about"
In response to Reply # 6


          

cant beat them fresh fruits and vegetables for cheap, that alone is enough
reason....no need for whole foods

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Sun Jun-09-19 10:38 AM

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10. "Anytime I think about moving to the DMV or NE..."
In response to Reply # 6


          

the COL always pops the bubble

and Charlotte isn’t the cheapest city but it’s still way below the DMV unless you want to live in a high rise apt in Uptown.

shut up already, damn

  

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lightworks
Member since Feb 17th 2006
5011 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 06:02 PM

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21. "Wild you say this, my ex was down in Texas last week. "
In response to Reply # 6


          

SA and Houston to be exact, and he just kept talking about how everything was so much cheaper down there.

He said he went grocery shopping with his sister and was shocked at the prices versus DC.

Guess everyone is moving down to Texas lol...

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 05:34 AM

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31. "Here you go"
In response to Reply # 21


          

shut up already, damn

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
41275 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 06:57 AM

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32. "why do you know this?lol"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          


"Get ready....for your blessing....."
"Bury me by my Grand-Grand and when you can come follow me"

  

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lightworks
Member since Feb 17th 2006
5011 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 08:48 AM

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34. "Lol. I knew exes can’t talk? Lol."
In response to Reply # 32


          

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 10:49 AM

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42. "Ole Nola Darling ass response "
In response to Reply # 34


          

Prolly talk more now than when y’all were together.

shut up already, damn

  

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lightworks
Member since Feb 17th 2006
5011 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 11:18 AM

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45. "Lmaoooo. Why you so accurate though?"
In response to Reply # 42


          

  

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Creole
Charter member
15065 posts
Sat Jun-08-19 09:07 PM

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9. "It's gonna be fine. Just remember that patience thing I mentioned..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

a few weeks back.

And if you can swing it once you guys are in your own space, cop plane tickets for her to get back to see friends and fam from time to time. Eventually, she'll see that life has moved on w/o her and that her life, with her family (you'ze guys) is in the Lonestar State.

I'm pulling for you and your family.

--- praying for peace, love, and power

  

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nipsey
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9882 posts
Sun Jun-09-19 07:41 PM

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11. "We moved from NYC to the DMV (NoVa) four years ago"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Hoping it would be cheaper. It *is* cheaper...barely. I make more than I did in NYC, but we still can't afford a house in a decent area. The housing prices are out of control. I'm not sure how much longer we will stay here.

____________________________________
Podcast Now on iTunes and Google:
http://tinyurl.com/JTTOU-iTunesSubscribe
Twitter: @nipsey @JTTOUPodcast

Last 3 things I watched:

The Wandering Earth: C+
Always Be My Maybe: A-
Sherlock Season 4: B

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11609 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 12:57 PM

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16. "The time to buy a house in DC was 10-15 years ago"
In response to Reply # 11


  

          

  

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mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
9954 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 10:05 AM

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12. "its just how people are"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

everyone has different priorities. even if they know in the end it will be better for them it takes time to adjust. knowing ahead of time can help but it doesnt lessen the pain of when the change happens. not for everyone.

definitely be patient with them. find some peace knowing this was the right thing to do and try to find ways to help them cope.

listen to them, find out what is bringing them down. sometimes people just need to let it out.

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
11609 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 10:16 AM

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13. "There's a huge cultural difference between DC and SA."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

That could be affecting your family as well.

The people, having to drive and the climate all seem very different.

  

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fontgangsta
Member since Sep 04th 2005
4811 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 10:22 AM

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14. "folks cant process loss until it happens"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

my mom had cancer for 9 years before she died. I was mentally preparing for that shit since diagnosis day one. Doesn't make it that much easier. That's how grief works.

But also, we moved from NYC to Charlotte almost 2 years ago for all of the reasons you described. My tribe was nothing but happy for us, because they understood it ain't about them! lol.
But on the flipside of that, i was totally salty when a best buddy of mine moved from NYC to Seattle....even tho i had already left NYC myself! So its not always rational either.

  

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Original Juice
Member since Oct 03rd 2007
2201 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 12:56 PM

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15. "RE: We moved, everyone’s sad, and I ... don’t get it"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Hopefully, your family can pull through and start enjoying their new home.

We are actually in the process of putting our Bay Area townhouse on the market and buying for cash in the Charlotte area.

We thought about Tejas for a hot minute, but every time we start considering it, some fuckshit happens out there in the news and my wife is like "hell no, we are not going to Texas."

We want that mortgage-free life and everything that it comes with; However, I do know I will be missing CA as I've only ever lived in Northern California my whole life. Culture shock and homesickness are things I fear I will experience; however, I'm pretty adaptable and easygoing. My wife will be good because she is from NYC and Orlando. Moving around is normal for her.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 01:03 PM

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17. "Charlotte hot right now!!! "
In response to Reply # 0


          

shut up already, damn

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Tue Jun-11-19 02:28 PM

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25. "I can’t do “the south”"
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

And I know what folks think Texas is, and it’s a lot of things, but it’s not “the south”

North Carolina is a gorgeous state though.
I could just never pull that trigger

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Tue Jun-11-19 04:10 PM

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26. "I don’t put much stock into labels like “the South” or “out West..."
In response to Reply # 25


          

It really comes down to the city and the people I come in contact with on a daily basis.

shut up already, damn

  

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Cocobrotha2
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Mon Jun-10-19 03:27 PM

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19. "I've thought about Raleigh, Charlotte and Houston"
In response to Reply # 0


          

There'd be more money for "wants" in those places if I kept the same level of job.

But with 2 little kids, having a support network of friends and family is highest priority right now.

<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->
<-><-><-><-><-><-><-><-><->

  

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Mori
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Mon Jun-10-19 06:20 PM

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22. "No price for trusted support of family and friends"
In response to Reply # 19


          

Moving, working and being isolated is difficult unless you and your partner have a strong teamwork mindset.

Rise & Shine
Thrive & Grind
Heart & Mind

  

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lightworks
Member since Feb 17th 2006
5011 posts
Mon Jun-10-19 06:52 PM

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23. "You gotta remember you’re in your familIar/comfort zone, she isn’t. "
In response to Reply # 0


          

Well based on what you’ve typed it doesn’t sound like she is, but perhaps I’m wrong.

But to me reading what you’ve wrote sounds like you’ve moved near your fam so of course you are happy and content but she’s moved away from her fam so it’s a little different.

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Tue Jun-11-19 02:24 PM

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24. "Living around family is overrated in 2019"
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

So many planes, affordable rental cars, FaceTime, group texts, picture sharing

That unless you have regular family hobbies like “we go bowling at granny’s ever other week” then it’s a stretch to do once you leave

And I say that while loving my family dearly, but I’m not jonsing to be around them and o think most people aren’t when they really think about it. We just tend to do what’s comfortable and complain about it.

Meanwhile, I don’t know San Antonio like that. I moved from here 12 years ago I was only here for 10. Half of that was high school and all I did was sports, the other half was college and all I did was date and work. Everything has changed, some lots some little. So
I can’t call it. Our other car got in yesterday, so that helps.

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Tue Jun-11-19 04:19 PM

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27. "Bruh. You moved back to a familiar place. "
In response to Reply # 24


          

shut up already, damn

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Tue Jun-11-19 04:49 PM

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28. "I really didn’t. If you had to move back to your stop between"
In response to Reply # 27
Tue Jun-11-19 04:50 PM by MEAT

  

          

Pitt and Charlotte today, how familiar would that be?
Now it’s not completely unfamiliar. I’ll give you that.
But I’m intimately familiar with DC and Houston in ways that I don’t even come close to being with San Antonio
I can’t tell you what the worst parts of towns are (because that’s changed)
I can’t tell you what the roads are
Where to eat
Where to shop
Where the cops are trippin
Where to stay
I can’t tell you what the weather is gonna really be like
I’m still checking the speed limits on roads
I can’t make a single recommendation to you
That’s not familiar.

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 05:33 AM

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30. "It’s a big country and you ended up back in Texas"
In response to Reply # 28


          

in the same city as your parents.

Your mouth is saying one thing but your actions are hypocritical

shut up already, damn

  

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lightworks
Member since Feb 17th 2006
5011 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 08:47 AM

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33. "You’re literally staying with your parents. "
In response to Reply # 28


          

Your wife is a plane ride away from her family.

You’ve definitely won the FamilIar Place Olympics here lol.

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 09:53 AM

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36. "I’m providing y’all with specific information yet y’all default to..."
In response to Reply # 33


  

          

Like I’m the same person just last year that y’all were questioning why I’d stay in a hotel when we visit
Not every family vibes the same.
But go ahead and cook.

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 10:45 AM

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41. "Even if you interact differently with family"
In response to Reply # 36


          

You are still much closer and in the comfort zone of Texas.

shut up already, damn

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 11:03 AM

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44. "Here’s a secret about me. I love being a Texan, I don’t enjoy Texas"
In response to Reply # 41


  

          

But there’s truth to both of our points.

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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SeV
Charter member
49968 posts
Tue Jun-11-19 11:28 PM

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29. "this a troll right?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

like the washer n dryer in the bedroom post?


____________

DALLAS LAKERICKS LETS GO!!

  

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mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
9954 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 09:32 AM

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35. "he is an industrial engineer"
In response to Reply # 29


  

          

get familiar with one and it all makes sense.

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 10:10 AM

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37. "This has little to do with my profession"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

Like I totally get the being sad aspect of moving and being away from loved ones
I understand the discomfort of the unfamiliar and a desire to cling to the past
None of that is in question, this isn’t a calculation

What I don’t get is the dramatic over reaction
Or the lack of preparation when you know how you are
So for example, I know I’m a lazy ass and that babies take up a bunch of time
Before she came home I canceled my gym membership and bought a full weight set, because I knew good and damn well I wasn’t gonna make time to go to the gym

Now take my wife. I was home for four days before we got on the road
She has literally months to prepare to leave, so see people, dinners, drinks, lunches ... and she didn’t with some. Some she definitely did. But she didn’t make even an effort to do some that she bemoaned in those four days
These are the kinds of things that I don’t get.
And I also don’t get the aspect of recognizing something and not doing something about it
My MIL for all her faults, gets it.
She already has a ticket for next month. She’s planning a trip for November. She has a retirement plan ready to launch and is now passively looking at houses while we figure it out. She gets it. She doesn’t want to feel the way she does and wants to change the situation. My FIL has none of the above
He has no clue how he wants to handle this

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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mista k5
Member since Feb 01st 2006
9954 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 10:14 AM

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38. "all i can tell you is that people are different"
In response to Reply # 37


  

          

no matter how logical your solutions are to you people just dont work like that.

i understand your frustration and i do apologize for making light of it. you did everything you could to prepare yourself. you did everything you thought you could to let your people prepare. there are so many justifications for making the moves you did. im sure your family all said they were on board before. still, sometimes things just hit us differently and you cant force people out of feeling that.

it takes patience. i hope you find it.

  

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MEAT
Member since Feb 08th 2008
18023 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 10:22 AM

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39. "And that’s why I’m venting here and not acting"
In response to Reply # 38


  

          

I listen. I ask. And I leave alone.
But in the short term, some of our limitations can be maddening

-------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

  

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tomjohn29
Member since Oct 18th 2004
16338 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 10:39 AM

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40. "humanity in a nutshell"
In response to Reply # 39


  

          

>But in the short term, some of our limitations can be
>maddening
>

______________________________________

Navem nu, cuando sol
Tutu nu, vondo nos nu
Vita em, no continous non
Nos nu ekta nos sepe ta, amen

When the sun shades the ship
We sweat and life is not safe
To swim or to touch not
When we unite we hedge amen

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
61670 posts
Wed Jun-12-19 10:51 AM

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43. "Sounds like she doesn’t want to say goodbye. "
In response to Reply # 37


          

and yes, that can be frustrating.

Especially if you have a list of things that need to be completed in a timely fashion.

shut up already, damn

  

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