First off, he’s a nerd, doesn’t seem to be a cheater, not that those are mutually exclusive but I wanted to put that out there to stop the “he’s a playboy of course he’s cheating duh” vibes.

Ok so a few months ago he sent me a screenshot of an unrelated convo and I noticed the Tinder flame in the upper left where notifications are.

I asked him about it he said it was weird I noticed it but said he had the app but didn’t use it.

Yesterday I asked him to delete the app and he said no, he uses it for “research and humor”, and doesn’t respond to the messages.

I guess the humor part is he likes to laugh at the profiles. No clue about the research and what that means.

I asked if he at least could put “in a relationship” on there and he said no.

So this morning I created an account and found his profile and it is untouched from when we matched on there, same caption and everything.

It just makes me so angry he doesn’t care about my feelings even though I genuinely don’t think he is cheating on me and yes I already know you don’t need tinder to cheat.

Can anyone give me any advice or anything I am really upset about this.

Poll result (32 votes) Dump Him (19 votes) Vote Let it Rock (13 votes) Vote

and lmao at him sending it and THAT being what you noticed.

Smells like the beginning of the end. Sorry. He made you reactivated yo shit again?

Dude either has another profile or he is still in these Internet streets swiping.

I have no idea how Tinder works but what’s the point of saying you are in a relationship on the app? Ain’t it strictly a dating app?

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

The reason I knew it is it pops up when you log in, ya know it’s a logo like you would know any famous logo.

>Yesterday I asked him to delete the app and he said no, he uses it for “research and humor”, and doesn’t respond to the messages.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

The humor is thinking she will fall for this bullshit excuse

I imagine Tinder is like FB where it can be addictive and hard to stop?

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

It ain’t that hard.

Sounds like he is holding on.

Sorry but dude sounds a little shady if he won’t delete and you let him know it hurt your feelings.

Could also be because you made a big deal out of it he doesn’t want to cave in to your demands.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

"Research and humor," wtf does that even mean?

------

12 play and 12 planets are enlighten for all the Aliens to Party and free those on the Sex Planet-maxxx

XBL: trkc21
Twitter: @tyrcasey

A girl that works at the restaurant around the corner from mine will meet up for drinks every couple weeks and we usually have a few Tinder profiles saved in our photos so we can laugh at how wild each others' experience is.


Like, I had no idea how sleazy most men are on Tinder, or just how prevalent the shirt-off/gun-cocked/fuck SJW vibe was on there (Nebraska) for women and she had no idea just how many full butt shots, pasty-nipple photos, straight up asking for cash with a Venmo User ID, I don't use Tinder actually so find me in Snapchat/IG/VENMO messages there are for men.


Tinder is fully of super brazen people, absurdly blurry and framed photos for an app only available on smartphones, couples looking for threesomes and asexuals looking for people to watch masturbate, and that's in OMAHA. I can only imagine what it's like in a bigger city.


~~~~~~~~~
"This is the streets, and I am the trap." � Jay Bilas
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/archive/contributor/517
Hip Hop Handbook: http://tinyurl.com/ll4kzz

I've got one of the apps looking for threesome partners, and my wife and I will go through and look at people together. Most of the time, we laugh, and occasionally we think, "Damn, let's swipe on this person and toss a Hail Mary."

But keeping the app active without labeling you're in a relationship and then dismissing your partner's skepticism about that is sooooo sketchy.

(BTW, not saying you'd disagree with any of that. You just made a good point about Tinder's humor, and I'm piggybacking on it to say dude's gotta handle it a *lot* better if he truly only has this app for humor.)

(But he also said "research." So I really doubt that's the case.)

My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

I kept Tinder while in my last relationship, but I only really used it sitting on the couch in the middle of Top Chef marathons with her, and if I did get bored at work and swiped around she had access to my profile anyway so she would know if I were ever "matching" with people.


~~~~~~~~~
"This is the streets, and I am the trap." � Jay Bilas
http://www.popmatters.com/pm/archive/contributor/517
Hip Hop Handbook: http://tinyurl.com/ll4kzz

>Tinder is fully of super brazen people, absurdly blurry and
>framed photos for an app only available on smartphones,
>couples looking for threesomes and asexuals looking for people
>to watch masturbate, and that's in OMAHA.

Dead @ "asexuals looking for people to watch masturbate."

But where did that come from and why the people doing this gotta be asexual? LOL.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib

its doesn't matter if the app is active or not. seems the bigger issue is you don't think he cares about your feelings. is that just in regards to this app or has this come up before.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

It’s such a relatively simple thing to do, and it’s puzzling also because it’s the app we met on so it’s extra frustrating.

But yeah he’s not listening to me nor does he care about how I feel.

as someone who's both cheated and been cheated on, uh, you don't always see that shit coming.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

& let this Welvin dude keep swiping for "Research&LOLs".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRH8AZFsj54

How many posts have you made on here about this guy disregarding your feelings? Nerd or not, forcing him to care about you won't work.

6 months or more seems like it could be an issue. That how I'd treat it. If i was dating someone and after 6 months of exclusive dating, then it would be an issue.

If he shows you and shares in the humor and research then maybe its passable.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

I deleted my app after starting to exclusively date my wife.

Did he show you the humor and research, I'm curious as to what that is.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

And he refused to let me see it.

As captain obvious as that sounds in terms of it pointing to cheating some in this thread had the good point that maybe he isn’t deleting it because I made such a big deal out of it and I could definitely see it being the case with not deleting it and also not wanting me to see it just based on the principle of him knowing he truly didn’t do anything sketch.

But I admit him not readily showing me hurt.

Don’t go soft now.

You know damn well why he wouldn’t let you see that shit.

He DMing like a mug

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

So if he doesn't understand that and still not show or delete the app would be an issue for me if I was dating a woman doing that.

�If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?

>Yesterday I asked him to delete the app and he said no, he
>uses it for “research and humor”, and doesn’t respond to
>the messages.
>
>I guess the humor part is he likes to laugh at the profiles.
>No clue about the research and what that means.
>
>I asked if he at least could put “in a relationship” on
>there and he said no.

Yeah, this guy sounds like he sucks. If he wants Tinder humor, he can look at his single friends' Tinders like everyone else. And if he refuses to put "in a relationship"? Yeah, that's not valuing your feelings at *all.*

>So this morning I created an account and found his profile and
>it is untouched from when we matched on there, same caption
>and everything.

You already knew he wasn't going to change it. He told you to your face. If that's a deal breaker, then you need to tell him so instead of doing stuff like this, imo. And if he prefers having Tinder to making you comfortable, that's all you need to know imo.

And that's a simple question for him to answer: "I like our relationship, and I'm bothered by the fact that you have a dating app and refuse to put that you're in a relationship on it. Is having the app really worth more to you than my feelings?" If he tries to throw back "Don't you trust me?" into your face, you can tell him, "I'd like to, I'm just struggling with the reasons why you have this app." Maybe he can explain what "research" is. But I doubt it. And maybe he tells you he *does* value the app more than your feelings. Which would hurt to hear, but you'd rather know now than later, I'd imagine.

The petty brat in me wants you to keep your Tinder, see if he finds you on there, and when he confronts you about it, you tell him you're using it for "research and humor," just to see the look on his face. The adult in me says a straight-forward conversation is better, albeit less funny, lol.

My movies: http://russellhainline.com
My movie reviews: https://letterboxd.com/RussellHFilm/
My beer TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thebeertravelguide

he can go read that for "humor"

or if he is someone that actually contributes to that subreddit why wouldnt he include lightworks in the fun

seems fisssshhy

But "research and humor"? lol. BS.
Having it is one thing, you specifically asking him to delete it and him refusing is another.

If I were him I would just delete it. Keeping is just causing unnecessary drama.

-------------------------------------------------
http://www.soundcloud.com/sectachrome

dude's on some "you're not the boss of me!" on not deleting the app or even letting you see it (major red flag)

the "research and humor" reads like he stays on the app to see if he's still got it.
Since he bagged you on it he wants to see if he can still bag others
that doesn't necessarily mean he's following through and closing the deal on said bagging
but just the act itself, the wild disrespect to you and to the relationship is grounds for a quittal (c)

Needless to say both factors are HUGE.RED.FLAGS and it's up to you how to proceed

no point in *both* yall being miserable.

You right tho.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I'm playing. Kinda. Sorta. It *does* make sense though.

On the real...I agree that he should recognize what it looks like for a man in a relationship to have a dating app on his phone. Whether he's doing anything or not, that's gonna look shady. How he doesn't recognize that is a little odd.

I think if he was really just using it for laughs, he should have said something to you. "Honey, I know we're loved up but some of these people crack me the hell up. I'm gonna keep my app and me & you can sit and laugh at the lost & hopeless singles."

i was with a chick who cheated despite being kind of controlling. i caught her. we kept fucking and later got back together, but i just started taxing a half dozen sidesmashes. she kind of fell back and we were both pretty happy. obviously it didn't last but it went on for a while and it was fun.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

to keep the app around on his phone.

assuming his intentions are good, its just kinda weird to not only misread the social cue, but for you to express yourself and for him look at the cost/benefit and side with the app.

Tinder ain't _that_ entertaining. so i'm not really in the camp of believing he's on the up and up

but he specifically needs an app for getting laid to do these things? You already know, sis.

In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king.
-Hunter S. Thompson

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

I stopped checking the apps, but I didn't delete my accounts right away. every now and then I'd log in, see a new match and I'd be like YUP still got it, log right back out.


after...I think about six months? I just deleted my tinder entirely and switched okcupid to a picture of us and turned off all the dating stuff.

every response dude has had was the wrong one.

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

>I'd be like YUP still got it, log right back out.

This was my thought, too. Just an ego boost for someone who's getting older, or adjusting to being in a serious relationship.

But there are less shady ways to get there.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

^^^^ married guy response

This might be the time to listen although I bet one of them blames you for not trusting him.

She is the one. Smack her on site!!!

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Some think he’s cheating, some don’t, but everyone thinks if I ask he should have deleted it.

'humor and research' is pretty shaky tho

but dude had no other way to stay in contact with his DM boos

Give him a week to set up a burner account

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

It ran through my head to do an ultimatum but I sadly thought he would go with tinder and a) I’m not the ultimatum type and b) I wasn’t strong enough to hear him say tinder over me.

>It ran through my head to do an ultimatum but I sadly thought
>he would go with tinder and a) I’m not the ultimatum type
>and b) I wasn’t strong enough to hear him say tinder over
>me.

I'm pretty sure you see the problem here but seems to me your issue is bigger than Tinder.

there's no version of asking that is saying 'can you do this but only if you want to' lol

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

If you think keeping an app is worth wrecking your relationship, you don’t really value your relationship that much. I detest the phrase “Hill to die on” but this is an apt situation for that phrase. I don’t give a shit about any individual app. If the issue is you think the person is being controlling and the matter at hand isn’t really the app, then you have that discussion and weigh whether you should stay. But just knee jerk refusing to delete an app no matter how your partner feels? That’s ridiculous.

Peace,

Spirit (Alan)
http://wutangbook.com

That sounds crazy.

Peace,

Spirit (Alan)
http://wutangbook.com

and if I did, I don't see any reason to have it other than I'm trying to fuck around or keep my options open.

But just in a general sense, I wouldn't take kindly to my so demanding i delete something off my phone, no matter what it was, so I'd probably dig in just on GP

She's not wrong for the request, but it's not going to change whatever his mindset is that leads him to keep tinder to begin with.

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

.
.
“Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.” ~ Albert Einstein

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

from when we matched on there....

b/w "he doesn't care about my feelings ABOUT WHAT HE HAS ON HIS PHONE.


if he aint doin nothing, leave it alone.

that nxgga doin somethin' tho

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

- whether or not he'll engage you in a truthful and candid conversation about it

- whether or not it matters to him that you feel emotionally safe in your relationship

Tinder is the surface issue. Ya'll got deeper issues and you need to resolve them or break up...if he's not interested in resolving them, but you are? well there you go.

d

>- whether or not he'll engage you in a truthful and candid
>conversation about it
>
>- whether or not it matters to him that you feel emotionally
>safe in your relationship
>
>Tinder is the surface issue. Ya'll got deeper issues and you
>need to resolve them or break up...if he's not interested in
>resolving them, but you are? well there you go.
>
>d

sounds suspect AF to me.

also he is just blowing this off?

i dunno man, something is either incomplete in this story or just not right. dude is being guarded about the shit and putting it above your comfort. as man i'd probably respect it more if he were smashing on the side and just making up some flimsy bullshit that if the flimsy bullshit were actually true. i mean, yeah, tinder is kinda funny and you can always heat check to see if you still got it, but once your jawn brings it up, you gotta make that small-ass sacrifice. unless it's not such a small sacrifice.

And you will know MY JACKET IS GOLD when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

on that still playing games on dating sites when you're supposed to be serious
level. if i was serious with someone and i found out he was actively logging into
dating sites, something is off and it's likely the beginning of the end for me. it's
child's play.

also, it sounds like bullshit.

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

nm

And every week it's the same result.

He is (or at least trying to) cheating.

Best case scenario he's doing this for ego points and to just see what's out there/if he can do better. Regardless, it's super disrespectful to you and your relationship.

Add the fact that he won't let you see his phone to check on what he's really up to on there, it's pretty clear it's time to move on.

Is he happy?
Tinder ain't nothing but the modern day little black book...
Just like most folks (men & women) didn't discard their little black book until well into their long term relationships, I doubt deleting a goofy app is any different.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

I wish it was like when we first met when we weren’t arguing and we were both happy.

be a factor 1 year into a relationship....
If it is...that's a sign it ain't a good fit IMO.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

But I would rather do all the unfollowing on IG and FB now and unfriend his mom and aunts.

I know that sounds like not a big deal but it would help to move on.