I’m in a wedding party on the brides side She’s planning her bachelorette party I’m invited She proposed May 9th-13th Mother’s Day weekend ... I would get destroyed for even floating the trip for that weekend.
But this is a close friend. Who’s mother died a few years back from cancer
I have no idea on how to respond.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
24. "Yes, you can. " In response to Reply # 2 Tue Jan-29-19 09:46 AM by Damali
the last thing people who have lost someone want to do is forget that person ever existed or what they meant to them. its a sensitive subject, but not an impossible one.
but that aside, decide what YOU want to do, separate from the obligation you feel from either side.
once you sort that out internally, then be honest with either your fam or your friend about the choice you're making.
ALWAYS walk in your truth. the people you love know you love them and ONE WEEKEND out of a lifetime shouldn't ruin that if they truly do love you. you can't spend your whole life only doing things others expect you to do. what do YOU want?
>the last thing people who have lost someone want to do is >forget that person ever existed or what they meant to them. >its a sensitive subject, but not an impossible one. > >but that aside, decide what YOU want to do, separate from the >obligation you feel from either side. > >once you sort that out internally, then be honest with either >your fam or your friend about the choice you're making. > >ALWAYS walk in your truth. the people you love know you love >them and ONE WEEKEND out of a lifetime shouldn't ruin that if >they truly do love you. you can't spend your whole life only >doing things others expect you to do. what do YOU want? > >d
It takes all kinds to make up a world, son. -My pops
I’m sorry but unless she is gay I can’t really see what you gonna do at those bachelorette party.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Jan-28-19 04:49 PM
7. "I’m just trying to wrap my head around this part " In response to Reply # 6
I can’t see any scenario where I would be hype to be at a bachorette party unless I was single and trying to clean up the brides maids after the party.
Can’t evem imagine meeting the groom and all his friends and then being like “aiight fellas, the girls are calling for me to leave”
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
8. "It’s an entire weekend in a different city. " In response to Reply # 5
They won’t spend the whole time in a dick club, it’s not the kind of crew So like anything with friends, you do the fun things, you pass on what you’re not comfortable with
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Jan-28-19 04:59 PM
9. "Would you let your wife do the same with a male friend on Fathers Day?" In response to Reply # 8
If so, give it a shot.
If not, you already know.
One question. Does your wife know her and is she cool with the friendship?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Jan-28-19 05:51 PM
11. "Ooooh. Well, unless she did it to guilt people into going " In response to Reply # 10
You should be ok.
I mean, it’s on mother’s day weekend so it has to come up right?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Mon Jan-28-19 06:47 PM
15. "Yup. Maybe it was intentional... maybe not" In response to Reply # 13
but someone gotta tell her not to put a deposit on the party bus just yet.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
19. "Oh I can go to the bachelorette party, it’s the point out the blind sp..." In response to Reply # 17
Mother’s Day that’s an issue You try not to pick at fresh wounds and this person was just texting me recently that they miss their mom.
Text Dec 30: I just realized that I’m getting married on 9/21, and September by Earth, Wind, and Fire talks about the 21st of September. That makes me happy. I wish my mom was here so we could laugh about that.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
21. "Ohh, gotcha...I read wrong...the date was the only issue..." In response to Reply # 19
>Mother’s Day that’s an issue >You try not to pick at fresh wounds and this person was just >texting me recently that they miss their mom. > >Text Dec 30: I just realized that I’m getting married on >9/21, and September by Earth, Wind, and Fire talks about the >21st of September. That makes me happy. I wish my mom was here >so we could laugh about that.
B/W...I hate that EWF let that song get commercialized...hate hate hate it!
20. "And to follow up, this is one of my oldest friends. " In response to Reply # 17
I keep a very small circle of people that I consider friends and I spend the rest of my time either with my family or solo. These types are basically family. I have the green light to go to a bachelorette party, I wouldn’t even need to “ask” the issue is the date. Second mother’s day 🌚 after what my wife went through to have the baby. Nah.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
29. "RE: Husbands have a tendency to pull their wives away from their male fr..." In response to Reply # 27
Fair It’s not the kind of rodeo though. My women friendships are 100% platonic from start to now. I have less than 10 close friends. Four of them are women This is the second one who’s had me in their wedding
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Tue Jan-29-19 10:29 AM
31. "It’s always funny when women try to keep their friendships with dudes" In response to Reply # 27
9 out of 10 times the husband ain’t a fan of that shit.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
44. "I am far from competition for time and attraction " In response to Reply # 35
Me and my women friends just don’t vibe like that, never have I’m the kind of male friend that’s like a brother type. Not even, tell me how men think kind of friend, but like ... you trying to drink and karaoke tonight, or you need someone to come DD you from that dudes house that’s kicking you out at 3am
I’m not a relationship surrogate or supplement
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
39. "Anything that ever involved a holler, or expressed feelings, at ANY poin..." In response to Reply # 31
in the past, then once she got with her permanent dude, she distanced herself from me...and I'm ok with that. I think that's how it should be, even if there's some pain involved.
The only cross-gender friendships I've had that endured a marriage were true brother-sister, no attraction at all friendships. Or ones where I liked her, but I did a really good job of hiding it and she never knew. But those are rare because after a certain age, and outside of work friends, most men don't pursue friendships with women they don't find attractive in any way shape or form. That just doesn't happen much.
45. "My wife would barely party with a group of women" In response to Reply # 40
She’s just not cut that way. She did her bachelorette party it was like one night, near the house, with like five women maybe I think mine was five nights, across two states, with like 8-10 people
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
28. "You think she would miss you if you weren't there?" In response to Reply # 0 Tue Jan-29-19 10:13 AM by PimpTrickGangstaClik
No snark, but not everybody attends bachelor/rette parties for different reasons (work, school, money, schedule conflicts, etc.) From what I've seen, no one really trips unless it is an essential person (like BEST friend, close sister). Are you one of those essential people that would devestate her if you're not there, or would she be able to roll with it? In most cases, one monkey don't stop no show
Because honestly, mother's day for a new mother >>>>>>>>>> bachelorette party. Not even close
67. "I don’t have a back “home” to go to. " In response to Reply # 65 Tue Jan-29-19 01:01 PM by MEAT
I went to five elementary schools Three middle schools One high school but I moved three times during that. My parents don’t live in the same house they did when I moved out We don’t own land, nobody before my parents owned anything either They’re likely to move again I’m likely to move soon We don’t have the same vehicles or furniture or set family events No customs either We’re quasi nomadic and quasi insular We keep it close to vest, if you meet a life friend on the way you keep them ... if not it’s ok for people to exist as seasons I have one friend I’ve known since we were eight and my current shortest friendship is about five years.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Tue Jan-29-19 02:10 PM
68. "I thought you went back to Texas from time to time? " In response to Reply # 67
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
69. "Texas is big as shit. Going back to Texas is like going to NYC" In response to Reply # 68
That unless you specifically plan and coordinate to meet folks you’re not seeing them. I go for myself I’ll call my family to see where they are, and we’re about a 50/50 on will we see each other We had this talk on this site around Christmas with lightworks post about going home and me staying in a hotel Two weeks ago I was in Austin. I saw my parents for less than ten minutes and it probably wouldn’t have been that but they were going to the the airport and happened to be flying out around the time I was free 🤷🏾♂️ And all this said we’re extremely close. We keep about four running texts. One with just us, one with us and my wife, one with just my sister and and mom, one with just my mom and dad, and one with my family and my wife’s family. We also talk at least a few times a month and try to FaceTime a lot One game days we text back and forth. Usually there’s a call mid game or after the game In 2019, you can keep close relationships without needing to be physically close.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79554 posts
Tue Jan-29-19 03:40 PM
71. "Haha.. I know Texas is big" In response to Reply # 69
I didn’t mean going to visit the whole state.
I meant going to visit fam or friends.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
72. "Eh. I let people know when I’m around. I do make an effort to see folk..." In response to Reply # 71
But my thought is, if I come across the country you can come across the city ... I’ll be at x at y time and I’d love to see you. But no. I don’t really try to make specific plans with specific people at specific times. The very nature of only being in town for a few days and usually for a reason doesn’t allow for that. Maybe in the future.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
70. "RE: I don’t have a back “home” to go to. " In response to Reply # 67
>I went to five elementary schools >Three middle schools >One high school but I moved three times during that. >My parents don’t live in the same house they did when I >moved out >We don’t own land, nobody before my parents owned anything >either >They’re likely to move again >I’m likely to move soon >We don’t have the same vehicles or furniture or set family >events >No customs either >We’re quasi nomadic and quasi insular >We keep it close to vest, if you meet a life friend on the way >you keep them ... if not it’s ok for people to exist as >seasons >I have one friend I’ve known since we were eight and my >current shortest friendship is about five years.
Yeah I guess its different for different people, after moving around as an adult I basically in the same area I grew up in. I still see people I've known since grade school and we stay connected on social media and whatnot. Most of my extended family is in the area and we usually get together for major holidays.
56. "RE: Probably. Last time I really hung with a female friend was '05" In response to Reply # 53
>Nothing against having ladies as friends, I don't even hang >out with that many guys.
That's kinda my point, most people that are married with children barely have time for any friends, let alone opposite sex friends.
I do have female friends but they usually fall in one of a few categories:
- women that usually like me but I don't like them like that but they are cool so I friendzone them
- women I like but don't seem to like me like that or they're in a relationship or some other situation so I friendzone them because hanging out with hot women is good for attracting other women
- wives/girlfriends of my male friends who are basically like sisters to me
61. "I can’t call it then, did you play sports in college, or were you Gree..." In response to Reply # 59
I look at my life and I don’t see a path that between all the things I’ve been into and done that I would end up with a monolithic friend group. That just hasn’t been my experience
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
63. "At some point friends become family and regularly hanging out isnt" In response to Reply # 62
Reallly an option. But you share close bonds, life events, and a progressive history To the point that sometimes years go past between seeing each other, but you pick up like nothing happened In 2019, it’s much easier to keep friendships than aquanitenance. Between text, social media, email, video chat, disposable income, cheap flights, kayak maintaining friendships is easier than ever before.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
64. "In 2019 I have a 5 year old group text that doesn’t go more than two" In response to Reply # 62
Days without a ping. In 2019 I can have my parents watch and interact with my child via FaceTime while I make lunch Nobody sees friends or family as much as they’d like And many of us live lives that don’t have room for a set schedule like a bowling league or other social groups.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
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