*This post could go left real quick but let’s see how well we can conduct ourselves.*
Heterosexual single men: do you have a perceived age minimum that you use to decide if you will even approach a woman?
And do you avoid dating women who look “barely grown” even if they’re older than “barely grown” due potential judgement from strangers, friends and relatives? An Internet acquaintance mentioned that he felt he had to avoid dating baby faced women, even if they were the same age as him or older.
For example, a 40-year-old who prefers to date women ages 30+ may decide not to approach anyone who appears under 30. Or he may only approach women who appear to be 25+ to account for women that look younger than their age.
Another example: A man, regardless of age, may date any adult as long as she’s 18+ but may implement an internal “must-look-at-least-21-to-approach” to play it a little safe.
In this age of what appears to be changing attitudes toward age inappropriate relations, a good development, I am also wondering if men are pushing up their perceived age requirement. Perhaps the 30-year-old who was only checking for women who appeared to be 21+ has bumped up his perceived age requirement to 25+ to be extra sure. This logic is akin to bars and retail outlets that card anyone who appears to be under 40 just to be sure.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
1. "Mid-20s (Modified for post #4)" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Jan-07-19 07:48 PM by flipnile
Mid 20s is my effective minimum. I'm 41 in a few weeks. Last time I dated a younger woman she was 24 and I was 33 (that actually the biggest dating age gap for me). She looked her age.
>Heterosexual single men: do you have a perceived age minimum >that you use to decide if you will even approach a woman?
Not just her apparent age, but where she is in life. I'd only consider dating if she's mostly-independent. She has to appear to be a grownup. A job & place are signs of this.
The question isn’t how young will you date; it’s how old does she have to even APPEAR to be for you to even consider approaching her. Some women look older, some look younger...
And do you have issues dating women who look really young/barely grown even when they are substantially older. In other words, will you avoid the 32-year-old professional if she looks like she’s still in undergrad?
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
12. "There's a bunch of general little tells of youth." In response to Reply # 0
- She's rocking a backpack (most adult women take pride in having a nice or stylish purse, and only carry book-bags if they have a ton of things to carry, and even then they'll resist it).
- She doesn't have grown-up curves yet.
- Adult women have a certain adult way of having a bad hair day, and it looks pretty different than when young girls have a bad hair day. As a man I don't have the language to describe the difference, but I know it when I see it.
- She's walking, not driving (less the case in a place like NYC, but even here). In like 95% of the country, and adult woman will not be walking city streets, she'll be in her car.
This is all just stuff you can glance at from 30 feet away. Anyone who claims not to know a girl is below or at least near 18 is lying.
13. "RE: There's a bunch of general little tells of youth." In response to Reply # 12
>- She doesn't have grown-up curves yet.
This is a terrible way to discern who is a grown-up. Teen girls who are destined to be curvy (see the so-called pear or or hourglass shapes) or have booty are going to develop those features during puberty and/or during their teens.
I knew some busty-ass girls in middle school. Whew.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
39. "RE: It's not terrible. What you mean is that it's not 100%." In response to Reply # 14 Wed Feb-20-19 06:53 PM by BlakStaar
After some additional thought, I am convinced your post is largely rooted in thinking it is abnormal to be attracted to a post-adolescent child (teenager) and it's not, at least from a strictly biological standpoint. It'd only be wrong or "abnormal" if men acted on said attraction. That's from an ethical standpoint. As we know, grown folks and children don't go together...
I think you want to believe that a grown man could never be attracted to a teen without knowing she's a teen and you do this by suggesting that teens can't have adult bodies, which is weird. Puberty means teens can have physically mature bodies paired with their immature/not-adult minds. This is normal.
You think discerning who is 18+ is sooooo obvious but it's not. I am biased because I've been mistaken for being underage even after reaching my 30s, and subsequently, treated poorly and embarrassed. People like you are too matter-of-fact sometimes.
There is no hard line of demarcation between looking like a "grown woman" and a child/teenager. There is a gray area where girls/young women can look young enough to be a teen but also old enough to look like a legal adult. Men who want to be very, very careful could simply opt to avoid approaching young ladies that reside in that gray area to reduce potential issues down the line or to avoid embarrassment, etc.
Your comments about curves are problematic because it seems to suggest all women are curvy. There are tons of naturally NOT-curvy grown women and TONs of curvy teenage girls. And it's totally normal.
//end rant
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79684 posts
Tue Jan-08-19 08:03 AM
19. "Nigga said if she is walking... I’m done. " In response to Reply # 12
You a fool for that one.
Any major city with a walkable downtown will have women walking around.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
22. "Lol. But there's something to that. Apart from a downtown business" In response to Reply # 19 Tue Jan-08-19 10:29 AM by Teknontheou
district, or maybe a shopping area, grown women aren't just walking around like that, they're in cars. Minors walk (often in groups) more or less wherever they are, or take buses to get around.
Again, NYC is different because cars are impractical and uneccesary in much of the city.
41. "RE: these are facts. nobody is accidentally picking up a teenager" In response to Reply # 40
I don’t believe men can “accidentally” DATE a minor but they can accidentally APPROACH one. It should not be hard to conceptualize a 24-year-old young man approaching a 16-year-old at a coffee shop under the genuine belief that she is a college student in her early twenties. There’s no hard line of demarcation between suddenly looking like a grown women and a post-pubescent minor (teen) nor is there a universal standard. I’ve watched people argue over how old or young certain celebrities looked at a certain age (see: Beyoncé).
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
15. "Is she can't legally buy a 5th, she's off limits" In response to Reply # 0
That was my rule in my younger single days.
<-- Dave Thomas knows what's up... __________________________
Jay: Look here homie, any nigga can get a hit record. This here is about respect. Game: Like Gladys Knight. Jay: Aretha Franklin. Game: Word, I like her too. Jay: Nigga...
17. "I prefer for a female to have a youthful appearance." In response to Reply # 0
For me that is critical. A woman can be older, but if she has a clean lifestyle then she will look hella young. Those that smoke cigs and drink heavy will not have a youthful look about her. I run from such females.
21. "I'm 41. If she could be my daughter I'm good" In response to Reply # 0
Not just that, but maturity plays a large role as well WTF am I gonna talk about with a 21 y/o? I'm not on snapchat, don't watch reality TV, and I'm not in the clubs Now strictly biologically speaking, I can admit some early 20 broads have bangin bodies and all that but KRS said it best:
Attracting only women, got no time for little girls Cause girls look so good but their brain is not ready I don't know I'd rather talk to a woman cause her mind is so steady So here we go
25. "RE: I love the Teacher but he also made "13 and Good"" In response to Reply # 23
"...Hey baby, how old are you? Twenty-six, twenty-one, maybe twenty-two? I'm twenty five, she shucked and kinda neeghed And said, "hee, hee, hee I'm only thirteen" Thirteen!? I need a quick escape That's statutory rape, but she was GOOD!"
Later in the song... "...It gets better, This girl is kinda clever She said, "I wanna be with you forever" I said, "Forget it, I need to get my life in order You could almost be my daughter" https://genius.com/Boogie-down-productions-13-and-good-lyrics
This is from the Sex and Violence album that dropped in 1992. If KRS-One's Wikipedia page is accurate, this dude was about 27. The same age as you-know-who-when-he-married-you-know-who.
SMDH.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
33. "Nothing side-eye about it. That BDP album was ground breaking social " In response to Reply # 23 Tue Jan-08-19 11:50 AM by FLUIDJ
commentary. He touched on a TON of topics that are just NOW(past 5 years) finally getting the attention they deserve.
>Dope beat, side-eye lyrical content.
Please don't take that track out of context and try to make it something it's not. With that said....it would be nice to hear KRS comment on it in present times.... lol
24. "RE: I'm 41. If she could be my daughter I'm good" In response to Reply # 21 Tue Jan-08-19 10:46 AM by BlakStaar
Thanks. I didn't ask how young will you date, though. I'm more interested in knowing how old does someone have to look for you to approach and do you take into account that some women look older (or younger) than their age?
If a 40-year-old only dates women 30+, he may only approach women who appear 30, or he may only approach women who look 35 to play it safe. Or maybe he'll approach women who appear to be 25+ on some black-don't-crack type ish.
For the record, there's plenty of 21-year-old women who don't use Snapchat, go to clubs or watch reality T.V. And their not necessarily anomalies either. These things don't automatically denote immaturity or inability to relate. I know intelligent, mature grown folk in their 40s who watch reality T.V. for entertainment. It's not that deep.
I don't think the average couple involving a 21-year-old woman and 41-year-old man will work due to life experience differences.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
27. "The question of "how old they look" is flawed though because most " In response to Reply # 24
men over a certain age are likely hollering in environments in which their actual age range is generally known. For example if someone works at your job, depending on what position they are in you probably have a good idea that they are over a certain age, so before approaching you aren't vetting eligibility based off of "how old she looks". Same thing if it's someone in some other social group. If you were meeting her online, the actual age is typically in the profile isn't it?
Your question seems to only apply to cold street hollas...again I'm WAY out of the game, but are 40 YO dudes still out here street hollering these days?
28. "RE: The question of "how old they look" is flawed though because most " In response to Reply # 27
That’s a fair criticism.
However, I wasn’t thinking about street hollering. I was thinking about the environments in which I wouldn’t mind being approached if I were interested in dating.
The first few spots that came to mind: the music store, the book store and a music venue, like the clubs I will be at this weekend for Winter Jazz Fest.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
29. "RE: The question of "how old they look" is flawed though becau..." In response to Reply # 28 Tue Jan-08-19 11:09 AM by BlakStaar
>That’s a fair criticism. > >However, I wasn’t thinking about street hollering. I was >thinking about the environments in which I wouldn’t mind >being approached if I were interested in dating. > >The first few spots that came to mind: the music store, the >book store and a music venue, like the clubs I will be at this >weekend for Winter Jazz Fest.
Oh, and a coffee shop.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
"Starbucks baristas, Whole Foods/TJs cashiers, Target, work meetings..."
...when you meet with contractors or consultants that don't work where you work. Other employees that work in different companies in or near your building. Women at the gym or yoga class.
A lot of opportunity to interact with grown women of all ages outside of bars/clubs and the block.
35. "most people don't care about any of this lol...:" In response to Reply # 0 Tue Jan-08-19 11:52 AM by ThaTruth
>And do you avoid dating women who look “barely grown” even >if they’re older than “barely grown” due potential >judgement from strangers, friends and relatives?
Most black women who take care of themselves don't look their age anyway.
If you're a grown man you pass on dating someone that "looks" young because you're worried about "potential judgement" from others they you have issues anyway.
38. "It's not something I've ever considered...." In response to Reply # 0
I've been out of the game for a long time. But I can say with certainty that I've never ever thought about the consequences of dating someone my age who may look much younger. That has never crossed my mind.
And now that I've thought about it, it wouldn't have stopped me when I was single. I wouldn't care if my SO looked a lot younger than me.
42. "its never crossed my mind either, " In response to Reply # 38
I prefer a younger looking face actually. even today, nobody believes my wife's age by looking at her. I think that's dope.
however, sometimes the vibes you get from youth looking is an actual youth and you gotta be out.
only happened to me once. I like 21. met a girl that worked at the mall like I did. told me she was 19. this fell right into my two year age diff rule. found out she was 16. gurl bye. good thing I found out before shenanigans.
Printer-friendly copy 
Email this topic to a friend
General Discussion
