Yesterday, my colleague (she is Black) asked me in front of another colleague if I was a team player.
I told her that I didn't not understand her question.
She then goes to explain, that I did not offer to help her with a customer. And she said that she offered to help me with a customer.
However, she offered to help me ONCE, in a weird chipper way, and I was obviously not in need of help. But I said sure and allowed her to help me because she is often easily offended.
Anyway, I told her that I was not aware that she needed help, and if she needs help to please ask me. I would not refuse any request for assistance.
Her response is, "Oh, so you need to be asked."
-- Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!' -Ben (Reaper)
6. "She's playing passive-aggressive power games with you" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Dec-03-18 12:38 PM by flipnile
You should be worried.
Passive-aggressiveness: >my colleague (she is Black) asked me in front of another colleague if >I was a team player.
>She then goes to explain, that I did not offer to help her with a >customer. And she said that she offered to help me with a customer.
>Her response is, "Oh, so you need to be asked."
Personally, I'd ignore the fuck out of her from now on out, but I can get away with that in my industry. Also, document as much as your job calls for. Make sure she can't lie on you (because she will).
11. "That multi-part public accusation would make me very concerned" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Dec-03-18 02:15 PM by Cam
She's overtly creating team tension and divisiveness, specifically with you, then has the audacity to question your commitment to the team? She sounds like a real piece of work. Though she might be passive-aggressive, she's still a bully and needs to be handled accordingly.
Pull her aside privately, sternly and directly reprimand her right back drawing a line in the sand.
I'd even rally a cohort of colleagues with whom you both interact for support, she's had to have dealt with others similarly. Unless, it's a case of her wanting to be the shining black example in need of praise, so she has to diminish/sabotage your success as part of her plan.
For HR purposes, don't forget to document all of your dealings like this with her.
My supervisor would also be aware, sooner than later, at least of the basic details.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Mon Dec-03-18 02:50 PM
13. "Are you Black? Does she have Black friends or a Black SO?" In response to Reply # 0
Just wondering if she is trying to get the only other Black person fired at the gig
Ionno what you do but I would stay away from her if possible. She the type to get you fired
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
We are currently the only Black people is our department. I have been working with her for 3 years now, so this was kinda out of left field. She is always talking about how Black people are mistreated at our job.
She goes to a lot of Black art events and sometimes organizes group trips to these event.
She has a lot of Black friends and she's close to her family. She is currently single.
I did get married recently, but it's not something I flaunt.
-- Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!' -Ben (Reaper)
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Mon Dec-03-18 03:58 PM
16. "Congrats on the marriage. If you have a ring you are flaunting..lol" In response to Reply # 15
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
18. "yep, dude unloaded on me on Marta yesterday" In response to Reply # 14
he basically poured out his heart in a way that I dang near should have hugged him when I got off the train, and his exact words were "sorry bout talking your ear off bro but people crazy yo, I just needed to get this off my chest!"
In my head I like to think I just stopped a 7 state killing spree
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Tue Dec-04-18 12:41 PM
21. "Lmao" In response to Reply # 20 Tue Dec-04-18 12:52 PM by legsdiamond
She prolly the type to not need help when you try to help too
“I GOT IT!!! WHY YOU TRYING TO HELP ME WHEN YOU HAVENT EVEN FINISHED XYZ!!!”
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
at first i was trying to be cool with him but he's just so exhausting ...my new strategy is to ignore him completely and cut off all social interactions...in the last few days he's been talking with himself basically...not sure this will work out in the long run but it's a start...eventually i'll talk with HR about it
26. "RE: i've been @ my new job for 8 months now and the closest person i wor..." In response to Reply # 24
>with is a type like this > >loner/passive-aggressive/late 40s/career >focused/envious/single .... > >at first i was trying to be cool with him but he's just so >exhausting ...my new strategy is to ignore him completely and >cut off all social interactions...in the last few days he's >been talking with himself basically...not sure this will work >out in the long run but it's a start...eventually i'll talk >with HR about it
Low-key, I'm triggered because half of those descriptors sound like me.
I'm in my 30s, though, and I don't think I'm passive aggressive or envious.
Why you gotta stigmatize the single loners, tho? LOL.
-- "Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume
"Just stay loose, keep it raw, and bang ya drums out sometimes." - Madlib
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