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Subject: "Religious and/or spiritual? Help me understand this mindf*ck." Previous topic | Next topic
BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 10:20 AM

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"Religious and/or spiritual? Help me understand this mindf*ck."


  

          

Religious and spiritual people consider the deeper meaning behind life events and will often make comments like "Everything happens for a reason," or "Everything is in divine order."

I don't necessarily hold these beliefs but I'm not deeply offended by them and I understand them.

Now, those of y'all who do, help me out here:

Why do y'all think I ran into my abuser, a former classmate from my K-12 years, in a shopping plaza parking lot, which led to our brief "friendship?" And why do you think I keep running into relatives of said abuser after severing ties?

Here's the story:
I allowed this person to live with me for a little over a year after reconnecting and realizing he was down on his luck. Unfortunately, he engaged in sexual, verbal, physical, financial and emotional abuse. I could not legally kick him out until I got a police report. By the time this happened, I lost my job. This was what religious/spiritual folks call a “blessing” in disguise. I put in a 30-day notice to vacate my apartment and we parted ways. Sigh. Of. Relief.

Now, three disturbing things have happened since I ended this “friendship” last spring.

1. While at a red light last summer, I glanced over at a car to my right. It was ex-“friend’s” stepfather, the same person he said abused him during his childhood. He was staring right at me.
2. A few months later, his little brother, a recent college grad, accidentally backed into my car in the Walgreens parking lot and caused about $500-1000 in damage. He didn’t have his insurance card on him and gave me about $250 in cash instead. I took a picture of his car and license plate for reference. I suspected it was ex-friend's younger sibling but I wasn’t sure. After all, I had last saw him when he was a very small kid. This summer, while riding past his family home, I saw the same car in the driveway of ex-friend’s childhood home. My first stepfather still lives in the same subdivision and I was in the neighborhood for a visit. Same car, same plate number.
3. Last year, I got a new job with a large corporate employer that is associated with a new university building. Ex-friend’s mother is a professor at this school. Saw her once this year while on assignment for the company as I work in communications and interact with many people, including her professor colleagues. She looked at me and I said nothing as I haven’t seen her in 20 years. I don't think she knew who I was.

And then there was yesterday. I was looking at one of my employer’s Instagram accounts. I often write blurbs to accompany the photos but I don’t manage the profile. My coworker had posted a photo of the ex-friend’s professor mom. Turns out she has been recently promoted to a major leadership position at the school. I may have to talk to her at one point, which scares me.

Like I said: why do I keep running into his people? Do you think these random encounters have a deeper meaning or is it just a coincidence and proof that the world is small. I’m leaning toward the latter, especially because I really don’t identify as spiritual and definitely not religious.

HOWEVER, since moving back to my hometown community more than two years ago, ex-friend is the ONLY person from my K-12 years that I’ve ran into, which is how the rekindled “friendship” and our living arrangement started. What’s more, his family are the only relatives of former classmates and longtime peers I have encountered since moving back.

Is the universe trying to mindf*ck me?

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
How big is your hometown? How big is your ex-friend's family? n/m
Oct 12th 2018
1
^ my first question, too.
Oct 12th 2018
3
RE: ^ my first question, too.
Oct 12th 2018
7
      Yea just saw your post below. That is wild as hell, for sure.
Oct 12th 2018
24
RE: How big is your hometown? How big is your ex-friend's family? n/m
Oct 12th 2018
5
The universe is telling you that your hometown isn't where you need to b...
Oct 12th 2018
2
Haha - that's a fair assessment.
Oct 12th 2018
4
RE: The universe is telling you that your hometown isn't where you need ...
Oct 12th 2018
6
It's just YOU. You gonna be 40 with a cushion
Oct 14th 2018
32
Right? When you move home the chances of seeing old flames is 100%
Oct 12th 2018
15
These events are what they are PERIOD
Oct 12th 2018
8
I like this perspective.
Oct 12th 2018
9
I like you...
Oct 12th 2018
11
I like you too lol
Oct 12th 2018
17
      I absolutely can...
Oct 12th 2018
18
RE: These events are what they are PERIOD
Oct 12th 2018
12
do it...
Oct 12th 2018
13
good answer. This stuff kind of means what you want it to
Oct 12th 2018
19
what do YOU think it mean?
Oct 12th 2018
10
RE: what do YOU think it mean?
Oct 12th 2018
16
Just a coincidence. Especially since it’s your hometown
Oct 12th 2018
14
He was your ABUSER, but years later you guys became roommates?
Oct 12th 2018
20
RE: He was your ABUSER, but years later you guys became roommates?
Oct 12th 2018
21
      This is confusing
Oct 12th 2018
22
           RE: This is confusing
Oct 12th 2018
23
           How is it confusing ?
Oct 12th 2018
25
this is what you are choosing to see
Oct 12th 2018
26
RE: this is what you are choosing to see
Oct 12th 2018
31
Question: Why do you believe that there is a "why" for these events?
Oct 12th 2018
27
RE: Question: Why do you believe that there is a "why" for these events?
Oct 12th 2018
29
Your senses are heightened to that particular situation
Oct 12th 2018
28
RE: Your senses are heightened to that particular situation
Oct 12th 2018
30
If you were spiritual you might get the answers you seek
Oct 15th 2018
33

Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
20976 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 10:36 AM

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1. "How big is your hometown? How big is your ex-friend's family? n/m"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
15876 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 10:53 AM

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3. "^ my first question, too."
In response to Reply # 1


          

Like if I moved back to my hometown there's a one trillion % chance I'd run into every single member of my ex-girlfriend's (admittedly large) family at least once over the course of 2 years. But my hometown is relatively small so this question is important for context.

I will say that the car accident thing *is* pretty crazy, though.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:02 AM

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7. "RE: ^ my first question, too."
In response to Reply # 3
Fri Oct-12-18 11:03 AM by BlakStaar

  

          

Yeah, I don’t live in a small town.

Seeing my abuser’s alledged abuser at the stop light, staring right at me creeps me out the most.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
15876 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 02:23 PM

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24. "Yea just saw your post below. That is wild as hell, for sure."
In response to Reply # 7
Fri Oct-12-18 02:23 PM by Brew

          

>Yeah, I don’t live in a small town.
>
>Seeing my abuser’s alledged abuser at the stop light,
>staring right at me creeps me out the most.

Yea all I meant re: the car accident was that it's way way way less likely that you'll get in a damn ACCIDENT with a family member, than it is that you'll see them in passing/end up next to them at a light. But I can fully understand why *that* instance would creep you out the most. That shit's definitely a little eerie, and would register as almost terrifying sitting where you were sitting. Almost like a "are these people following me ?" type of thing. So I totally hear you.

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 10:54 AM

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5. "RE: How big is your hometown? How big is your ex-friend's family? n/m"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

I live in a large metropolitan area with 5 millon people.

I don’t know how big his family is but he grew up with his biological mom, stepfather, a younger brother and a younger sister.

So, I done ran into everyone from his immediate family/childhood household ‘cept his younger sister. I think she lives in Chicago.

Crazy ain’t it?

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
40020 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 10:53 AM

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2. "The universe is telling you that your hometown isn't where you need to b..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

bounce.
roll out.
be ghost.
get gone.
you still young (from what I gather)
you still have the world at your doorstep
you still have time
you still have freedom
you still have your sanity (I assume)

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
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Fri Oct-12-18 10:53 AM

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4. "Haha - that's a fair assessment."
In response to Reply # 2


          

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:01 AM

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6. "RE: The universe is telling you that your hometown isn't where you need ..."
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

LMAO. It’s funny because I don’t want to be here. I want to relocate back to NYC or D.C. I haven’t aggressively pursued it because I want to save more money as a cushion. Cost of living is high and I want to be prepared for a potential job loss. I’m in my early 30s. Former journalist working in the Godforsaken field of corporate PR.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
40020 posts
Sun Oct-14-18 01:02 PM

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32. " It's just YOU. You gonna be 40 with a cushion"
In response to Reply # 6
Sun Oct-14-18 01:03 PM by FLUIDJ

  

          

and regrets....
find a job in the place you want/need/should be and go to there.

Can't stress enough how much freedom you have at this stage in your life to do whatever the fck you WANT to do.

Stop bullshittin

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
57604 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:26 AM

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15. "Right? When you move home the chances of seeing old flames is 100%"
In response to Reply # 2


          

shut up already, damn

  

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mind_grapes
Member since Nov 13th 2007
792 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:09 AM

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8. "These events are what they are PERIOD"
In response to Reply # 0


          

the only thing you can control is how you perceive and handle them. If God does actually have a plan, then do not think that means it is one for you to ever fully understand.

It sounds to me like these events are charged with a lot of significance for you because you still haven't gotten over the trauma this person put you through. I suggest you look into symptoms of PTSD, which has a way of processing all of your experiences through the lens of that trauma. Otherwise, you will drive yourself mad trying to project these past experiences into what you think the universe is trying to do "for" or "against" you.

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
15876 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:11 AM

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9. "I like this perspective."
In response to Reply # 8


          

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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Trinity444
Charter member
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Fri Oct-12-18 11:17 AM

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11. "I like you..."
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

....

  

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mind_grapes
Member since Nov 13th 2007
792 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:35 AM

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17. "I like you too lol"
In response to Reply # 11


          

shout out to all the other Ms. Hill stans on this board LOL

On a related noted, I must of heard Could You Be Loved by Bob Marley hundreds of times. But I didn't understand what he was really getting at until I head Lauryn sing it. I thought it was just a song about being worthy of someone elses love. But it is also a song about finding your own worth and loving yourself. Listen to the way she oh so subtly transforms the line "Could you be loved?" into "Could you be loved, and then BE LOVE (right now)?" Damn. What does it mean for someone to receive love and then to BE an expression of that love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfXX-yhABYk

  

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Trinity444
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Fri Oct-12-18 11:43 AM

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18. "I absolutely can..."
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

Sis. You just made my day

thanks for the video

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:17 AM

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12. "RE: These events are what they are PERIOD"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

Thank you. I am considering therapy.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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Trinity444
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Fri Oct-12-18 11:22 AM

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13. "do it..."
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

while I’m firm in my “religion”. I had to consider talking about feeling with someone because it was killing me inside.

best wishes

  

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GOMEZ
Member since Feb 13th 2003
4717 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 12:01 PM

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19. "good answer. This stuff kind of means what you want it to"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

shit could be random coincidences, or a higher power moving chess pieces, who knows. Point is you decide what it means to you, and how you want to move forward.

I like the idea of therapy to help process these things, and figure out what it means to you. It could also help put you in a better frame of mind to plan how you want to deal with it day to day, moving forward.

Good luck and one love.


https://www.instagram.com/sbmission365/

In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king.
-Hunter S. Thompson

  

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Trinity444
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Fri Oct-12-18 11:15 AM

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10. "what do YOU think it mean?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

it’s weird because I still have visions of my ex.
little things reminds me of him
what I learned is that I haven’t dissolved “my” issues with him
the heartbreak
so there’s always reminders
I’m getting better tho lol






  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 11:27 AM

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16. "RE: what do YOU think it mean?"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

I don’t know. Maybe that I need to address the trauma.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
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Fri Oct-12-18 11:23 AM

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14. "Just a coincidence. Especially since it’s your hometown"
In response to Reply # 0


          

What fucks me up is when I go to NYC I usually see someone I went to college with or an old friend.

8 million people and I bump into someone I know damn near every time? That’s crazy to me.

One time I was in Manhattan and coulda sworn my ex was walking in front of me. I crossed the street. Then a few years later I FB stalked her and she lived in N.C. in the traingle. I’m pretty sure if I ever go I will see her.

One other crazy coincidence. I just got in good graces with my wife and we went to Christmas in ATL. I’m looking through an Essence magazine and ole girl from college that my wife doesn’t particularly like because I was dating both at the same time was in Essence magazine as an up and coming visual artist.

I showed my brother and then tucked that shit under the couch.

shut up already, damn

  

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IsaIsaIsa
Member since May 01st 2008
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Fri Oct-12-18 12:02 PM

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20. "He was your ABUSER, but years later you guys became roommates?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


www.Tupreme.com

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 12:06 PM

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21. "RE: He was your ABUSER, but years later you guys became roommates?"
In response to Reply # 20


  

          

No. He became my abuser during the living arrangement. I’ve made poor decisions but I’m not that dumb to move in w/ someone who abused me previously.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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IsaIsaIsa
Member since May 01st 2008
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Fri Oct-12-18 01:37 PM

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22. "This is confusing"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

He abused you as an adult?


www.Tupreme.com

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 01:39 PM

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23. "RE: This is confusing"
In response to Reply # 22


  

          

Yes.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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Brew
Member since Nov 23rd 2002
15876 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 02:25 PM

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25. "How is it confusing ?"
In response to Reply # 22


          

>RE: This is confusing
>He abused you as an adult?
>
>
>>www.Tupreme.com

----------------------------------------

"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415

  

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luminous
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Fri Oct-12-18 02:40 PM

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26. "this is what you are choosing to see"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

you have not moved on mentally. your mind is still in lizard brain alert mode.

Do you have a lot of pent-up/ suppressed emotions: fear, anger, anxiety?

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 03:06 PM

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31. "RE: this is what you are choosing to see"
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

I agree, and I do have pent up emotions.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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Cold Truth
Member since Jan 28th 2004
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Fri Oct-12-18 02:45 PM

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27. "Question: Why do you believe that there is a "why" for these events?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I ask because "why" implies a directed purpose.

I'm not ridiculing your effort to make sense of the circumstances, but I do think it's worth pondering the reason you ascribe a "why" question to this.

I realize you directed your question toward religious/spiritualist OKP's, however I've recently one out of that mindset, so a question like this absolutely piques my interest.

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
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Fri Oct-12-18 03:04 PM

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29. "RE: Question: Why do you believe that there is a "why" for these events?"
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

I’m not actually certain there is a “why;” I was just curious to know what the “why” could be, if there is one.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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Tw3nty
Member since Jan 02nd 2007
8251 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 03:02 PM

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28. "Your senses are heightened to that particular situation"
In response to Reply # 0
Fri Oct-12-18 03:02 PM by Tw3nty

  

          

had there not been trauma involved you probably wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  

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BlakStaar
Member since May 29th 2002
669 posts
Fri Oct-12-18 03:05 PM

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30. "RE: Your senses are heightened to that particular situation"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

This makes a lot of sense and mirrors what others have said. Thanks.

--
"Music is not to be possessed; it's to be shared.” - James Mtume

  

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13Rose
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Mon Oct-15-18 01:51 PM

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33. "If you were spiritual you might get the answers you seek"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I say might because I think spirit shows up differently for different people. In the grand scheme none of this means anything but in regards to your life and where you are you might be still focused on the situation or there might be some unresolved issues that you are being called to resolve or at least acknowledge.

This post was paid for by the following.

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Remember MJ The Great!
PSN: ThirteenRose

  

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