My parents were true believers in education to get ahead, I always thought that shit was for the birds and prided myself on 'making it' with little to no help from my formal education. My eldest is lackadaisical as fuck about studying but enjoys learning in non formal settings and it bothers me. Don't want them smoking like I did/do. Crazy thing is I feel like I turned out alright, but lack the trust that they will too. This shit is hard. I'm rambling.
My daughter sat and ate dinner one night, got up from the table, and WALKED PAST A PACK OF BRAND NEW SPONGES, to come ask me/my wife where the sponges were.
I just looked at her.
(0_o)
Every time I overhear her talkin about driving lessons I laugh in her face.
you think I'ma put 2 tons of metal and the lives of the general public in your hanfds with THOSE kind of cognitive skills?
mellowboogie Member since Jun 26th 2006 3608 posts
Thu Sep-20-18 05:07 AM
3. "This shit is really hard today. In the past it was just strict and you " In response to Reply # 0 Thu Sep-20-18 05:08 AM by mellowboogie
followed and then rebelled as a teenager
Nowadays it's 'am i being to hard on them?', 'am I being to easy on them?', 'am i really listening to their feelings?', 'should i be more friend than mom or other way around?'
I'm exhausted.
'Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo'
maybe, but all this technology has done that ANYWAY
'am i really listening to their feelings?'
most of the time, you probly are. Sometimes, their freaking feelings don't matter. THEY think their feelings matter but your job is to act in their best interest.
'should i be more friend than mom or other way around?' ^^ My default answer is hell naw, but as they mature you have to adjust if you wanna keep the lines of communication open.
I'm the King of 'NOPE', and I always imagine(d) that my kids perceive me as an a$$hole, and I can accept that. It tripped me out, though, when my middle child was being 'extra teenagery' about getting her way - she sent my wife a text saying 'I'll just talk to _____ tonight at least he listens and tries to understand how I feel'.
4. "Argh! Had this whole thing typed out then had to restart my PC" In response to Reply # 0
Anyhoo....it was along the lines of...
Just be honest with yourself, and to them. I don't hide things that I have yet to learn about parenting, so I share those things with them when I do learn them. I also don't believe in "do as I say, not as I do". I can't tell them to "put the phone/ipad down and read or do something creative" if my face is stuck in an ipad all day. They see me reading or doing something with music or editing little videos and stuff. I also am honest enough to know that the whole ".....and I turned out alright" thing is for the birds alot of times. Theres plenty of shit that affected me in ways that I had idea about until I went to therapy. My mom wo' our asses out...my dad was "there but not there", and I thought I "turned out alright" for the longst, until I looked at myself for real and realized "damn...if my dad took more interest in me, I would know what it looked like for my kids" and "if my mom took the the time to listen to me instead of grabbing the belt first, I would know what listening to children looks like".
We get caught up in raising our kids the way we were raised because we "turned out alright". Not always. I listen to my kids because I want to understand how they think, so I'll know why they make the decisions they make. I know they won't turn out like me, so I don't fault them for making a decision that I wouldn't have made...I just want to know why you made it.
9. "ive been going back and forth about it..." In response to Reply # 4
that whole, “do as I say” part...
The issue I have with the two boys (10-11) is the damn video game. I hate to see them on it...all the damn time. I’m always fussing about it. I just want them to go outside and play...like, I did. Nowadays...friendships are online. “Let’s meet online”
I’ve never been into PlayStation and Xbox and now I’m wondering if I should just to see why theyre so fascinated.
like. it’s a way to move into their world. I’m sure some lessons could be taught there...
10. "I will say this..from experience..." In response to Reply # 9
Learning about what your kids are into does one of three things:
1-Gives you tremendous insight into what their interestst really are. "The Kid" was (and kinda still is) into Minecraft HEAVY...just the part where you make the houses, not the other part where you actually fight beasts and monsters. Turns out graphic design is her thing, and she's in her second of taking that in high school.
2-Helps you relate to them on a level that they see you as a real humn, and not as just a parent.
3-Helps them realize how lame something is, and they move on, lol.
14. "It’s a second chance for me..." In response to Reply # 10
these are my grandchildren. While mom and dad are establishing their way...I’m doing what my mother did for me. This is why I moved down here...
my son is a gamer...I suppose it’s how this came about. We’ve had a few conversations about (at one point I wouldn’t allow them to play it at my house) and he thinks nothing of it...talking about, “I have it under control”. Maybe it’s just me...maybe he does, but I want to make sure neither party get lost in this.
I like your number #1. I’m going to keep it in mind as I find a way to deal with this
Hopefully, I don’t become addicted to the game lol
8. "my job as a parent is to help" In response to Reply # 0
show them more than what I saw. provide opportunities for them that I didn't have. teach them things while they're young, well before I learned those same things.
with all of that, realizing that they're not me/my wife. my childhood and upbringing are the springboards for them to job from and soar. hopefully!
I try to be transparent with them about my past, but I also don't want to base their lives on my pitfalls. I want them to better great and better than me, even if I turned out alright.
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