I went to one yesterday and I have one coming up next week. I never noticed until now but invited people tend to make the wedding (weekend) about them
i.e.
- one of my groomsmen wanted to hang in the mall for hours trying to pull girls to the point where we couldnt eat where I wanted before the bachelor's party
- after the bachelor's party (at a strip club, mind you) at 2 AM he wanted someone to take him to "see more hoes to talk to" (mind you, we were at a regular club the night before). I was like "Im getting married tomorrow" and went back to the hotel
but that's just his selfish nature, wedding or not
at my wedding a homegirl said to me (not with an attitude or anger, but not playing either) "you took her from me, we were supposed to be single together", then yesterday one of the reception speeches basically amounted to "Im happy for yall, but dont think we not still kicking it as often" (of course the person is single) - you're there to celebrate your people's new journey, not make it about you
lastly there was some back and forth at the reception about an elder fighting to have her dessert on the table with others, the family must have known she cant bake for them to even push back. I tried it without warning and it was honestly the worst dessert I've ever tasted
1. "Life = change. Some people figure it out, others don't" In response to Reply # 0
>at my wedding a homegirl said to me (not with an attitude or >anger, but not playing either) "you took her from me, we were >supposed to be single together", then yesterday one of the >reception speeches basically amounted to "Im happy for yall, >but dont think we not still kicking it as often" (of course >the person is single) - you're there to celebrate your >people's new journey, not make it about you >
Part of me wishes talk like this is hyperbole, but I know it's not. Things simply have to change when you get married. Priorities are different. Doesn't mean you don't love or want to be with your peoples, but your responsibilities change when you say 'I do'. Both parties have to acknowledge that and adjust. You can't be with the guys or girls every weekend like before if it impedes on your new family arrangement. Both sides need to make an adjustment. If not, the friendship ane/or the marriage will suffer.
I've seen both sides of it with friends of mine and my own marriage. It can be make or break. But if nobody is selfish, it can work. If someone is, nothing good can come of it.
<-- Dave Thomas knows what's up... __________________________
Jay: Look here homie, any nigga can get a hit record. This here is about respect. Game: Like Gladys Knight. Jay: Aretha Franklin. Game: Word, I like her too. Jay: Nigga...
2. "I don't like weddings" In response to Reply # 0
Didn't come to this realization until recently. But yeah, folks do have a habit of doing what you describe....hell...i'm guilty myself..as recent as this past month....think I even made a post about the wedding in question a few months ago.
But yeah...it's a mix of jealousy (your wife's homegirl), crabs in a barrel (your homeboy), sheer selfishness (me), and a myriad of other factors.
Don't even know how to combat it though....just a part of the whole special occasion I guess.
3. "when you’re not happy for the couple..." In response to Reply # 0
I was a terrible maid of honor for my bff wedding because I believed she was marrying the wrong guy. My speech was awful and I treated the other bridesmaids awful.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79592 posts
Mon Aug-06-18 10:00 AM
4. "My boy did the same thing at our friends wedding" In response to Reply # 3
He was in his feelings the whole weekend on some “why you getting married?” to the point where we all had a talk about it. Dude had recently backed out of getting married so I think he was bitter seeing another friend get married.
They ended up divorced too but that ain’t the point.
At one point the groom was nervous as hell because he heard the bride hadn’t shown up to the church yet. I lied and told him “bro, just seen her, you know women are always late, she was looking beautiful, etc”
2 seconds later... bitter nigga swings the door open “AYO, YOUR WIFE STILL AINT HERE BRUH, IONNO... JUST SAYING IF YOU STILL HAVE DOUBTS!”
Groom looks at me and says “why you lie to me man?”
Wedding went smoothly, marriage was a wreck, she had no sec drive but since he waited until marriage... smh”
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
6. "Side post: What do you do in that case?" In response to Reply # 4
When the other person completely loses their sex drive. Most people will tell you that ain't everything... but shiiiiit, its something.
It's folks out there who have a great sex drive and then awhile after marriage just lose it completely. May make the other person feel like the bad guy/girl walking away from it. But man, yall was fuckin before, why can't you still do it now?
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legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79592 posts
Mon Aug-06-18 12:13 PM
10. "Start dating again? " In response to Reply # 6
Real talk, after a few years it’s easy to go into cruise control
Have to spice shit up and do different things
But it’s never fair when someone gets married and then withholds sex because they are mad.
As a man I’ve never understood how women stop sucking dick or fucking while expecting the man to do more in the relationship. If you suck dick and fuck a lot most niggas will move heaven and earth for their woman.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
7. "I felt she was rushing..." In response to Reply # 4
im not sure how to explain it or all that goes into how I felt. We are childhood friends so I know her, I love her. Knowing private things about her only a true friend would know. Like, why she was marrying him and I just wasn't with it.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79592 posts
Mon Aug-06-18 12:06 PM
9. "Bruh... that shit was straight comedy. " In response to Reply # 8
Whole wedding was like one of those Black man getting married movies.
A bunch of childhood friends reuniting and acting a fool. When she walked down the aisle the groom started tearing up. Bitter nigga leaned over and whispered. “Damn, she looking good as hell, he gonna tear that up”... I responded, “yeah, he ain’t never hit so it’s gonna be a loooong night!”
Bitter nigga: ooooh, no wonder he’s crying
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
5. "Difference between weddings in your 20s vs 30s?" In response to Reply # 0
I've noticed the weddings I've been to where the couple is in their 30's are generally better than when it's a couple in their 20's. A lot more of the behavior mentioned (why are you taking my friend from me/people stealing drinks/drama because someone's ex showed up even though they were invited/toasts that are extremely passive-aggressive or bitter) when it's a younger couple, but that could just be me.
There's no way to not hurt that person with the bad desert, though.
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