...

@geahuwine

I told him no. But I guess I'm a bit offended that he even asked
When I was at HQ I spent 225 hotel nights in 2.5 years. The strain that put on my relationship and health was a lot.
It was one year of being engaged and wedding planning while doing that and then one year of marriage before I said I gotta do something different
So I transferred to an area level job and the travel kept going
Then last year they offered me a night timeish position which kept me home but also put strain on our relationship. Add that on to the fact that she was pregnant just a lot.
So now we got a four month old who came out two months early and he's like "well when can you travel" I told him at least until she's six months.

I just can't
You can't get that time back and my wife isn't fully back to work yet and still is trying to find her own balance. I can't do that to her.
And add that on to the fact that travel means helping someone else that's not doing their job. So putting your responsibilities on hold while they go home each of those nights to their families, I just can't.
And now I'm growing resentful.
I don't expect a job or boss to care about me as a person, I really don't; but on that same token I expect basic considerations and I don't feel this is that.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

I'm mad for you.
Dbl standard too.
If you were a woman they probably wouldn't have even THOUGHT about asking you that nonsense. But the expectation is that Dad's are a non-entity.
Job got me going to a conference for 3 days and i'm lightweight salty about THAT...even though this the first time i've ever had to travel for this job and i've been here nearly 10 years.... still though.... this will be the first time i've been apart from my kids EVER...and first time being apart from my wife in over 10 years....
not looking forward to it.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

But I'm still doing most of the cleaning and cooking. Grandma comes down to help. But grandma brings her own additional problems and this is fully my responsibility.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

We feed and change her every three hours.
2 5 8 11 do it again.
Because I work I do 5am and 8pm
But take last night for example, she was still screaming at midnight because she's hungry ... so I got up to help.
Like I couldn't imagine my wife having to deal with that solo right now.
Because she's also pumping every three hours. So her sleep is all fucked up too.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

it really does take a toll on a family. cant imagine with a 4 month old.

if you are only traveling to help someone out can it be done remotely?

But I'm not available. He's sending one of the dudes on the team to Baltimore, that dude can go down to Richmond but he's asking me to. That's poor resource management and I'm not able to enable that at the expense of me.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

>I don't expect a job or boss to care about me as a person, I
>really don't; but on that same token I expect basic
>considerations and I don't feel this is that.

just had a similar chat w/ my boss. basically it came down to "i'm not going to tell you that we need you to give up your social life and free time buuuuuuuut..."

<--- Big Baller World Order

GREAT opportunity for that.

Otherwise? Hell naw. I don't even like travelling for vacations, so having to do that for work seems like it sucks. It's not just the travel either, it's the prep beforehand and having to get back into life flow afterwards that would drive me crazy.

In this life I STAY out of trouble. My go to when I travel is book stores and bowling. I don't mess with bars, don't mess with the locals whose plants I'm visiting. If I see a good show on the list I'll check that out, but I really do camp out in the hotel.

It was great for getting platinum status but other than that. Trash. I've been in dc for going on six years and this last month is the only time I've ever been able to consistently exercise and diet. I've missed out on so much. Social groups, events, hobbies .... I'm done with that life.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

when you know what you got
scarfice ain’t that hard....

/
I’m getting tired of people, talking to them and dealing with them everyday. The shit is exhausting. I never wanna be a person that would tell someone how to live their life. I understand family and friends wanna see me dating but if I say I’m ok..I’m ok. I had a friend tell me what/why I deserve to be dating. So what’s that’s its been 2 years. I needed to heal and I’m still not 100%. I realize she doesn’t really know me...

I never was taught to date casually. I’m just not that kind of woman and I’m done apologizing for it. I’m a master teacher of love tho...

right now, my focus is solely to build my business. Then comes love...if it comes!

/

“I don’t peddle backwards but I live old fashioned” (c) Black Panther

...a new highrise is being built. Every day I look over there and part of me wishes I was working on that building with tools in my hands, rather than here in this office. Out in the weather, getting shit built, being able to speak loudly; to hammer, drill or weld shit; getting dirty; etc. Working aggressively without having to compromise or apologize. No bullshit office culture with people trying to look cute. Meanwhile, I'm in this office with these soft-ass dudes with dad bods standing near me having a conversation about comfort food in soft voices. Mad uptalk. Shook ones.

Long story short, I really dislike this environment. I gotta get my next move figured out because I don't see myself working in this kind of environment long-term. I gotta keep too much in here, so the energy that helps make me who I am is almost completely muted here. Some of these dudes seem like the type to go to HR on some "flipnile makes me uncomfortable..." Once, I gave my desk a two-finger tap because I couldn't figure out this bug in my code, and the dude behind me *jumped* in his seat and looked like he just heard a fucking gunshot.

Countdown is on. Current mission is to get out of the office, or into my own.

I miss my truck unloading, box throwing, box cutter pulling, cussing and fussin days
But two things I've learned,

1. if you're on that level you're not shit. Hourly wages, cakes in on your days off, people monitoring your bathroom breaks, no cell phone or headphones .... that office life has its perks
2. That level is unsustainable. I work in an organization that people have been in since their teens. A lot of these suits have friends that started in the plants with them and after 40 years of work work, what that does to the body is crazy.

I know you're not advocating for the OTHER work environment. Just reminding you we all make sacrifices. And while you're dealing with a lot of ennui and bullshit, every day not rolling away like that is another one you're gonna have on the back end should you get there.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

I have a few family members that work in construction & carpentry, so I see a bit of the positives and negatives. Being able to take days off, to not manually labor, to work indoors in a steady, climate controlled environment, consistent hours & nice paycheck, etc.

The core is that I really dislike this office because of the culture/people, and I need to put myself in a better working space. This office diminishes my soul, no-lol.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6f/Tiger_in_a_zoo.jpg




Bonus snark: Fuck meetings.

i'm in the process of starting something new where I don't have to work in an office anymore, i'm excited about it.

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

But yeah, at 40 it would be pretty rough on me, and probably a big step back in salary. Not a realistic option for me right now.

I gotta get out of here tho. It's starting to noticeably stress me out when I come into the building. Mad passive-aggressiveness, and I feel like a huge bull in a small china shop that needs to stretch its' legs.

for a lot of the same reasons.

There's a certain feeling of being able to look at something you did with YOUR HANDS...coming home smellin like armpits/Issey Miyake....

I don't know what it's like where YOU are...but maybe try something with the City/Parks & Rec/Public Works.

I get tired of shuffling paper around..this $hit ain't gangsta.

IG: amadu_me

"...Whateva, man..." (c) Redman

-all this goofy thinkpiece shit and conspiracy theory stuff has RUINED "Black Panther". As a lifelong fan of comics and the MCU movies, I hate that people have walked into what used to be a fun thing and fucked it up with politics and takes. Most of the shit is silly, and if you don't want to participate in it, somehow that makes you 'wrong'.


-easy come, easy go. For a while there, I thought I'd found a new lady. Shit was going well, then all of a sudden she went ghost. We never officially entered into anything big; mostly extended phone convos and whatnot, but everything was going great. She blamed it on work, and related grownfolks stuff, but honestly, I think she just wasn't ready. I'm not taking it personal, but as a dude who was already skeptical about being in a relationship ( let along a LD one, which is what this would've been), this doesn't help. We're still cool, but I can tell we're done as far as being together.

-family stuff is going well. I'm appreciative of that. I finally "let go" some dead weight on that front, and it definitely helped ease my mind.

___________

Back again for the first time.

he’s been a long time fans too.

I’m going to check it out this weekend... alone. my friend girl asked if I was dressing up...I told her I wasn’t on it like that...

Be sure to block out all the bullshit afterwards. It's a movie based on a cool comic character. Leave the rest alone.

___________

Back again for the first time.

>-all this goofy thinkpiece shit and conspiracy theory stuff
>has RUINED "Black Panther". As a lifelong fan of comics and
>the MCU movies, I hate that people have walked into what used
>to be a fun thing and fucked it up with politics and takes.
>Most of the shit is silly, and if you don't want to
>participate in it, somehow that makes you 'wrong'.

you don't have to read them
you don't have to watch them

let the baby have it's bottle

stay gold ponyboy

i refuse to let @#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$%^&*( steal my joy

>you don't have to read them
>you don't have to watch them
>
>i refuse to let @#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$%^&*( steal my joy

exactly

its crazy when I hear stuff like that. that stuff is so easy for me to avoid. people really get upset/offended by this internet/social media stuff. i just shrug and keep it moving

>
>its crazy when I hear stuff like that. that stuff is so easy
>for me to avoid. people really get upset/offended by this
>internet/social media stuff. i just shrug and keep it moving

It's even worse when people I normally engage with are posting all this shit. It's impossible to have conversations with people when everything is a fuckin' conspiracy.


Point taken, though.

___________

Back again for the first time.

>you don't have to read them
>you don't have to watch them
>
>let the baby have it's bottle
>
>stay gold ponyboy
>
>i refuse to let @#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$%^&*( steal my joy


it's just annoying is all.

___________

Back again for the first time.

Went home over the weekend, and for the most part had an awesome time. Took my daughter to the movie, hung out with my pops, went to chu'uch (and to the fish camp, and to WalMart) with my moms. Drank too much with the fellas, and thats where the trouble started.

I was kind of a popular dude (in my circle anyway) when I left, and the spot we went to Saturday night, all of them folk were there, so it was alot of "Yoooooooooo!!!!!!! You home?? Whatchu drankin'" going on. I rode with my best friend, so when it was time to go, we headed towards the door, and I got stopped a few more times. I guess he was tryna call, but I didnt feel my phone vibrate.

My man walked back in the spot on some "YO! The fuck you doing? I'm ready to go!!" shit. I stopped, turned back around, dapped the dude I was rappin' with and headed towards the door. We got outside and I said "hey man, I know you ready to leave, and I got caught up, but that shit was unnecessary."

"Fuck that man...if im ready to leave, then im ready to leave"

I get that, but how you handled the shit was mad disrespectful

"I dont give a fuck..."

...this went on the whole ride. Dude couldnt see past "I was ready to go" and couldnt see "yo, this my homie..."


I really dont have much to say to him..yeah, alcohol and egos, but at the end of the day, that shit was foul. It's kinda been brewing for a while, cause we did start growing in different directions over the past 6-7 years...ehh..






Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

sometimes it rubs folk the wrong way..

especially once alcohol is involved.

I love going home to visit but i hate when folks get mad at you over dumb shit. It can ruin a great visit.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>sometimes it rubs folk the wrong way..
>
>especially once alcohol is involved.
>
>I love going home to visit but i hate when folks get mad at
>you over dumb shit. It can ruin a great visit.


It almost did ruin it homie...but eating Captain Steves and talkin bout real life with my momma saved it, lol.


I aint never been jealous of another dude...what he driving, his woman, what kinda love he gets from his folk..nothing..that shits dumb mayne.

He called when I was driving back to the A. Told me a friend of ours brother had passed. He said "i know you just left from here, so if you need any help or whatever coming back for the service let me know." I said "I'm good mayne...if I cant make it back, I'll send flowers..im good"




Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

That fried platter or broiled platter is the truth.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

The prisons an the cemeteries claimed just about all the dudes I came up with. The others (like myself) don't live anywhere near there anymore.

Being able to go home and get that kind of love is a great thing.

...so he was ready to bounce. Kind of a chump move. My hood homeys used to do this to me back in the day when we were in a non-hood spot that I got mad love in (vs. the hood spots that they got love in). Be all ready to bounce and head to the hood spot because "aye yo, shorty!" doesn't work where we were.

3 viral infections. It really made the wife and I realize we have been stressing over dumb shit.

We have to figure out the next move because daycare ain’t it for the youngest one. It’s been a terrible flu season and thank god she doesn’t have the flu but still. Seeing her hooked up to tubes hearts my heart.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Best of luck. Keep us updated?

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

to 100% so she can get back to slobbering all over your finest threads...

I can ride by and throw some Popeyes out the car....

Lol.

We cool. Thanks.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Bottoms up....and the devil laughs..




http://soundcloud.com/rayandersonjr

Inbox me if you need to talk, pray, vent. etc.
.
.

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

_______________________
We rationalize dumb shit

Still has a cough but if all goes well tonight we should be home tomorrow afternoon.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

this shit is tuff seeing kids deal with health issues. it makes you feel helpless.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

Got the news last Sunday 2/11 while at dinner and was at the funeral on 2/17. The news and the words Suicide hit me so hard that my facial expression scared the hell out of finance. Next thing I know my face is in my arms and my arms are on the table. Whole outer body experience. Tears just ambushed my eyes.

Man, listen it's hard enough to deal with tragedy related to sickness, drunk driving, stray bullets, senseless violence, but it's even crazier when the person that dies did it to themselves. You just start thinking stuff like, why didn't they call you? Did the thought of them pass your mind and you just blew it off for later? How are you going to comfort the family? What can you say to help with the pain? DAMN!

For real, I had been knowing this woman and her ex-husband since 1994. We all served in the Army together. I was there for the first date. I was the best man at the wedding. I was there for the birth of their first child. She was like a sister at the time and we were all tight like a family. I tried to keep them together. They just got divorced like 1.5 years ago. OVER 23 yrs of knowing. And then we kind of fell off. She had mad issues, but she was still on my heart and mind. I know it's not my issue and I'm a bit numb or just mad. DAMN!

I didn't talk to her much over the past 2 yrs, but I kept up with her on FB and chatted sometimes. But then her page was gone. And now she's really gone.

The funeral was rough mentally and physically. We drove from the ATL to Lynchburg VA and turned right back around after the repast. But to see her two sons suffering and my boy - married to his new wife, but BROKE THE HELL UP HURTING because his ex-wife was still his BEST FRIEND and his sons were dying inside. That's gotta hurt on so many levels. DAMN SUICIDE F*CK!

At the funeral, the preacher asked if anyone had a few words - 2 min. No one moved. So I went up - first. Someone needed to say something and with all the Seminary training and ministerial training, i was no match for the pain. My voice was craking and throat was still on cotton to start. But I managed to pull it together, tell the story of our friendship, the family, the husband, the boys, the laughs, the life. Even made the preacher happy when I stepped on his text before the eulogy - letting everyone know that she was still a child of God and that nothing could separate her from the love of Jesus Christ. The family needed to hear that because looking at her mother was heartbreaking in itself.

Well, my confession is that I failed to be a good friend because I should have called her more and I should have told her that I loved her just like I tell all my other friends. I should have been a better brother. So, now I'll have to be a better godfather to her sons. SALUTE!



.
.

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

do what you can now & also realize it still might have happened regardless

_______________________
We rationalize dumb shit

.
.

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

**hugs**

People need to stop feeling like their mental health is an optional matter to take care of in this life.


.
.

"I cannot see how nature could have created itself. Only a supernatural force that is outside of space and time could have done that. ~ Francis Collins

I think you did your part when you spoke on it in the church. The family and kids will appreciate that long after.

Peace Nupe.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Never seen the differences in our styles and approach to life until this moment right now.

Sitting right there is that opportunity that he has always talked about to run for office. This wave that is coming in November is going to be sweeping all sorts of people into office who just had the balls to try for it.

We greared up. know the next steps. Got the right people pledging support right now and willing to do the work....and nothing.

I pester every day, did you do this? call this person? you know the next step, did you do it?

Still, Nothing.

I am wondering if I should dramatically confront and call out or just let this die out and not speak on it again.



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

I'll just go back to applying for jobs while Im here before I let someone compete me out the door. we dont work for commissions, we're supposed to be a team and he just wants to outshine me

going on vacation next week but not really a vacation because it's a destination wedding, we arent staying long enough to enjoy it and we're rooming with a third party. I'll try to get as much as I can out of the all inclusive resort experience though

I dont have time or energy to get in my own way anymore, that may be God working through me.

I cant let my dreams escape me while I reconfigure my future

https://imgur.com/a/zF2E0

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

Been a year since my bro passed away. My life has changed significantly since then. It’s hurtful that he’s not been around to witness my evolution nor to experience his own.

Miss ya, Brian Keith!

And to all of y’all, be great out there!

and I think I have been for years.

Tired, unmotivated, bored, stressed. Hate this job but the thought of finding a different one sounds just as awful. Even though I've been pretty successful in my career. I still like and enjoy design at it's core but I'm just fucking bored of this industry and the people in it.

-------------------------------------------------
http://www.soundcloud.com/sectachrome