"Parents: are you/will you teach your children the right way to go about ..."
So, given the popular news topics of the day, now would be a good time to use all this as a learning experience for the young people.
We're all adults here, I would hope we know right from wrong but think back to when you first started persueing sex, I'm sure there was a LOT of trial and error.
If you did get sex-ed at school or from your family it probably dealt more with technical aspects and avoiding pregnancy/disease than the actual experience itself.
A lot of stuff should be pretty obvious violations: Continuing to attempt to have relations after you've been told no Drugging somebody Physically forcing yourself on someone Etc
There's a lot of Gray area there.
Personally I don't have any children because I don't want to have to do this shit, but for you breeders out there, what is your game pla
R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79601 posts
Thu Nov-16-17 01:20 PM
1. "teaching them martial arts and self defense" In response to Reply # 0
and how to peep these niggas lame ass games.
all those wack ass lines and moves I seen dudes try or shit I tried.. I'm hipping them to alladat.
when a guy says this.. what he really means is this when a guy does this..what he really trying to do is...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
2. "my daughter is 13 and so far" In response to Reply # 0 Thu Nov-16-17 01:27 PM by tariqhu
had shown little interest in boys. with that in mind, we have continual convos about general interactions as she gets older. high school is next year, so everything will be amplified.
my game plan is to continue the talks, make sure I'm open for her asking questions, and not completely rely on my own experiences to color hers.
we do talk about unwanted touches and not getting to cozy with any adults. we actually talked about proper hugs. no hug is always better, but that's not real.
my son is 8, so its about how to treat people. the talks will be more specific as he matures.
best thing is to be an example in the house when dealing with my wife. which I do, but I will grab a cheek at times.
4. "I'm much more frank with my 13 year-old than my parents were with me" In response to Reply # 0
There are more confusing messages to contend with, nowadays. At 13, I was trying to see a Playboy, watch scrambled softcore porn on cable TV, and the rauchiest thing on radio was Prince. The only drugs I was exposed to was the handful of young dudes in my family who "smoked that reefer."
I'm VERY specific in discussing everything, and the current climate is giving me the opportunity to cover all the possible violations.
My son loves John Oliver. His show isn't exactly kid friendly but I let him watch. It's actually turned out to be a good teaching tool. My kid laughs at John Oliver's take on Harvey Weinstein or Cosby and once the show is over, I turn around a give him the hard facts.
5. "story: " In response to Reply # 0 Thu Nov-16-17 01:51 PM by Damali
My then 18 year old son was suspended on the last day of 11th grade for being caught showing a video (between classes, but still at school) to his closest friends, of him having sex with a girl
of course i was LIVID for many reasons
when we talked about it, he explained that he had her consent to make the video and to show it to just those guys (she was also 18 *phew*)...and that's she just openminded about sex etc
ok fine...but! he shouldn't have been showing it DURING THE SCHOOL DAY...which he agreed
then we talked about consent...i applauded him for seeking and gaining consent, but then i questioned him about why he even had a desire to show his friends? do you need to feed your own ego? why do you need to show off like that? is that the kind of guy you are? he said no and that he didn't know why he wanted to show them...
and what about protecting her? just because she consented doesn't mean you should have still made the video and showed it to anyone..i explained to him how women's reputations are severely impacted by things like this in a way that men's are not...and that he should have been more protective of her...and that sometimes, even when we, as young women don't know how to protect ourselves, we need y'all to look out...
he was very sad about that part and said he didn't think of it that way...
Some things you need to on your own, and not get your "boys" involved. Don't be a co-dependent ego monster. Sometimes you need to do your dirt on your lonely.
Plus as a man I would have reminded him that showing your friends, means now that they know that girl is "open" most likely one of your boys is gonna try and get with her behind your back.
There's a fine art to shutting the fuck up sometimes. ______________________________________________________________________________
cscpov.blogspot.com
"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..." -unknown
>Plus as a man I would have reminded him that showing your >friends, means now that they know that girl is "open" most >likely one of your boys is gonna try and get with her behind >your back.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79601 posts
Thu Nov-16-17 02:06 PM
8. "you really believe she gave consent to show his boys? " In response to Reply # 5
I'm just sayin'..
that shit sounds a little unbelievable but then again teens do some amazingly bad things
he's really lucky tho.. that could've been a bad look if she changed her mind after the fact.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
9. "yes." In response to Reply # 8 Thu Nov-16-17 03:05 PM by Damali
>I'm just sayin'.. > >that shit sounds a little unbelievable but then again teens do >some amazingly bad things
I believe him. Because I don't shame or disrespect him, he trusts me...he had no reason to lie to me as he knows i'm always gonna approach him from a place of care and guidance
that's the relationship i built with him from a small child.
also, i have met her and saw first hand the dynamic between her, my son and his friends. i'm one of those moms that always allowed any and all friends to come hang out so i could see who they were LOL
>he's really lucky tho.. that could've been a bad look if she >changed her mind after the fact. >
exactly...and we talked about that too. that coulda been a shitshow if her parents found out then blamed him etc
thank goodness it was the last day of school...nothing at all came of it
10. "ideally, I hope to break the family curse..." In response to Reply # 0
it’s part of the reason I moved down here. I was a teenage mother. While my mother did most of the raising of my son, he still became a young father. hes a decent man...spoiled as hell but still decent lol
I’m working on my entrance with my grandchildren because they share everything with me. That’s one of the things I love about being a grandma, they look to me for guidance.
Sometimes I feel stuck answering their questions tho
12. "I see this with my aunts and younger cousins." In response to Reply # 10
having babies early just makes things so much harder. my mom was 20. my aunt was 16 or so. my lil cousins, 18-19. my goal is to make sure my daughter see how life can be altered based on decisions.
being honest with them is the best way to do it, but I also understand it has to be done based on their maturity.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79601 posts
Fri Nov-17-17 09:00 AM
14. "my sisters broke the cycle with their kids" In response to Reply # 10
I have to make sure I do the same with mine.
We have 2 girls and my brother has a little girl as well.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
13. "My son is three and we're already talking about how we'll attack it" In response to Reply # 0
I never got talked to about how to act. I'm gonna share my mistakes with him and express from an early age (already have started in some aspects) the importance of understanding that you don't touch anyone that doesn't want to be touched.
My wife is going to share things from her perspective and situations that she's been in. This is what has been missing, in my opinion. My parents seem to have learned from their mistakes but never tried to teach me from them. I've contributed in rape culture in ways that I'm now ashamed of, but I'm going to see to it that it stops with me.
My daughter is 4 months old, so I have a ways away before the lessons. I'm going to try and explain from my perspective what hormonal teenagers go through. I'll explain what's unacceptable from anyone.
I'm sure I'll fail in some areas, but dammit I'll try. The next generation of my fam will be better than mine.
15. "Don't participate in trains. " In response to Reply # 0
My dad's an old school southern gentlemen who somehow managed in so many words to tell me not to participate in gangbangs.
Sounds like simple enough common sense advice but then Snoop came out with "It Ain't No Fun" and dudes took that to heart.
It occurred to me that every sexual scandal I knew people involved with (two in high school, one in college and one in grad school) all involved dudes trying to or running trains.
The other advice that stuck out was just because a girl says yes doesn't mean its cool.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
17. "I never got the appeal of it really" In response to Reply # 15
Not that I can't see the appeal of group sex, but the idea of me and 5 other dudes all having sex with the same women in the same room is kind of skeevy
R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79601 posts
Fri Nov-17-17 10:16 AM
18. "yes... had one chance and was like nah... I'm good" In response to Reply # 17
and one time I was on a dry spell when I first got to VA and I finally got a lil something and my boy next door was like "why didn't you call me?"
call you for what?
baby I'm selfish - Slum Village
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
25. "Yup, and look at the social ramifications of that activity too" In response to Reply # 15
Even if nothing happens that wasn't consented to, it's standard for the girls name to be dragged through the mud afterwards. Meanwhile it doesn't pull down the males social standing much at all. If she wasn't feeling resentment while it was happening, what happens in the aftermath might push her in that direction.
16. "Since birth I've limited my son's exposure to hip-hop" In response to Reply # 0
Sure there's a lot of great music that I can play for him, sure it can be used as a tool to teach, etc etc etc.
I do not want him to develop the type of attachment that I have to this music. For at least half my life I've accepted that certain levels of misogyny, nihilism, drug abuse, homophobia etc were relatively normal. My son isn't growing up under the same conditions that I did, it's a different time, hip-hop won't help him grow up. And I don't want him to feel like he's supposed to have a special connection just because he's a young Black male.
This isn't the only thing I'm doing, but I didn't want to add anything that has been said already.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
29. "On a small level I feel like a sellout, but I don't think it's a bad dec..." In response to Reply # 19
when I think about his future. Growing up my peer groups would always tease & deride Black dudes that didn't identify with hip-hop music. It was all so ridiculous in retrospect.
I mean once he is of a certain age hopefully he can distinguish fantasy from reality and know not to go around trying to do the stuff he hears in music in real life.
R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017
22. "I don't want to give him the idea that he's supposed to care " In response to Reply # 20
>I mean once he is of a certain age hopefully he can >distinguish fantasy from reality and know not to go around >trying to do the stuff he hears in music in real life.
about hip-hop. There's way too much to be unpacked that can't be covered by "Well if he knows right from wrong, what's the issue?" If everything was so clear cut then we wouldn't even be entertaining this discussion, now would we? We're all seeing that the generic spiels on "right and wrong" may not be enough.
21. "when i was 12 my mother's bf gave me 3 lifestyles" In response to Reply # 0
when i was 14...my stepfather(was her bf at the time) told me to never take or use a condom that a chick gave you when i was 15 my mother said i better not make her a grandmother with that fast ass lil girl my father never talked to me abt secks...he just kinda figured i understood everything
the rest i learned on the street or via trial an error & common sense early in the game
i've already done 50x more w/mine than was done w/me and will continue to do so
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79601 posts
Fri Nov-17-17 10:39 AM
23. "my dad told me to wear a rubber" In response to Reply # 21 Fri Nov-17-17 10:39 AM by legsdiamond
while he was smoking a joint in the bathroom with his friends after he saw me dancing with a girl on one of those Clipper Boats when I was 12.
I had no idea WTF he was talking about
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
24. "you ever think about the why?" In response to Reply # 21
like. Why the advise our parents gave was so limited. My older brother would talk about how our dad only talked how to have sex with a woman...than anything else. He was very proud of his performance. I’m sure part of the disconnect between my mother and I had a lot to do with my dads infidelity. By the time she was 19 she lost both parents and in a relationship with a man who didn’t treat her...us well.
How then do you sit down to discuss the birds and the bees with your children...when you’re just trying to survive...
>like. Why the advise our parents gave was so limited. My >older brother would talk about how our dad only talked how to >have sex with a woman...than anything else. He was very proud >of his performance. I’m sure part of the disconnect between >my mother and I had a lot to do with my dads infidelity. By >the time she was 19 she lost both parents and in a >relationship with a man who didn’t treat her...us well. >
They teach us the world via their eyes, experience and times unfortunately...
that's the one thing that i've learned as a parent...i can't raise my son based upon the world that i lived in... i think ALOT (dare i say most) teach their kids with what they know not necessarily should know or need
like i know why my mother said what she said...i lived in Bmore...and with my generation we had the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country...girls where preggo in damn near every middle school
my stepfather told me not to take one from a girl because that's where my stepsister came from...when he was in school, his gf/babymomma poked holes in the condom...
my father is like the 13th disciple of Jesus so he looks at everything like 'go ahead and human if you want...i can't do nothin for ya bruh'
i can't imagine having a convo with my son abt 'performance' until he is grown grown and even then it would be...idk...i don't see that happening
but yeah...they just using the tools they have with the best they know
28. "thats a really good point...." In response to Reply # 26
funny. I know I’m a few years (just a few nigga, lol) but, teenage pregnancy was still taboo. Like, I couldn’t go to school with the regular kids. I also remember how cold people treated me. I’m not ready to share the details of how I ended up pregnant but, I remember not understanding the “act”. I think I did it more so because I’ve always been bold; yet, him and I never had a relationship. Like. the baby mama/daddy relationship we have today. Where people plan pregnancy.
27. "I don't know if society at large will ever be able to discard the idea " In response to Reply # 24
>like. Why the advise our parents gave was so limited. My >older brother would talk about how our dad only talked how to >have sex with a woman...than anything else. He was very proud >of his performance. I’m sure part of the disconnect between >my mother and I had a lot to do with my dads infidelity. By >the time she was 19 she lost both parents and in a >relationship with a man who didn’t treat her...us well. > >How then do you sit down to discuss the birds and the bees >with your children...when you’re just trying to survive... > >man listen (c) Raina
that sex is an accomplishment for a male, but I do want to try to steer him away from any people or type of media that explicitly professes this mindset.
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