Word.

@geahuwine

As if raising your child can't be intentional.
I don't want her to have an iPad, no matter how easy it is to placate her, it's not something we want so she won't have one
We don't want to take her to bars / pubs; don't want her around drunk people like that and don't want to be monitoring her every move while enjoying a drink

We definitely understand that there will be changes from how we want to treat her to how we end up treating her. But the assurance that we'll end up doing the things we dislike is meh.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

things may/will change once you're in the actual role. i know shit did for us for sure (the tablet being one of those things).

aspect of parenting choices and style though.. More along the lines of "Don't comment on my stance on this until you have a kid and can relate." or "Just wait till you have a kid, you'll understand where i'm coming from"...

If i've slipped here on the boards though....please know I only had good intentions...


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

We have a friend that's real loose with her kid. She came in town the other weekend and started romanticizing the kids in the bar idea.
Her contention was that that's how it's done in Europe. I stayed out of the conversations because we had already talked about it before.
A few days after she left, I started to dissect my real annoyance with the whole conversation. And it wasn't just the bar or the screens or the letting the kids run around, it was the whole idea of family and parenting that people have their different views but don't listen to others.

It's the idea that people can't be deliberate in their choices because "it's a kid and a kid changes everything"
Which is true, but doesn't leave the parent unaccountable for their kid. And it's weird to watch. It's weird to be around. And it explains the mindset of a lot of people.
That they'll only apply general rules and guidelines and the kid will determine everything else.
And for me it's not like that. I don't want to be overbearing, I do want to provide more freedom of growth and expression than I was allowed; but I still want to shape the environment. And I feels that's where a lot of people miss it.
That they see the environment of a family unit with a kid as the same one they had without it.
And we don't want that. Right now we sit on the couch until midnight binging YouTube and Netflix. We don't want to do that with a kid. We want to create a more interactive environment.
Right now if we go to a bar, I'm usually getting DRUNK. I don't want to be that around a kid, so I know I won't be taking her to a bar because I don't want to change my bar behavior.

And more than any of this, when we go out as a family we want to go out as a family. I don't want to go out with friends and treat a kid as a tag along. It's those things and a thousand others than may not work out exactly as we hope, but that we can be deliberate about trying to get them there.

And it feels like the "when you have a kid" crowd, is much more into letting the life change shape their reality as opposed to shaping the reality for the life change.

It feels like the "when you get married you'll understand" crowd. But the things people cautioned me about haven't been/won't be issues. Because we've been deliberate and communicative in our wants and progress.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

>That they see the environment of a family unit with a kid as
>the same one they had without it.

This is applicable on so many levels....from mundane stuff such as bedtime routines and dinner schedule on up to planning vacations and time off work....on up to religion.

>And more than any of this, when we go out as a family we want
>to go out as a family. I don't want to go out with friends and
>treat a kid as a tag along. It's those things and a thousand
>others than may not work out exactly as we hope, but that we
>can be deliberate about trying to get them there.

It's awesome that y'all are on the same page with this and talking about it, thinking about it, being about it. You can be deliberate and even if you have to alter your plans, at least you know you planned and thought ahead. Winging it just don't work when you stretch this parenting thing out long range. Things that you think are small...could have a lasting impact years down the line.

>And it feels like the "when you have a kid" crowd, is much
>more into letting the life change shape their reality as
>opposed to shaping the reality for the life change.

Yep...that mentality has contributed to the "nasty divorce" I mentioned one of my family members going through.

>It feels like the "when you get married you'll understand"
>crowd. But the things people cautioned me about haven't
>been/won't be issues. Because we've been deliberate and
>communicative in our wants and progress.

Same here. Same.Here. !

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

then I was like "oh, okay"

not saying they were right but I kinda get why people say it.

no matter how well you think you will be with these kids..

let's just say they will surprise you. Plus it's that little you looking back at you with that "daddy" face.

Stay strong!!!

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

But too often, and not just with kids, people who have experienced something don't LISTEN to the people set to experience things. Because then you end up giving blanket, non applicable advice, and it betrays the relationship you have with that person.

There are things I know about my sister that when she's looking for work or a car or a house that I can guide her based on who she is and what she's trying to do. If I just told her, "well here's how I did this" it wouldn't do any of us any good. Not to the degree of the relationship.

And that's where my issue is. It's not with the generic "you'll understand when" folks. It's the friends and family that have a large misreading on what you and just talk.

My mother the other day started talking about keeping old report cards for me so that we give her something to strive to. But I don't want her striving to that. Because it's a misreading of that. Grades only exist in a vacuum. I got great grades, I was very smart, but there was a lot that I could've learned but people just saw grades and didn't bother to teach me.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

Your head is right and you're ready for this. You have a plan and idea of how you want this to go. But you also have an understanding that the plan might change as you get going. You're good, man. You're ready. You're doing a great job of listening to the things people say that you think are useful. It's great that you're going to be deliberate about shaping the environment and how you will raise your kids. I think me and you (you and I?) are on the same page when it comes to our approach to parenting. I like what I read up there.

Enjoy this, man. It's an incredible experience and you're going to be the best dad you can be. I'm happy for you, bruh.

first place is like a gotdamn private school. they teach yoga, martial arts, spanish... looked at those numbers and woooooh. Can't do that. On the way home my wife was like "I saw 4 digits for the 5 month olds monthly bill"

2nd place, walked in, waited for 5 minutes. No one spoke or greeted us. I could snatched up a kid and left. The director apologized and said she was short staffed and if we could just wait a few minutes she would give us the.. nah, we will reschedule when its a better time. How about NEVER. Fuck that place.

This morning we went to a place and the director was waiting by the front door for us. They give you a pin code to get in. Place was clean. The people were black, everything seemed awesome. They even said said since my wife is working an AB part time schedule they will charge us for 2 days a week and 1 day extra every other week. This could work. My daughter stunted on them by walking over and counting up to 10 on the poster. She's 2 but Sesame Street, Super Why and our parenting has her on point. They were impressed.

Then a little boy pushed my daughter down when she reached for a stuffed animal. She cried. I wanted to step in but held back cause I wanted to see how the teacher would handle it and how my daughter would respond. She got up, sniffed for a minute and looked at me and said "we out" and she walked over to the door like fuuck that shit. I wanted to punch that little nigga in his throat but I know that's part of being a 2 year old.

I don't like that shit tho... I don't like that shit at all.

This place might could work tho but man.. I really hated seeing my kid get hands put on her. My daughter is strong as shit and has a mean side but she is going to need to toughen up a bit if she goes there. I don't want her to lose who she is tho.

When we were leaving the teacher asked her if she would see her again.. my daughter looked back, sniffed and chucked the deuce up. I laughed.

Still mad as shit about that kid.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

but yo, don't get mad as shit over something like that unless it wasn't handled properly by the staff. kids can be dicks, yo.

Also said some kind words to my child.

They are only 2 tho and he may have been a little younger so there isn’t much she could do but at least she was proactive.

I know that shit will occur but I still couldn’t help it. Now I’m imagining it happen when I’m not around to comfort her. I know it’s part of being a kid but man... that’s my baby.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>Now I’m imagining it happen when I’m not around to comfort
>her. I know it’s part of being a kid but man... that’s my
>baby.

the other night while talking to my new suitor he asked me "Trinity, why do you think so much". I laughed and told him I'd have to think about that". I love how he gazes at me when I'm speaking. its a think of beauty. He listens as I speak and then asks the most revealing questions. Our meeting is Saturday and I'm not sure what to wear since he's a stylish man. I'm considering going causal just to see his reaction. I like him...

I'm going to the Jay Z concert alone.

I put everything one the line for the business and now I'm broke. Like seriously and I was a little down about it. Then I remembered what my mother once told me, "there's no use of crying about bills, you'll have them forever". I don't anymore because somehow I have been able to stay afloat. My son is a hustler. I hired an accountant because keeping the books became too much for me. I just need a lawyer now..

Think we need to look into moving from this area...
The daily grind is wearing on the wiz and I can see it...yesterday, she was in traffic in the 9th st tunnel for an hour. We live less than 5 miles away. I told her never take the tunnel...but the little one loves it so she caved and took it... As our oldest gets closer to grade school we're increasingly worried about exactly how that's gonna play out. Elementary school don't start until 9fucking15 AM! I'm at work at 6am...Wife starts at 8am....youngest kid daycare starts at 7:30am. It's us...that's it...no aunties or grands nearby to help out. None of that. The pay up here is good..but damn, it don't mean shit when you look at the cost of living... So when you really look at the money coming in...and see what's going OUT ...JUST to exist up here...it's really pretty clear that we're at the hustling backwards stage...

Also, schools...the county is supposed to be one of the top in NOVA...but the closer our oldest gets to kindergarten (next fall) there's an undercurrent of "SHOULD we still look into private schools?". This was REALLY spurred on by last weeks Blackish episode...

Also, by the end of next year, i'll be the last of my immediate family still living up here. The rest are slowly migrating back to NC. Some by choice (age and retirement), and some by force (beginning of a nasty divorce). I've spent the past damn near 20 years up here keeping them at a distance for whatever selfish reasons I can't even pin down or recall now....but now, the prospect of REALLY being alone up here is starting to hit me. Fck man...I don't want to be alone for REAL for real....

Also, on the upside, one of my distant cousins that's still up here just reached out a few weeks ago. His daughter just had their first kid...a little girl...born in the spring... and THAT got me hype because our youngest daughter actually has a bonafied cousin within arms reach that should could potentially come up with! We've always felt kinda bad that our kids didn't have any family in their age range nearby...We trying to link up and catch up...hopefully soon... Although neither of them are old enough to really PLAY play together...it'd be cool to see them together..


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

closest cousins are in Richmond and sometimes I wonder if it would be cool to move close so they could have them to kick it with. I grew up with hellafied cousins.

Can't wait for thanksgiving so they can chill together and then next year we will hit up the family reunion to make sure they know all their fam like I did growing up.

as far as private school is concerned. Ugh.. nah, just no. But then again, we just hit up a few daycares and if her public school is like the second daycare? nah bruh..

but hopefully we can find a nice balance and tone reason we are looking at daycare is because once my wife is in the CMS school system I think we can choose any school regardless of zoning.

daycare will put us up against it tho.. I gotta get my paper up.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>closest cousins are in Richmond and sometimes I wonder if it
>would be cool to move close so they could have them to kick it
>with. I grew up with hellafied cousins.

Yeah same here. I'm STILL finding out about new cousins at 40 years old!


>Can't wait for thanksgiving so they can chill together and
>then next year we will hit up the family reunion to make sure
>they know all their fam like I did growing up.
>
>as far as private school is concerned. Ugh.. nah, just no. But
>then again, we just hit up a few daycares and if her public
>school is like the second daycare? nah bruh..

It's weird, the hype machine is strong. All the talk about classroom sizes, individualized attention, resources, etc... I'm like...DAMN...maybe we are setting them up for failure if we don't at least look into it. From a financial aspect, we already paying for daycare, and private school is probably going to be about the same price we're already paying monthly if we are able to secure financial aid. But yeah, on the flipside i'm like "NAH"... just never know the right choices when it comes to stuff like this and kids.

>but hopefully we can find a nice balance and tone reason we
>are looking at daycare is because once my wife is in the CMS
>school system I think we can choose any school regardless of
>zoning.
>daycare will put us up against it tho.. I gotta get my paper
>up.

Yeah, all the talk about college affordability...how about some DAYCARE affordability!

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

Ain’t no way I’m paying daycare prices for 18 years.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Didn't really think it would happen but it looks like she will get it so now I've lost my favorite bartender and have a new co-worker who has seen me all the way fuzzzed up.


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

Is that a desus/OKP thing or does it predate this place?


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

otoh we don't know if Deray was/is an OKP

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~

I've put a lot of miles on my car & the transmission give out the
other day. This car is almost paid off so I'm gonna take that $1200 to
the chin effa trade in lol.

This has been the greatest year of my life for real. How I packed this
much fun and adventure in one year I have no idea lol.

Only one I could see myself settling down with at this moment & she
ain't down. I really just had to know tho, it was a win to me
regardless just to know my options.

NYC was fun and interesting lol. Not my favorite place ever for a few
reasons but always great to visit.

Had to cut a long time hater loose. Had plenty of chances to get it
together smdh.

Back in LA next week. May be my last outing for the year.

Life is good.

http://i54.tinypic.com/2j51hj4.jpg

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

Good thing is I work off a laptop instead of a desktop, so I just up and leave and find an empty quiet desk somewhere else in the building.

I get the mentality of the people that have these calls and talks and I recognize that they're the dinosaurs from their convos
They're the people that all of our digital tools are made for.
Those of us generating formulas and doing deep dives need a bit of quiet to think
They just need numbers and to ask questions.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus

lived up here instead of in Hampton, for many reasons, but also because he does all this shit and won't try to rip me tf off.

And also, anyone know any hvac certified cats in Richmond that want to do some side work?

Only problem is dude is on one right now. I wouldn’t feel right cause while dude is cool as a fan I have no fucking idea where his head is right now.

I lucked up down here. My neighbor does hvac and is fair as hell. I need to holla at him too cause the kids rooms are the other side of the house and aren’t getting enough heat. Something must be blocking it cause the room with the furnace is hot as hell.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

except fucking hvac shit. Between the two of them they could build a cot damn house, but can't do hvac.

And when I asked them for contacts all they had were companies to refer. It's getting cold, I need my heat working. But I don't like paying for shit when I know it doesn't have to be so high..... But I need the fucking heat to work.

I have an older furnace and sometimes it doesn’t heat up and I have to open it and find this little metal piece that needs to be cleaned in order for the heater to recognize it’s reached the correct internal temperature.

Pretty sure there is a light that blinks if their is a problem and the number of blinks is a code for the problem.

Maybe someone on here has had the same problem as you and can welp our.

I use YouTube videos too.

You at also try resetting the heater. Turn off the breaker and wait a few minutes and turn it back on and put the temp 10 degrees higher than whatever the temp is in the house.

Last but not least, check or replace the batteries in your thermostat.

Good luck.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

it just needs to be found and fixed. a company came out yesterday to do that, claims they couldn't find it without doing a whole bunch more shit. thankfully i was able to connect with a guy who had come out a couple years ago and he's gonna come by after work, hopefully this evening.

it was a little wet outside to fix it last night, but he's gonna come back and get it done hopefully this evening or the next day.

and fuck the company that couldn't find it the day before. the shit was pretty obvious when he showed me where it was and his detector thing was SCREAMING on that spot.

they have a section for services and it's been really handy. its also saved me some cash. gotten hvac and electrical work done.

many times, I tell them the problem and they already know the issue. so they'll give me a price. then I can compare to whomever else responded via the site. lowest price normally wins, but its sometimes more about who can get to me first, depending on the issue.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

thankfully, got it all fixed yesterday. in total i paid $175. that was for two trips, one to find the leak and then he came back yesterday an fixed it.

We want to rent out the old country farm house I grew up in but it gets cold as shit in the winter and the HVAC dude who came out to give a quote says it would take something like 20K to do the HVAC Work. We like you crazy.

Let me know if you find a recommendation.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

(illegally) and i've got my dude who comes up from Hampton here and there and he's tried to find the leak, but hasn't enough time to get all the way in the corner of the attic or check where the line is coming into the house from the outside of the attic. once the leak is found, it can be fixed, but it's not in the normal places where he was able to check. fixing the leak in the line is definitely out of my capabilities.

and I'm not trying to be humorous, at all...I'm just not following.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

where the freon is escaping. this isn't at all uncommon as there are may tools and methods to find said leaks.

but, never knew anyone that had one.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

>but, never knew anyone that had one.

my house has a traditional furnace and a/c unit that are separate.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

just surprising you've never known anyone that has a heat pump.

I legit have never know anyone who's house had one.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

i've known and have lived in houses that had both, even lived in one rental house that had a damn oil furnace. that shit was expensive af fill. it would be helpful for me at this moment to have a furnace that wasn't connected to the outside unit so that i could still warm the damn house.

that a truck has to come and fill every so often...it's big as fuck, too.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

to the back of the house to fill up the tank. then like 300 dollars later he'd leave. we hated those days.

I've never seen a heat pump either, but have lived in a few places with boilers. Those water lines snaking all over the house to every room seems like a nightmare if/when something goes wrong.

then in the winter, it pulls heat from either an air or water source and distributes it through the house. it's basically a reverse a/c in the winter. the compressor pushes freon through the system and instead of releasing that heat energy outside, it uses it to heat the house.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!

and it doesn't really run it up, per se, but yes both run on electricity.

during most of the year its $15 a month. During winter it is around $50. But then that is California. I would imagine out your way gas would be in the hundreds during winter.

November 8th, 2005 The greatest night in the history of GD!

get a spray bottle of soapy water

spray the visible pipes where you can

where/if it bubbles....voila


that's old school and universal for finding air or gas leaks

=======================================
Coolin...

exactly where it was coming out. now it's fixed and my house is warm.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

one to find it (75) and one to fix it (100).

=======================================
Coolin...

With all this stress in my life lately, finally going to see a therapist on Tuesday. My sister talked me into it. Depression is a mf. I really need this thing to work. Got some things to unpack.

of doing things with expectation and have been disappointed like a mug lately.

reprogramming back into cynical nihilist with a dash of optimism.

"It's the return of the gangsta, thanks ta..."

-du

“So back we go to these questions — friendship, character… ethics.”

unemployment money is cool, but keeping afloat every two weeks isnt affording me the life I want

Chris Rock, Patrice O'Neal and this old man I used to argue with back in my barbershop in Philly before I knew shit about life were right about everything

I need to either confront someone from my past or just make peace with how they messed me up and move on with my life

>I need to either confront someone from my past or just make
>peace with how they messed me up and move on with my life

Im feeling this sht right here. In the same boat.

Good luck with yours.

Not trying to big myself up but I listen to a lot of music and my wife is always saying baby, they all up in your playlist when we watch TV and hear a song I was up on years ago.

So when I heard Lapsey on Queen Sugar last week I wondered who the fuck places these songs and how can I do it.

Which leads me to my LA trip tomorrow. I’m going to be around som me heavy weights and it’s going to be bittersweet. I have to keep reminding myself that I had my shot and made different choices and who knows if I would have my kids if I chose a different path.

Can’t wait to see my people. It’s going to be a VCU reunion out in LA. Mad Skills is DJing too. So hype.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>Can’t wait to see my people. It’s going to be a VCU
>reunion out in LA. Mad Skills is DJing too. So hype.
>
>

I've been doing pretty well with the 'cutting people' off thing. Not out of spite. Some of my fams aren't good people. They know it, and I know it. It used to be humorous, but now? Notsomuch. So I've just been keeping a few at arm's reach. It's not personal, and we're still friends, but my life is a lot simpler without the negative influences around me.

I got a dry-snitcher at work.It's not like I'm not doing my work. She just goes out of her way to try to get people caught up. I'm doing my best to not snap off and call her out, but I'm at the edge.

and the best confession of all:

She'll be in town tonight. We haven't seen each other in the flesh since the summer. *swoon*

___________

Back again for the first time.

>
>She'll be in town tonight. We haven't seen each other in the
>flesh since the summer. *swoon*

it was awesome.



I really dig this woman.

___________

Back again for the first time.

Nobody knew what that meant. Except me, apparently. He ain't slick, lol.

.

...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft

but I did not speak. I was with another OKP so I feel as if I should of, oh well.



Anti-gentrification, cheap alcohol & trying to look pretty in our twilight posting years (c) Big Reg
http://Tupreme.com