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Subject: "Something's changed and no ones talking. What would you do?" Previous topic | Next topic
Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:09 AM

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"Poll question: Something's changed and no ones talking. What would you do?"


  

          

So I've been seeing this woman for about a year (just had an anniversary)

Not long ago we were out and she said maybe we were too similar and that I needed to be more open which was fair because I had been guarded (moving slow but planned to open up more in time)

I open up more but tell her I need her to show more interest in me (went away for a week and she didn't even text until I addressed it 5 or 6 days later) if it's really going to work. It was a little testy but not a shouting match or anything. Just two people working through shit

The next day was anniversary day (July 4th) and she doesn't even want to meet at her place to head out but would rather meet at the party. I convince her to meet at her place and bring an anniversary gift and tell her I really like her. Don't say I love you, but she gets the picture. Says she's not good with expressing feelings and I'm like it's cool not rushing anything. We have a great day it would seem.

Rest of the week goes well and she meeets my mom for the first time Saturday. Day goes well and we head home making plans to touch base in an hr to make evening plans. I text and she rainchecks. I'm like cool thanks for a great day any day in mind to reschedule for? No reply until Monday! Asking if I have plans. I'm like yeah I have plans so she's like "sad face no one wants to hang out with me" so I'm like how about later in the evening? "She says just kidding!!? Have fun.

Prior to all this open up business we had a regular routine and things were way smoother it seemed. She never rainchecked before and it seems like she's really kind of pushing me away.

We have a 4 day beach trip planned starting Thursday and come back Sunday. Am I walking into a trap? Like this is all just pretend to ultimately break up? Not feeling that.

Poll result (31 votes)
Bail now and let the chips fall where they may (20 votes)Vote
Go on the trip y'all planned and see what happens (8 votes)Vote
Go on the trip and ghost when you get back (3 votes)Vote

  

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
A year is long enough
Jul 11th 2017
1
ive been the female in the situation. dont waste anymore time.
Jul 11th 2017
2
Thank you
Jul 11th 2017
14
Man, she ain't feeling you no more
Jul 11th 2017
3
Yeah that's my feeling I'm leaning heavy red on this one
Jul 11th 2017
8
She wants you to say I LOVE YOU
Jul 11th 2017
4
She's ain't ready for that. Just what I said got her to say slow down
Jul 11th 2017
6
Then it's time to bounce
Jul 11th 2017
17
      yeh number is out of the phone killed all emails
Jul 11th 2017
22
this ain't high school...
Jul 11th 2017
7
      Ever since she mentioned it I did an about face which has surprised her
Jul 11th 2017
13
      I read the post again...
Jul 11th 2017
18
      Did u ask her what she meant specifically when she said "open up"?
Jul 11th 2017
74
           no I should have and you're right
Jul 11th 2017
77
                To be specific Boogie it was like 90% or more sharing more abt me
Jul 11th 2017
79
      Well then she needs to back up her words with some action
Jul 11th 2017
19
           exactly, but here's the thing. Moms liked her
Jul 11th 2017
21
                you know how many mothers I've met..lol
Jul 11th 2017
33
                     snowboarding, outdoors stuff, plays, cooking, reality tv
Jul 11th 2017
35
                          and y'all done those things?
Jul 11th 2017
36
                               Snowboarding fell through
Jul 11th 2017
39
                                    is she worth keeping?
Jul 11th 2017
53
                                         I wouldn't be making this post if I felt otherwise ;)
Jul 11th 2017
54
                                              **blushes**
Jul 11th 2017
56
Y'all ain't ready...
Jul 11th 2017
5
Somethings happening on her end.
Jul 11th 2017
9
You feel me? I hate pretending!!!
Jul 11th 2017
12
I say give the beach trip a shot...
Jul 11th 2017
10
red
Jul 11th 2017
11
A year is long enough
Jul 11th 2017
15
I disagree...
Jul 11th 2017
24
      ^^ I lean this way
Jul 11th 2017
26
Multiple red flags= RUN. Don't walk, don't pass go. RUN NOW
Jul 11th 2017
16
Right? So I'm not crazy?
Jul 11th 2017
20
      Sounds like she has more pressing matters to deal with
Jul 11th 2017
47
You bout to be single fam.
Jul 11th 2017
23
it's cool I'm about to pre empt the whole shit anyway
Jul 11th 2017
25
      Just ask her if it's a wrap. Honestly, that's the best outcome for
Jul 11th 2017
28
           before the trip or after?
Jul 11th 2017
30
           I'm always down for a good trip. Travel is travel.
Jul 11th 2017
38
                Thanks fam, this is good advice regardless
Jul 11th 2017
44
                     Happy to contribute to the cause
Jul 11th 2017
48
           Bad idea, man. Not saying all people would do this, but...
Jul 11th 2017
31
                true...it's a gamble. And taking into account her expressing displeasure...
Jul 11th 2017
40
Did she ever open up about what she was smoking?
Jul 11th 2017
27
haha yes I did ask about that. She said it was normal shit
Jul 11th 2017
32
My advice: Walk away form this jawn, bruh
Jul 11th 2017
29
yeah, damn I was liking this one
Jul 11th 2017
34
And cancel that beach trip, family.
Jul 11th 2017
37
She's paying, but food and drinks are on me or us
Jul 11th 2017
41
      Wrong spot
Jul 11th 2017
42
this is about that time of month - don't mean there aren't other reason...
Jul 11th 2017
43
Be Out. Some decisions you can't make with your heart.
Jul 11th 2017
45
i would go on the trip and use that as a barometer
Jul 11th 2017
46
Yeah, I'm gonna rent a jetski(s) always wanted to do that
Jul 11th 2017
50
"She says just kidding!!? Have fun." <- uh is she a child? cut her off.
Jul 11th 2017
49
Yeah I wasn't feeling it, but people can be awkward I can forgive that
Jul 11th 2017
51
RE the awkwardness, i refer to post 29.
Jul 11th 2017
55
never met a woman where we would BOTH walk through fire lol
Jul 11th 2017
59
This part ":( no one wants to hang out with me" b/w "just kidding..."
Jul 11th 2017
66
      She really hasn't given me much reason to suspect that
Jul 11th 2017
68
           Have you ever seen her cry or get really emotional?
Jul 11th 2017
70
                during our big talk her body language was telling
Jul 11th 2017
71
it's not "awkward"
Jul 11th 2017
87
      Trust me I'm going to address it, just not sure when. Before or after
Jul 12th 2017
97
yeah that type of shit is instant dismissal.
Jul 11th 2017
86
how much of this have you two discussed?
Jul 11th 2017
52
We just had a big discussion prior to the 1 year mark
Jul 11th 2017
58
bail.
Jul 11th 2017
57
You black? She black?
Jul 11th 2017
60
black and brown. She grew up in SC might be a blacker exp lol
Jul 11th 2017
62
      Brown?
Jul 11th 2017
64
           Dad is a Kiwi/New Zealander mom is Jewish turned christian
Jul 11th 2017
65
                so she white? lol
Jul 11th 2017
85
                     http://footage.framepool.com/shotimg/qf/116575880-haka-maori-polynesian-...
Jul 12th 2017
96
                          so she's 12?
Jul 12th 2017
110
                               lol that's her complexion slash facial physiognomy
Jul 12th 2017
114
because we family...
Jul 11th 2017
61
wow thanks for sharing that. Why would a woman back off
Jul 11th 2017
63
      A dog that's been trained into submission or one that's been at
Jul 11th 2017
67
      and they say I'm cryptic
Jul 11th 2017
69
      I need time to formulate my thoughts...
Jul 11th 2017
78
      she grows tired of waiting....
Jul 11th 2017
82
What are your expectations?
Jul 11th 2017
72
I just want to feel appreciated in whatever way she shows it
Jul 11th 2017
73
      Two negatives don't equal positive
Jul 11th 2017
75
           everyone comes in with negatives
Jul 11th 2017
76
RE: In my experience with long term relationships. . .
Jul 11th 2017
80
you might be in over your head
Jul 11th 2017
81
Why is it so bad to just say everything?
Jul 11th 2017
83
Beats me, I guess it's just the way of things
Jul 11th 2017
84
not wanting to appear vulnerable.
Jul 12th 2017
101
'I love so and so because they are so vulnerable' -- said nobody
Jul 12th 2017
103
      it's why you love them nm
Jul 12th 2017
104
This is what I've been saying the whole post:
Jul 12th 2017
106
      even if you loved her?
Jul 12th 2017
108
           Yes. I'd rather be single and alone than deal with unrequited love
Jul 12th 2017
111
                damn Flip..
Jul 12th 2017
120
                Yep.
Jul 18th 2017
                Yep.
Jul 18th 2017
140
it's a wrap my nigga. the pizza cold and she don't wanna eat it
Jul 11th 2017
88
snap out of it, man. leave.
Jul 11th 2017
89
she's checked out already
Jul 11th 2017
90
something is going on, but not sure what
Jul 11th 2017
91
was he boring?
Jul 11th 2017
92
he wanted to be apart of the in crowd
Jul 11th 2017
93
yeah, I think it may just be 'conflicting emotions' uncertainty etc
Jul 12th 2017
95
Red, let it go. Know your worth
Jul 11th 2017
94
you had a great 40+ weeks and a couple rough ones. dont let these
Jul 12th 2017
98
from my perspective it's been way more good than bad
Jul 12th 2017
100
for ME this is all i would need to see>> I need her to show more
Jul 12th 2017
99
I've come to believe the source of all relationship problems are...
Jul 12th 2017
102
say that differently..Buddy
Jul 12th 2017
105
      Why we got to fight though?
Jul 12th 2017
109
           yeah. nobody wins when the family feuds...
Jul 12th 2017
118
                haha, you're out of control.
Jul 12th 2017
119
                     lol. totally
Jul 12th 2017
122
nm
Jul 12th 2017
107
what beach yall goin' to?
Jul 12th 2017
112
      Ocean City
Jul 12th 2017
113
      word
Jul 12th 2017
116
      ^^^ Gonna go by the beach, find her and ask "Are you happy?"
Jul 12th 2017
115
           haha
Jul 12th 2017
117
I'm getting 500 Days of Summer vibes
Jul 12th 2017
121
Thanks! I'm doing this foolishness, we can all have a good laugh later
Jul 12th 2017
123
      Yeah, definitely go on the trip
Jul 15th 2017
124
           Man, you know that if you're SO ain't call you from Thurs-Tues...
Jul 17th 2017
129
If you got that feeling in your stomach you about to get kicked in the n...
Jul 15th 2017
125
Update - Trip was a lot of fun, rented that Jet Ski, watched GOT
Jul 17th 2017
126
nice
Jul 17th 2017
127
Washed all the dishes?
Jul 17th 2017
128
When I find another black woman I can relate to I'll do it
Jul 17th 2017
130
      Was she funky on the trip?
Jul 17th 2017
131
      Nope not at all
Jul 17th 2017
133
           Hmm... ok
Jul 17th 2017
134
      thank goodness
Jul 17th 2017
132
      lol, likewise
Jul 17th 2017
136
nah we need more details than that quit playing.
Jul 17th 2017
135
      lol like what?
Jul 18th 2017
142
fuck the bullshit what was the sex game like? that tells the tale lol
Jul 18th 2017
137
lmao, this could be the real reason
Jul 18th 2017
138
if a female take 2 days to text back you ain't hitting the draws right.....
Jul 18th 2017
139
      I want to disagree but I can't
Jul 18th 2017
144
I tend to think that's the only thing she likes about me at times lol
Jul 18th 2017
141
      didn't she pay for that trip? You better give up them draws
Jul 18th 2017
143
           lol at any rate there weren't any complaints
Jul 18th 2017
145

BKDominican
Member since Jan 13th 2011
918 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:15 AM

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1. "A year is long enough"
In response to Reply # 0


          

She should be speaking clearly and following up with you. She seems to not be matching your energy and effort. I say cut ties now and save your time.

  

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IpanemaGirl
Member since Sep 27th 2005
287 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:17 AM

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2. "ive been the female in the situation. dont waste anymore time."
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:47 AM

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14. "Thank you"
In response to Reply # 2


  

          

  

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Crisco
Member since May 21st 2003
13921 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:27 AM

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3. "Man, she ain't feeling you no more"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Seems like she has another love interest or just wants out.
I would suggest moving the hell on.
She about to friend zone your ass.

---------------------------------------
My Sig - Nig!!
Hip Hop is a perfect verse over a dope beat!!

Just a Day in the Life, Of a Playa for Life!!
My Datpiff Page
http://www.datpiff.com/JayfromJerz-and-DJ-Sat-One-The-Bee-Sides-mixtape.709908.html
http://

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:39 AM

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8. "Yeah that's my feeling I'm leaning heavy red on this one"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:31 AM

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4. "She wants you to say I LOVE YOU"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Jul-11-17 08:35 AM by legsdiamond

          

How did the meeting with your mom go? She mighta felt the mom glare...lol

Dating someone who is like yourself is a blessing and a curse.

Good luck.

Oh, and if y'all had a routine that's the problem. Gotta switch it up. Make her hate you or make her cry. I'm joking but seriously, even in marriage a routine is a bad thing. Gotta spice it up. Get out of your comfort zone. Go zip lining, go on a $5 date in the hood. Do something different.

Oh part 2. The anniversary gift was a reminder y'all been together a whole year and you ain't said I love you yet.

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:38 AM

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6. "She's ain't ready for that. Just what I said got her to say slow down "
In response to Reply # 4
Tue Jul-11-17 08:42 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

And I wasn't even trying to speed things up, just wanted her to know that when I express my frustrations it's because I'm serious about being with her

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:53 AM

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17. "Then it's time to bounce "
In response to Reply # 6


          

or start weighing your options because it sounds like that's what she is doing.

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:02 AM

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22. "yeh number is out of the phone killed all emails "
In response to Reply # 17


  

          

basically cleaning out my heart and mind

  

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Trinity444
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37062 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:39 AM

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7. "this ain't high school..."
In response to Reply # 4


  

          

she told him wants she wants...him to show interest. Taking me to see your mother ain't that...

admit that you don't know how. Open up!

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:46 AM

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13. "Ever since she mentioned it I did an about face which has surprised her "
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

In her defense there must be some kind of who is this guy? Going on and she did say so etching to that effect

  

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Trinity444
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Tue Jul-11-17 08:54 AM

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18. "I read the post again..."
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

my bad l misunderstood.

  

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Boogie Stimuli
Member since Sep 24th 2010
9505 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 11:19 AM

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74. "Did u ask her what she meant specifically when she said "open up"?"
In response to Reply # 13
Tue Jul-11-17 11:19 AM by Boogie Stimuli

  

          

I ask because I find that sometimes people use
phrases like this and they mean something totally
different than you'd mean... like she might mean
"tell me more about you" and you hear "show more
emotion" or something.

How exactly did you go about "opening up"?


+
+
+
+
+
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOlIBR_J-Wo
Everything's turning out perfectly

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 12:41 PM

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77. "no I should have and you're right "
In response to Reply # 74


  

          

I'm terrible at the real time processing of that type of feedback. It did come out over the course of subsequent discussion that is was more of a

"tell me more about you"

sort of thing, In the end even though I maybe overplayed my hand in terms of sharing feelings at least she knows what they are and at least for a time she had feelings for me that appeared to be similar

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 02:37 PM

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79. "To be specific Boogie it was like 90% or more sharing more abt me"
In response to Reply # 77


  

          

And the rest feelings and I kept the feelings short and to to the point

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:55 AM

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19. "Well then she needs to back up her words with some action"
In response to Reply # 7


          

You can't tell your mate to open up while you keep your guard up

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:01 AM

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21. "exactly, but here's the thing. Moms liked her "
In response to Reply # 19


  

          

while we were eating she did that thing where she holds my hand under the table and she initiated it. Small gesture but it was genuine

  

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Trinity444
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:14 AM

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33. "you know how many mothers I've met..lol"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

444

Do you even know her interests?

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:16 AM

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35. "snowboarding, outdoors stuff, plays, cooking, reality tv"
In response to Reply # 33
Tue Jul-11-17 09:17 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

baseball games, beer festivals, wineries, etc

  

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Trinity444
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:19 AM

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36. "and y'all done those things? "
In response to Reply # 35


  

          

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:22 AM

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39. "Snowboarding fell through "
In response to Reply # 36


  

          

  

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Trinity444
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:47 AM

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53. "is she worth keeping?"
In response to Reply # 39


  

          

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:52 AM

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54. "I wouldn't be making this post if I felt otherwise ;) "
In response to Reply # 53


  

          

  

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Trinity444
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:55 AM

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56. "**blushes**"
In response to Reply # 54


  

          

talk to her...

  

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Trinity444
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37062 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:33 AM

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5. "Y'all ain't ready..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

you need to ask what's up...

hopefully you haven't let too much time go by. she may have already checked out.

damn you menz lol

  

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BigReg
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Tue Jul-11-17 08:39 AM

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9. "Somethings happening on her end."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Problem with these kinds of things is it's hard to parse; is it her own life that she's going through a change, is she having issues with the way the relationship is currently (which can be fixable) or is it just you (which, lol, isn't fixable)

All you can do is be honest, go on the trip, and keep it in back of your mind. If her critique's are valid (on you being closed off/guarded) work on it but understand you might be working on it for the next relationship

My thing is that you have to give your partners time to work through things because sometimes its not about you even if they think it is. On the flipside no body wants to get treated like an afterthought in a relationship...why we together then as opposed to just friends who casually fuck, WHY AM I PAYING FOR THESE TGI FRIDAY'S MEALS FOR THE BOTH OF US.

ahem.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:44 AM

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12. "You feel me? I hate pretending!!!"
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

  

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Marbles
Member since Oct 19th 2004
20472 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:40 AM

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10. "I say give the beach trip a shot..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


Put forth a legit effort for you 2 to have fun and get into a good groove. If that's a struggle, then maybe things aren't meant to be.

  

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grape
Member since Mar 01st 2005
1048 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:40 AM

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11. "red"
In response to Reply # 0


          

not worth it

  

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BKDominican
Member since Jan 13th 2011
918 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:48 AM

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15. "A year is long enough"
In response to Reply # 0


          

She should be speaking clearly and following up with you. She seems to not be matching your energy and effort. I say cut ties now and save your time.

  

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Trinity444
Charter member
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:03 AM

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24. "I disagree..."
In response to Reply # 15


  

          

it takes that long to feel each other out. now is when you start to honest about what they doing...

nah?

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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26. "^^ I lean this way "
In response to Reply # 24


  

          

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
2915 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:48 AM

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16. "Multiple red flags= RUN. Don't walk, don't pass go. RUN NOW"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

>went away for a week and she didn't even text until I
>addressed it 5 or 6 days later

Grounds for a quittal (c)

>she doesn't even want to meet at her place to head out but would rather meet at the party.

something she'd rather you not see at her place? hmmmm

>Says she's not good with expressing feelings

ROFLMAO...what woman in the history of humanity hasn't been good about expressing her feelings? FOH

>I text and she rainchecks.

First time ever? pattern? need more info

>any day in mind to reschedule for? No reply until Monday!

I'd have hit her with the "Can't. Busy" when she finally deemed you worthy of a reply and KIM

>Asking if I have plans. I'm like yeah I have plans so she's like >"sad face no one wants to hang out with me" so I'm like how about >later in the evening? "She says just kidding!!? Have fun.

The classic passive aggressive woe is me BS. RED FLAG

>We have a 4 day beach trip planned starting Thursday and come
>back Sunday. Am I walking into a trap? Like this is all just
>pretend to ultimately break up? Not feeling that.

At this point you need to turn into Iceberg Slim and be cold...no beach trip, no phone, no nothing. RUN NOW

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 08:58 AM

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20. "Right? So I'm not crazy? "
In response to Reply # 16
Tue Jul-11-17 08:59 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

>>went away for a week and she didn't even text until I
>>addressed it 5 or 6 days later
>
>Grounds for a quittal (c)
>
>>she doesn't even want to meet at her place to head out but
>would rather meet at the party.
>
>something she'd rather you not see at her place? hmmmm
No I did come over everything looked as it should. We had a contentious back and forth the day before so I could see her needing some space


>>Says she's not good with expressing feelings
>
>ROFLMAO...what woman in the history of humanity hasn't been
>good about expressing her feelings? FOH

In her defense her dad was never in the picture and was abusive towards her mom. Her mom has her own issues so I can see that. She can certainly express negative feelings

>
>>I text and she rainchecks.
>
>First time ever? pattern? need more info.
First time ever and with no follow up suggestion which is what bothered me

>>any day in mind to reschedule for? No reply until Monday!
>
>I'd have hit her with the "Can't. Busy" when she finally
>deemed you worthy of a reply and KIM
I did and that's when she came back with the woe is me


>>Asking if I have plans. I'm like yeah I have plans so she's
>like >"sad face no one wants to hang out with me" so I'm like
>how about >later in the evening? "She says just kidding!!?
>Have fun.
>
>The classic passive aggressive woe is me BS. RED FLAG

Yeah I recognized it too

>>We have a 4 day beach trip planned starting Thursday and
>come
>>back Sunday. Am I walking into a trap? Like this is all just
>>pretend to ultimately break up? Not feeling that.
>
>At this point you need to turn into Iceberg Slim and be
>cold...no beach trip, no phone, no nothing. RUN NOW

Yeah I took her number out of my phone and might just not even text her back if she reaches out with a time to meet. At least a 50% chance she has someone else she can take

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:36 AM

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47. "Sounds like she has more pressing matters to deal with"
In response to Reply # 20


  

          

doesn't make her a bad person or the wrong woman or any of that
it just looks like you two aren't aligned
cut your losses and sincerely wish her the best
it's all in the game (c)

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:02 AM

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23. "You bout to be single fam. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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25. "it's cool I'm about to pre empt the whole shit anyway "
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:08 AM

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28. "Just ask her if it's a wrap. Honestly, that's the best outcome for"
In response to Reply # 25


  

          

both of you.
If she says "No, why would you ask that?" Then tell her everything you talking about here.....and y'all work that shit out...

If she says "Yes"...then wrap it up B....

It's really that plain and simple. This will save you days, weeks, months, years of anguish and hand wringing over "What if?"

Clean your slate fam.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:12 AM

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30. "before the trip or after?"
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

See I had stated that not long after the open up discussion and she said my tendency for skepticism made her feel like I didn't trust her. She was right, I heard that and cut it out.

It wasn't that I didn't trust her but that women and men communicate differently and so at times I felt there was something beneath whatever it was she was telling me

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:20 AM

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38. "I'm always down for a good trip. Travel is travel. "
In response to Reply # 30


  

          

>See I had stated that not long after the open up discussion
>and she said my tendency for skepticism made her feel like I
>didn't trust her. She was right, I heard that and cut it out

Go and enjoy yourself and hopefully enjoy her company too...but at the very least, enjoy yourself. If things start to go south on the trip just chalk it up as a 4-day closure session.

>It wasn't that I didn't trust her but that women and men
>communicate differently and so at times I felt there was
>something beneath whatever it was she was telling me

Yeah, you can't operate in life like this....on super sleuth mode all the time. There's always gonna be some shit you're just not gonna be privy of. That shit reeks my dude. It's def. a killjoy because the person that's the recipient of that suspicion always feels like they gotta go out of their way to show and prove they're being honest. It becomes a burden.


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:30 AM

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44. "Thanks fam, this is good advice regardless "
In response to Reply # 38
Tue Jul-11-17 09:30 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

>Yeah, you can't operate in life like this....on super sleuth
>mode all the time. There's always gonna be some shit you're
>just not gonna be privy of. That shit reeks my dude. It's def.
>a killjoy because the person that's the recipient of that
>suspicion always feels like they gotta go out of their way to
>show and prove they're being honest. It becomes a burden.


Past hurts I guess keep me trying to stop getting hurt again

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
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48. "Happy to contribute to the cause "
In response to Reply # 44


  

          

>Past hurts I guess keep me trying to stop getting hurt again

I hear that.




"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
8047 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:13 AM

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31. "Bad idea, man. Not saying all people would do this, but..."
In response to Reply # 28


  

          

...some folks use shit like this to string the other person along until *they* are ready. F that, don't leave the decision up to her.

>Just ask her if it's a wrap

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
37971 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:24 AM

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40. "true...it's a gamble. And taking into account her expressing displeasure..."
In response to Reply # 31


  

          

with her perception that he doesn't trust her...maybe not the best move overall.....

But damn, sometimes you gotta just get shit out on the table.
"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:07 AM

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27. "Did she ever open up about what she was smoking? "
In response to Reply # 0


          

Didn't you say she had some eewwwwwweeee that had you stuck?

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:13 AM

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32. "haha yes I did ask about that. She said it was normal shit "
In response to Reply # 27


  

          

I was like okay I must be lightweight. I didn't push it

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:11 AM

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29. "My advice: Walk away form this jawn, bruh"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

If a chick ain't sweating you, she's just not that into you. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise of this, you know this in your heart. When you want something, you go after it, right? Well, same for her.

>went away for a week and she didn't even text

Ain't even gotta be all dramatic, just stop calling the jawn and go holler at new jawns.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:15 AM

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34. "yeah, damn I was liking this one "
In response to Reply # 29


  

          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:20 AM

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37. "And cancel that beach trip, family."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

9/10 it won't go well if there is already distance starting to grow.

If she's not reciprocating your energy then you need to cut her off. Not on some negative shit, but I'm sure there are plenty of other things you could do with your time and money than spend it on someone that you aren't sure really wants it.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:24 AM

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41. "She's paying, but food and drinks are on me or us "
In response to Reply # 37


  

          

As the case may be

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:26 AM

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42. "Wrong spot"
In response to Reply # 41
Tue Jul-11-17 09:27 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:27 AM

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43. "this is about that time of month - don't mean there aren't other reason..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

But could be a factor as to why the change seemed so sudden as of Saturday

  

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WarriorPoet415
Member since Sep 30th 2003
16864 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:30 AM

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45. "Be Out. Some decisions you can't make with your heart. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


______________________________________________________________________________

cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

  

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MiracleRic
Member since Oct 21st 2002
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:36 AM

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46. "i would go on the trip and use that as a barometer"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

things just get weird for folks sometimes and it can shift at a moment's notice

prepare for the worst and hope for the best is always sound advice with these uncertain types of dynamics...just continue to try and feel it out and if the trip is off and the return continues more of the same...then go ahead and starting creating distance

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:40 AM

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50. "Yeah, I'm gonna rent a jetski(s) always wanted to do that "
In response to Reply # 46
Tue Jul-11-17 09:42 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

If I go

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
72404 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:38 AM

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49. ""She says just kidding!!? Have fun." <- uh is she a child? cut her off."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:42 AM

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51. "Yeah I wasn't feeling it, but people can be awkward I can forgive that"
In response to Reply # 49


  

          

Or at least I want to lol

  

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BrooklynWHAT
Member since Jun 15th 2007
72404 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:55 AM

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55. "RE the awkwardness, i refer to post 29."
In response to Reply # 51
Tue Jul-11-17 09:56 AM by BrooklynWHAT

  

          

but idk tho. that "nobody wants to hang out w/ me " "sike im fine"

she waiting days to text you after a "lets reschedule"

it just comes off like you have her up near the top of your list of priorities and she's got you maybe 10 or 12 rows down. few things turn me off quicker than feeling like im not on a woman's mind like that.

hell i dont even like that from people i just hang out with.

there is a woman out there for you that will walk through fire to be w/ you

<--- Big Baller World Order

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:59 AM

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59. "never met a woman where we would BOTH walk through fire lol"
In response to Reply # 55


  

          

that would be nice

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
8047 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 10:44 AM

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66. "This part ":( no one wants to hang out with me" b/w "just kidding...""
In response to Reply # 55


  

          

Not gonna front, if my girl said some shit like that to me, i'd be thinking that:

'no one' = some dude.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 10:48 AM

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68. "She really hasn't given me much reason to suspect that "
In response to Reply # 66
Tue Jul-11-17 10:49 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

she'd be cheating on me, and the the truth is every woman has a guy somewhere in the background

It does reek of manipulation, but may be PMS. Not to be stereotyping but the truth is I've never seen the "really emotional" side of her and I'm sure it exists

IDK women can be weird like that

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
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Tue Jul-11-17 10:54 AM

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70. "Have you ever seen her cry or get really emotional?"
In response to Reply # 68


  

          

>Not to be
>stereotyping but the truth is I've never seen the "really
>emotional" side of her and I'm sure it exists
>
>IDK women can be weird like that


It sounds fucked-up, but the WORST relationships I've ever been in all had one thing in common: emotionally distant women. I'm talking women that I've never seen cry over ANYTHING.

Meanwhile, the BEST relationships that I've been in the women would cry and show vulnerability around and about me (during normal situations like high-stress, arguments, being sad about something, etc.)

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 11:03 AM

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71. "during our big talk her body language was telling "
In response to Reply # 70


  

          

no tears, but I think she was fighting them. I wouldn't want to push it to that point just to see tears, but you know what--

when we first started dating she went to the beach with some friends and things went sideways with one of them (her friends) she was bothered and called me. I called backed once I saw she rang (or maybe I texted) asking if everything was okay and she said she was fine.

Over time I learned that it was actually a big deal and she likely had been crying and wanted to but felt it was too early

there does seem to be something there when I really look at it. Maybe she's afraid? IDK

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
9590 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:35 PM

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87. "it's not "awkward""
In response to Reply # 51
Tue Jul-11-17 08:36 PM by Madvillain 626

  

          

she being passive agressive and trying to play you so he can juice her own ego. grab ya nuts and tell her you don't appreciate her fuckery and then immediately cease contact. she might come back for the D since you finally established dominance, she probably won't cuz she already got her eye on a new dude, might already be fuckin him

cold world

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Jul-12-17 08:10 AM

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97. "Trust me I'm going to address it, just not sure when. Before or after "
In response to Reply # 87


  

          

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
9590 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:33 PM

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86. "yeah that type of shit is instant dismissal."
In response to Reply # 49


  

          

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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tariqhu
Charter member
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:46 AM

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52. "how much of this have you two discussed?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

seems like she got cold feet after you opened up a little. give her a bit more time, but not much.

the trip, for me, would not be a good idea. I wouldn't want to go on a trip with someone I'm iffy with. there's no escape for either of you should things go sideways.

nah, you trippin

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:57 AM

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58. "We just had a big discussion prior to the 1 year mark"
In response to Reply # 52


  

          

There definitely needs to be a little more time for her to process everything. Not sure what the right timing should be on addressing these, but in all honesty it looks like there isn't much point in doing so

As far as the trip goes I'm sure we'll be both have a good time so long as we ignore our feelings lol

Time to rebuild the wall (c) Pink Floyd

  

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Aeon
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43781 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:56 AM

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57. "bail."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

_

shakin your block with a 6 million dollar bop

_

www.davidevanmcdowell.com

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
37971 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 10:14 AM

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60. "You black? She black?"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 10:16 AM

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62. "black and brown. She grew up in SC might be a blacker exp lol"
In response to Reply # 60
Tue Jul-11-17 10:17 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

compared to mine

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
8047 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 10:40 AM

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64. "Brown?"
In response to Reply # 62


  

          

Like what kinda brown? Can we get a region of the world? It matters.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 10:43 AM

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65. "Dad is a Kiwi/New Zealander mom is Jewish turned christian "
In response to Reply # 64


  

          

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
9590 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:31 PM

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85. "so she white? lol"
In response to Reply # 65


  

          

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Jul-12-17 07:49 AM

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96. "http://footage.framepool.com/shotimg/qf/116575880-haka-maori-polynesian-..."
In response to Reply # 85


  

          

http://footage.framepool.com/shotimg/qf/116575880-haka-maori-polynesian-ethnicity-grimace.jpg

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
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Wed Jul-12-17 10:20 AM

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110. "so she's 12?"
In response to Reply # 96
Wed Jul-12-17 10:21 AM by KiloMcG

  

          

haha, just kidding. i know that's a pic you googles. just effin' with you, atillah.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Jul-12-17 10:35 AM

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114. "lol that's her complexion slash facial physiognomy"
In response to Reply # 110


  

          

  

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Trinity444
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61. "because we family..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

when the Uber driver asks how I could end up with someone for 20 years and not marry them...I told him because I was waiting for him.

waiting for him to open his heart...be vulnerable
he wouldn't...and I grew tired of waiting
he knew I loved him unconditionally
that's what hurts the most
that's why I'll forever resent his ass...



  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 10:36 AM

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63. "wow thanks for sharing that. Why would a woman back off "
In response to Reply # 61


  

          

after wanting to see that in a partner? Any insight?

  

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FLUIDJ
Member since Sep 18th 2002
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Tue Jul-11-17 10:46 AM

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67. "A dog that's been trained into submission or one that's been at"
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

your feet since day 1?


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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69. "and they say I'm cryptic "
In response to Reply # 67


  

          

  

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Trinity444
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78. "I need time to formulate my thoughts..."
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

gimme a sec

  

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Trinity444
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82. "she grows tired of waiting...."
In response to Reply # 63


  

          

she's not in love anyone.

in my case, I should mention that it wasn't 20 years straight. There were breaks and in between I was sought out. Each time tho...he wasn't changing...he say he wasn't ready. He had a fear of failing. I was confused because i wasn't sure what he wanted from me. How long he expected me to wait around. There's a lot more detail but, I'm not sure how to clearly articulate it because it happened over time. There wasn't a "that's why" moment. It was an accumulation of things. I will say he was honest, there were discussions..we argued a lot. I plead to be left alone. I felt sorry for him tho because I knew all his issues...his insecurities, the burdens he carried. I knew him. I knew I was his comfort... I knew he was fucked up for fucking me up...initially. Yet, he continued to be a stubborn bastard, lol. I needed to feel appreciated. I sacrificed a lot and things started to appear like he didn't appreciate it so, .I started to reflect on it and that's when I knew I no longer loved him. I'm not being with someone I don't love....

  

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rhchick
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72. "What are your expectations?"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Are you looking for something specific from her?
Is the 'the one' and you don't want to blow it?

It seems like if you're questioning the relationship then this is not for you.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 11:15 AM

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73. "I just want to feel appreciated in whatever way she shows it"
In response to Reply # 72
Tue Jul-11-17 11:20 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

and it's very difficult at times to know what way that is

She is someone I could see being with. Certainly someone I'd rather be with than without and I'm willing to to work at it, but right now I'm in the dark on wether she want's to reciprocate

I am her first long term BF so there's a lot to work through there and I have my own issues as well but I'm in if she is

I feel like she is trying and I need to not default to "glass half empty" on this one.

I think I'll do this trip and just have a blast and hopefully she will too because I think she could have cancelled it if she really wanted to kill the relationship and she isn't the type that would be scared to do so when I really think about it

  

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rhchick
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75. "Two negatives don't equal positive"
In response to Reply # 73


          

If you both have issues up front and those are big hurdles, then (from what you're saying) this is not a healthy relationship.

I wouldn't spend my time and good money for a trip when you are questioning the relationship as a whole.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Tue Jul-11-17 11:25 AM

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76. "everyone comes in with negatives "
In response to Reply # 75
Tue Jul-11-17 11:27 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

I don't think they are huge and never really did. It's the lack of communication combined with shifting dynamics that's uncomfortable, but if I trust her words and actions as she's stated I've made her feel that I don't then things may not be that bad

The trip is her money and on her after we had a talked about my feeling like there was a deficit in our spending on each other and she's showing that she's willing to pick up the slack. I can't ignore that and really when I see her -- should acknowledge my appreciation regardless of the outcome afterward.

  

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Austin
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80. "RE: In my experience with long term relationships. . ."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

. . .you usually get more comfortable around each other and want to be together more the longer the relationship lasts, not the other way around.

I didn't read any of the above replies yet, so maybe this has been covered already. Sounds to me like it's run its course and it's time to move on.

os·ti·na·to
/ˌästəˈnädō/
noun
a continually repeated musical phrase or rhythm

http://austinato.bandcamp.com

https://www.discogs.com/lists/Favorites-of-2017/332378

  

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atruhead
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81. "you might be in over your head"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

it's like you're not communicating your issue to her out of fear of rejection, I've been there before. but you care and there's a need that isnt being met

talk about whatever is wrong, but be prepared to cut your losses (and I mean dont look back ever, as hard as that may be) dont sell yourself short for someone who isnt matching your investment

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
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Tue Jul-11-17 07:36 PM

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83. "Why is it so bad to just say everything?"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Jul-11-17 07:37 PM by Sepia.

  

          

To just put it out there? I'm asking everybody, really.

I don't think I would even entertain having to convince someone to be into me anymore.

Either you're into each other or you're not...

What is the point in playing coy about it once you're actually in a relationship?


Or am I just naive about this?

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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84. "Beats me, I guess it's just the way of things"
In response to Reply # 83
Tue Jul-11-17 07:41 PM by Atillah Moor

  

          

But some people just can't handle their emotions I guess is what it comes down to

  

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Trinity444
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101. "not wanting to appear vulnerable. "
In response to Reply # 83


  

          

which doesn't make sense if you love someone...

it's pride. I held back for a long time. he didn't recognize my fight tho...

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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103. "'I love so and so because they are so vulnerable' -- said nobody "
In response to Reply # 101
Wed Jul-12-17 09:36 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

sometimes i.e. now I think it's a ploy

  

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Trinity444
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104. "it's why you love them nm"
In response to Reply # 103


  

          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
8047 posts
Wed Jul-12-17 09:54 AM

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106. "This is what I've been saying the whole post:"
In response to Reply # 83


  

          

>I don't think I would even entertain having to convince someone to
>be into me anymore.

  

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Trinity444
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108. "even if you loved her?"
In response to Reply # 106


  

          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
8047 posts
Wed Jul-12-17 10:22 AM

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111. "Yes. I'd rather be single and alone than deal with unrequited love"
In response to Reply # 108


  

          

At least I could give myself 100% of that love, instead of wasting it on someone that doesn't want it.

  

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Trinity444
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120. "damn Flip.."
In response to Reply # 111


  

          

I'm preparing myself to go it alone but I'm not content with it.

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
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Tue Jul-18-17 03:12 PM

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"Yep."


  

          

You could be spending that energy loving yourself and cleaning out that space for someone who actually WANTS to be in it.

  

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Sepia.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
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140. "Yep."
In response to Reply # 111


  

          

You could be spending that energy loving yourself and cleaning out that space for someone who actually WANTS to be in it.

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
9590 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:37 PM

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88. "it's a wrap my nigga. the pizza cold and she don't wanna eat it"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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Seven
Member since Dec 11th 2004
10592 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:39 PM

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89. "snap out of it, man. leave."
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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wluv
Member since Jan 27th 2003
4106 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 08:42 PM

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90. "she's checked out already"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Get your bags out the room and leave the key at the front desk

  

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Crash Bandacoot
Member since May 13th 2003
8799 posts
Tue Jul-11-17 09:17 PM

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91. "something is going on, but not sure what"
In response to Reply # 0
Tue Jul-11-17 09:26 PM by Crash Bandacoot

  

          

i once put this guy on ice for about a year because i wasn't sure i wanted to be with
him. i was confused about certain things about him, etc. i kept hanging out
with him though and i eventually caved and fell in love (was it really love , i don't
know). it was the worst relationship that i've had in my life, and i often regret caving
but, i can now look back on it as a life lesson. it was the hesitation, the gut that
could have saved me back then.

not saying this is your situation but, just reminded me of something seemingly
familiar.

  

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Madvillain 626
Member since Apr 25th 2006
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Tue Jul-11-17 09:29 PM

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92. "was he boring?"
In response to Reply # 91


  

          

-------------------------------
If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

  

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Crash Bandacoot
Member since May 13th 2003
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93. "he wanted to be apart of the in crowd"
In response to Reply # 92


  

          

but, he wasn't that type of person. i didn't like a couple of guys that
he hung out with (young and chauvinistic) but, he may have been the ring
leader. it was confusing.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Jul-12-17 07:43 AM

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95. "yeah, I think it may just be 'conflicting emotions' uncertainty etc"
In response to Reply # 91
Wed Jul-12-17 07:50 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

I'm her first LTR so that has to be a factor among some other issues

At any rate, if I pull the rug and leave her hanging for this trip (it's a group trip with her friends) it would be kind of a dick move and based more on my feeling hurt by her pushing me away and less about things not working.

So I'll go on this trip, rent a jet ski, eat, drink, be merry, and stop calling/texting when we get back.

  

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bentagain
Member since Mar 19th 2008
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Tue Jul-11-17 11:13 PM

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94. "Red, let it go. Know your worth "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Went through a similar situation

Felt like she was into the chase, and when shit got real she shut down

Now... I'm not the type to not speak my mind...and when she didn't offer anything... I moved on

Wasn't a problem at all.

Know your worth!

---------------------------------------------------------------

If you can't understand it without an explanation

you can't understand it with an explanation

  

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Government Name
Member since Dec 16th 2005
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Wed Jul-12-17 08:17 AM

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98. "you had a great 40+ weeks and a couple rough ones. dont let these"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

negroes tell you its a wrap lol. go on the trip, have a necessary uncomfortable conversation or two and see how y'all feel after you get back.

________
Black News, Daily: http://theserendibite.com

http://twitter.com/aehorton
http://instagram.com/aehorton

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Jul-12-17 08:59 AM

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100. "from my perspective it's been way more good than bad "
In response to Reply # 98
Wed Jul-12-17 09:09 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

and not really "bad" at all, just some typical relationship bumps.

I've kept my cool overall and haven't exacerbated anything by acting a fool (whining, calling non stop, being snarky) just chilling and waiting to see how this all plays out.

  

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ambient1
Member since May 23rd 2007
39222 posts
Wed Jul-12-17 08:50 AM

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99. "for ME this is all i would need to see>> I need her to show more "
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Jul-12-17 08:50 AM by ambient1

  

          

interest in me'
to downgrade her

but that's just me I guess


but just talk to her n hash it out n go from there


you know her

we don't

=======================================
Coolin...

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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Wed Jul-12-17 09:20 AM

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102. "I've come to believe the source of all relationship problems are..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

the people in the relationship. That is the relationship is only as good as the people in them. Happy people have happy relationships. sad people have sad relationships, etc.

Can't fix some relationships until the people themselves are fixed!!!!



**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

  

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Trinity444
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105. "say that differently..Buddy"
In response to Reply # 102


  

          

Like, if one hurts the other or we hurt each other...how do you know when to fight?

  

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Buddy_Gilapagos
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109. "Why we got to fight though?"
In response to Reply # 105


  

          

Two well adjusted happy people can certainly have conflict in their relationship but can also have the tools to address that conflict without fighting.

I got my own set of issues in my own relationship but "fighting" isn't one of them. She wasn't raised that way and I've learned we can work out a lot of our issues without a lot of hollering and hurt feelings. For now.


>Like, if one hurts the other or we hurt each other...how do
>you know when to fight?


**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"

  

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Trinity444
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118. "yeah. nobody wins when the family feuds..."
In response to Reply # 109


  

          

thanks buddy

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
24170 posts
Wed Jul-12-17 11:28 AM

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119. "haha, you're out of control."
In response to Reply # 118


  

          

  

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Trinity444
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Wed Jul-12-17 11:38 AM

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122. "lol. totally "
In response to Reply # 119


  

          

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Jul-12-17 10:08 AM

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107. "nm"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Jul-12-17 10:12 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

overthinking lol

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
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Wed Jul-12-17 10:25 AM

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112. "what beach yall goin' to?"
In response to Reply # 107


  

          

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
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Wed Jul-12-17 10:34 AM

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113. "Ocean City"
In response to Reply # 112


  

          

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
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Wed Jul-12-17 10:36 AM

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116. "word"
In response to Reply # 113


  

          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
8047 posts
Wed Jul-12-17 10:36 AM

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115. "^^^ Gonna go by the beach, find her and ask "Are you happy?""
In response to Reply # 112


  

          

lol

  

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KiloMcG
Member since Jan 01st 2008
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Wed Jul-12-17 10:37 AM

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117. "haha"
In response to Reply # 115


  

          

  

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cbk
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Wed Jul-12-17 11:33 AM

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121. "I'm getting 500 Days of Summer vibes"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Jul-12-17 11:37 AM by cbk

          

Women are a mystery to me. Been with my wife for 16 years, and I'm really close to my mom and sister. And I try my hardest to be as sympa/empathetic as I can be. But STILL, they be doing things that make me scratch my damn head sometimes.

Anyways, I say go on the trip. Enjoy yourself.

If the time presents during the trip, disclose all the stuff you posted here, in the name of being open. But for sure, do it after the trip is over.

And if it doesn't work out, I hope your find your Minka Kelly in the end.

...and PS, I still to this day ask my wife to show more interest, or be more affectionate, express her love, etc. Some people are just like that. I've learned to read between the lines when it comes to her expressing love.


PRINCE beat tape https://chrisp.bandcamp.com/album/17th-day

D'ANGELO beat tape https://chrisp.bandcamp.com/album/smack-your-ass-pull-your-hair

INVISIBLE
http://chrisp.bandcamp.com/album/invisible

冥々
http://chrisp.bandcamp.com/album/--2

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Wed Jul-12-17 12:39 PM

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123. "Thanks! I'm doing this foolishness, we can all have a good laugh later"
In response to Reply # 121


  

          

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Sat Jul-15-17 10:59 AM

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124. "Yeah, definitely go on the trip"
In response to Reply # 123


          

and have fun.

I don't agree with people saying you should bounce. I know I said it earlier in the thread but i couldn't update my other opinion because this place is funny style.

Anyways, most relationships have communication problems every so often.

For the folks saying the need a women into them at all times, that's weird. Maybe she didn't text during that week because you didn't text during that week? It ionno. Just make sure you are honest about your actions in the relationship.

One other thing, i think when women ask men to "show more, do more, etc" and you do it, they still act funny style because they had to ask you to do it and a part of them wonders why you didn't do it until they asked.

Enjoy that beach. Don't let her off easy by cancelling the trip since she is paying for it. Lol


shut up already, damn

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
8047 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 11:19 AM

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129. "Man, you know that if you're SO ain't call you from Thurs-Tues..."
In response to Reply # 124


  

          

...you aren't just gonna chalk it up to a bad mood or something and keep it moving. She doesn't have to call and profess her love in a poetic monologue every day, but she can at least call and say "hey" for a few minutes.

We aren't in high school or college anymore, and the time for the fickle relationships are over. That not calling/answering/when-I-feel-like-it shit might have made sense back then, but now it's just immature.

>For the folks saying the need a women into them at all times,
>that's weird.


For marriage folks probably should talk it out, but no reason why a single person with options should spend their time trying to CONVINCE someone to like/call/spend time with them.

  

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Mafamaticks
Member since Jan 12th 2004
3809 posts
Sat Jul-15-17 04:56 PM

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125. "If you got that feeling in your stomach you about to get kicked in the n..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

You want someone more interested in you. She’s not it.

Trust me. Don’t reason with her. Tell her straight up that I want someone as interested in me as I am you and you ain’t it so I’m deading it.


I know it’s easy to say and y’all got history and deading it off the rip sounds crazy, but she’s gonna break up with you when she convinces herself that you ain’t shit. And she’s slowly working on that now. Better you do it first and hold on to your value.


If you go on that trip your gonna spend most of it trying to figure out what happened and the other half sleeping back to back.

If you do go on that trip, link up with someone else.

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 10:28 AM

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126. "Update - Trip was a lot of fun, rented that Jet Ski, watched GOT"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

made dinner, washed all the dishes, split, and purged the contact info from my phone

  

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hardware
Member since May 22nd 2007
41036 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 11:02 AM

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127. "nice"
In response to Reply # 126


  

          

-----------------------------------------------------
http://instagram.com/bryanrollins
https://instagram.com/fourcolorblack/

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 11:09 AM

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128. "Washed all the dishes? "
In response to Reply # 126
Mon Jul-17-17 11:10 AM by legsdiamond

          

Split as in split up?

Try dating a Black woman fam

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 11:26 AM

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130. "When I find another black woman I can relate to I'll do it"
In response to Reply # 128
Mon Jul-17-17 11:29 AM by Atillah Moor

  

          

truth be told American women in general are well -- I'll just say if I had my choice I'd be with a woman from another country black or otherwise.

and yeah -- all the dishes, cleaning is a thing I do when I need to get over something. If my desk at work is immaculate odds are I'm looking for a new job lol

Split like I'm not contacting this woman anymore

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 11:38 AM

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131. "Was she funky on the trip? "
In response to Reply # 130


          

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 12:19 PM

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133. "Nope not at all "
In response to Reply # 131


  

          

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 12:24 PM

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134. "Hmm... ok"
In response to Reply # 133


          

Good luck

shut up already, damn

  

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rhchick
Charter member
14782 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 11:40 AM

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132. "thank goodness"
In response to Reply # 130


          

it sounded like a mess from the start

  

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Crash Bandacoot
Member since May 13th 2003
8799 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 01:38 PM

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136. "lol, likewise"
In response to Reply # 130


  

          

>truth be told American women in general are well -- I'll just
>say if I had my choice I'd be with a woman from another
>country black or otherwise.

  

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Brotha Sun
Member since Dec 31st 2009
5615 posts
Mon Jul-17-17 01:22 PM

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135. "nah we need more details than that quit playing. "
In response to Reply # 126


          

"They used to call me Baby Luke....but now? The whole damn 2 Liiiive Crew."

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 03:31 PM

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142. "lol like what?"
In response to Reply # 135


  

          

  

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ThaTruth
Charter member
83856 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 02:13 PM

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137. "fuck the bullshit what was the sex game like? that tells the tale lol"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

"June 16th, 1971, Mama gave birth to a hell-raisin' heavenly son..."

2014 DAMALI Football Pool Champion

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 02:27 PM

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138. "lmao, this could be the real reason"
In response to Reply # 137


          

shut up already, damn

  

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ThaTruth
Charter member
83856 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 02:34 PM

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139. "if a female take 2 days to text back you ain't hitting the draws right....."
In response to Reply # 138


  

          

point blank period lol

"June 16th, 1971, Mama gave birth to a hell-raisin' heavenly son..."

2014 DAMALI Football Pool Champion

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 03:32 PM

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144. "I want to disagree but I can't"
In response to Reply # 139


          

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 03:30 PM

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141. "I tend to think that's the only thing she likes about me at times lol"
In response to Reply # 137


  

          

Like I literally woke up to this woman pawing at me at like 3 am and you know what? I didn't give a damn how thin the walls were and neither did she.

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
45117 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 03:32 PM

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143. "didn't she pay for that trip? You better give up them draws"
In response to Reply # 141


          

shut up already, damn

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
11602 posts
Tue Jul-18-17 03:59 PM

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145. "lol at any rate there weren't any complaints "
In response to Reply # 143


  

          

  

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