So I've been seeing this woman for about a year (just had an anniversary)

Not long ago we were out and she said maybe we were too similar and that I needed to be more open which was fair because I had been guarded (moving slow but planned to open up more in time)

I open up more but tell her I need her to show more interest in me (went away for a week and she didn't even text until I addressed it 5 or 6 days later) if it's really going to work. It was a little testy but not a shouting match or anything. Just two people working through shit

The next day was anniversary day (July 4th) and she doesn't even want to meet at her place to head out but would rather meet at the party. I convince her to meet at her place and bring an anniversary gift and tell her I really like her. Don't say I love you, but she gets the picture. Says she's not good with expressing feelings and I'm like it's cool not rushing anything. We have a great day it would seem.

Rest of the week goes well and she meeets my mom for the first time Saturday. Day goes well and we head home making plans to touch base in an hr to make evening plans. I text and she rainchecks. I'm like cool thanks for a great day any day in mind to reschedule for? No reply until Monday! Asking if I have plans. I'm like yeah I have plans so she's like "sad face no one wants to hang out with me" so I'm like how about later in the evening? "She says just kidding!!? Have fun.

Prior to all this open up business we had a regular routine and things were way smoother it seemed. She never rainchecked before and it seems like she's really kind of pushing me away.

We have a 4 day beach trip planned starting Thursday and come back Sunday. Am I walking into a trap? Like this is all just pretend to ultimately break up? Not feeling that.

Poll result (31 votes) Bail now and let the chips fall where they may (20 votes) Vote Go on the trip y'all planned and see what happens (8 votes) Vote Go on the trip and ghost when you get back (3 votes) Vote

She should be speaking clearly and following up with you. She seems to not be matching your energy and effort. I say cut ties now and save your time.

Seems like she has another love interest or just wants out.
I would suggest moving the hell on.
She about to friend zone your ass.

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How did the meeting with your mom go? She mighta felt the mom glare...lol

Dating someone who is like yourself is a blessing and a curse.

Good luck.

Oh, and if y'all had a routine that's the problem. Gotta switch it up. Make her hate you or make her cry. I'm joking but seriously, even in marriage a routine is a bad thing. Gotta spice it up. Get out of your comfort zone. Go zip lining, go on a $5 date in the hood. Do something different.

Oh part 2. The anniversary gift was a reminder y'all been together a whole year and you ain't said I love you yet.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

And I wasn't even trying to speed things up, just wanted her to know that when I express my frustrations it's because I'm serious about being with her

or start weighing your options because it sounds like that's what she is doing.

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

basically cleaning out my heart and mind

she told him wants she wants...him to show interest. Taking me to see your mother ain't that...

admit that you don't know how. Open up!

In her defense there must be some kind of who is this guy? Going on and she did say so etching to that effect

my bad l misunderstood.

I ask because I find that sometimes people use
phrases like this and they mean something totally
different than you'd mean... like she might mean
"tell me more about you" and you hear "show more
emotion" or something.

How exactly did you go about "opening up"?

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

I'm terrible at the real time processing of that type of feedback. It did come out over the course of subsequent discussion that is was more of a

"tell me more about you"

sort of thing, In the end even though I maybe overplayed my hand in terms of sharing feelings at least she knows what they are and at least for a time she had feelings for me that appeared to be similar

And the rest feelings and I kept the feelings short and to to the point

You can't tell your mate to open up while you keep your guard up

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

while we were eating she did that thing where she holds my hand under the table and she initiated it. Small gesture but it was genuine

444

Do you even know her interests?

baseball games, beer festivals, wineries, etc

talk to her...

you need to ask what's up...

hopefully you haven't let too much time go by. she may have already checked out.

damn you menz lol

Problem with these kinds of things is it's hard to parse; is it her own life that she's going through a change, is she having issues with the way the relationship is currently (which can be fixable) or is it just you (which, lol, isn't fixable)

All you can do is be honest, go on the trip, and keep it in back of your mind. If her critique's are valid (on you being closed off/guarded) work on it but understand you might be working on it for the next relationship

My thing is that you have to give your partners time to work through things because sometimes its not about you even if they think it is. On the flipside no body wants to get treated like an afterthought in a relationship...why we together then as opposed to just friends who casually fuck, WHY AM I PAYING FOR THESE TGI FRIDAY'S MEALS FOR THE BOTH OF US.

ahem.

Put forth a legit effort for you 2 to have fun and get into a good groove. If that's a struggle, then maybe things aren't meant to be.

not worth it

She should be speaking clearly and following up with you. She seems to not be matching your energy and effort. I say cut ties now and save your time.

it takes that long to feel each other out. now is when you start to honest about what they doing...

nah?

>went away for a week and she didn't even text until I
>addressed it 5 or 6 days later

Grounds for a quittal (c)

>she doesn't even want to meet at her place to head out but would rather meet at the party.

something she'd rather you not see at her place? hmmmm

>Says she's not good with expressing feelings

ROFLMAO...what woman in the history of humanity hasn't been good about expressing her feelings? FOH

>I text and she rainchecks.

First time ever? pattern? need more info

>any day in mind to reschedule for? No reply until Monday!

I'd have hit her with the "Can't. Busy" when she finally deemed you worthy of a reply and KIM

>Asking if I have plans. I'm like yeah I have plans so she's like >"sad face no one wants to hang out with me" so I'm like how about >later in the evening? "She says just kidding!!? Have fun.

The classic passive aggressive woe is me BS. RED FLAG

>We have a 4 day beach trip planned starting Thursday and come
>back Sunday. Am I walking into a trap? Like this is all just
>pretend to ultimately break up? Not feeling that.

At this point you need to turn into Iceberg Slim and be cold...no beach trip, no phone, no nothing. RUN NOW

>>went away for a week and she didn't even text until I
>>addressed it 5 or 6 days later
>
>Grounds for a quittal (c)
>
>>she doesn't even want to meet at her place to head out but
>would rather meet at the party.
>
>something she'd rather you not see at her place? hmmmm
No I did come over everything looked as it should. We had a contentious back and forth the day before so I could see her needing some space


>>Says she's not good with expressing feelings
>
>ROFLMAO...what woman in the history of humanity hasn't been
>good about expressing her feelings? FOH

In her defense her dad was never in the picture and was abusive towards her mom. Her mom has her own issues so I can see that. She can certainly express negative feelings

>
>>I text and she rainchecks.
>
>First time ever? pattern? need more info.
First time ever and with no follow up suggestion which is what bothered me

>>any day in mind to reschedule for? No reply until Monday!
>
>I'd have hit her with the "Can't. Busy" when she finally
>deemed you worthy of a reply and KIM
I did and that's when she came back with the woe is me


>>Asking if I have plans. I'm like yeah I have plans so she's
>like >"sad face no one wants to hang out with me" so I'm like
>how about >later in the evening? "She says just kidding!!?
>Have fun.
>
>The classic passive aggressive woe is me BS. RED FLAG

Yeah I recognized it too

>>We have a 4 day beach trip planned starting Thursday and
>come
>>back Sunday. Am I walking into a trap? Like this is all just
>>pretend to ultimately break up? Not feeling that.
>
>At this point you need to turn into Iceberg Slim and be
>cold...no beach trip, no phone, no nothing. RUN NOW

Yeah I took her number out of my phone and might just not even text her back if she reaches out with a time to meet. At least a 50% chance she has someone else she can take

doesn't make her a bad person or the wrong woman or any of that
it just looks like you two aren't aligned
cut your losses and sincerely wish her the best
it's all in the game (c)

both of you.
If she says "No, why would you ask that?" Then tell her everything you talking about here.....and y'all work that shit out...

If she says "Yes"...then wrap it up B....

It's really that plain and simple. This will save you days, weeks, months, years of anguish and hand wringing over "What if?"

Clean your slate fam.

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

See I had stated that not long after the open up discussion and she said my tendency for skepticism made her feel like I didn't trust her. She was right, I heard that and cut it out.

It wasn't that I didn't trust her but that women and men communicate differently and so at times I felt there was something beneath whatever it was she was telling me

>See I had stated that not long after the open up discussion
>and she said my tendency for skepticism made her feel like I
>didn't trust her. She was right, I heard that and cut it out

Go and enjoy yourself and hopefully enjoy her company too...but at the very least, enjoy yourself. If things start to go south on the trip just chalk it up as a 4-day closure session.

>It wasn't that I didn't trust her but that women and men
>communicate differently and so at times I felt there was
>something beneath whatever it was she was telling me

Yeah, you can't operate in life like this....on super sleuth mode all the time. There's always gonna be some shit you're just not gonna be privy of. That shit reeks my dude. It's def. a killjoy because the person that's the recipient of that suspicion always feels like they gotta go out of their way to show and prove they're being honest. It becomes a burden.


"Get ready....for your blessing....."

>Yeah, you can't operate in life like this....on super sleuth
>mode all the time. There's always gonna be some shit you're
>just not gonna be privy of. That shit reeks my dude. It's def.
>a killjoy because the person that's the recipient of that
>suspicion always feels like they gotta go out of their way to
>show and prove they're being honest. It becomes a burden.


Past hurts I guess keep me trying to stop getting hurt again

>Past hurts I guess keep me trying to stop getting hurt again

I hear that.




"Get ready....for your blessing....."

...some folks use shit like this to string the other person along until *they* are ready. F that, don't leave the decision up to her.

>Just ask her if it's a wrap

with her perception that he doesn't trust her...maybe not the best move overall.....

But damn, sometimes you gotta just get shit out on the table.
"Get ready....for your blessing....."

Didn't you say she had some eewwwwwweeee that had you stuck?

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TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

I was like okay I must be lightweight. I didn't push it

If a chick ain't sweating you, she's just not that into you. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise of this, you know this in your heart. When you want something, you go after it, right? Well, same for her.

>went away for a week and she didn't even text

Ain't even gotta be all dramatic, just stop calling the jawn and go holler at new jawns.

9/10 it won't go well if there is already distance starting to grow.

If she's not reciprocating your energy then you need to cut her off. Not on some negative shit, but I'm sure there are plenty of other things you could do with your time and money than spend it on someone that you aren't sure really wants it.

As the case may be

.

But could be a factor as to why the change seemed so sudden as of Saturday

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cscpov.blogspot.com

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"

things just get weird for folks sometimes and it can shift at a moment's notice

prepare for the worst and hope for the best is always sound advice with these uncertain types of dynamics...just continue to try and feel it out and if the trip is off and the return continues more of the same...then go ahead and starting creating distance

Let me sport my Air Hyperbole 2010s in peace. (c) ansomble

Building repetoires (c) spm since 1983

If I go

<--- Big Baller World Order

Or at least I want to lol

but idk tho. that "nobody wants to hang out w/ me " "sike im fine"

she waiting days to text you after a "lets reschedule"

it just comes off like you have her up near the top of your list of priorities and she's got you maybe 10 or 12 rows down. few things turn me off quicker than feeling like im not on a woman's mind like that.

hell i dont even like that from people i just hang out with.

there is a woman out there for you that will walk through fire to be w/ you

<--- Big Baller World Order

that would be nice

Not gonna front, if my girl said some shit like that to me, i'd be thinking that:

'no one' = some dude.

she'd be cheating on me, and the the truth is every woman has a guy somewhere in the background

It does reek of manipulation, but may be PMS. Not to be stereotyping but the truth is I've never seen the "really emotional" side of her and I'm sure it exists

IDK women can be weird like that

>Not to be
>stereotyping but the truth is I've never seen the "really
>emotional" side of her and I'm sure it exists
>
>IDK women can be weird like that


It sounds fucked-up, but the WORST relationships I've ever been in all had one thing in common: emotionally distant women. I'm talking women that I've never seen cry over ANYTHING.

Meanwhile, the BEST relationships that I've been in the women would cry and show vulnerability around and about me (during normal situations like high-stress, arguments, being sad about something, etc.)

no tears, but I think she was fighting them. I wouldn't want to push it to that point just to see tears, but you know what--

when we first started dating she went to the beach with some friends and things went sideways with one of them (her friends) she was bothered and called me. I called backed once I saw she rang (or maybe I texted) asking if everything was okay and she said she was fine.

Over time I learned that it was actually a big deal and she likely had been crying and wanted to but felt it was too early

there does seem to be something there when I really look at it. Maybe she's afraid? IDK

she being passive agressive and trying to play you so he can juice her own ego. grab ya nuts and tell her you don't appreciate her fuckery and then immediately cease contact. she might come back for the D since you finally established dominance, she probably won't cuz she already got her eye on a new dude, might already be fuckin him

cold world

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If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

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If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

seems like she got cold feet after you opened up a little. give her a bit more time, but not much.

the trip, for me, would not be a good idea. I wouldn't want to go on a trip with someone I'm iffy with. there's no escape for either of you should things go sideways.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

There definitely needs to be a little more time for her to process everything. Not sure what the right timing should be on addressing these, but in all honesty it looks like there isn't much point in doing so

As far as the trip goes I'm sure we'll be both have a good time so long as we ignore our feelings lol

Time to rebuild the wall (c) Pink Floyd

_

shakin your block with a 6 million dollar bop

_

www.davidevanmcdowell.com

"Get ready....for your blessing....."

compared to mine

Like what kinda brown? Can we get a region of the world? It matters.

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If life is stupendous one cannot also demand that it should be easy. - Robert Musil

http://footage.framepool.com/shotimg/qf/116575880-haka-maori-polynesian-ethnicity-grimace.jpg

haha, just kidding. i know that's a pic you googles. just effin' with you, atillah.

when the Uber driver asks how I could end up with someone for 20 years and not marry them...I told him because I was waiting for him.

waiting for him to open his heart...be vulnerable
he wouldn't...and I grew tired of waiting
he knew I loved him unconditionally
that's what hurts the most
that's why I'll forever resent his ass...

after wanting to see that in a partner? Any insight?

your feet since day 1?


"Get ready....for your blessing....."