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includes my 2 youngest daughters)
"i don't care if we win by 40, or if we lose by 40. if y'all gave it your best effort, showed great character (Christlikeness), and played with focus and attention to detail, i'm going to be nothing but proud of y'all"... the corollary is that we can blow someone out and if we don't do it the right way (in execution, or character, or effort), i'm not going to be pleased with it.
for my kids, that's consistent with what we been teaching them since before they even knew the word 'teach'.
another lesson all my teams (and all my kids) know by heart is:
"win by 20 and everything's funny" <-- i say this when we are getting cheated. in other words your excellence can be a buffer against unfairness. if you let shit get close, then slights or bad calls, and stuff like that can dictate the outcome. if you come out in every game tryna blow folks out (ie, MAXIMIZE every opportunity), you don't eliminate the possibility for foul play, but you limit it's effect, and make folks have to be more and more blatant to try and hold you down.
stuff that can have you damn near in tears if a W or L hangs in the balance can be a minor irritation or lightweight amusing when you up by 20.
those two philosophies go hand in hand and mirror our parenting style.
>Is not pushing your child limiting their potential?
yeah. but i push w/ permission. if they WANT to be good, and it's in line w/ their stated goals, i'm going to push them. case in point, my youngest son is a senior (super senior) and really, really, REALLY wants to play ball in college.
objectively his potential is anywhere from low D1 -> D2 -> D3. he works very hard, studies , etc., but he ain't as consistent as he needs to be. and not as bloodthirsty as he needs to be (especially when playing in our homeschool league where he is, athletically, and skills wise, the best player in the state, but not the highest in overall production).
i'll tell him, point blank, when he's not getting it done, or needs more. what his strengths and weaknesses are, what he needs to work on. how to deal w/ the nonsense (i'm only assistant coach on his team. head coach and other assistant be on some nonsense a lot b/c of some other dynamics).
sometimes it ain't what he wants to hear, but i try to give him what he NEEDS to hear.
my middle son played football (i also coached him in that, and was assistant on the the varsity team)... he did not have aspirations of playing in college.
but he needed some more extracurriculars for his college admissions, and we wasn't tryna give him phys ed credit for xbox, so we pretty much pushed him on the field his junior year. (he had high athletic potential as a child, but some negative experiences early on soured him on sports and coaches, and he kinda withdrew from that).
now, once he was out there, it was a balancing act. i made him work to put in at least the amount of effort to be a high school football player. figured out what he liked and didn't like, and put him in position to do what he liked. and he actually enjoyed himself, did well, and showed great growth as a player. more importantly, his experience demonstrated what sports can do if you allow it:
- showed the relationship between work and improvement - showed the relationship between practice and time - gave him a feel for his ability to overcome barriers he initially thought were insurmountable - gave him an outlet for energy and aggression
although it took some nudging at first, he enjoyed his time playing, and can look back on it fondly. it also helped him from a social perspective.
i tailor my approach to the child, their stated aims, and what they seem to need and what strengths they have. and i'll heat check periodically to make sure we're on the same page as far as what they are putting in and getting out of the experience.
also, i will celebrate a reserve girl cutting off baseline successfully, or being in a proper rotation as much as i will someone drilling a three with a defender hanging off of her. i go out of my way to find and point out the little wins inside the game so that the overall W's and Ls don't have as much power.
well, when we started out, and when we were getting blown out. now we are in a prime position to win the state championship with playoffs starting this week. wish us luck.
>Instilling a defeatist attitude? >How do you go about teaching humility, competitiveness and >gracefully accepting defeat? >This can be about anything really.
hopefully i covered those. but feel free to ask follow ups.
i firmly believe you got to know how to win and how to lose.
peace & blessings,
x.
www.twitter.com/poetx
========================================= I'm an advocate for working smarter, not harder. If you just focus on working hard you end up making someone else rich and not having much to show for it. (c) mad
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