I was fixated. I couldn't NOT look at him. and he was beautiful. I was fucking mesmerized, and it felt weird, cause I wasn't gay. I didn't REALLY know what gay was, other than you liked boys. It was pretty much the final insult you could throw at another dude; I was firmly into my adolescent girl-chasing stride.
I couldn't reconcile this feeling of finding the dude attractive, and I could never talk about it. Any uttering of anything like that immediately shattered your manhood.
But yeah...that happened. Nxgga was handsome til the end. and he was dope. nxggas loved him, and 'let him in'. he never came off as patronizing or 'using his black pass', he just DID HIM.
Even when he got caught in the bathroom he basically owned his shit.
'I like getting high and catching some strange. Silly me.'
2. "being home is weird..." In response to Reply # 0
not much has changed. my mother hugs and tells me she loves me more tho. I cringe when people asks about him. I told them not to anymore.
My bff is getting married again. The ring is super cute. This time around I'm not jealous. He's the perfect guy (for her) and Ive never seen her so happy.
i look different...I feel different...I am different
-im loving this week off. Been nothing but hanging with my friends driving to places ive never been like last night went to Cabellas, which is a huge outdoorsman emporium. They have every thing ever related to hunting,fishing, and whatever you want to do outdoors. My friend picked up an air gun and a skinning knife. Dont know a damn thing about hunting but i had alot of fun perusing the store.
-confession- i will fking a married woman on New Years Eve. My homegirl i go waaaaayy back with is going through a divorce and she's been confiding in my alot lately. For a brief history long before she got married, we messed around for a little bit. Well she called me on Monday and told me how she would like to bring in the New Year and asked if it could be us. Well sht i hadn't had anything planned in concrete anyway, and this damn sure "beats" anything i probably could get into anyway. Crazy thing is she's going to a 7pm New Years Eve church service and said she would say a prayer about what she was about to do right afterwards. She's determined to get it in as the clock strikes 12am. Im not mad at her. I dont mind sweating out her weave.
-I found out a dude i went to school with has mental problems. Dude was a GREAT football player and went to Ohio State on a full scholarship. He graduated and was working as a probation officer helping out kids. The last time i talked to him was about 10 years ago and he was doing fine, married with 2 kids, and a good career. Seemed like he had a real good life going. Now all that is gone. I was mad depressed when i found out. He was always a good dude. You just never know.
-I know most people are looking forward to changing the calendar year with all the celebrity deaths and the election and other disturbing things that happened this year, but for me, personally 2016 was the BEST year i had in at least 10 years. Financially, personal life, and family life was pretty good this year. No year will ever be perfect, but for me 2016 was as close to it as it gets. Looking forward to it continuing into next year.
7. "i'm getting myself into trouble again, and it's all my fault" In response to Reply # 0
I'm sleeping with someone I don't like that much, and they're falling for me
I allow this pattern to happen, because the only version of romance I'm skilled at is the sweet, affectionate variety - even if the feels aren't really there on my end
i *know* the longer i put it off, the more it will hurt. i *know* the caring thing to do is to be honest. i *know* the sooner i rip the band aid, the easier
8. "RE: ** CONFESSION WEDNESDAY **" In response to Reply # 0 Thu Dec-29-16 07:19 AM by SP1200
Going home for literally a few hours lol.
I went off at this 24 hour tire shop late last nite.
These idiots got my tire rim caught in their machine when it malfunctioned. Had to wait 2 hours in the cold and they wanted to only take $10 off. I went in lol.
This is the very first year I'm not nervous about DJing NYE. It's at a spot I've been at over a year weekly, They're paying good money, and I know exactly what I'm playing at midnight. No sweat.
Gonna be some changes over there come March and I hope my pockets aren't affected by it, but I'll be prepared just in case. I feel appreciated but not at the ultimate level for what I pull off there.
Bothers me knowing I had to be 20 times better to get where I'm at. And that ain't even all that. Makes me want to bounce from this city.
I notice me and famous dude are never in the same place at the same time. That's cause I never go to local hypebeast events. I'm REAL cool on those smh.
Proud of myself for taking so much action before the year is even over. That said, I've been slacking the past couple days. Getting back on it.
2016 & 2017 even more so will be known as the years that "I went for mine!" (c)