2. "Why is it separate time tho" In response to Reply # 0
There's levels; if your dating a dude and he's spending each weekend helping his mother pick out bras, then there's a problem, issue.
Or if your dating someone and they are literally calling up their parents for discussion backups, giving em play by plays mid argument another issue.
But if family get-togethers are a big part of their lives before I got in it, I can't be mad.
It goes into the bigger picture of whoever I date I want to have a life; if they are able to balance family and other commitments (friends hobbies) along with boo'ed up time, its all good imho.
9. "If folks didn't grow up with that type of family, it can be..." In response to Reply # 2 Mon Dec-12-16 03:50 PM by Creole
>But if family get-togethers are a big part of their lives >before I got in it, I can't be mad. >
difficult for them to understand because they're not used to or can't fathom how a family can be tight like that.
My family is one that does like to get together often. And I can't wait to see them for Christmas. Mom done already said that, while we are in town, we can do what we want with the exception of being at their house on Christmas Eve for "Cocktails and Gumbo Night."
#YAHMOBETHERE
Edit: Because I don't live there, I do like to spend as much time around them as possible when I am in town. Just need to balance the time a bit better when WE are there together because all that presence can be overwhelming for others who aren't used to it.
Edit *2: Plus, we grew up that way. Every Wednesday evening when I was a kid, we went to my grandmother's house for dinner. She worked on Sunday. So, she wanted us all there on Wednesday to have dinner. parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and even some from the neighborhood would be there. It came to mean a lot more to me over the years as we moved away and, then, when I left home as a young adult and lived so many miles away.
19. "RE: Why is it separate time tho" In response to Reply # 2
I think the time isn't separate w them. It's like they chill every weekend and it seems as if they never really do stuff just them two. It's always involved w his fams
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79622 posts
Mon Dec-12-16 03:59 PM
21. "if his fam babies him and picks on her then sure.. I get it" In response to Reply # 19
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
28. "Yeah that's a problem" In response to Reply # 19
Family time is YOUR time in a relationship, not necessarily my time.
its all good, but if date night ends up being us crammed in at your mommas house in them small ass chairs while she throwing shade at your cousins...nah
>I think the time isn't separate w them. >It's like they chill every weekend and it seems as if they >never really do stuff just them two. >It's always involved w his fams
14. "RE: Wtf:Your SO's family time..." In response to Reply # 5
Cuz it's every weekend several times lol r weekend as well.
Like Friday night then Saturday too or Saturday and Sunday. Like someone else said. Cut the cord you r an adult w a relationship that u want to make work but can't cuz u stay spending time w others not alone
BrooklynWHAT Member since Jun 15th 2007 85077 posts
Mon Dec-12-16 03:37 PM
6. "every weekend? nah fam cut the umbilical cord." In response to Reply # 0
like it's cool if the fam just lives in town. my dad and i used to go to my grandma's (mom's side) house every saturday cause she loved sports as much as we did.
but if you gotta travel more than like 30 mins you can see them once or twice a month and be good.
>call me what u want but no....I don't feel like being around >your mommy, cousin, brother/sister, granma, uncle's dog, >ex-fish about 95% of the time
Like, while it's nice (maybe not long term if there's a breakup) where everyone hits it off and everyone is instant family, that whole family/friend networking shit is work.
Its not even about people disliking each other, but there is an inherent amount of 'work' you gotta do when you're around people...gotta put on that old spice, spray the binaca, and mingle mingle mingle. Its hard listening to Uncle Ray Ray telling that same old ass story for the 8th time.
Its why I try to be respectable for the people I date and their time. There's some mandatory things you gotta show up for (weddings, etc).. but I try to not drag em out unless I got to or unless they are going to get enjoyment out of it.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79622 posts
Mon Dec-12-16 04:06 PM
27. "LMAO.. that's family" In response to Reply # 24
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79622 posts
Mon Dec-12-16 04:49 PM
33. "yeah.. I'm sayin your description was spot on" In response to Reply # 29
Unless a woman lives in a different state than her fam... that's more than likely gonna be how it is...
If you find one who lives in the same town and doesn't fuck with her fam like that she prolly got other issues and is selfishness and sadistic as well
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
10. "Something tells me this post will be very revealing how people get" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Dec-12-16 04:02 PM by Buddy_Gilapagos
along with their own family....and people in general.
Post already taking a misanthropic turn.
Some people are family people. If family people get together with other family people, they tend to get it and are cool with spending time with the others family unless they don't get along with that other family.
I am a family person so whenever I dated a person I've always considered how much I like being around their family. If I am not a fan of them people, can't do it.
But if you are not a family person and don't like to kick with other people in general, then you should stay away from family people.
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
13. "I guess I'll bite 1st" In response to Reply # 0
Some families are just that close knit.
Mine isn't wired like that. We don't stay in each other's spaces too much because we barely made it out of the home we lived in together ALIVE and shit...
But if one of my family members calls me...it's an automatic drop everything and handle it.
Mostly because they don't abuse it.
BUT....if my SO had that type of family...I suspect I'd know that prior to making it official and I'd have to accept that shit.
Then again...I crossed into the "as long as you taking the kids with you" phase of my relationship 6 years ago.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79622 posts
Mon Dec-12-16 03:56 PM
20. "I don't see the problem" In response to Reply # 0
but I cmoe from a big family and it's how I grew up.
I haven't lived in a city with family for a minute tho so it's only around the holidays.
We have talked about moving to the same city tho because I want my kids growing up around family and getting that knowledge and love instead of being raised by strangers.
ATL would be the move since my brother and sister live there.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
26. "As with most things, balance is key" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Dec-12-16 04:10 PM by Cold Truth
If my time is universally monopolized by your family and their various functions, chances are we're not a match.
I'm deeply integrated with my wife's family but I'm not spending all my spare time with them. We make at least two out of state trips a year for her siblings, cousins and whatnot and there are plenty of visits to see her mom.
My close friends are essentially my family and they like to hang out every weekend but as much as I love them I'm not allowing my family's time to be monopolized by them either. Actaully, I'm far more deeply ingrained into her family than she is with my *chosen* family.
Further, my wife and I do not require the presence of the other at every function one of us attends. We both value our alone time and it's never an issue for one of us to take the kids and leave the other to a blissfully empty home.
It's all about balance and more importantly, what works for that couple.
My boy's wife though? If his wife's third cousin baptizes their 6th child, he has to drive two hours out of town to attend on a weekend with three days notice.
31. "All about that balance" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Dec-12-16 04:32 PM by dustin
I love my family. But making it work with a SO is all about finding balance.
If it was *EVERY* weekend that my SO wanted be with her fam I would start to feel like she didn't prioritize our alone time. But if we can specify when OUR time is vs when THEIR time is then it can work.
And from the family perspective, I have two old brothers and I don't care how long their relationships are going on for, if I rarely/never see one of their GFs it's a ultra-red flag.
If a GF told me she felt some type of way about me spending time with my family she'd probably get tossed
32. "Boy of boy. I've seen this play out in real time. It did not end well " In response to Reply # 0
There has to be balance, as mentioned. If there's not, there's going to be huge problems.
<-- Dave Thomas knows what's up... __________________________
Jay: Look here homie, any nigga can get a hit record. This here is about respect. Game: Like Gladys Knight. Jay: Aretha Franklin. Game: Word, I like her too. Jay: Nigga...
36. "There you have it " In response to Reply # 34
Even if we married. I'm not going over there every damn weekend. Especially if we don't spend equal amounts of time with my family. I've seen this play out where someone always wanna be at their folks house but don't wanna fools with yours.
Have fun over there and bring me back a plate
================= Official Okay-Super Villainā¢
I only play the games that I win at - Gamertag: Innovator PSN: DurtyGambino Steam: Durty Gambino Twitch.tv/durtygambino
37. "It can be the worst...." In response to Reply # 0
I'm introverted by nature so I enjoy my alone time. If I'm with someone in a relationship then it's someone who I've decided I'm comfortable sharing my free time and my space with.
What a lot of people don't realize is that not everyone wants to put up with other people out of some obligation. I come and go as I please. I'm respectful about it in my relationship but I don't want to be beholden to anyone with my free time. I don't want to get off of working a whole week and then spend time I could be enjoying myself having to deal with trying to move through all these different personalities and issues.
Every once and a while is fine but every week? Hell no. I'm trying to keep issues with my own family at a distance as it is.
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