1. "if yall ended on good terms and have mutual respect, then why not?" In response to Reply # 0
this is someone who knows you very well and presumably that u can trust. as long as what ever lines need to be drawn are in place, shouldnt be a problem
7. "however yall choose to structure the relationship id say." In response to Reply # 2
i know ppl who were former lovers and are now best friends. i have former lovers who i am friends with that i would definitely lend money to if they needed it, as well as give advice and a shoulder to lean on, with no sideways ulterior motives in mind. but i also have an ex or two that i wouldnt piss on if they were burning red hot, which is why i said as long as things ended on good terms and there is mutual respect
29. "oh ok, i thought you were in the "men and women can't be friends"" In response to Reply # 27
camp. i see where you're coming from with the former lovers thing. it definitely makes it a bit more complicated/nuanced, but not altogether impossible on a case by case basis.
ftr, i'm not really friends with any of my exes. friendly, sure, but i never see them and i'm not on social media like that so it's really a non-issue in my life.
24. "oh i super cared i always do lol" In response to Reply # 12 Fri Aug-12-16 10:53 AM by GoldenWon
i p much got dumped we laugh abt it now bc i like to tell ppl when they ask how we met bc we still hang out from time to time. but it was probably for the best bc i wldve been in hell after a sec lol there is super love between us now.
5. "RE: being friends with an old lover/ hello Friday..." In response to Reply # 0
I don't think there's much point... if a guy is trying to stay friends, I just assume he's trying to keep the possibility of dating again, or future a booty call.
And I don't think anyone should feel obligated to stay friends just because the other person wants to. Nobody owes anyone anything, imo. ______________________________ http://i.imgur.com/Gj5Wy56.jpg
6. "I'm friends with a couple..." In response to Reply # 0
one i haaaaaaave to keep a distance from bc she was that girl but we are still on good terms...but i only talk to her/see her once in a blue. Any more than that is too much.
Another one was good friends with my wife and in our wedding. I'm cool with her husband...everyone knows everything about everything. At this point we aren't as cool anymore (wifey and girl had a falling out not over me) but we all ran into each other recently and been hanging out a bit since.
It don't/won't work for everyone or every situation but i don't see it as a blatant rule that ya'll can't be friends.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
9. "how did i convince my wife of what lol?" In response to Reply # 8
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
14. "Basically. The upside is low, the complications are too many. " In response to Reply # 10
I can make friends anywhere else. Sometimes I miss my past. Sometimes I feel like a part of who I am based on who I was could be more clear. But none of that is more important than having growth and peace to me.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
16. "My wife and I were close friends before we started dating aka i was" In response to Reply # 14
friendzoned/friends w benefits.
My wife knew who i messed with, who i was messing with etc. The first girl, she knew casually while i was messing with her and me and my wife were just becoming friends.
The 2nd girl became friends with my wife while me and wifey were in the friends w/ benefits stage. Me and my crew used to play in a bball league in jersey and the ex flame was dating a dude in the league. She would ride out with us and wifey came along too. That's how they became friends.
So its not like i'm bringing exes into the picture and forcing them in my circle. lol
Plus there's nothing in my past that my wife don't know so its nothing these girls could say that would make things messy.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
32. "I've consistently moved neighborhoods, cities, and now states. " In response to Reply # 16
I've always had an ever evolving and changing hang out group and I've picked up some core friends along the way. I don't have a real need for or a social obligation to anyone really.
I think being around the same people for so long changes the equation.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
37. "yeah our circle was kinda of small, alot of people knew the same" In response to Reply # 32
people....people kept popping up etc.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
my problem tho is i take the wife home to the Burgh and I see childhood crushes and HS flame.
had to give my wife a warning early on that sone of these women aint never left home, aint got much going for them or love drama so if they start trippin...
had one girls mother act up at a cook out. I tried to introduce my wife and she was like yup, uh,huh... MY DAUGHTER was going to come but she said you wouldnt be here so she didnt come. Wait til i tell her.
convo over..,
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
17. "well yeah if this was the types of girls you was dealing with i " In response to Reply # 15
wouldn't bring wifey around them either.
>had to give my wife a warning early on that sone of these women aint never left home, aint got much going for them or love drama so if they start trippin...
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 10:31 AM
19. "i was that nigga back in the day... lol" In response to Reply # 17
seriously tho... it was me. all my relationships bled into each other or overlapped due to being a hoe or just hooking up but not being in committed long term relationships..
once i got to college it was the same way so its a bad idea to try and remain friends with old lovers.
plus that shit rarely ends well. someone always says something, implies something or holds onto some old shit that ends up causing more problems than its worth.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
21. "damn i got a few that i did 'wrong' or hurt their feelings but for the" In response to Reply # 19
most part all ended decently and they were all stand up girls. There's just one girl that's a bit crazy but she in florida now lolz and 1 more that if i saw her i might be a lil worried.
Everybody else tho was good people and it be no issue or anything if i saw them with my lady.
(altho there may be some that i don't remember)
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 10:55 AM
25. "I'm not sure I did most of them wrong" In response to Reply # 21
I wasnt really big on closure tho...
always made them feel like their might be a chance but thats about it.
ionno... I like to think its cause I'm actually a good catch but who am I fooling? its the light eyes...
and I'm from an area where we all talk an amazing amount of shit and got mad jokes. My wife is a good sport about it.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 10:00 AM
11. "FB friends.. thats it tho" In response to Reply # 0
aint no reason to hang with old lovers unless I'm trying to get that old thing back.
she said "we should hang out when i come to brooklyn so you can see my beautiful daughter"
me: why, so we can tempt ourselves and break up our happy homes?
I was her first, she still said shit like "you know we miss me"
nah... i love my marriage too much to play like that.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 10:44 AM
23. "I met my wife in college" In response to Reply # 18
and my college years were wild as shit.
so any old lovers are in college or before and she knows of or knows my exes and she isnt fans of them for good reason.
i was a dog and i tried my damndest to ruin a perfectly good relationship because who wants to meet THE ONE in college?
I put my wife thru too much shit to hang with old flames.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
22. "I'm best friends with my ex" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Aug-12-16 10:36 AM by justin_scott
we were together for 10 years, but in the end, the relationship just didn't work out. She then lived with me for another year and a half (platonic), then moved to the east coast. We still talk almost every day. We still buy each other birthday gifts. She even has a new semi long term boyfriend, but twice a year when she comes back to LA to visit, she always stays at my place. She's honestly someone i would call a soul mate, and we still have soooo much in common.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 10:57 AM
26. "hell nah... you are a dick in a glass box. " In response to Reply # 22
just a matter of time.
you have to be single cause aint no way the SO would go for that shit
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 12:39 PM
39. "sounds like a long distance relationship without the fucking" In response to Reply # 35
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
41. ""She'll be like both of our girls, but you can keep her at your house"" In response to Reply # 39
I couldn't do it. Someone tried me like that once. A friend that we started crushing on each other. Started sweet talking me daily, going home to her boo at night. I told her I wasn't about to supplement her relationship.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
28. "this is a current point of friction for me and my girl " In response to Reply # 0
to her if you are her ex then you are DEAD to her
but, for me, if we were friends and had great communication AND if things end on a logical note (10 in some areas and 2 in a whole lot of other areas) then why toss out a good connection?
Ive moved states so most of my exes with the exception of one are in my old home state so even seeing them is off the table.
The one who does live near I see from time to time and we actually have solid conversations about our lives.
I think exes who become friends fall into the sometime-friends category as in you see them around the way but you arent exactly pressed to hang all the time but you value the relationship
specifically with the one I still hang out with, we've been friends first for a long time. our intimacy was woven throughout the relationship in two medium length (monogamous situations lasting 6-12 mos) try's over a 4 year period.
its weird, we needed each other in that capacity but we each knew our relationship wasnt destined to go beyond short term situations.
i was in a place in life where i favored monogamy but I also valued my time so it was deep physically but I had walls up to keep emotions at a minimum. Strange times.
I've grown a lot since and shes grown a lot since and in the past 3 years even though we've moved onto our lives we're bonded by a common history (both went to the same college in our old state and we both separately ended up here), common friends and shes recovering from a near death illness
so...its not a cut and dry thing.
as im typing this out Im reflecting on my past and I realized how i was playing the fuck out of that field at the time. I had no desire to be a player, I was actually looking for the one at the same time I was hyper focused on getting money so I ended up not being able to actually enjoy having a partner.
>is your lady with you during the meet ups >do you invite her? >
this is new territory
we both have busy outside lives
so for me its not exactly an event of note but more like something you do thats on the way to doing something else. i mean in the context of having a coffee.
Its an interesting thing, the relation i now have with the ex is limited, its not grown past short hangs or text and I think we both understand that this is the lay of the land.
I've mentioned the ex to my girl, she understands that we will communicate at times, especially once I explained it that my ex has spent the last two years recovering from a near fatal illness
unless catching up means sex in the parking lot...
nah, i really dont.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
51. "this your firsst convo with legs?" In response to Reply # 47
lol kidding....
but seriously...c'mon.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
and i bet fake money your wife and her friend fell out over you... sure they wont say so but cmon bruh...
This aint Friends...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
60. "lolol they didn't." In response to Reply # 59
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 01:34 PM
58. "i could say the same to you" In response to Reply # 47
you just said its causing friction in your current relationship...
you have free time and you want to spend it with your ex?
thats weird to me.
one ex told me she gave her fiance an ultimatum. She was still hanging with her exes or he could bounce. I was like "yeah .. Im not trying to hang with you like that"
this girl ruined 2 relationships in college trying to hang with me on some friend shit and she walways blamed me even tho she would make advances. no way im drinking with an ex to catch up.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
64. "RE: i could say the same to you" In response to Reply # 58
>you just said its causing friction in your current >relationship... > >you have free time and you want to spend it with your ex? > >thats weird to me. > >one ex told me she gave her fiance an ultimatum. She was still >hanging with her exes or he could bounce. I was like "yeah >.. Im not trying to hang with you like that" > > >this girl ruined 2 relationships in college trying to hang >with me on some friend shit and she walways blamed me even tho >she would make advances. no way im drinking with an ex to >catch up.
ah see thats the thing, with my ex's once we're done with the sexual component its really off the menu.
and as mentioned in reply 46 sometimes you have a long history with someone that its not a cut and dry thing.
a 6 month fling? yeah, no reason to keep talking
someone who youve known for 5, 7, 10 years and the break up wasnt related to drama or some other fuckery? it depends
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 02:24 PM
70. "i feel you... but my wife comes first. I cant jeopardize my home" In response to Reply # 64
cause i have old exes that i was real cool with.
and also, if those exes find people to marry the chances of them cutting me off are high and I excpect it.
we can be FB friends but aint no reason for me to call you to get some coffee cause i wouldnt want my wife doing the same.
my wife is upset an old friend of hers didnt invite her to the wedding or send an announcement. I'm over here like "nigga, welcome to reality"
knowing damn well if either of us tried to invite an ex we would both nix that shit.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
48. "Do you have hobbies? I'm not trying to jones. Your free time seems" In response to Reply # 42
Way different than mine. If I'm not hanging out with the wife or the handful of friends that I have there's soooooo many other things I'd rather do than hang out with even a cool ex. That idea is so far down the totem pole that I'd be more likely to sleep in for a night than spend time with one.
------ “There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus
30. "I'm on at least speaking terms with all of them except 1..." In response to Reply # 0
Some I'm still close with, some have moved around and are out of orbit. But we don't have any problems with each other.
It's not difficult for me. The reason I got involved with most of them is because they were great ladies. Maybe I'm lucky but they didn't change up after we split up.
38. "exactly where i'm at." In response to Reply # 30
>It's not difficult for me. The reason I got involved with most of them is because they were great ladies.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 01:13 PM
45. "well my problem is they didnt change after we split up" In response to Reply # 30
still giving me the eye and flirting...
aint got time for that
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
34. "as someone said above, it depends" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Aug-12-16 12:12 PM by dopestethiopian
no problem being acquaintances with anyone that i had a respectful relationship with and no longer have feelings for.
my first bf is one of my closest friends. a true friend. BUT the relationship was more young puppy love, nothing intense --> which makes things less complicated.
40. "damn, forgot a co worker i used to mess with was at my wedding too" In response to Reply # 0
lol.
I remember when she found out years later that my wife knew about everything...she was mad embarrassed(she was married at the time and we were messing around in an empty wing of our office). She was like "oh my god, your wife must think the worst of me"...in my head i'm like she don't really think about you at all lol.
When i told my wife about the convo she was like, yeah i really don't think about her like that but now that she mentions it, she does look like some ish lol
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
50. "true, cause a dude she messed with was at our wedding too lol" In response to Reply # 49
Its because we were friends first...like best friends. She knew everything about me i knew everything about her. There really weren't any secrets or surprises.
So girls that i used to mess with that i was still cool with, she already knew whether or not i was still interested in them, still tryna hit and everything else lol. She knew the ones that i wasn't looking at like that anymore but were still cool with.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 01:46 PM
61. "i take it back... Cenario really is on some Friends TV shit." In response to Reply # 53
cause aint no way old lovers would be at my wedding.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
62. "of course not, them rugrats woulda turned up even if they wasn't" In response to Reply # 61
your ex
>cause aint no way old lovers would be at my wedding. > >
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 02:09 PM
67. "bruh, a guy i know from college got married" In response to Reply # 62
i would call him a friend but we werent that cool but we had mutual friends. Anyway, his best friend was gay and secretly in love with him. He didnt know it and was furious but eventually forgave him. One of his exes told me his friend would straight cock block, she didnt see how he didnt see the obvious.
At the wedding this dude was crying... i mean snot bubble crying. Interrupted the wedding and shit. Dude turned around like cmon bruh...
but he couldnt help it cause he was really in love with dude.
dude made a scene like shit.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
69. "lol why you telling me that story tho?" In response to Reply # 67
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 02:26 PM
71. "cause it ls funny and its why yall crazy for inviting exes to the weddin..." In response to Reply # 69 Fri Aug-12-16 02:31 PM by legsdiamond
and its friday
its playing with fire to have old flames at the wedding.
look what happened at Whitley Gilberts wedding... nah fam.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
73. "the key is don't mess with crazy people. solves alot of problems" In response to Reply # 71
crazies don't need an invitation. They may show up anyway
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Fri Aug-12-16 03:29 PM
75. "true... but love also makes normal people do crazy shit" In response to Reply # 73
im not taking that chance...
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
76. "well yeah, don't invite no one to your wedding that's in love with you" In response to Reply # 75
but not supposed to speak during vows.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
78. "If I'm hanging out with my ex, I'm feeling lonely..." In response to Reply # 0
That's just something I know about myself... So if I'm ever feeling lonely in a relationship, I've got to figure out something else... Can't run to an ex if I want some attention and I'm in a relationship... I don't even want a girlfriend who would be cool with me doing that cuz I wouldn't be cool with her doing that... Call me insecure, but it just is what it is... There are too many people on this earth... I can find a friend who is not my ex...
_____________________________________________________________ Everyone here hates pop music, but loves Michael Jackson... Okay Player...
79. "Personally, I have a policy of moving on/not going backwards.." In response to Reply # 0
I think it is possible for old flames to remain friends or rekindle a friendship, but I do not see the point of doing so because I do not think that the so called friendship is a bona fide friendship. It is in reality a glorified acquaintanceship at best.
In addition, should either person happen to be in a relationship or married, then I think it could cause problems unless the S.O. or spouse knows about the old flame and also become friends with the old flame.
For me, once the relationship is over, then it is over. Time to move on to other things and other people.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79605 posts
Sat Aug-13-16 10:33 AM
80. "last 2 post summed it up for me" In response to Reply # 79
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
81. "To each one's own, I guess." In response to Reply # 80
I believe it makes sense to do it for young folks. People who are well into their adulthood tend to be into their families, careers and current relationships.
Printer-friendly copy 
Email this topic to a friend
General Discussion
