im assuming that values and temperament would be obvious choices. interested to see how it ends up
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
2. "Yea great post." In response to Reply # 1 Fri Jul-01-16 10:53 AM by Brew
>im assuming that values and temperament would be obvious >choices.
This would be my guess too and was ultimately what I decided on but I could see Red being a popular response, too. I know a lot of couples where one partner is a massive introvert/homebody and the other is more wild and social, and they work out near-flawlessly because they have the ability to kind of balance eachother out.
>interested to see how it ends up
Yea - I will be interested to hear from people (if there are any) who pick the middle option. In my experience, you can get past and even thrive by having different interests (keeps it exciting as each partner brings new activities to the table for the other) and like I said above, I've personally seen plenty of couples thrive despite having different temperaments, but I don't think I've ever seen a couple with vastly or even mildly different values and morals systems who have worked out very well in the long term.
4. "i didnt take temperament to mean" In response to Reply # 2 Fri Jul-01-16 11:02 AM by akon
same/similar. but to mean- what you can deal with (e.g i cant deal with hyperactive mofos)
>but I don't think I've ever seen a couple with >vastly or even mildly different values and morals systems who >have worked out very well in the long term.
me neither. its never worked out for me. there are some lines that just cannot be shifted (for me, at least)
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
7. "Gotcha. You're probably right." In response to Reply # 4
>same/similar. but to mean- what you can deal with (e.g i cant >deal with hyperactive mofos)
Either way my opinion is the same.
>>but I don't think I've ever seen a couple with >>vastly or even mildly different values and morals systems >who >>have worked out very well in the long term. > >me neither. >its never worked out for me. >there are some lines that just cannot be shifted (for me, at >least)
10. "yea, we are on the same page" In response to Reply # 7 Fri Jul-01-16 11:33 AM by akon
realized that when i re-read what you wrote.
id be curious the rationale of someone who picked interests.. and something else.
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
14. "i feel like interests are way more important when you are younger" In response to Reply # 10
especially when you are college aged or early twenties, interests can be easily confused for values. When you still are trying to figure out your tribe, interests are often the easiest shorthand for if you'll get along with someone.
22. "Totally agree with you." In response to Reply # 14
>RE: i feel like interests are way more important when you are younger >especially when you are college aged or early twenties, >interests can be easily confused for values. When you still >are trying to figure out your tribe, interests are often the >easiest shorthand for if you'll get along with someone.
I remember that whenever I'd discover that a new friend listened to the same type of hip-hop I did I INSTANTLY felt like we'd be the best of friends haha. Like "damn OK good I'm not alone..."
Nowadays, I still appreciate being able to discuss that good shit with certain people but I definitely look forward to finding people who introduce new music to me that I'd otherwise never go out and find myself.
3. "This is lowkey one of the best posts this week" In response to Reply # 0
>interests= things you like to do (music, tv shows, food, >places you like to go) > >values= philosophy about the world (religion, political views, >ideas on family/childrearing, approach toward alcohol+drugs ) > >temperament= how you're wired (type A or type B, introvert or >extrovert, emotionally expressive or emotionally distant)
Hmmmmm...
*thinks about it*
Interests and values give rise to arguments if they differ too much like someone that is religious but loves MMA.
Temperament is important but knowing someone's temperament and lacking the tools to properly engage with them as a result of this is another thing. Not everyone can deal with an emotionally distant person despite knowing they are emotionally distant.
Interests and values are my choice but don't be a clone of me. We need to grow together so having someone with everything I'm looking for may get old after a while. That applies towards me from the partner's perspective as well. I refuse to date someone uber religious as they are way too judgemental. Hard core conservative person is cool as long as they aren't racist or homophobes. A mix of interests and values would be my bet with the caveat that as we grow together we discover each other's temperament.
6. "I think the ideal is similar values but different backgrounds/experience..." In response to Reply # 0
I was leaning interests initially but I think what has happened in my case was that I met someone with similar values but very different experience and background and part of the good thing with our relationship is that we expose each other to our different interests and helped each other grow that way.
>interests= things you like to do (music, tv shows, food, >places you like to go) > >values= philosophy about the world (religion, political views, >ideas on family/childrearing, approach toward alcohol+drugs ) > >temperament= how you're wired (type A or type B, introvert or >extrovert, emotionally expressive or emotionally distant)
********** "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson
still... i think temperament and values are the most important things for me in a relationship but i dont think my partner and i should (or even can) have the same temperament we'd be miserable.
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
I went interests and values. I don't NEED interests to be similar, but it's nice when they are. On the other hand, if there isn't a good deal of overlap in values, things probably aren't going to work out.
Temperament is the interesting one. While I often get along easiest with friends who have similar temperaments, I work best with a bit of contrast there in relationships. In all of my relationships there's been a tendency toward balancing each other out, and at times this has been one of the best overall parts of some of my relationships. In the few where a balance wasn't reached, shit didn't last long.
19. "agreed all the way...friends that i spend a lot of time with, i want a " In response to Reply # 9
similar temperament. A spouse that we have to make some many joint decisions and stuff, I want someone who will see and express stuff differently than i will. Be upset and angry about things that maybe i'm ready to give up on...help me see and understand different perspectives and things.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
I'm easy going enough to be interested in someone else's interests. If they don't like mine, as long as they understanding that I like it and will continue to do my interest (hence temperament) then I get my to myself time.
¿If a fat guy falls in the woods and there is no one around to see it, do the trees laugh?
-DJ R-Tistic- Member since Nov 06th 2008 51986 posts
Fri Jul-01-16 11:58 AM
16. "Good post. I actually think the better way to say it would be:" In response to Reply # 0
"Compatible temperament." I don't always believe that "opposite's attract" but it has to be a good balance. Two quiet people can bore each other to death, while two extremely outgoing talkative folks can clash. Two folks who are too emotionally expressive will certainly clash.
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
30. "blue feels like a "guess who's coming to dinner" sort of relationship " In response to Reply # 17
Like the type of person you meet at a hole in the wall club to hear the same indie band and you both vibe right away but later find out you are from completely different worlds.
The type of relationship where you would have to do some groundwork/coaching before you introduce them to your family.
18. "red....don't need similar temperament. If we both hotheads who gonna" In response to Reply # 0
calm the situation. if we both i'm over it but still holding a grudge type, who gonna work to resolve issues. If we both pushovers, who gonna keep us from getting herbed. etc.
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
I went with similar interests because watching the same shows and discussing them with the wife is what we do (referencing characters, jokes from the shows, etc.). Also no arguments about what's for dinner or where we're going to eat.
It was a toss-up between similar values and temperament though. I think ultimately the religious aspect of similar values is what made me go that way.
Great post... bout to ask the wife this question and she better say the same!
-------------------------------- "I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." -- Mitch Hedberg
28. "Really good post. I'm with Red. " In response to Reply # 0 Sun Jul-03-16 07:53 AM by Seven
I'm not too big on matching temperament. That would get boring after a while. I'm pretty laid back, introverted and enjoy down time. If my lady was the same I can see how that could be an issue. We wouldn't go anywhere for example. Lol I dated someone briefly like this. We had similar values I think and similar temperaments but it was boring. Didn't last long.
There's someone I met years back who i share similar interests and values with. Her temperament is different from mine. I think we would've made a great couple but distance made it a no go unfortunately....so yeah. Red.
Dj Joey Joe Member since Sep 01st 2007 13770 posts
Sun Jul-03-16 02:04 PM
31. "Similar Values, Similar Temperment" In response to Reply # 0
You basically want somebody that's not going to have your brain all racked up while you're with them, having somebody on their toes or keeping the relationship fresh is cool, but if you feel like the other person is questionable or have you so nervous (on some they might be a addict, thief, or bi-polar) you can't chill for a second to think freely then you don't want to be around them.
--------- "We in here talking about later career Prince records & your fool ass is cruising around in a time machine trying to collect props for a couple of sociopathic degenerates" - s.blak
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