1. "This is very relevant to me right now." In response to Reply # 0 Wed Jan-13-16 12:17 AM by denny
My stepdaughter is 17...her boyfriend is 18....my other daughter is 13.
For the most part....they're angels. My SD's boyfriend lives with us now because he's dad is a deadbeat and his mom kicked him out on his 18th birthday. (yah....no more child tax benefit and no more declaring him as a dependant). His mom is also hooked on oxycodone. So I've spoken with him in-depth about my oxycodone addiction. The goals I have in doing so:
1. To plant a seed for him to empathize with her in the future rather than judging her (which he understandably does)
2. To stress to him that there's no way in hell HE can help her with this.
Both him and my SD are straight-edge which is great. They are confounded and shocked when I talk about my past drug-use. I don't 'seem' like someone who has smoked crack. This helps with several points. Drug addicts need help, not judgement. I'm not perfect. You can change things about your life that you're not happy about. Lots of other reasons too. They don't hide things from me. And part of that is because I don't hide things from them.
I JUST started sharing stuff with my 13 year old. The big thing I try to imprint on her is that weed is relatively safe. Pills and powder are like playing Russian Roulette. I have started using anecdotes from my past for a couple reasons: To scare her, t o inform her and to encourage her to come see me about questions. Also, she will talk to me about stuff happening. She has a friend who's 14 and she's worried about his drug use. She has asked if she can invite him over so that I will talk to him. I LIKE being involved with this stuff. I want to know whats going on. I haven't yet completely opened up to her though. She doesn't know I've smoked crack, done heroin, been addicted to oxycodone. She will eventually though. When there's a reason for it.
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Wed Jan-13-16 03:28 AM
4. "I drop hints/jewels on my oldest from time to time" In response to Reply # 0
I did a LOT of shit back inna day... to the point where if my family and friends ever got together to compare notes about me I'd probably be considered a reformed menace to society.
My oldest is 21 and since 18 I've been droppin shit on her that surprises the hell out of her and fucks up her whole image of "mr straight laced computer nerd daddy". I don't tell everything but just enough to let her know "I've been there, seen that, and done more than you can imagine... just take my word on this..."
My 17 year old is getting a bit of it now, especially when I was waiting for a background check to come back for a job a few years ago and she overheard me talking to a couple of courthouses making sure the records were still sealed. She asked me about it and I hit her with "Daddy wasn't always on the right side of the law..." and left it at that.
One of my sisters came out this way last summer for her best friend's destination wedding and after a few drinks started tellin shit... Needless to say my wife didn't know about any of the shit I was involved in back then.
I had fun back then, lotta fond memories of them days, but I'm happy where I'm at now.
"I got a good life man, pounds and pence/Nuff dollars make sense, while you ride the bench Catch me swinging for the fence/Dead Presidents, ya know..."
6. "He doesn't need ALL the details" In response to Reply # 0
I bring up anecdotes from my past as cautionary tales for my 11 year-old son. Right now they're real, real general, but as he gets older I have no problem going more in depth.
However, unless it's germane to the lesson I'm trying to teach, there's no reason to give all the details.
7. "absolutely not, but I'll impart the wisdom from my experiences" In response to Reply # 0
looking back I can see why my parents still bumped their heads while I was being raised (they had me at 23 and 30), but I plan to be able to do better in some ways
10. "little bit of red, little bit of blue. i voted green." In response to Reply # 0
more stories will be shared as they get older and what i went through is relevant and appropriate to share. they will certainly not know everything, though.
13. "the key is not to romanticise it" In response to Reply # 0
i see no reason to NOT be truthful, just don't do it on some "aw man, back in my day we had so much fun doing....." unless you want to make it sound like something THEY should try
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Wed Jan-13-16 06:46 PM
14. "I don't know if there's a way to romanticize getting shot..." In response to Reply # 13 Wed Jan-13-16 06:47 PM by PoppaGeorge
My middle daughter asked about a scar on my shoulder, I told her that was where I was grazed by a bullet, never went into detail about it. I can't see how the details about the events leading up to me running through niggas back yards off Warren ave and I96 with hot ones whizzin by could ever seem like "fun" to anyone.
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"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
15. "you personalized that too much" In response to Reply # 14 Wed Jan-13-16 06:54 PM by Selah
beyond YOUR case, 50-cent made surviving getting shot seem like some kind of badge of honor
actually though, i was thinking more of my nephews
their dad (and his family) was into all kinda thuggery and crime for the majority of his life
i mean major prison time stuff
he told my nephews all kinda tales that essentially made it all look cool and him look like a hero (including, ironically based on your response, getting stabbed and shot)
one nephew followed in his footsteps, and we buried him on 12/18
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Wed Jan-13-16 11:00 PM
16. "damn fam, sorry for your loss." In response to Reply # 15
>beyond YOUR case, 50-cent made surviving getting shot seem >like some kind of badge of honor
Nah b, go further back; Menace II Society made it cool. Caine got shot, recovered, and went back and killed the dudes that shot him and his cousin. Even the way them niggas got carjacked from that van was "adopted", if you will, by hood niggas.
>actually though, i was thinking more of my nephews > >their dad (and his family) was into all kinda thuggery and >crime for the majority of his life > >i mean major prison time stuff
I got lucky, my moms was dating a fairly high powered, well connected lawyer at the time of my bullshit. I managed to avoid prison time thanks to pre-trial diversion in one case and a prosecutor being a golf buddy in another.
>he told my nephews all kinda tales that essentially made it >all look cool and him look like a hero (including, ironically >based on your response, getting stabbed and shot)
I stay tellin 'em what I did was stupid as shit, especially considering where I came from and who I was... I actually WAS the computer nerd, in college for computer science and everything.
>one nephew followed in his footsteps, and we buried him on >12/18
That's fucked up. Our thought and prayers go out to you and your family.
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"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
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