4. "you got to live your life for you" In response to Reply # 0
theres no medals or trophies for that i sacrifice my shit for your shit shit. all you do is create resentment on both sides. do you. and if they can fit doing them inside that, awesome...if not, adios. either way...do you. at least then if nothing else YOU are straight.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
13. "RE: What are your reasons?" In response to Reply # 8 Fri Jul-24-15 01:37 PM by rdhull
>I HATE that I can never say this during a convo without >having to defend myself for 30 minutes. Even women without >kids say I'm wrong for this.
Because deep downn inside soemtimnes when it gets tough you think to yourself: why the fuck am I doing this when I can be free doing my own thing and here I am with ready made family when their own dad aint shit..thats an added albatross that nobody really wants to admit to
And because you become attached and if it doesant work out you feel the pain of not seeing them again..even though you eventually get over it
Now I will caveat this by sayuing I was 21..so there's that lol. I felt dman near doomed and that my youth was over.
Thank god we both came to our senses.
And who cares what women think? Once you have children, be you the woman or man, if your relationships doesnt work out, then the rest of your life until they are 18 is FOR THEM! not for you to find someone else and YOUR OWN happiness.
Kids dont need to be going through that blended family shit and then sometimes it doesnt even get to that point but all they see is mom or pops dating someone else once again, fucking up their own mindset etc
21. "good advice when you're young. " In response to Reply # 5
I was in no way capable of dating a woman with children when i was younger.
fast forward. I ended up marrying a woman with a daughter. the dad was pretty much out of the picture. One of the best things I ever did, and I love her like she was my own.
In a generation of swine, the one-eyed pig is king. -Hunter S. Thompson
64. "from my POV thats a tough one. " In response to Reply # 5
on one hand, i wouldnt be here if my step father didnt do what he did...i was 13 when he started dating my moms...20 years later they are still at it with no plans to stop
on the other hand, i know im not built for that situation. maybe when i hit 40 but right now the arrow is hovering over nope.
79. "lol if a man is 35 with no kids, id assume he's been responsible with hi..." In response to Reply # 66
the same way I've been responsible with my eggs.
for me, the line i draw is whether or not they were married to the mother of their child(ren). no (more) baby daddies for me. i'll just keep dating younger dudes.
-DJ R-Tistic- Member since Nov 06th 2008 51986 posts
Fri Jul-24-15 01:21 PM
7. "Watch out for the "best friend"" In response to Reply # 0
I understand why people are always suspicious when their partner or even someone they date has a best friend of the opposite sex. I know that I have some close homegirls where neither of us have ever been into the other, but it's a lotta folk who don't operate that way.
9. "word me and my wife were best friends" In response to Reply # 7
i slept with my prior best friend too while she was engaged smh
-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Fri Jul-24-15 01:29 PM
10. "don't fuck with another stripper" In response to Reply # 0
shit just ain't worth it.
---------------------------
"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 79560 posts
Fri Jul-24-15 01:32 PM
11. "don't trust a big butt and a smile" In response to Reply # 0
seriously tho...
if they haven't cleaned up their old relationship, they aren't ready for a new one.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
15. "One ex taught me so much about credit, personal finance that it's " In response to Reply # 0
stuck with me to this day.
Before her, I was reckless with my money.
When she and I broke up, I had money in my savings account. My bills were current. Man, I actually had car insurance (that was a big thing for me--I was ridin' dirty like a mug). Those credit cards I got while at that HBCU were paid off in full. she definitely made me better for the women that came after her.
24. "and even with all that...she and I just weren't meant to be. Of all the " In response to Reply # 17
exes that cross my mind---she seldom does but she definitely had the biggest impact on my future. She taught me the things about finances that my parents tried to but her approach and sexbox made it all sink in.
39. "And know their relationship with the family too" In response to Reply # 20
Fuck around and have extended family on the couch every other week or be dealing with an upset woman because she don't know how to say 'no' to family. UGH
22. "RE: Most valuable lesson you learned from an ex?" In response to Reply # 0
Sometimes (most times) the shit aint permanent...
and that's ok... it was perfect for that phase of your life but you gotta be ok with it being over and not seeing that as a failure
Double 0 DJ/Producer/Artist Producer in Kidz In The Hall ------------------------------------------- twitter: @godouble0 IG: @godouble0 www.thinklikearapper.com
31. "It's hard to date someone with a very different family background" In response to Reply # 0
Like how close are you with your family, are your parents still together or divorced, do you get along with your siblings, etc. The more similar, the easier it is to get along.
Basically I'm tight with my family, and I believe it gives me a certain outlook on life and relationships, and I've had my feelings hurt a couple of times by women who have either a cold relationship with their family or a split up family, and I feel like the burn was incidental because I had a different disposition on family and relationships.
46. "Dude, this is crucial" In response to Reply # 31
>Like how close are you with your family, are your parents >still together or divorced, do you get along with your >siblings, etc. The more similar, the easier it is to get >along.
And whether they come from a small or large family (used to having a house full of people or having shit all to themselves)
> >Basically I'm tight with my family, and I believe it gives me >a certain outlook on life and relationships, and I've had my >feelings hurt a couple of times by women who have either a >cold relationship with their family or a split up family, and >I feel like the burn was incidental because I had a different >disposition on family and relationships. >
52. "Never subject yourself to someone's emotional instability" In response to Reply # 0 Fri Jul-24-15 04:20 PM by Street Poet
People change, the change is usually unpredictable and totally irrational from your point of view. Once you see this, leave and let them go. You may still love them, but you'll hate yourself even more for trying to make a relationship work with someone that no longer feels the same way about you.
59. "DON'T ARGUE!!!! The worst comes out in an argument." In response to Reply # 0
I learned from ex that an argument is never that serious. I can be upset but wait until I've thought about it and cooled off to discuss it.
Giving myself time allows me to weigh whether whatever I'm mad at is worth the relationship. If it's not worth the relationship then when discussing whatever it is I don't need to bring up certain things or hit below the belt, bring old shit because at the end of the day I still want to be with this man. I've learned when you say certain things, even if you make up afterwards you can never take it back.
Now I know I would never belittle a man that I still at the end of the day want to be with. Doing so only makes me look stupid. I used to be the QUEEN of telling my ex he wasn't shit or that he was "so stupid!!" when I was mad or in the mist of an argument. Only to be praising him and being with him for a total of 4 years.
60. "I don't get along well with men who didn't have fathers in their life." In response to Reply # 0
After my ex it was very clear why I had issues in past relationships as well.
Example: I used to have a bad habit of locking my keys in my car. I called my pops one time to come help me fish them out. My pops was like, "Nah you got a man now, have that nigga come help you!". So I called my ex and he tried to give me a 100 and 1 excuses as to why he couldn't come. I flat out told him what my pops said. He came.
As the course of the relationship went on, certain situations he just had no clue how to handle. He didn't know how to treat me to my expectations. Not because he was an asshole or didn't want to because he simply had no male references. He was winging it! One time he said, I don't know if I can be like ya Pops. My Dad and I don't EVEN get along and he knew that but I knew what he meant.
My pops always fixed shit, he handled it, he got his hands dirty, made a way out of no way, protected his family, took FULL responsibility for our family. In relationships I find it hard when my man is just as clueless as I am... I'm not good at asking for help either and I just expect a man to volunteer or at least suggest.
I always feel like I'm wearing the pants when I date men who grew up without a father. I can always tell when a man had his pops around.
69. "Men Move On Their Own Time" In response to Reply # 60
Sometimes men were ready to move into a relationship and I wasn't. Sometimes I was ready and they weren't.
Be either way, if a man felt like it wasn't his time to do something (get married, have sex, meet the family) then it wasn't happening.
This was a real wake up call because I thought I could persuade, influence, convince and massage a man into doing something. But it ended up only turning into a mess because he just simply was not ready.
>Sometimes men were ready to move into a relationship and I >wasn't. Sometimes I was ready and they weren't. > >Be either way, if a man felt like it wasn't his time to do >something (get married, have sex, meet the family) then it >wasn't happening. > >This was a real wake up call because I thought I could >persuade, influence, convince and massage a man into doing >something. But it ended up only turning into a mess because he >just simply was not ready.
its funny because I've had multiple men tell me that a woman holds the power to get any man's heart. even a man who i wanted but didn't want me back as much has said that.
84. "Women hold the keys, if he is trying to get in" In response to Reply # 81
But a woman can't convince any old random dude to fall in love with her. The man has to have a shred of desire, fascination, longing, mysterious pursuit for her. Then she can wield her power.
Otherwise, it aint happening. I've been on both sides.
61. "just because someone says they are committed it doesnt mean" In response to Reply # 0
they necessarily know what that means. next serious relationship i am in expectations of what commitment means will be discussed ad nauseum bc theres no way im dealing with that foolishness again.
76. "How to look past the package" In response to Reply # 0
Im a libra. I like pretty things. The girls I dated were dimes and if the boys don't look like they live in the gym, next....
My ex is not cute, is over weight, had a strange body oder sometimes, and had chicken legs (imma calf man), but if I didn't fall for homie the moment we met.....
I've had many exes and don't think about any of them...but there's always someting to remind me of him daily.....
77. "That "don't go to sleep mad" rule is stupid" In response to Reply # 0
it's more of a bandaid than actually dealing with whatever the issue is. If you're hot at me, and you could say some shit you might not mean if we press the issue, maybe it's best to just chill until we're ready to have a conversation. If we can talk about it in an hour, cool. But if you gotta sleep on it & talk about it in the morning, that's cool too. I'm all about resolving issues as quickly as possible, but don't just say we fixed it just to say I love you & go to sleep but have the same issue again tomorrow. I think that's one of the biggest reasons why my longest relationship ended. We (I) HAD to say I love you & be happy before we went to sleep.
78. "Don't Say Things That You Can't Take Back" In response to Reply # 0
No matter how pissed off you are in an argument, if you start going below the belt and saying some truly hurtful shit...some people can NEVER get past that. Not only that, there are some things where an apology just doesn't cut it.
One more things, if you DO decide to say some shit, BE PREPARED for the SO to say some inappropriate shit back
...And ovecommunicate. Make sure you know what you want from each other.Relationships is all about expectations.Don't settle when you're not happy.
time is money, money is time so i keep 7 o'clock in the bank and gain interest in the hour of God I'm saving to buy my freedom, God, grant me wings, I'm too fly not to fly _ Saul Williams
86. "get out after two red flags" In response to Reply # 0
one crazy or damaged incident is a quirk, more than one is a pattern i was guilty of being overly patient through toxic situations in the past, probably as a means of punishing myself for doing someone wrong
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