Just wondering because I don't understand this here.
Maybe because I find better ways to find out if people have a job, like letting it flow
naturally into the conversation. You always at home, you probably ain't got no job, Tommy.

Poll result (11 votes) To see if he has a job (0 votes) Vote To try to gauge how much money he makes (4 votes) Vote To find out whether or not he went to college (1 votes) Vote To see if he's a mighty mighty good man (1 votes) Vote To see if he's available on weekends (0 votes) Vote All of the above (5 votes) Vote

a while back simply because we were sitting next to each other at a birthday dinner for someone we both knew and I was trying to start a conversation. He got sooo upset and became aggressive and unpleasant. I couldn't wait to get the hell away from him.

Now, I feel hesitant to ask any male that question unless I am at a professional networking event. Conversely, I have never heard of a women getting upset when asked the same question.

♥ Inescapably Me ♥

"Love is never any better than the lover" Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye)

********************************

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

enough to get upset about. but I've been out the game for a while.

I guess some dudes will take offense if the person asking is using it as qualifier or mark on a checklist. most times, it just feels like small talk tho.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

This comes up here like every 3 years and I continue to be confused by this. It's a total non-issue.

or his baby mama been asking him what he does for a living for the last 5 years.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

♥ Inescapably Me ♥

"Love is never any better than the lover" Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye)

nigga

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

I think most of us have realized that 9 out 10 women are immediately deciding our "worth"
based on our answer to that question. Guys don't tend to care so much what women do,
so that's probably why women don't usually mind answering.
This is the kind of stuff people don't like being honest about, but guys don't usually want
the woman to be doing 'better' than him the way a woman does. People can call it
generalizing, but anybody disagreeing probably ain't living in reality lol.



>a while back simply because we were sitting next to each
>other at a birthday dinner for someone we both knew and I was
>trying to start a conversation. He got sooo upset and became
>aggressive and unpleasant. I couldn't wait to get the hell
>away from him.
>
>Now, I feel hesitant to ask any male that question unless I am
>at a professional networking event. Conversely, I have never
>heard of a women getting upset when asked the same question.

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

Had to take out that I have a business on my online dating profiles bc it was the most common thing and often first asked and so many people expected all of this personal information.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

Some guy who had contacted me 3 different times over 2 years and then ignored me each time when I answered his questions, told me I didn't ask him enough questions.

I may ask if someone has a full time job because I work and have always had to work and am not interested in dating students at my age.

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

~
IG: @fireysky

i'm always working a wack ass job
i want to be able to say i rhyme for a living and i'm working on that.
it will be a reality soon. this past year especially has been me building towards that.
and i'm getting closer to that goal.
my feeling towards that question will change then lol

it isn't inherently a bad question IMO tho.

*which is why i usually don't ask people male or female off the break
if people bring up their jobs cool but i don't like to kick off conversations this way lol

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

-The Knicks’ coaching search still includes a lone frontrunner, Kurt Rambis, whose qualifications for the position include a strong relationship with Jackson and a willingness to take the job.

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

~
IG: @fireysky

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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

/sarcasm

=======================================
Coolin...

---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

Tell them you dont work but you make a good amount of money selling cd's at gas stations.

http://soundcloud.com/djshinobishaw
http://www.rareformnyc.com
http://twitter.com/DJShinobiShaw
https://twitter.com/RareFormNYC
PSN: ShinobiShaw

"Arm Leg Leg Arm How you doin?" (c)T510

that's information that shouldn't matter to us?

~
IG: @fireysky

is the real question.

www.royallegacy.org

For Real (Official Video):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBRoCPO8esE

.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

don't need you to be a baller, nor do i plan on taking a back seat and spend your money.

but i worked too damn hard to not have my partner meet me halfway.

i need the life a upper-middle class double income brings me.

and if u can't be that..or don't have the potential to be that (school, etc.), then why waste each other's times?

~
IG: @fireysky

but at the same time there are a lot of well to do single lonely ladies missing out on decent guys because they want a "lifestyle"

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

there are women out there who have a decent dude still trying to sell beats at 37. if that works for them, great.

but it wouldn't for me..

and it's not a lavish lifestyle i want. i just want someone on the same trajectory as me. have ambition and drive. when one of us falls, the other is there to pick 'em up, of course. but we on a path, together.

~
IG: @fireysky

he blew up tho...

but they weren't happy so they both won.

I just wonder how many women who have that "on my level" mindset are missing out on a good dude.

once you get to a certain age, ionno... but like you said, it works for you.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

>I just wonder how many women who have that "on my level"
>mindset are missing out on a good dude.

********************************

Get Out The Room!
http://getouttheroom.podomatic.com
@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

Like, what you eat don't make me shit, where's the love?!

Also, if u ain't a police officer, politician, or prosecutor....u good for the most part lol.

<<Mood...Poppy Okotcha in Look 1 at Ashish Fall 2016
________________________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa7KBq0q5bU

yesterday. another friend re-told me what he does like i was 5, because i asked him to explain it and i still have no idea what he said. something in IT.

I mean no shade to folks who talk about their job b/c they love it & are passionate af about it or those that want their partners to have a high status job w/ a 6 figure salary, good luck!!

But umm, I'm most interested in how you treat ME & how you treat the women around you that you are not related to, friendly w/, or fucking.

I'm doing well & always been a mess tho.

<<Mood...Poppy Okotcha in Look 1 at Ashish Fall 2016
________________________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa7KBq0q5bU

i think its a problem if you're quick to judge someone on their answer, but asking the question is as normal as "where are you from?"
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

~
IG: @fireysky

beyond where you think you "should be" in life.


Don't be bitter, better your life & once you come full circle you can flex on these hoes.

____________________________

http://instagram.com/yogikenan
http://instagram.com/shotbykenan
http://stackoverflow.com/users/43089/triptych
http://github.com/djtriptych

I fucking love my job and one of the first things I noticed about Mr. Wonderful was that he was equally enthusiastic about his. That makes a big difference to me. It doesn't have to be anything special, but do you like it? and if you don't like it, are you looking for something you will like?

~ ~ ~
All meetings end in separation
All acquisition ends in dispersion
All life ends in death
- The Buddha

|\_/|
='_'=

Every hundred years, all new people

In the course of a good, flowing conversation I can't imagine why anyone would be offended. If you just start talking to a woman and she drops that right away, it's definitely a "how much money do you make/what's your social status?" type of question.

99.9% of the time I don't have a problem with a woman (or a dude) asking me what I do. The only time is when the spidey sense is telling me chick is obviously trying to correlate what I do to how much I make, rather than being interested in what I do or even passing conversation.

I usually don't mind that question. But when women ask how much $ I'm making, I usually give the raised eyebrow (my wife gets more pissed at that than I do)

It's all context though...you can tell if/when it's in the flow of a convo, and when someone's sizing you up.

Or maybe people can't these days...

?

I've heard that question from all sorts of women in all societal circles

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

The question is often used as a proxy for a man's worth, and that just doesn't feel good to anybody. But, for Black men (a perspective I'm speaking from because it's who I am, not because these feelings are exclusive to us), there is a need to have our partners and potential partners believe in us, even when others don't. Often, others don't.

Our reality is one of constant insecurity, not about our intrinsic value but about whether others will see that value. You know how we're always nervous when the police pull us over, even when we've done absolutely nothing wrong? Now apply that same logic to interactions with potential mates. That's how it feels to get that question, "So what do you do for a living?"

All that said, the fact is it can be a fair "getting to know you" question, especially when coupled with other inquiries about who we really are as people. I always take the question itself as a way to understand the asker. You can often understand as much about a person through the questions they ask as you can via the information they offer.

Sidenote: Some time ago, I was unemployed for about half the year for two consecutive years. I've never made less than six figures in my entire career, even during those two years of unemployment. It was hard as hell to get that question during those two periods, even though I still made great money, kept great credit, owned a home/car, etc. But, I definitely felt snubbed by some folks after they heard I wasn't working at the time. What a great way to weed out folks who didn't care to know me, didn't have the long-term vision I had, or couldn't see the big picture. If you ask the question, just know you're opening yourself to judgment, too.

or freelancing or taking some time off to travel, spend with family etc.

You're trying to hide your true status for some reason. That is, if you actually *are* insecure about your worth, spin becomes really important. But in my case, I was pretty confident in myself knowing I had the goods and knowing things would turn when I was ready for them to (and they did).

Also, isn't it a bit risky to spin or sanitize the truth to someone you will presumably get to know more intimately later on (assuming you like them)? What happens when you pass that initial "what do you do?" question via some spin, but you've only got a week in London to speak of, or your consulting gig has you working from the cafe down the street...every day? I'd think that BS'ing is the mark of deeper insecurity that's intrinsically unattractive. But that's just me...

>The question is often used as a proxy for a man's worth, and
>that just doesn't feel good to anybody. But, for Black men (a
>perspective I'm speaking from because it's who I am, not
>because these feelings are exclusive to us), there is a need
>to have our partners and potential partners believe in us,
>even when others don't. Often, others don't.
>
>Our reality is one of constant insecurity, not about our
>intrinsic value but about whether others will see that value.
>You know how we're always nervous when the police pull us
>over, even when we've done absolutely nothing wrong? Now apply
>that same logic to interactions with potential mates. That's
>how it feels to get that question, "So what do you do for a
>living?"
>
>All that said, the fact is it can be a fair "getting to know
>you" question, especially when coupled with other inquiries
>about who we really are as people. I always take the question
>itself as a way to understand the asker. You can often
>understand as much about a person through the questions they
>ask as you can via the information they offer.

~
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~
~
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Days like this I miss Sha Mecca

and i want to know where such an interesting person is spending their day and what they are doing during it

and also b/c maybe we know people in common in the same fields or if we don't, maybe i know someone i'd love them to meet (b/c i find them interesting)

i honestly don't feel this is a big deal
b/c i never say "what do you do for a living"
but usually go with "so what do you do..."
where it's clear like wow you are really interesting so what does a person like you do
and anyone can feel free to answer with their job, their main hobby, or whatever else it is they feel answers that question

if you are unemployed and really have nothing to say about what you do (in life) b/c you don't have a job right then, we probably wouldn't even get to that question

"i fear no fate" e.e. cummings
"No girl. No fried chicken. I'm going back to get some sleep." - Haruki Murakami

Especially if they seem like they might be a creative.

i don't ask potential dates, because I don't want them to think i'm a gold digger and i'm honestly usually not that curious. i have no idea what most 4 year degreed cubicle / office workers are talking about when they tell me their job title anyway.

It's not unusual to want to know what they are doing in the big time block.

If you're trying to use that information to make judgments, then you're an asshole.
But in general, I think it's more of a small talk, curiosity thing

_______________________________________

somehow it always goes well after that

knowing the life choices someone has made, including how they make their living, is important information period.

for example, i personally would be more interested in the guy who says he is a kindergarten teacher than the one who calls himself a 'wall street banker'.

the former i'd assume is caring and progressive, the latter i might assume is a bit arrogant and haughty....i mean at least until i get other information to confirm or deny those initial assumptions. but again, it's information that can be telling in certain situations, regardless of paycheck

d

>knowing the life choices someone has made, including how they
>make their living, is important information period.

Funny most women find it appropriate to answer that question with "that's none if your business" or something like that to that, even when they're trying to talk to someone. It's about life choices, so it's only fair to let a potential love interest know how many people you let inside of you or if you ever did sexual favors for a man in exchange for him putting in a good word or just outright offering you position for doing stuff...

Only seems fair to ask and know before you decide if you like someone, right?

...

But really it's just a jumping off point for more discussion. I ask where someone went to school too. Not as part of an interview or list of questions but it's bound to come up and it probably reveals we know people in common, share an affinity for a team or region of the country, have BGLO connections, etc.

I mostly ask what someone does, not where specifically they work. While my work doesn't define me, the journey I took to get here can make for pretty interesting conversation. It's also potential networking opportunity. Especially in NYC, I find it useful to know that this person is in graphic design and that person is a photographer and she's a lawyer and he's at a nonprofit in case I can make connections later on or put someone on.

It's not really for any of the choices in the poll though.

to work. Then it's always like "OH, you actually have a job too? What do you do/Where at?" and then it's "OHHHHH, you're in the software engineering group? Nice..." and I can see the smile on the inside of their head.

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