|
I just love to look at them and to talk to them and see what things make them laugh or cringe
it is such a joy to have a person that you made exist and grow and change and learn...and look to you for guidance on everything big and small. and to know that you have this awesome responsibility for their personhood..their consciousness
all of their "firsts" are exciting. their first words, first time walking/running, first bike ride, first drawing/painting, first time seeing the ocean, first day at school, first graduation, first love, first heartbreak, first vote, first job, first tax return...i was there for all of it...all the wonder they experienced through those things..there to explain the finer points of it
and they in turn have been my mirror..showing me the parts of my own self that needs work..how i communicate, how i yell, or the thing my eyebrows do when i get mad...how to be more fair and kind..how much words and tone can injure...i'm a better me because of them
I also want to add that it's completely possibly to stay close and connected to your children throughout their adolescence...one of the keys is to give back as much as you demand..to allow your kids to see you as vulnerable and human sometimes...to sometimes let them see you cry...to admit to them when you're wrong and you did some boneheaded parenting..to let them know that you make up this parenting shit as you go along...they need that realness from you...all that helps keep them close. that whole "they hate you at such and such age" stuff is a cliche that happens when parents don't truly foster a give and take relationship with their children that is based on mutual respect, kindness and compassion. that doesn't mean you take their shit..it means you explain to them why you won't. and what you expect. and how they should show love....and then you do the same
you give the space to "argue back" sometimes, but teach them how to do it logically and respectfully. find ways to give them a modicum of perceived control over their own lives from as young an age as possible.
d
|