because i try to be clear and genuine in my communication. sometimes it's not as clear as i think, or my intentions are not received the way i intended. it bothers me. i do my best to correct it and provide clarity and understanding when it happens.
2. "Yup. It;s the price I gotta pay to be myself." In response to Reply # 0 Wed Dec-14-16 10:12 AM by flipnile
It used to bother me, but I stopped giving a fuck once I hit my stride. Most of the "dislike" seems to stem from people not being able to 'figure me out' so fuck it. Not gonna be a generic dude just to make others comfortable.
3. "Nah, I'm not ok with it, but I try to not let it bother me" In response to Reply # 0
Like I try to be at peace with everyone, but that's not always possible. So I try to just compartmentalize certain relationships and not let it impact me too much. . . .
4. "In the immortal words of Curtis Jackson..." In response to Reply # 0 Wed Dec-14-16 10:14 AM by Somnus
"I need you...I need you to hate, so I can use you for your energy"...
not that I particularly subscribe to that notion but it seemed apt for the topic. Plus "it's just some cold-blooded shit to say to a muhfucker" (c) Samuel L. Jackson
________________________________________________
The ULTIMATE negation of everything.
The space between despair and orgasm is hard to fill ~ Maron
7. "if its from some misunderstanding...I might feel kinda funny and " In response to Reply # 0
....feel the need to clear things up. If it's based on something I did or said that I stand behind or just me being me.....I could care less at this point.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 80095 posts
Wed Dec-14-16 10:28 AM
12. "YUP" In response to Reply # 0 Wed Dec-14-16 10:33 AM by legsdiamond
I read the question wrong
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
15. "Absolutley. I'm just not cool with the disingenuous, contextually" In response to Reply # 0
ignorant reasoning people tend to employ.
I find that people have a strong tendency to cherry pick statements and present them as soundbites outside the context of the whole as though they were made in a vacuum and react to how words make them feel or what something "sounds like" after it's been filtered through all manner of preconceived bias.
So people can dislike me all they want, but their bullshit reasoning isn't going to go unchecked along the way.
17. "If you're not close fam or friend, I don't care abt being disliked..." In response to Reply # 0
>Misunderstood? I do care about being misunderstood. So, I may expend more energy to not be. Clarity is where it's at.
>Not to extremes, but how much of a fuck do you give? All in all, I don't give too much of a fuck because we're not wired to like or to be liked by everyone.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 80095 posts
Wed Dec-14-16 11:29 AM
24. "man.. Atillah is deep in it" In response to Reply # 21
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
35. "YO! You work at SSA? LMAO..." In response to Reply # 27 Wed Dec-14-16 11:52 AM by Creole
My lady deals with that on a regular since she's been employed there.
EDIT:
"so when she sitting there staring at me eating a banana like Caine in Belly thinking " i'on't like that shit "
i can't do nothing but be cool with her dislike. cuz the shit is invalid..."
That's pretty much how she carries it too. Black women give each other the blues. And they give bros the blues too if the bro ain't paying their asses no mind.
45. "The hazards of working in a barrell with diff kinds of crabs..." In response to Reply # 38 Wed Dec-14-16 12:25 PM by Creole
>what will the general consensus among the others be? >will the others nod in agreement
Crabs nonetheless! LOL
Generally and depending upon the environment, the consensus will fall in line with the one who first voiced their feelings. It seems that, where she is, a bunch of that happens.
>or will they all look at the one person and be like "what's >wrong with you?"
In a space where some old timers and less credentialed are in the building, no one will really challenge them. The new breed is there to take jobs and make the old timers look bad.
50. "Ahhh! The Beautiful Struggle!" In response to Reply # 48
> but if EVERYBODY shares that same culture and i'm the outlier, my days there are numbered...
This is the case whenever you're the new kid on the block. The old timers who don't think like you and who have come up in the system will always act like they're superior as a result of their sincere feelings of inferiority.
For instance, my lady joined the org at a time when the credentials needed to be more on point and in line with what many organizations require of new employees: college education.
Many of the old timers joined when that wasn't the case. Generally speaking, they've got some built in insecurities as a result. I mean these people have been around since one could actually smoke at their desks. So, you know their mindsets are much different. My lady, on one hand, wants to "belong" as most of us do, according to Maslow, because it's good for career progression in certain organizations especially the gubment. On the other hand, her inner-city sensibilities creep in and she's like: "Fuck dat!"
I work in environments that don't seem to be like that. Typcially, I'm the only brother around who does what I do. So, my experience is different. I deal with crabs too. They're just crabs from a different barrel which brings a different type of corporate warfare. LOL
In the end, I don't give a shit if they like me or not because I'm usually working on a project by myself and get to run it how I choose to. Furthermore, my team is located in the Midwest. I'm the only one sitting in Baltimore.
64. "everywhere i've worked i have encountered this exact scenario" In response to Reply # 27
>because everyone else likes me and i'm well thought of and >i'm good at my job. > >so when she sitting there staring at me eating a banana like >Caine in Belly thinking " i'on't like that shit " > >i can't do nothing but be cool with her dislike. cuz the shit >is invalid...
so irritating. what the fuck did i do? i'm just working hard and being nice
28. "Trinity444, some people seem like they don't like me on first sight" In response to Reply # 22 Wed Dec-14-16 11:35 AM by flipnile
Literally. Like they look at me and immediately get negative body language. I'm a big black man that's not here to make other people comfortable, and fuck tap-dancing to get other people to like me. I've been treated like this since I was 10 or so (I was taller than most adults back then) so I'm used to it.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 80095 posts
Wed Dec-14-16 11:37 AM
30. "cause I don't hang with those people" In response to Reply # 22
what do you do when someone doesn't like you? Try harder? Kiss ass? Change who you are to get them to like you?
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
33. "The same way I'm cool with someone not liking food I've cooked" In response to Reply # 22
Or music I love that other people don’t like.
Or movies, books, comedians, sports, sports teams, you name it.
The reason is simple: everything isn’t for everyone.
Every person isn’t for every other person.
Interpersonal chemistry is a thing and chances are if you’re not fond of me, the feeling is mutual. It doesn’t always mean it’s personal, though I’ve found that the way people go about expressing their dislike for other people often comes across that way.
Sometimes people dislike me for reasons that, in my view, illuminate negative qualities in themselves.
Example: I had a longtime friend drop me on facebook because of his extreme fondness for the ‘blue lives matter’ bullshit because they saw that I liked something on Copblock. Nevermind that the comment in question was someone who actually defended the cop in that scenario and I find CB to be a hack organization because they have a tendency for half truths and have members who go out of their way to create conflict.
Yes, I keep up with the page and agree with their stance on an awful lot of situations and believe in greater police accountability, but this person didn’t want to hear that I actually have a nuanced stance on CB and unfriended me before going on a tirade on their own page about people who hate cops.
He hasn’t spoken to me since.
So, I mean, why the fuck should I be bothered that this idiot doesn’t like me anymore? He’s too stupid and indoctrinated into being a blind supporter to have any sort of nuanced dialogue on the subject and had no interest in discussing this with me. If anything he did me a favor by revealing himself.
72. "I'm not sure what she meant by that to be honest " In response to Reply # 71
I don't see most people going out of their way to let folks know they're disliked unless there happens to be a personal element at play.
I think more people are disliked by more other people than they'd like to believe, but most people just keep it to themselves and/or gossip/vent about it to others.
My guess is she misspoke. I don't see where "humility" is a practical application when we're talking about dealing with people we dislike but I do see where "civility" and "tolerance" are necessary for people to move forward without killing each other all day, every day. I suppose humility would be the driving factor of that civility and tolerance.
Now watch someone come in and spit some bullshit about me writing a book.
74. "when you know better you do better" In response to Reply # 71
or at least it's expected you do. Lest you both end up looking like fools.
With this in mind. when i think of someone disliking someone, usually it not because you've stood your ground. Rather, your approach....arrogance, cockiness or just being an asshole to them or witnessing that behavior.
39. "not at all. i work every day to stay away from negative energy" In response to Reply # 0
i cant change anyone's perception of me, that's reality in their eyes but I can damn sure not feed into or acknowledge it I'm way harder on myself than anyone else can be, so while Im not okay with being disliked, most peoples reasons are invalid headed into 2017
40. "getting there slowly" In response to Reply # 0
it's very liberating.
I didn't understand how much I was really "doing what I was 'supposed' to do" in certain situations. Taking on $hit that isn't my issue or burden to bear. I have been fucking myself, and fucking myself up for a loooooong time. I had a lot of built-up resentment that I had to let go, because ultimately I was inserting myself into situations - saving people, helping them carry their load and such, and expecting to be the hero and at the end of the day muhfuggas will just keep it pushin.
legsdiamond Member since May 05th 2011 80095 posts
Wed Dec-14-16 12:24 PM
44. "this was my wife..." In response to Reply # 40
she never said no to anything then would complain about the extra work.
Finally getting her to be selfish cause everyone else was getting over on her.
Her health, sleep patterns, etc. have all improved.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
56. "it bothers me if its someone i care abt, esp being misunderstood. " In response to Reply # 0 Wed Dec-14-16 12:55 PM by dopestethiopian
im working on it. and like someone above said, it's quite freeing
but i cared entirely too much when i was younger and would hold things in, tolerate bs, or put myself in situations that drained me all to not rock the boat
60. "I am very comfortable with people not liking me" In response to Reply # 0
Because I know that I'm not going to meet everyone I like. And sometimes I might dislike someone without being able to fully articulate why.
So I think for that reason it has never really bothered me to learn that someone doesn't like me. I think part of it is due to growing up in Texas where you can walk into a room and be the only black person and immediately be disliked just for that. So I had it in mind early that people might dislike me for reasons completely out of my control. Not worth sweating it.
**************** TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*
66. "NOPE. Throughout my life certain people have given me a bad vibe" In response to Reply # 0
I'm talking on sight, not one word being spoken, no interaction, nothing I've seen certain guys and girls and just thought "no" there was really no reason, they didn't look or act any different than any other person it was just a bad vibe.
And since I'm not good with poker faces, they read it and didn't like me either, and IDGAF
Come to find out later on through mutual friends or experience (some were co-workers) that they really were shady
I don't care if you don't like me. If I don't like you it's a reason why, and I've yet to be proven wrong.
I've realized that some people don't like me because they've energetically picked up on the fact that I don't like them. And I'm like you, there are some people I just don't fuck with instantly and I don't bother to find out why.
In these situations it bothers me none.
>I'm talking on sight, not one word being spoken, no >interaction, nothing >I've seen certain guys and girls and just thought "no" >there was really no reason, they didn't look or act any >different than any other person >it was just a bad vibe. > >And since I'm not good with poker faces, they read it and >didn't like me either, and IDGAF > >Come to find out later on through mutual friends or experience >(some were co-workers) that they really were shady > >I don't care if you don't like me. If I don't like you it's a >reason why, and I've yet to be proven wrong. > >
A younger version of myself wouldn't have been happy with it, but now I don't care. Not everyone is going to like me. If I sense someone takes an instant dislike to me and I can't see any good reason for it, then I just turn things around and think that the problem is with them. There's probably something going on in their life which is making them act all crusty.
I think though that I get misunderstood more than I get disliked.
The Wordsmith Member since Aug 13th 2002 17070 posts
Wed Dec-14-16 08:26 PM
78. "Being disliked doesn't bother me. Misunderstood? Yeah, that irks me." In response to Reply # 0
I'm one of those cats who doesn't care about much, to the point where some folks have wondered if I'm apathetic, though I'm really not. I just don't let a lot get under my skin. The only time being disliked has bothered me is if I feel that I've misrepresented myself. Even then, I'm not devastated.
For example, I had a cat where I thought we were real cool just up and unfriend me on FB even though I can't pinpoint a reason why. Dude stopped texting and everything. I got a little disturbed with wondering had I said anything offensive or what have you. I quickly got over it because I felt that if dude couldn't even man up and tell me that I had said something that bothered him, then forget it. I don't need emo dudes as friends.
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