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Subject: "Okps over 30: let's discuss dating" Previous topic | Next topic
dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 09:20 AM

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"Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
Wed Aug-12-15 09:21 AM by dew drops

          

When I was younger, dating was a lot more fun for me. Meeting new people and having new experiences. It seemed more recreational and easygoing. Now, I'm over it. lol The process is less enjoyable and more frustrating. Possibly due to having to balance with all my other responsibilities.

So I wondered how okps feel about dating at this point in their life. Do you like dating? Did you ever like it, and are now tired of it? Do you want to get married or settle down with someone or would you be happy being single forever? Is being in a relationship a priority to you? Do you feel pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to get married? Do you think your career gets in the way of dating?

Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding dating.

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
feels like it gets harder to meet people
Aug 12th 2015
1
RE: feels like it gets harder to meet people
Aug 12th 2015
4
RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating
Aug 12th 2015
2
i feel you on creating/maintaining relationships in general.
Aug 12th 2015
9
Meeting women is harder, everything else is MUCH easier
Aug 12th 2015
3
Some answers:
Aug 12th 2015
8
what is "much easier" for you?
Aug 12th 2015
10
      I'm no longer chasing women, I'm now running a path that I make
Aug 12th 2015
13
           ^^great outlook
Aug 12th 2015
17
           yeah this is a great outlook.
Aug 13th 2015
37
20's was just carefree, now it's like a damm job
Aug 12th 2015
5
Man I use to love that New Date Smell. The excitement is gone.
Aug 12th 2015
6
I'm ok with it-- I just stopped fighting the frustrations
Aug 12th 2015
7
word
Aug 12th 2015
11
shit has to be rough...
Aug 12th 2015
12
I'm out the game too.
Aug 12th 2015
14
yeah but it's sooo not worth it
Aug 12th 2015
15
      I can see it not working for everybody.
Aug 12th 2015
19
social media is the lick
Aug 12th 2015
16
It's getting way easier, yet it still hasn't lead to anything
Aug 12th 2015
18
no snark... you sound like a perfectionist when discussing dating
Aug 12th 2015
22
      Hmm, what do you mean by "perfectionist?"
Aug 13th 2015
39
      i'm curious. what does this mean?
Aug 13th 2015
41
RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating
Aug 12th 2015
20
i meant to ask how you felt about me rolling up on you like that
Aug 12th 2015
29
      nah it was cool.
Aug 13th 2015
31
           that's funny.
Aug 13th 2015
45
                Real talk tho, from what I just read YOU were the bamma
Aug 13th 2015
58
                     uh...nah.
Aug 13th 2015
61
                     ... tough call. you might be the type of nigga I'm typing about.
Aug 13th 2015
62
                          Says the bamma that was hurt that an okp gave his date a hug
Aug 14th 2015
64
                               this could be fun.
Aug 14th 2015
65
                                    Nah, I really don't care enough to continue. You win!
Aug 14th 2015
67
This has been on my mind lately too...
Aug 12th 2015
21
social media has made everything easy as far as meeting
Aug 12th 2015
23
pretty much.
Aug 12th 2015
25
i've met my "future wife" so many times but....
Aug 12th 2015
26
This is why I quit online dating...
Aug 12th 2015
28
i do think social media has made some feel overwhelmed by options, but
Aug 13th 2015
40
there was a whole tinder article on this recently
Aug 13th 2015
46
Yah.
Aug 14th 2015
66
RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating
Aug 12th 2015
24
Companionship vs. just fuckin' to fuck
Aug 12th 2015
27
YES! companionship vs. fucking to fuck.
Aug 13th 2015
42
RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating
Aug 12th 2015
30
The combination of being single for the first time in a MINUTE
Aug 13th 2015
32
RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating
Aug 13th 2015
33
RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating
Aug 13th 2015
34
dating after 30 is way better imo
Aug 13th 2015
35
never change bruh
Aug 13th 2015
36
it never stops being funny to me
Aug 13th 2015
44
thing is
Aug 13th 2015
38
      I agree that you are now more accessible to douchebaggery
Aug 13th 2015
43
           RE: I agree that you are now more accessible to douchebaggery
Aug 13th 2015
49
i'm 32. and i've never had so many women in my life like
Aug 13th 2015
47
continue to fly free bro!
Aug 13th 2015
48
thank you man, will do.
Aug 13th 2015
52
YES. its the dualism you just described that resonates
Aug 13th 2015
53
man dating is more enjoyable now than in my twenties
Aug 13th 2015
50
opps missed the whole question thing
Aug 13th 2015
51
RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating
Aug 13th 2015
54
I never liked dating. In my 20s I had LTRs with droughts in between
Aug 13th 2015
55
reading that article that's all over facebook
Aug 13th 2015
56
also reading this vanity fair article
Aug 13th 2015
57
I like it.
Aug 13th 2015
59
it sucks
Aug 13th 2015
60
i haven't been on a date in 3 years
Aug 13th 2015
63

akon
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Wed Aug-12-15 09:24 AM

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1. "feels like it gets harder to meet people"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

(im not going the online route)
but i keep wondering what the options are for meeting people that one might have something in common with
and that are interested in a potential relationship.

so.. the process is more frustrating
the only reason i want to settle is so i can stop having to do this

.
http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/
i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.

  

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dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 09:46 AM

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4. "RE: feels like it gets harder to meet people"
In response to Reply # 1


          

>(im not going the online route)
>but i keep wondering what the options are for meeting people
>that one might have something in common with
>and that are interested in a potential relationship.
>so.. the process is more frustrating

it's really difficult to meet people if you work a lot, which i do. it was much easier to meet people when i was younger. i've tried online, and it's disappointing. maybe i'm picky or something, but the pickings online are so slim.

>the only reason i want to settle is so i can stop having to do
>this

i sooooooo agree with this. that's where i'm at. outside of companionship, having someone to depend on, love, etc, i want to be with someone so i can stop looking. when my married friends talk about the difficulties of marriage and think being single is less stressful, i always tell them "you don't want to come back to this side. trust me."

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 09:29 AM

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2. "RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-12-15 09:31 AM by teefiveten

  

          

Do you like dating?
i like it but I don't really date often. I know now everything is the internet but I don't feel comfortable with it yet.

Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?
I'm tired of failed relationships but failure is part of life

Do you want to get married or settle down
>with someone or would you be happy being single forever?
I want to get married but I need to be cool with the idea of being single. Marriage isn't a guarantee and it just may not be in the cards for me.

Is
>being in a relationship a priority to you?
It's not the top priority but cultivating relationships in general is something i'm focusing on.

Do you feel
>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?
My entire family. I now have an aunt who is so consumed by it she calls me to hound me about men I'm dating. She just started this a month or so ago and proclaimed that she can't take it anymore, that there's no reason for me to be single, and I need to get married THIS YEAR. lol. I was seeing a guy and she gave me "advice" and keeps calling to follow up. I avoid her calls but there's a respect thing so I'll have to call her back . I'm not seeing that guy anymore so I'm expecting a shit show. I'm also just mad b/c these people don't care about me otherwise so I hate having to entertain this garbage.

Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?
no but my family does. my day job is fine but I DJ some nights. the frequency varies but right now I do one gig a week on a weeknight. i have a least 1 weekend night free every week (sometimes the entire weekend. thankfully people party during the week in NYC and chill unless it's the summer). i like DJing and i'm usually the one wanting more time to hang/chill when i'm dating so i always make an effort to fit people in if i really like them. i've never had anyone complain but i can't say i've dated a lot since my last serious relationship

*************************************
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"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:13 AM

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9. "i feel you on creating/maintaining relationships in general."
In response to Reply # 2


          

it's really easy to fall back on those. so i've been putting in more effort in the last couple of years to maintain a connection with people. I think it's important whether you're in a relationship or not.


  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
13618 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 09:32 AM

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3. "Meeting women is harder, everything else is MUCH easier"
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
13618 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:09 AM

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8. "Some answers:"
In response to Reply # 3


          

>Do you like dating?

No.

>Did you ever like it, and are now tired of it?

No. Never got "tired' of it because I learned to set the rules from the jump. She wants a $100 first date? lol, then she doesn't want to date me.

>Do you want to get married or settle down with someone or would you be happy being single forever?

Not married (because of the current marriage laws). I like LTRs tho.

>Is being in a relationship a priority to you?

No.

>Do you feel pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to get married?

No.

>Do you think your career gets in the way of dating?

Yes. I'm a computer programmer. Requires learning, practicing and working during my free time occasionally. Plus, it's not a "sexy" job, other than getting a check.

  

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dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:14 AM

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10. "what is "much easier" for you?"
In response to Reply # 3


          

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
13618 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:37 AM

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13. "I'm no longer chasing women, I'm now running a path that I make"
In response to Reply # 10
Wed Aug-12-15 10:40 AM by flipnile

          

I've become far more self-sufficient. My goals in life are independent of any romantic relationship (raising my son, buying a house, career advancement, community building). I can see relationships more objectively now, and I know what I want and don't want. I know what I bring to the table, and my confidence in myself is at an all-time high. The pressure to date is gone. I have hobbies to keep me busy when alone. Even though meeting women is harder, my potential dating pool has greatly expanded since I can now date women much younger than I (unlike when I was a teen/early 20s). It's very easy to walk away from negative situations, and it's easy to appreciate positive situations for what they are. I'm much more realistic about women nowadays.

I know that *everything* is quite vague, but I really do mean everything (besides actually meeting women). What's "much easier" is everything in regards to my relationship with women, but it's all based on me growing as a person and valuing myself as I should.

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 11:19 AM

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17. "^^great outlook"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

.

*************************************
like.me
http://tinyurl.com/3z8486u

"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:30 AM

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37. "yeah this is a great outlook."
In response to Reply # 13
Thu Aug-13-15 11:31 AM by dew drops

          

knowing what you want and can bring to a relationship is a hard thing to figure out. it takes time and a lot of trial and error.

  

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j.
Member since Feb 24th 2009
3819 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 09:58 AM

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5. "20's was just carefree, now it's like a damm job"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

there was a time in my 20's where all I had to do was step outside and it seemed women were falling out of the sky, it was that easy

I was thinking about it just the other day, my 20's were the late 90's/early aughts and it was before the internet took over our lives. Before fb, ig, twitter, etc. I mean I was on AOL and Myspace but it wasn't everything. I even got some ass off those 2 but I was out in the streets, the clubs, the beach, house parties, traveling, aka places where you meet potentials and make something happen.

Now we got netflix, hulu, on demand, tinder, pof, etc etc...we all on smartphones and just getting older as we go along. Too old for the club, to be running the streets, all your party buddies and crew got married, kids, demanding jobs.

I went to a happy hour with some co-workers and the vast majority of the crowd was mid 20's. Might've been the particular spot we went to but the whole time I was on some "I'm too old for this shit" And that's how I feel about trying to date nowadays. in 1998 it was all about the hunt, the prowl, and the game.

It's like Slim Charles said: game's the same, just got more fierce

  

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DavidHasselhoff
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Wed Aug-12-15 10:02 AM

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6. "Man I use to love that New Date Smell. The excitement is gone. "
In response to Reply # 0


          

  

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Atillah Moor
Member since Sep 05th 2013
13825 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:04 AM

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7. "I'm ok with it-- I just stopped fighting the frustrations "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and let go of expectations.

>When I was younger, dating was a lot more fun for me.

I never really "dated" in my youth (teens through most of my 20's) had the occasional girlfriend, but was way more about getting through school and getting higher paying jobs. I actually had a fear/concern of getting a chic pregnant and winding up making things more difficult for myslef so I kept it at a distance.


>The process is less enjoyable and more frustrating. Possibly due to having to balance with all my other responsibilities.

I think it's less enjoyable when you're trying to focus on it. Staying focused on your goals and allowing the meeting of someone to happen (however it does) when it happens makes it more rewarding than frustrating IMO.


>Do you like dating? Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?

Don't hate it. Like it more now as I feel I have the hang of it.

>Do you want to get married or settle down with someone

I'd like to settle down, but I can accept that that may not happen. Shit my number could be called tomorrow for all I know.


>being in a relationship a priority to you?

Being happy with myself and how I live my life are a priority

>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?

By myself at times, but not really pressure more like awareness

Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?

Nah I think it helps it


______________________________________

Everything looks like Oprah kissing Harvey Weinstein these days

  

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soken
Member since Aug 31st 2009
763 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:31 AM

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11. "word"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Do you like dating?
- not at all

Did you ever like it, and are now tired of it?
Never did but I did not start dating till 29. I had a relationship since I was young.

Do you want to get married or settle down with someone or would you be happy being single forever?
- Want to get married

Is being in a relationship a priority to you?
- I am 31 and getting that baby fever yea, lightweight priority.


Do you feel pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to get married?
- All the homies who are married and my grandma

Do you think your career gets in the way of dating?
- Sometimes. Come home too tired to entertain someone in dating. Have a hard time making time

we keep it moving,

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
80097 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:32 AM

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12. "shit has to be rough... "
In response to Reply # 0


          

I tapped out early but man, listening to people who date online is a trip.

I was talking to a woman and she asked me why dudes don't like to talk on the phone.

I thought that was odd but I guess since everyone text now it's a lost art form to speak on the phone.

Then you add in swiping and always having the option of seeing a potential mate online while on a date and it has to be hard as Shit.

no snark... but if I ever found myself single again I would prolly go old school and take my chances in public.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Aug-12-15 10:51 AM

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14. "I'm out the game too."
In response to Reply # 12


          

I think the instant gratification is killing the personal interaction.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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teefiveten
Member since Oct 02nd 2008
33019 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:54 AM

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15. "yeah but it's sooo not worth it"
In response to Reply # 14


  

          

>I think the instant gratification is killing the personal
>interaction.

i havent even gone that route and i know that's the attraction. i'd rather suffer a little while getting to know someone than feel "matched" up with someone whose intentions i know nothing about. i don't know any dude's intention but i think the matching sets expectations higher - like we CHOSE each other. but for different reasons though. lol

*************************************
like.me
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"if the children are not initiated into the village they will burn it down just to feel its warmth." - african proverb

  

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tariqhu
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Wed Aug-12-15 12:41 PM

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19. "I can see it not working for everybody."
In response to Reply # 15


          

I think I'd be hoe if I was single now though lol. at least for a while til I got tired of that.

its so easy gain peoples trust and meet with a few taps on a keyboard.

I completely understand the reluctance to jump on the internet dating train. I bet that shit's overwhelming and frustrating for those that don't want to just smash everybody.

Y'all buy those labels, I was born supreme

  

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atruhead
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Wed Aug-12-15 11:14 AM

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16. "social media is the lick"
In response to Reply # 12


  

          

if private inboxes werent designed for starting conversations and exchanging phone numbers, I dont get their purpose

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
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Wed Aug-12-15 12:25 PM

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18. "It's getting way easier, yet it still hasn't lead to anything"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

It's almost strange that I've had dates with women I feel wouldn't have even given me their number ten years ago. I guess that Mike Jones shit is for real.

But it feels like some women are nearly desperate, or either they're into me TOOOOO MUCH without even knowing me yet. If I pass their "on paper" test, feels like they end up being the ones trying to chase me, and that immediately turns me off.

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
80097 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 07:18 PM

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22. "no snark... you sound like a perfectionist when discussing dating"
In response to Reply # 18


          

you're in a unique position... it's almost like you are behind the curtain, a fucking puppet master.

it's different when you see fine women at your job.

****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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-DJ R-Tistic-
Member since Nov 06th 2008
51986 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:33 AM

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39. "Hmm, what do you mean by "perfectionist?" "
In response to Reply # 22


  

          

------------------------------

50+ FREE Mixes on www.DJR-Tistic.com!

Twitter and Instagram - @DJ_RTistic

  

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dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:37 AM

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41. "i'm curious. what does this mean?"
In response to Reply # 22


          


>it's different when you see fine women at your job.


  

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NikaMandela
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35230 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 12:54 PM

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20. "RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
In response to Reply # 0


          


>So I wondered how okps feel about dating at this point in
>their life. Do you like dating?

no. i hate it.

Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?

i liked it in my early 20s.

Do you want to get married or settle down
>with someone or would you be happy being single forever?

yes and i will eventually. its a matter of time. i would be happy being single forever because i'm determined to be happy no matter what. if my arm got chopped off tomorrow, i would still be happy. i still want my arm tho and i still want to get married. I do believe that marriage (and motherhood) would be instrumental to me being my happiest and best self.

Is
>being in a relationship a priority to you?

not right now but i guess it is indirectly. healing from the past and improving myself are my direct priorities.

Do you feel
>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?

yes, from myself. and also, people's reactions to me. people are now straight up asking me "what happened?" "what's wrong with you?" its extremely frustrating. but i stopped pressuring myself about having kids.

Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?

yes in the sense that i'm pursuing a difficult path without any financial help so i don't really have the money to take care of myself the way i'd like to. i can't afford to wear the best clothes or get my hair and nails done and all that stuff.

>Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding
>dating.

will do later.

  

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Kwesi
Member since Jan 11th 2004
7370 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:58 PM

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29. "i meant to ask how you felt about me rolling up on you like that "
In response to Reply # 20


          

that day.

too much?

  

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NikaMandela
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Thu Aug-13-15 12:24 AM

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31. "nah it was cool."
In response to Reply # 29


          

it was a wack date. i was actually kinda relieved to see you. thats sad.

  

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Kwesi
Member since Jan 11th 2004
7370 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 01:44 PM

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45. "that's funny. "
In response to Reply # 31


          

i desperately wanted to stick around and harass you two, but i aint want your date to think i was being disrespectful or like i aint know how to act in public.

he seemed like the type that would later act-funny about your line-stepping male friend.

i aint wanna give him no reasons to be a bamma.

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
13618 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 03:12 PM

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58. "Real talk tho, from what I just read YOU were the bamma"
In response to Reply # 45


          

You just gonna walk up on their date, huh? You could have just hit her later via text or twitter, etc. on some "I saw you!"

Just some lame shit to do, yo. He wasn't spending his bread to share time with you.

  

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NikaMandela
Charter member
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Thu Aug-13-15 03:55 PM

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61. "uh...nah."
In response to Reply # 58


          

  

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Kwesi
Member since Jan 11th 2004
7370 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 04:37 PM

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62. "... tough call. you might be the type of nigga I'm typing about. "
In response to Reply # 58


          

in that, you'd cop an attitude cause of another nigga that's known her longer than you gets excited to see her in public.

it was a pleasant surprise for both of us.

you'd have been upset if a friend of your date's popped up and made kissey faces at the window in front of your snooze-fest that you're coming out of pocket for?

  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
13618 posts
Fri Aug-14-15 07:17 AM

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64. "Says the bamma that was hurt that an okp gave his date a hug"
In response to Reply # 62
Fri Aug-14-15 07:18 AM by flipnile

          

>... tough call. you might be the type of nigga I'm typing about-
>in that, you'd cop an attitude cause of another nigga that's
>known her longer than you gets excited to see her in public.
>
>it was a pleasant surprise for both of us.
>
>you'd have been upset if a friend of your date's popped up and
>made kissey faces at the window in front of your snooze-fest
>that you're coming out of pocket for?


I guess you need your revenge now, huh? lol. You can't even be honest with yourself, yo.

And do better than the above response. Don't project YOUR feelings onto me.

  

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Kwesi
Member since Jan 11th 2004
7370 posts
Fri Aug-14-15 07:35 AM

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65. "this could be fun."
In response to Reply # 64


          

where should i start?

first - you gotta call that creep a creep.

second - my lady alerted me to the transgression - she uncomfortable, im uncomfortable. you get that?

third, how the hell are you wild-typing about two events, of which you were at neither, and i was at BOTH?

in other words, stop trying to play me right now. it aint gonna work.

maybe try again later?

...though i do enjoy a good back and forth.

you got more?


  

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flipnile
Member since Nov 05th 2003
13618 posts
Fri Aug-14-15 09:57 AM

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67. "Nah, I really don't care enough to continue. You win!"
In response to Reply # 65
Fri Aug-14-15 09:58 AM by flipnile

          

lol

  

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Moonlit_Force
Member since Oct 10th 2005
8643 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 05:53 PM

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21. "This has been on my mind lately too..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

> Do you like dating?

Yes. Generally speaking. I live for good conversation and I like
to people watch. Dating is one of a few activities that I feel
keeps me on my toes and actually hones my social skills.

> Did you ever like it, and are now tired of it?

The older I get the more hermitic I've become. I'm really not trying to go
out socially unless there's potential for a lot more than one interesting night.
That being said, I never really regret going on a date either.

>Do you want to get married or settle down with someone
> or would you be happy being single forever?

This sounds awfully co-dependent and I hate that but I've recently
discovered how eager I am to build a life someone. I rarely ever
feel lonely and on the off-chance that I do, it's because I've
witnessed a couple that are really making their lives better by
being together.

I don't see marriage in my future, but I'm not against it either.

I've always been my own best company so I could definitely remain
single and be happy. In all frankness, I'd consider that path a
bit of waste though... I know I have a lot to offer someone.

>Is being in a relationship a priority to you?

Not really. It certainly could be more of one haha.

>Do you feel pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to get married?

Thankfully, no.

> Do you think your career gets in the way of dating?

No. Unless you count dates who have latent classism issues...



  

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J_Stew
Member since Jul 06th 2002
22363 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 08:39 PM

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23. "social media has made everything easy as far as meeting"
In response to Reply # 0


          

at least if you have good pics, etc. but it has made everyone overwhelmed with too many viable options to pick one, even if that's what they claim to want.

It's crazy because I've been on plenty of dates where we had a great time, and if we lived in a small town or some place where candidates were more scarce it would have led to something but since there are so many choices everything about the process makes it disposable.

  

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NikaMandela
Charter member
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Wed Aug-12-15 09:53 PM

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25. "pretty much."
In response to Reply # 23


          

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
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Wed Aug-12-15 10:12 PM

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26. "i've met my "future wife" so many times but...."
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

yeah, fuckin' disposable people

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:51 PM

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28. "This is why I quit online dating..."
In response to Reply # 23


          

You go on a good date and nothing happens.

Guys think meeting someone nice is evidence there must be a lot more nice women out there they should be meeting.

May as well just stay home or just hang out with friends instead.

  

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dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:36 AM

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40. "i do think social media has made some feel overwhelmed by options, but"
In response to Reply # 23


          

i think the idea of "the grass is greener" has been prevalent before social media hit, especially in large cities. the abstract notion that there is someone better out there holds a lot of people back in establishing healthy relationship.

  

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southphillyman
Member since Oct 22nd 2003
90059 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 01:53 PM

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46. "there was a whole tinder article on this recently"
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

sounds like it's nice now days if you just want some quick ass
not so much if you want to build meaningful relationships

~~~~~~

  

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denny
Member since Apr 11th 2008
11281 posts
Fri Aug-14-15 09:37 AM

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66. "Yah."
In response to Reply # 23


          

It's hard to underestimate the influence that social media has played in modern dating. I 'say' that I would never use online dating again if I was single....but I'm sure that after a few months I'd give in.

I think it's become more difficult in approaching women from a potential dating context in person. Happenchance meetings are down. lol One of the results of online dating is that it's allowed us to compartmentalize dating away from daily life. It's not an organic process....like the potential to meet someone while grocery shopping or something like that. I think it's mostly women to be honest....cause let's face it, guys are still perfectly willing to meet someone at the grocery store. Maybe it's just my own sour grapes....but I sensed that a significant amount of woman have become somewhat exclusive in that regard. Meeting people happens on dating sites....not in real life. I think partly because they've developed a personalized vetting process which has all sorts of functions.....safety, lie-detecting, etc.

And lying. Men lie lol. And yah, men have always lied in courtship but that shit is hitting an all-time high with dating profiles. I think it's pretty clear that internet dating intensifies ALL of the gender roles and dynamics. Women are valued for their beauty, men are valued for their social status. It kinda brings out the worst in all of us. Men train themselves to indulge further in seeing woman as sex objects. And they're less likely to commit to a long term relationship. All the other options are too close to the hip. Woman indulge in constructing the 'ideal partner' and fret over lists of personality traits. They're creating a husband of the mind, instead of meeting one.

Check this out... A singles' party. A punchbowl, some disco music, 50 men, 50 women. Guys all scoping out the women. The hottest chick will get hit on by 3 or 4 alpha males and maybe she decides to have a drink and dance with one of them. All the other people are doing their own thing. Some guys trying to score a division or two above their league. Some guys content with going for the women they perceive to be the same league. Some guys just looking for SOMEONE. Some women approaching guys too (obviously not in equal amounts).

Now compare that scenario to online dating dynamics with the same 100 people. Instead of 3 alpha males approaching the hottest chick.....there is a lineup of all 50 males waiting their turn to buy her a drink. She literally ignores 49 of them as they pass by and then the men line up for the next hottest chick. By the end of the night, each individual women will have been hit on at least 20 to 30 times instead of the organic 2 or 3. Men will have been rejected 30 to 50 times. Jennifer ignored what could have been the best relationship of her life because George bites his fingernails....something she would have overlooked in real life. Ed misses out on his 'the one' because her picture was unflattering.

I imagine the effect this is having sociologically is huge. On the whole, I'd contend that we're regressing into stricter, more intense gender roles because of it.

  

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Seven
Member since Dec 11th 2004
10708 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 09:33 PM

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24. "RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
In response to Reply # 0


          

>When I was younger, dating was a lot more fun for me. Meeting
>new people and having new experiences. It seemed more
>recreational and easygoing. Now, I'm over it. lol The process
>is less enjoyable and more frustrating. Possibly due to having
>to balance with all my other responsibilities.
>
>So I wondered how okps feel about dating at this point in
>their life. Do you like dating

When it's happening..it's nice....it rarely does these days between work and music...I have no time really...I also live in a relatively small city...the dating pool is really small and feels almost incestuous...I need to migrate. 😟.




? Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?

Wouldn't say I'm tired...but for reasons above...it gets annoying when for example you realise the therapist of a woman you're seeing is the mother of a friend of your daughter who you used to work with...


Do you want to get married or settle down
>with someone or would you be happy being single forever?
Up until recently I was hell bent in getting married...now....if it happens I'm good...if it doesn't..I'm good....once my child is good healthy and happy...once I'm doing shit I love and getting better...once i have a circle of friends I can trust and can spend time with...once I'm financially good...once I'm healthy.....I'll be aight


Is
>being in a relationship a priority to you?
Nope....being a better man is my priority.

Do you feel
>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?
Nope....I get the questions every now and then...especially with a child ( even the kid asks me sometimes lol)...I'm good tho...they see how little it bothers me and don't ask again.



Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?
I am pretty busy...but I think i would make time if I felt something or saw it going somewhere.



>
>Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding
>dating.
I've been thinking about starting to date women younger than I'm used to....talking late 20s early 30s....( I'm pushing 40)...i dunno.

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
22151 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 10:15 PM

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27. "Companionship vs. just fuckin' to fuck"
In response to Reply # 0
Wed Aug-12-15 10:17 PM by double negative

  

          

is whats changed for me

sex is sex, its like the tide; it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows

but, a real connection, a real conversation, someone you can bust it up with and just talk about life?

thats that juice I keep searching for within each berry


so, I date a lot when I have time and for me its about just being in the presence of a person and really try to get to know them a bit

Im coming to appreciate the time with people, meaning if I have a good date or three with a lady and shes not feeling me then it doesnt fade me much because I have already had a great time with her...sometimes things are meant to be awesome on the short term...and sometimes you might find a life partner

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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dew drops
Member since Sep 25th 2009
95 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:41 AM

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42. "YES! companionship vs. fucking to fuck. "
In response to Reply # 27


          

that is where i'm at. casual sex/flings were enough to satisfy me for awhile, but it no longer works. like you're saying, developing an intimate connection with someone is something that i recently learned that i *need*. not want. with people thinking "the grass is greener" or folk acting as if they poor social skills, it's really hard to find that. it's worse than looking for a needle in a haystack.

  

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ndibs
Member since Aug 06th 2012
12715 posts
Wed Aug-12-15 11:01 PM

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30. "RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
In response to Reply # 0


          

>When I was younger, dating was a lot more fun for me. Meeting
>new people and having new experiences. It seemed more
>recreational and easygoing. Now, I'm over it. lol The process
>is less enjoyable and more frustrating. Possibly due to having
>to balance with all my other responsibilities.
>
>So I wondered how okps feel about dating at this point in
>their life. Do you like dating?
No

Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?
No. I don't know. When I was young, I met guys slept with them and every single one wanted to date. And I just dated those guys for years.

Do you want to get married or settle down
>with someone or would you be happy being single forever? Is
>being in a relationship a priority to you? Do you feel
>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?
I don't care. You're a loser if youre not married by 23 here. So I'm like 10 yrs past that.

Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?
Definitely not.


>Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding
>dating.
>
>

  

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Adwhizz
Member since Nov 12th 2003
40952 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 12:42 AM

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32. "The combination of being single for the first time in a MINUTE"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

and losing close to 100 LBS has me enjoying the dating scene.

I've come out of my shell a good deal and find myself getting way more positive attention from the ladies than I can ever recall.

I should probably get a girlfriend come winter (shit, a lot of people would think I should have BEEN married by now but oh well) but having a hell of a summer

R.I.P. Loud But Wrong Guy
Dec 29th 2009 - Dec 17th 2017

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92696 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 10:09 AM

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33. "RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Aug-13-15 10:10 AM by lfresh

  

          

>So I wondered how okps feel about dating at this point in
>their life. Do you like dating?
nope

Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?

never did
i liked hanging out and meeting people but the moment it became a 'thing' expectation sprang up and i hated it

Do you want to get married or settle down
>with someone or would you be happy being single forever?

sure and yep


Is
>being in a relationship a priority to you?

nope

Do you feel
>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?

my mom only slightly and only very recently

Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?

nope

>Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding
>dating.


never been a fan
been avoiding it like the plague but i somehow find myself falling into them backwards
weirdest shit ever

~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Tiggerific
Member since May 24th 2007
13451 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 10:52 AM

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34. "RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I'm only in here to keep myself from phuckin up! I've heard stories about dating at this age and I want to make sure that I stay married!

"We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents" - Bob Ross

"I'm wearing a MSU Tshirt because I went to MSU, you are wearing a UM Tshirt because you went to Walmart!" -unknown.

http://bjsquirrelchronicles.blogspot.com

  

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Rjcc
Charter member
95042 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 10:54 AM

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35. "dating after 30 is way better imo"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Aug-13-15 10:56 AM by Rjcc

          

much less bullshit, everyone knows more about themselves.

sorry it sucks for y'all(?)


it's funny to see people pine for the long-lost days of personal interaction (which still exists), like that shit wasn't terrible too

yo, if you moved from your shit town to new york to live the big city dream, you deserve the shitty reality of NYC

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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legsdiamond
Member since May 05th 2011
80097 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:17 AM

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36. "never change bruh"
In response to Reply # 35


          


>yo, if you moved from your shit town to new york to live the
>big city dream, you deserve the shitty reality of NYC
>


lmao.... this is the perfect response for someone with an avi like yours.


****************
TBH the fact that you're even a mod here fits squarely within Jag's narrative of OK-sanctioned aggression, bullying, and toxicity. *shrug*

  

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Rjcc
Charter member
95042 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:47 AM

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44. "it never stops being funny to me"
In response to Reply # 36


          

that you read so much into a picture of me that represents pretty much nothing about my life

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92696 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:30 AM

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38. "thing is"
In response to Reply # 35


  

          


>yo, if you moved from your shit town to new york to live the
>big city dream, you deserve the shitty reality of NYC


everyone is getting the shitty reality now through aps
its AWESOME
folks saying it above
more options mean folks act douchier

and yep NY just did it in person
now everyone has access to being an asshole online
yay
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Rjcc
Charter member
95042 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 11:46 AM

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43. "I agree that you are now more accessible to douchebaggery"
In response to Reply # 38


          

but you're also more accessible to non-douchebags

the volume of the shit pipeline unloading into your inbox makes it hard to discern, but shit, OKP has that same problem


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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lfresh
Member since Jun 18th 2002
92696 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 02:05 PM

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49. "RE: I agree that you are now more accessible to douchebaggery"
In response to Reply # 43


  

          

>but you're also more accessible to non-douchebags
>
>the volume of the shit pipeline unloading into your inbox
>makes it hard to discern, but shit, OKP has that same problem
>
>


Yep
One would think you would get well practiced at dodging

Frankly you only get tired


~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

  

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Hellyeah
Member since Jul 05th 2008
6515 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 01:54 PM

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47. "i'm 32. and i've never had so many women in my life like"
In response to Reply # 0


          

when i hit the big 3-0

i'm fit, nice job, pretty good looking and they say i look 5 years younger.

i have plenty of hobbies and a marriage is the last thing i'd want in my life right now.

lately i've been dating women in the age range 20-40.

i love my single life, but i'll be damned if i don't get mad when i get surrounded by happy couples. shit hurts.

as soon as i'll find the right one i'll settle down for a LTR. but i'm in no hurry either. i have great relatives that doesn't put any pressure on me at all. that's the way it should be.

and if someone wants to be single forever then so be it. it's his fucking life and NOBODY has the right to tell him whats wrong or whats right.

  

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Rjcc
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95042 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 01:58 PM

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48. "continue to fly free bro! "
In response to Reply # 47


          

I got clamped down instantly, it's good, but someone needs to stay winning out in those streets

www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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Hellyeah
Member since Jul 05th 2008
6515 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 02:53 PM

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52. "thank you man, will do."
In response to Reply # 48


          

  

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double negative
Member since Dec 14th 2007
22151 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 02:56 PM

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53. "YES. its the dualism you just described that resonates"
In response to Reply # 47


  

          

on one hand being free is great, but on the other hand when you see a happy couple you remember how good it CAN be

***********************************************************
https://soundcloud.com/swageyph/yph-die-with-me

  

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madwriter
Charter member
12234 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 02:23 PM

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50. "man dating is more enjoyable now than in my twenties"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

maybe i just have less expectations or can weed out people more before i decide to do something with them. but i have enjoyed it more now and maybe because i'm pretty upfront with what i'm not looking for now.

  

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madwriter
Charter member
12234 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 02:32 PM

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51. "opps missed the whole question thing"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Do you like dating?
Only when i meet someone interesting. and since i came out of a very long relationship dating has been fun because i make sure i have fun.

Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?
I still like it but don't date all the time


Do you want to get married or settle down
>with someone or would you be happy being single forever?
Maybe but not now. that person has to really take all my walls down.

Is
>being in a relationship a priority to you? Do you feel
>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?
Not a priority. I'm an only child so yes my folks do sometimes bring it up.


Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?
actually naw. Working creative it's the opposite
>
>Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding
>dating.

I notice that being unavailable and being honest about it has not been a deterrent. if I knew this in my twenties...
>
>


--------
<--------- my cousin
www.richardlouissaint.com
photobloggin' it:
http://blog.richardlouissaint.com

  

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Rjcc
Charter member
95042 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 02:57 PM

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54. "RE: Okps over 30: let's discuss dating"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Do you like dating?
I feel like I was just getting the hang of it

Did you ever like it, and are
>now tired of it?

hated it. hated meeting new people, asking out, arranging date, etc.

I'm slightly less of an asshole in general these days, which helps

Do you want to get married or settle down
>with someone or would you be happy being single forever?
probably the former. I kinda wore out being single

Is
>being in a relationship a priority to you?
more than it was, but being happy in general and my family is still way higher

Do you feel
>pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to
>get married?

not really

Do you think your career gets in the way of
>dating?
to an extent, I work long/weird hours

>
>Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding
>dating.
>
>


www.engadgethd.com - the other stuff i'm looking at

  

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caramelapplebttms
Member since Mar 09th 2004
3152 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 03:05 PM

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55. "I never liked dating. In my 20s I had LTRs with droughts in between"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Do you like dating?
Nope.

Did you ever like it, and are now tired of it?
I've always disliked dating.

Do you want to get married or settle down with someone or would you be happy being single forever?

I'm happier in good relationships. Last year was the first time I dated someone who was wrong for me for more than a month and it was draining. I'd rather be single than unhappy.

Is being in a relationship a priority to you?

For my timeline (married by 35) it maybe should be, but I'm way more into my community and career right now. Dating feels like a chore.

Do you feel pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to get married?
Naw.

Do you think your career gets in the way of dating?
Only because it's more enjoyable than dating.

Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding dating.

When I was in my 20s, someone told me that when it comes to marriage, women wait for the right person, men wait for the right time. My main complaint about dating is that I keep finding the "right time" dude, who talks about how ready he is to get married, usually because he messed it up with "the one" while in his 20s and his friends are married with kids.

The men I meet are way more pressed for a marriage-track relationship than I am and it takes the fun out of it. I'm still waiting on the "right one." Without that, the timing doesn't matter.

  

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luminous
Charter member
12505 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 03:08 PM

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56. "reading that article that's all over facebook"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

If you need any help, don't. Hesitate to ask.

  

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luminous
Charter member
12505 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 03:10 PM

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57. "also reading this vanity fair article"
In response to Reply # 56


  

          

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

the tinder meltdown on twitter was funny:
http://www.theverge.com/2015/8/12/9136287/tinder-twitter-vanity-fair-meltdown

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

If you need any help, don't. Hesitate to ask.

  

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Sha
Member since Mar 25th 2004
68452 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 03:17 PM

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59. "I like it. "
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I have no problems meeting men.
Being 40 gives me access to men older than myself and younger.
So, options are limitless.
What I do find though is that men older than me seem to be a bit more crotchety. LOL

  

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luminous
Charter member
12505 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 03:18 PM

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60. "it sucks"
In response to Reply # 0
Thu Aug-13-15 03:20 PM by luminous

  

          

Do you like dating?
No

Did you ever like it, and are now tired of it?
Never really liked dating

Do you want to get married or settle down with someone or would you be happy being single forever?
I want to get married and have kids.

Is being in a relationship a priority to you?
Yes

Do you feel pressured (by anyone including yourself) to settle down or to get married?
Yeah, my parents. I'm their only hope for grandkids but I'm pushing 40.

Do you think your career gets in the way of dating?
Kinda because I have to work on the weekends.

Feel free to discuss (or vent) about anything regarding dating.
Hard to date again after losing the love of my life. But I guess I have to get back out there.

--
Sometimes you have to look reality in the face and say 'No!'
-Ben (Reaper)

If you need any help, don't. Hesitate to ask.

  

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justin_scott
Charter member
19885 posts
Thu Aug-13-15 04:40 PM

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63. "i haven't been on a date in 3 years"
In response to Reply # 0


          

.

************************************************************

  

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