Menjury: n. An injury caused by doin somethin you had no business, usually caused by ego, compounded by said ego's inability to admit the severity of the pain. --Flake, 2015.
I bought a Slam Man. Because I miss boxin and my nocturnal life cycle won't let me make it to the gym. I found one cheap on craigslist and it works. I looked up the specs. Filled with sand, it weighs 240. That sounds impressive to me. So I go get it today and rather than use the hand truck to get in the van, the little man voice in my head goes "Dude. You can totally lift that."
Surprise. I totally did.
Not a surprise, I can't move my right wrist past 45 degrees without it screamin in pain.
1. "Fine, just me. Before today, I fell off my old apt" In response to Reply # 0
I was locked out and wasn't about to pay for a locksmith. I knew I left my window unlocked. Second floor, climbed a door and grabbed a ledge, door swung, hit my chin. Down.
Limped around the corner, sat in Subway and had a soda and waited for the locksmith.
2. "Backflip attempt in high school, did not stick the landing." In response to Reply # 0
The point of impact was squarely medulla. Tongue felt like it sploded in my mouth. Talked weird for a few hours. Tried to play it off and return to the campfire like it was all good.
3. "Misjudged preparedness for cold weather." In response to Reply # 0
Either before The Weather Channel had the capability, or before they gave a shit, they reported cold weather coming in Friday night. I took this to mean that I should bundle up under my band uniform.
Menjury: We go on the field at like, 7:30-8, and it's fucking BLAZING outside. No time to get my thermals off. We do the halftime show, and I'm soaked to the bone. Temperatures didn't drop til Q4, and I go from boiling to freezing. No one else made my assbutt move, so we ride back to school with the windows down on the bus.
8. "Trying to fix a ceiling fan" In response to Reply # 0
This was in high school, if I remember... the light kit had a habit of shorting out, so replacing it wasn't a huge deal. One of the wires on the fan needed to be stripped back a bit. I had left the wire strips downstairs. Instead of taking 20 seconds to run down and get them, I decide to strip the wire with my teeth.
The fan, of course, was still plugged up
I remember feeling my brain vibrate around my skull like an unbalanced washing machine. I hit the floor and stayed there for about 30 seconds. My only thought: well, that wasn't very smart, now was it
<-- Dave Thomas knows what's up... __________________________
Jay: Look here homie, any nigga can get a hit record. This here is about respect. Game: Like Gladys Knight. Jay: Aretha Franklin. Game: Word, I like her too. Jay: Nigga...
16. "aw man, there's nothing like getting electrocuted" In response to Reply # 8
to give you time to realize how much you fucked up while it's still happening to you
I was taking apart a busted power supply for my computer and I brushed the capacitor or whatever with my finger and got that vibration and a real warm fuzzy feeling.
lasted just long enough for me to realize how dumb it would be to die in a way that was completely predictable and avoidable
19. "isn't that a thing with pain tho, that it stretches time perception?" In response to Reply # 16
Ye olde chestnut, how do you experience a minute with your hand on hot stove versus minute with Gloria Pritchett?
What if you weren't really in contact with the current that long, but pain/increased intracranial voltage speeds your survival instinct and makes you slightly Neo?
20. "electrocution stories...the first time I realized that ignition coil pac..." In response to Reply # 16
produce a lot of power. Lady at the church I went to at the time told me her check engine light was on and flashing. I'm like....oh, there's a misfire. After church I take off my suit jacket, have her pop the hood and take a look. 04 Impala with a 3.8. I can feel the engine missing. Looked at the front plug wires...didn't see anything crazy. Reached over the intake to feel the back plug wires...one of them was arcing through the insulation...BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBANG!!! Shit felt like I got shot in my whole right side. I tried to play if off, but my whole equilibrium was fucked up. We ended up going to Autozone and getting plugs and wires for me to do a tune up, but I was damn near working with one hand. My right arm was semi-paralyzed for the rest of that day.
...I'm from the era when A.I. was the answer, now they think ai is the answer - Marlon Craft
9. "just getting over severe neck injury from wrasslin" In response to Reply # 0
Taking a BJJ class, went for a one leg takedown.
Was going way too hard for what the class really called for, and was using poor form while doing it, and did the move on a guy who did Judo for 8 years. Recipe for getting spiked head first into the mat with nothing to break the fall (my arms were wrapped around the dudes leg)
Forehead bruising, immediately lost mobility in the neck. I've heard of dudes becoming paralyzed from this very move, which is scary shit. Also had swelling in the nose and a bruise under the eye.
Couldn't move my head from side to side at all for days. It's been three weeks and it's still tender doing certain movements. There are so many levels to it healing up. but I was back in the same class last night shaking the dude's hand who did it
11. "all my injuries come from playing soccer, so they don't really count." In response to Reply # 0
though right now i still have a slightly swollen and tender middle finger knuckle from bowling a few weeks ago, so clearly i wasn't using proper form. that shit's never happened to me before. it had been a while, i suppose that's why.
15. "youth bowling league, 1994, I saw Andre Rios pick up two bowling balls" In response to Reply # 14
And put them on his hands and sing " we will, we will--" and before he could say "rockyousockyoupickyouupanddropyou" (as we all did at the time) he made a big dramatic hand clap with the balls. The sound was like a cloonk and then a blinding scream.
He fractured his fingers inside the ball, apparently. That's a thing. So nobody ever do that. We learned that day
22. "Injured my knee during a basketball game" In response to Reply # 0
I jumped for a rebound and when I landed the pain was so bad that I felt I was going to blackout. I had to sit down for a minute before I could drive myself home.
To make a long story short, I have osteoarthritis in my knee as a result of a torn meniscus that disintegrated over time. At the age of 31 I have a knee of a 60 year old man. My B-Ball days are pretty much done.
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Thu Aug-06-15 03:28 PM
24. "fucked up my wrist picking up my roommate in the dorms" In response to Reply # 0
My first roommate in the dorms was this paraplegic chubby kid in a motorized wheelchair. We were out doing the whole freshman meet and greet circuit of events when his chair ran off the sidewalk and he fell. I ran over and tried to pick him up and my right wrist felt like it was about to snap: he looked like a lil chubby dude, but in reality he weighed around 200lbs.
I couldn't budge him no matter how hard I tried.
I hear off in the crowd "MIKEY!!!!!!!" and some big ass lumberjack lookin cat sprints towards us, yanks him up off the ground with ease and puts him back in the chair.
My wrist was fucked up for the first two weeks of college. ---------------------------
"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
PoppaGeorge Member since Nov 07th 2004 10384 posts
Thu Aug-06-15 04:07 PM
29. "I think the worst of mine was when my back locked up in the shower" In response to Reply # 0
Was getting ready for work one morning and was in the shower. Twisted my body to wash my ass and it felt like two discs in my lower back locked together. The pain was unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life and I was genuinely stuck in that position lookin like this
My wife came into the bathroom like "what are you doing?" and I told her my back got a little stiff and I'm trying to work it out, holding back a primal scream.
Eventually it got to the point where I could move again, but I was still in pain from it.
years later I told her what really happened. She laughed 'cause she thought she had walked in on me rubbing one out in the shower and was trying to play it off.
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"Where was the peace when we were getting shot? Where's the peace when we were getting laid out? Where is the peace when we are in the back of ambulances? Where is the peace then? They don't want to call for peace then.
36. "I tore my calf muscle playing basketball, and finished the game" In response to Reply # 0 Thu Aug-06-15 10:56 PM by Sofian_Hadi
In the process i ended up with a slight bone fracture because it changed my posture immediately...but we won 12-9...and im a dumbass, im 31 and prolly wont be able to ball again...my calf muscle had so much scar tissue it will never be the same again
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"The world is before you and you need not take it or leave it as it was when you came in." - James Baldwin
41. "RE: That's a baseball score. That's all I meant." In response to Reply # 40 Thu Aug-06-15 11:44 PM by Sofian_Hadi
Oh. Haha. Yeah it was 4 on 4 at a outdoor college court so we go to twelve since there are bunch of people waiting to play next. I should say "they" since my balling days are over now.
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"The world is before you and you need not take it or leave it as it was when you came in." - James Baldwin
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