the week after the prince bball ep of chapelle came on. p invited dave to his post rock n roll hall of fame after jawn. since i was working on the show dave let me tag with him and neal. they were so amped that prince invited em i didn't have the heart to tell em the 1984 cat they idolize will not be in attendance. so while in the elevator to his hotel i tried to give em the 30 second crash course.
once i mentioned p being a JW ---the laughter lasted for like 14 seconds... which was a time waster cause i didn't wanna say nothing once we went in the hallway (p usually got security in the hall and i didnt want it to look like i was talking shit) so i was like "dog dont cuss, dont ask to drink nothing, its gonna be real tense and uptight, we should just say hi and leave.....oh and another thing (the door opens---mind you my back is turned cause im trying to talk as fast as i can so we dont look uncomfortable)....
"and what is that ahmir?"
---there was no hallway..
(the door opened right in p's living room and i was none the wiser)
---i turned around and almost jumped out my skin.
a room with about 10 jw's in a circle quietly waiting for me to answer P's question.
*dave saves the day
"he told us that you will NOT make us pancakes!!!"
she caught me out there at the naacp 2003. the only cat i wanna meet and have validate me is quincy jones. so standing backstage at the naacps-- i was talking to jill marie (who hosted the awards with the cast of girlfriends) and i saw q say goodbye to ray charles (who actually died like 4 months later so this could have been the last time he saw him)---
i told jill..."hang on one sec"
and i saw my chance....
i was nervous. i mean im cool with his kids....but i know he dont know im alive.
or worse...cares...
so i sheepishly approached
left foot....right foot....
(passes tyra who is talking to kimora lee---they waiting for limo)
walks up and gets the nerve to barely get out
"ummm...man...you are my hero sir" (tyra heard me say this)
quincy: oh my god....the FUNKIEST CAT ALIVE.....
---yo!! i lost my shit!!! how this motherfucker know im alive and that my shit is funky!!!!!!!!!!!!
he held his hand out....smiled and walked to me...
so i walked with my hand out....
he got closer....
i was smiling....
and then....
he hugged dre3000.....
and left me hanging.
tyra and kim saw ALL of this and i tried to play this off....
we laughed SO hard cause they knew i was embarrassed.
tip: i want you to meet the badde--- p: i know who this guy is....i love that video so funny ?:....uhhhh ... .....uugghh......ugugh..gg.g..g... p and tip: huh? ?: ughgg g uggggg uuuuggggg tip: he nervous.... ?: um....wow....im just so ....like you be knowing who i be? p: (confused glance at tip....) tip: he is amazed you know he's alive... ?: yeah....um that.....u be knowing me and shit...oh im sorry....i mean you uguu
ugugugughgh....oh god imma cry.....uhmmmm....
tip: (gives me that "you blowing it look...just walk away)
?: um....imma go....
*walks away....tells date..."I FUCKED UP!!!! I NEED TO REDEEM MYSELF!!! SHOULD I RUN BACK?!?!?!"
--runs back 3 blocks.... runs downstairs.... lenny, tip, prince, kidadda jones and 3 other people are in a private room and im caught off guard like i just interuppted. . prince's bodyguards...
prince: noNO!!!! HE'S COOL!
?: hey..um....im sorry i dont wanna freak you out....its just really cool to meet my hero. i just wanna say
"THE ROOM GETS SILENT" ---*13 secs.... "ummm........"dinner with delores was the greatest ending in post modern black rock history"......
the roots come to va to get two joints from the tunes. we actually work on the beat that is beyonce's "green light". chad is next door working on what will soon be "ride around shinnin'" with the clipse.
i tell rell "i want a jawn with some crazy jeru noise shit like THAT shit" (the song has an open piano swirl)---
so chad hears the shit we working on and then he gets an idea...
grabs his horn.... and he does the same 4 horn squeals that tribe did on the "can i kick it" remix....
perfectly!
he invited me to the room while riq wrote to the beat--played me new nerd and clipse and kenna shit.
nat and i hung in la. drove to san diego for the roots tour (i think it was the sprite jawn 2003 rell was looking salty on some "this is how you roll nigga?" type shit. we aint kick it....just went out a few times but no "connection connection" so she drops me back to hotel and the pap is waiting "flash flash flash" ---fuckers..
i saw my flick in a paper the next week
said "portman drops afroman off to hotel after date"
remember the "double trouble" story from TFA? talib and mos?---actually scratch that....peep the homegrown story. mos was being mos---late and somehow talib (unknown to me back then im sorry lol) managed to spit a verse on this song without my knowledge.
so the cats cussed me out cause instead of "messing around with dange'NO i shoulda been in the C room telling kweli he can't be on the song."
dangeNO was not D.
dangeNO was that light skinned chick im always up under in the A room of battery studios.
i had met rapheal s's longtime engineer Gerry during the "what they do" sessions. we got mad cool. so about a year later i saw some xmas lights in a box with some very specific decor that i remembered but couldn't quite place.
so i asked the receptionist "who is in A?" she said the name and i laughed cause damn that sounded like a pretentious ass name.---but i saw the session sheet and it hit me!
those are the same xmas lights that gerry used in his bay area studio!!!!!!!
i won't get into specifics.....but i pretty much neglected the things fall apart album for about 2 weeks cause i was always in her room. picking her brain.....talking about music....and our new favorite discovery of 98: KRISPY KREAMES!
meanwhile....
the mix was horrid.
kweli had managed to spit a verse.
i didn't care if mos showed up or not.
i had neglected the highlight of TFA over a chick.
this lasted for about 3 weeks and i just KNEW i was in.....
then.....she mentioned a boyfriend.
3 hour calls turned into "i'll call you back"....
until the fadeout.
i guess now i can also say that she was artist number one in the homegrown vol 2 track 4 story.
we saw each other at Fela 2 weeks back.
it just hit me that we actually were great pals at one point.
i like calm al. screaming raspy al.----although i will make an exception for the title track cause it was day one and was off the top and we were on the edge of our seats with the end (put ya.......SHHHHoes!!" hahah)
but he had gotten comfortable with this new voice and i didn't like it.
but telling him that is a whole nother thing.
we all have to have meetings like "who gonna be the bad guy?"
so we let rich be the bad guy.
but al had his own agenda and decided DAMNIT AL GONE DO WHAT AL GONE DO....THIS IS MY VOICE!
sure enough a simple request brought up old demons (he is scared of cee lo and "crazy" and is mad that we would even ask him to sing such a song)--so its quite clear he just wants to be contrary.
so we say "session done" start packing.
al dont like that.....he wants us to squirm and crawl but you cant out reverse psych us......we invented that shit.
so now he really mad....
uh huh....see....see!!!! if yall motherfuckas put them god damn um um......computers away.....and and and concentrate on the job at hand and do YOUR JOB....and stop worrying about MY JOB you would see that all would fit into uh uh uh uh place!!!!---cause there is only one al green!!!! you go head and sing the part since you think its so easy!!!!"
your right al.
im wrong.....and sorry...
(gets madder!!)
"well next time leave them damn computers alone!!! we dont need that there naw anyhow!!!!!!!!!!"
my biggest regret is never meeting the WU at their peak. i met them all AFTER the gold rush.
i actually got meth into the mtv awards giftroom fall of 2006. if you can imagine such a....well scenario...lol "that is method man!!!!!"
i was embarrassed cause its like "how did this nobody get in and now he has to bargin with the guard about letting dr tical in".
once in he went on and on and on and on and on and on about jay.
my position is this is the industry and not jay.
Red slept in the mtv breakroom during the last year of Yo MTV Raps with us snoring loud with a plastic spoon in his mouth. riq has great red stories to tell.
dre told me a beautifully disgusting story of being in the room alone with erykah giving birth to 7.
so i asked "but that entire summer on tour she was drinking mad wheatgrass and okra"
"dawg....owwll that sheeeit came gushing out"
wait...you mean you were....
"manye this hea wasn't no tv birth.....this was the real shit...literally..."
*me about to url
"man i saw the baby's head and then she just....
shat on me....."
oh god nevermind man im too squimish---
"naw man....i mean you don't think about that when you giving birth....all that disgusting stuff....it was worth it man. that was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me....shit and all...."
ange did about 5 shows at the HOBs this year. i went to the one she did with Lyfe. we were in her dressing room with her moms (btw......the photo on her iphone cover is moms at 27)
COT DAMNY!!!!! (c) tracey morgan.
anyways...
pop knowles comes in the room and doesn't seem to notice i was standing in the corner so he SLAMS (accidently) the door open---
shit hits my nose HAWD....
she screamed (tina) "you are hurting him!! someone is behind there...."
i played it off like i wasn't hurt.
i was...
but i didn't want lange nor her mom to think i was a punk.
played it off....til i got home and was like "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
the funniest gutbusting moments tween him and i occur on AIM or phone texting.--
i dunno...
he is painfully normal....he is just a mega icon. none of my in person stories are amazing.....they more like....
?: *at rehearsals eating oreos..... j: dag man....you went to the store and didn't offer to share oreos? ?: *gives that lamont you big dummy look* (we do this ALL the time)---hands bag over--- j: ahhhhhhhhh.... (like the victory fist pump radio raheem did after he won the sound battle of the box on do the right thing)
---the texted shit can damn near be a comedy book especially after my disapproval of the chick saying "oh....my....god.....hov" on kingdom comes first cut.
but all of our exchanges from dec 2001 to now are some funny shits if read aloud.---
the best being the "super ugly" exchange the night he recorded it.
spike was cool enough to lemme sit next to him in 2001 for the knicks vs kings game (white jesus was on fire that day even though kings lost) we then went to his upper west side crib (COTDAMMMMMMY) to watch the super bowl. all the cast of characters in his films came by (like all the italian cats from jungle fever's soda shop).....man...i ate so friggin much i caught the itis. but i was too embarrassed to let anyone see food put me in a coma. so spike let me sleep in his writing room which has this awesome big ass catchers mit couch. his pop culture collection is CRAZY, scripts from other films and artifacts from his films. he let me nap til 1am....lol
ben thinks im shady. the real magic behind the superjam of 2005 with harper, john paul and me was that we literally rehearsed 3 hours before hitting. i didn't call him back during the months i should've.
i would like to add he had the advantage for it was his crew and his gear and his people and essentially his producer (jpj) at hand.
so i was the odd guy out.
so thinking it was a "jam" in the spirit of a "jam" that was like the one i did at bonneroo the year before with pino and herbie. i brought some cats: namely kirk.
but of course this was not a jam made to appease me. I was invited and kirk was mos def a problemo.
i pitched a mini fit and kirk was allowed to do the encore.
but i felt some sort of way cause its like ben's guy was on the soundboard (a FIRST for me) and ben controlled the songbook (a first for me) and all my ideas were shutdown.
and since we were doing zep, i now had the pressure of being john bonham.
so it was high pressure. but i pulled through and the shit wound up being the best shit ever.
i can't even begin to describe the near murder committed on her lil chichi poo poo in a louis v bag dog he almost committed when she let him run loose in our dressingroom (yall remember she was a Root in 2001 right? AREA 1 tour she interned a summer with us)---
i think what made him madder (the dog only shitted on his stuff) was she really didn't express remorse....cause she saw that dog (i think she named him harlem?) was like her baby so it was like ("awww baby had a boo boo"--do cartman's moms voice) instead of understanding niggas aint with dogs shitting in their new balances.
i really thought rich was gonna beat the SHIT out that dog.
26. "Jurnee pt. I / Jurnee pt. II" In response to Reply # 0
i'll say that the two people that i will feel for the most if barack loses will be kal penn (harold and kumar fame) and jurn.
those two campaign so hard for him i would be none surprised if they both ran for office in 2024.
she singlehandedly started my real career in the world of politics. i made some comment on how i want to live up to my rep and really do more politically based things but had no clue on how to start.
she laughed. told me to pick her up at 4.
......am
(?!?!?!?!?!)
we been going at it for rack for the last 8 months. both together and separate. initially i wanted to do laymen work: make calls, get sandwiches, pass flyers, register people.---not the celeb tv/radio shit....
well all that changed 3 weeks ago. she told me i was speaking in the inner city to the youth about registering (she has that rudy "buuuud" shit going on where she TELLS you what you are going to do and like a dummy you be on some "how high?!" shit.---
i mean she dont know philly dont fuck with us, nor the hood, or kids.....she was like "these are your points *cracks whip* STUDY! *cracks whip* we getting up at 9 dont be online all night cause we got troops to recruit!
"YES SIR!"
much like her character on GDs jurn that whole day would be on some MLK/X jesse shit:
grabbing the mic and screaming like a preacher:
ladies and gentlemen we ARE in a state of emergency (sista soljahs voice) our brothers and sisters are falling by the wayside!!!! (preach sista) these republicans dont care about you!!!!!! *well!* dont care about me!!! *well well!!!* dont care about yo momma!!!! *yes sista!!!* this is THE MOST crucial time ladies and gentlemen!!!!!!!!! (twinny twin twiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!!)
--after that 10 minutes fired up speech then she be like "AND NOW A FEW WORDS FROM THE BROTHER, MR QUESTLOVE OF PHILADELPHIA'S ROOTS CREW!!!!! GIVE IT UP!!
*crickets...*
*feedback...*
"um....(this thing on?)....um....what she said...."
lol
Jurnee pt. II
i forgot!!!
my best jurn story was
AFTER campaigning in cali at venice.
we drove to orange county to catch No Country For Old Men (only theater in town playing it)
after the flick we went to Borders to get some books and stuff.
i got a call from my manager and it looked like it was going to be a lengthy convo.... so i pulled over and took the call cause i didn't wanna get pulled over for talking on the phone while driving.
wasn't no rap. we talked about the grammy jam and i said i'd hit him up when i got to room.
well...two secs later flashing lights.
these fuckers drew their guns and told both she and i to get out the car.---jurn tried to turn her hidden video camera on but wasn't quick enough....
so here we are....
sprawled out on out car hood like cuba gooding in boyz in the hood i was like "oh my god.....we are dead.....or better yet I AM DEAD cause if her oldest bro catches wind of this HE is gonna kill me.
they put us both in the back of the paddy wagon while they searched my car left and right.
we are actually laughing at the irony of this situation.
then....our wrost nightmare.
they tried to open the trunk:
?: jurn.....what is the likely hood that the cops are going to believe that all those psychology books and the scrabble game is ours?
j: good question, its not like they believe that blacks like a mini coop.
?: god, for my sake i pray they dont go in that trunk....or we are DEAD.
---they tried for 5 mns and gave up.
let us go afterwards. tried to explain that i pulled over at a mini coop dealership so naturally they thought i stole it.
that whole ride was silent on the way back.
THAT is when i decided to do something about it and campaign for barack.
27. "RE: Questo Celebrity Stories" In response to Reply # 0
I'm effin LOVIN' this post!!!
?uest when u get a chance give us some mo'!
I wanna hear about when u first met:
Erykah J*Davey Sa-Ra Lenny Dilla Stuart Copeland Kanye Q-Tip Chuck D Alan Leeds George Clinton Fred Wesley Sheila E. Pete Rock Kitten (ahem, yeah...*that* Kitten)
(I know some of these people aren't actual "celebs" but still...)
33. "RE: yeah man, keep it movin', ha!" In response to Reply # 32
this could be its own show on Pandora...
You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.
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