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...after Simmon's. .
Somehow, I knew it would come from OKP the next time.
I'll try to impart some peace I've finally gained after all this time
First, it's not YOUR fault. The, "I could have, I would have, I should have" will be there, go ahead and own it, and to be honest, it may never go away.
For folx that knew, loved, cared for her, the hardest thing is you KNOW you would have been there, you KNOW you would have done anything to keep her from that point, and sadly...they didn't know that, or couldn't take that into their heart and find some sort of hope in that. It's like you weren't enough at the right time to help her through it.
The other part is...you'll want to be mad at them, but you can't, because, well...if you've got a heart, you know why, I can't really explain it.
The other thing that pulls is the fact that they gave up, you can't understand it. Well, I couldn't. As long as I'm here, I can make it better.
I've also been "taught" that this is one of the greatest sins, and the peace they were hoping for may not be on the other side. I don't know either way, but I know what I WANT to believe, but I also know what else is possible. That's VERY unsettling.
"Why didn't they come to ME!?!?" You know what lengths you would go to, they may or may not.
Finally, what's important is to live the pain you have right now. Don't try to hide from it, supress it, or cover it up. Talk about it, think about it, get mad about it, cry about it. But, what's important is that you get through it. You can't help her now, but you MAY be lucky enough to help someone else. Take that pain and give love, like I'm trying to do right now.
Try to take something from this tragedy and make someone's life better.
Before I signed on this morning and saw this, I was having a real good peace the last couple days. ANd just said this morning that I need to do "something," not related to myself, I AM busy as hell, but I need to do something for someone else. And, when I saw this post, I knew something was preparing me, and this is part of what is in store.
OKP always comes together at times like this, and we always regress to riding on folx after the fact. That's human nature.
You should be changed by this, let it happen.
Something I just thought about, when she/Simmon crosses my mind, I'm going to try and do something for someone else, that connection and helping will build yourself. Take the love we had for them and share it with someone else.
I rambled a little, it might be a little incoherent, but...how do you help someone get through this? I tried, and hope someone got a little light from it.
Peace to her, her soul, her family, friends and people she never knew existed that will be touched by those who did. ======
FLASH!!
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