4. "i would think it would be awesome as long as you are open minded" In response to Reply # 0
i mean really. think about how you were, and how things have changed, and how you would or could be if you were young now mixed with your spouses characteristics...
7. "Yeah there's all that... but there's other shit too." In response to Reply # 4
i had to put her in a headlock earlier. shit is broken. stuff all over the floor. lil sis crying telling me to call the police. teen screaming how much she hates us and wants to die.
12. "this same thing happened to a friend of mine recently, she kicked her ou..." In response to Reply # 7
and made her stay with her mother for a while until she cooled off.
its not always the best solution, but for her it worked.
i swear i was ready to get on the next plane and whip her ass. she had never displayed that type of disrespect and it was (i believe) a direct correlation to how she sees these other little girls speaking to their moms.
13. "I don't know what I'm going to do..." In response to Reply # 12
she's in therapy for anger issues right now. they think she has pmdd. its some light-switch kinda stuff tho.. loving and cuddling with us earlier then SNAP and some whole other shit.
19. "She's been getting migraines at least 2-3 times a week.." In response to Reply # 17
they have her on some super low dose anti-depressant something as a prophylactic, and tried her on some birth control to see if that would even out her hormones.. that was a disaster.
we're talking about other options right now... id prefer not to mess with a growing child's brain chemistry, but im open to almost all possibility right now.
>putting her on any meds yet? > >not sure how you feel about that though.
8. "NOOOO!!!! not our baby Sequoia!!!!!" In response to Reply # 0
Awww Bee, I feel like my lil niece is running amok or something... Only thing I van say is hold her tight, don't let her go...she's abt 15 right? U only got abt another yr or two before she * snaps out of it* ... Then u'll do it all again w/ mama G..
24. "RE: Worst part is how she manages to push me into being the worst of me...." In response to Reply # 20
Vee, remember if she's going thru all of that up there ^^^^^^^ she is prolly just as much, if not more fucked up than u are....
2-3 migraines ain't no joke for an adult, so I can IMAGINE a young girl... That PMDD has grown WOMEN snapping clean the fuck off, so imagine a teenage girl who is being thrown into all of this *woman ness* in the deep end all @ one time w/o.the skills on how to handle or verbalize it... But even after saying all of that, she cannot be allowed to turn ur household upside down...
Lastly, this parenting shit Don't come w/ manuals, instructions, cheat sheets... None if that... U r both figuring shit out. As fucked up as shit is now, it WILL get better & u will learn from this experience just like u have from all ur other experiences...
Vee, I'm so sorry.... Sending love and peace to u & ur girls...
26. "you got me crying forreal." In response to Reply # 24
>Vee, remember if she's going thru all of that up there >^^^^^^^ she is prolly just as much, if not more fucked up >than u are.... > >2-3 migraines ain't no joke for an adult, so I can IMAGINE a >young girl... That PMDD has grown WOMEN snapping clean the >fuck off, so imagine a teenage girl who is being thrown into >all of this *woman ness* in the deep end all @ one time >w/o.the skills on how to handle or verbalize it... But even >after saying all of that, she cannot be allowed to turn ur >household upside down... > >Lastly, this parenting shit Don't come w/ manuals, >instructions, cheat sheets... None if that... U r both >figuring shit out. As fucked up as shit is now, it WILL get >better & u will learn from this experience just like u have >from all ur other experiences... > >Vee, I'm so sorry.... Sending love and peace to u & ur >girls...
thank u, mama... print this and read it in 10-12 years yourself! lol. *sniffles*
>I'm shipping her ass to u in MT!!!! > >By that time u'll be a professional @ the teenage daughter >thing & I can just sign my rights over to u.... Lol > >Thaaaaaaaaanks!!!!! Lol
27. "RE: what's your outlet?" In response to Reply # 25
found a really great new therapist that we're seeing.. i dont really have many people to talk to about it, (hence posting it here -- and fuck anyone who says not to share personal stuff.. this ability for me to get things off my chest and hear from other parents is what makes this place somewhere i come back to year after year)
im trying to just get our family schedule real organized and clean.. have clear expectations.. have a safe and comfortable place for both of us to get advice professionally. we have a very supportive extended family too, i just hate burdening people with shit, you know?
d_Benjamin_m Member since Apr 28th 2009 17298 posts
Thu Oct-06-11 02:17 AM
33. "oh yea, i feel ya, strong" In response to Reply # 27
i just finished excommunicating alot of people who knew i lost my job, my girl and my crib who were calling my constantly concerned with me and what i was going to do
i eventually just did me and didn't wanna keep giving updates every damn day
selfish and inconsiderate, but i'm stubborn
which isn't good
it's good to have at least 2 people on call who you love and trust
93. "Lord, I've been here" In response to Reply # 20
>everything i swear i wont do.. i do. > >makes me feel like a shitty parent sometimes. > and we ain't nowhere near the teenage years.
All I can offer is a tight ehug and I will be keeping you both in my thoughts.
I'ma throw out a weird suggestion though: acupuncture?
~!~ alors que d'autres ont trouvé l'impermanence des châteaux de sable tout à fait décourageant, elle éveillé la nuit à attendre le jour où sa forme présente serait anéantie burdenless par le flux et le reflux de la marée
"Slaves got options...cowards aint got shit." --PS "Once upon a time, little need existed for making the distinction between a nigga and a black—at least not in this country, the place where niggas were invented" -- Donnell A
34. "I wish you the best" In response to Reply # 0
In my experience acting out always came down to me being upset with the way things are around me. Perhaps your daughters eyes are open and she's pissed off. On the bright side, I think that often means intelligence/awareness.. on the downside, her options are pretty limited so she will most likely push the envelope in ways she can control, such as acting out. People thrive to be fulfilled by something that transcends the superficial, even though it is usually the superficial things we are chasing anyway. In my opinion this is all tied in with family, the material, the immaterial. I am sure that it creates confusion and mental unrest.. in the form of aggression, or deceit, whatever. That's at least how I try to understand where someone like your daughter might be coming from. Imagine being a new, innocent being, thrust unto this world. THIS world. it is fucking hard I'm sure you know that.
You are of course doing your best to protect and take care of her. To her, she is thinking that you are in the way. I am sure I have done the same things to my parents as your daughter must be doing to you. She is incapable of seeing your point right now as she has not experienced your life, much less adult life, so how can she possibly get anything that you might be saying to her. My only advice would be not to play into her plots. By now she probably expects you to react in predictable ways. Switch the tables on her. This is of course almost impossible as she will put herself in danger, but all to test you. Crazy little fuckers children they are.
This is of course just my opinion and I could be wrong about everything. Peace
36. "Mine is 15 and I applaud your headlock. I advise hemming them up at" In response to Reply # 0
least once a year, if not more.
And boxers should return to their corners after an intense fellowship. Give yourself a time out.
Decide what is most important. Let go of the little stuff.
Get the baby something for the migranes. Change her diet (for her) wherever you can. Get rid of the white sugars and other (bad) carbs. Get rid of the sodas until her mood swings even out. You already know the rest of the "danger" foods to get rid of. Dont trip if she eats/drinks this stuff outside the house. That's fine. Just make sure your house is a safe zone for good nutrition. You can slowly reintroduce these foods in a few months, once she calms down.
Lastly, both of you need outlets. Something regularly scheduled that has nothing to do with school or work. Use meetup.com, if you can't think of anything. They have all kinds of things from hula hoop groups, to support groups, to flash mob groups.
Remind her that you are still on her side. Remind her that you are not the enemy.
59. "All this. Yeah we're a totally organic family... " In response to Reply # 36
i dont do processed carbs, sugars, anything artificial. almost no gluten, not much dairy at all.
she knows whats healthy and comments how when she stays at a friends house she inevitably comes home with a belly ache from the "bad food" everyone else has..
that said, she is a little carb addict.. she'd live on pasta and bread if id let her..
you're so on point with the diet thing tho.. so so important.
she threw away all her prescriptions last night in the heat of things.. emptied the bottles into the garbage can. (with old food and crap.. so she can't dig em out)
39. "I survived those rough years 13-18 by remembering my teenage" In response to Reply # 0
years. As much as I wanted to be appalled at the crap she pulled, I had to flashback to my teenage bull and laugh. In between runs to the hospital, the precinct, the clinic, squaring off with crazy kids on corners - I held my breath and hung in there.
I'm not sure how you guys eat but have you checked the diet? I hear that hormone and chemical filled foods can trigger certain disorders in certain people.
This can be a roller coaster ride - hold on!
My prayers go up for you guys. And this too shall pass.
54. "man maggs is 11 going on 25" In response to Reply # 40
attitude sometimes is on a 100
her smart ass mouth one of these days im not gonna be able to control that right hand slapping reflex.
this child ... like you tell her to do something and she acts like shes the only one that ever does ANYTHING in the house and shes such a cinderella and im the evil step-mother.
73. "LMAO!! we offered her extra chores to make some money" In response to Reply # 54
and this lil heifer told Boogiedwn that we were trying to 'make her do our work'. we had a loooong as talk about that one. ......................................................................................... Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.
89. "maggs tells on me to my folks" In response to Reply # 73
if i ground her or take her cell away, she calls my mom and dad SEPARATELY (my dad works most of the week out of town) to tell her tales of woe and abuse.
then my dad calls my mom to make sure im loving my daughter enough and query if maggs should come live with them.
yes, that has happened. more than once.
if maggs calls my dad upset ... the world stops and someone is answering for her tears. hence, the PPD.
=( ~~~~ When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries. ~~~~ You cannot hate people for their own good.
45. "lawd is she pregnant?! i think i can survive anything but that" In response to Reply # 0
the mental image of my boo standing in front of me telling me shes been knocked up by that shiftless ignant beanhead ass boy i have warned her abt is too much
thank god shes only 4 i been warning her abt boys her whole life she gonna hate men GOOD
71. "He's a big part of their life. Just logistically not feasible to take pa..." In response to Reply # 62
these day to day issues on a physical level. they talk on the phone several times a week. skype every sunday night for a couple hours. they stay with him every summer. we share holidays sometimes. (no parenting plan.. we just work together).
we respect and trust each other a lot. i worked really REALLY hard to get our relationship to this point. i love his 3 yr old daughter.. they all came and stayed at my house this summer for a couple days. we are one big family.
68. "She just texted me from school:" In response to Reply # 0
Mama im so sorry about everything. i know your over the edge of what u can take and im sorry. i HATE when we fight. im trying. i promise. i will make it up to u. i want us to start over. i love u and sis more than anything. forgive me please.
72. "TELL HER TO STOP TEXTING YOU FROM SCHOOL" In response to Reply # 68
AND PAY ATTENTION!!
thats nice tho.
my son would have these "rage" episodes and would feel so horribly guilty afterwards. they were mentally and physically draining. luckily his just stopped.
75. ""I love u so much baby.. now TURN YOUR PHONE OFF" <-- verbatim" In response to Reply # 72
>AND PAY ATTENTION!! > >thats nice tho. > >my son would have these "rage" episodes and would feel so >horribly guilty afterwards. they were mentally and physically >draining. luckily his just stopped.
wow.. how did they stop? this is what im dealing with. RAGE shit. on some lightbulb switch.
91. "1st thing i had to do was realize how i played into them" In response to Reply # 75
granted, my son as a child shouldnt display the inital type of behavior to begin with, but passed a certain point the situation is out of control and me trying to cease it was only making it worse.
so once i saw we were going in that direction - i told my son ok lets step back ... go to our respective corners and calm down. once we are calm and not in the moment, lets discuss this rationally.
its been more than a year now since we have even had a situation get to the point where im like ok lets step back. i know his puberty thing evening out some had a lot to do with that, but his father being murdered really calmed him down a lot. i dont recommend that happening, tho.
~~~~ When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries. ~~~~ You cannot hate people for their own good.
76. "preaching to the choir. . .my 14 y.o. is giving us HELL right now" In response to Reply # 0
he done got him so little punny and done lost is GOTdam mind. thankfully my 22 y.o. was NOTHING like that. my ex-husband had is first child at 15. praying and doing everything possible to make sure my son knows how much he can screw up his life with his current behavior. this too shall pass though, one way or the other. and then i got an 11 y.o. coming right behind him, uggggggggggh. i just keep telling myself that one day they'll all be gone and then i'll be missing them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage ~ ANAIS NIN
79. "You can get her a treadmill." In response to Reply # 0
and have her run on it every morning and whenever she's starting to feel upset or out of whack.
Set it up in front of a window and make sure she has plenty of music that she enjoys. Whenever she starts acting out, send her to the treadmill which will give both of you time to think.
I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. I've been there and it's extremely difficult.
87. "My son's currently on a very light punishment right now." In response to Reply # 0
I'm learning while being a parent, I still need to keep the lines of communication open. I think my seedling appreciates more. I used to get the belt or punished without much talking, which makes no sense - especially in today's society. I don't want to be the enemy. We're in this together. I am just praying that I can hang in there by the time he's 13 years old. International boarding school's looking really good right now.
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