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ok, so maybe two people will read this thread, but i'm sure that what i'm about to write will be more entertaining than your job. so read this review; you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll avoid doing something productive for a few minutes.
so my friend had an extra ticket to see loveage tonight, and i had $20 and nothing else better to do. a little background: loveage would be dan the automator's handsome boy modeling school side project. here i am thinking that it's just the name of the album, but no, it's an actual group. the other members are mike patton (used to be in faith no more), kid koala, some chick whose name i can't remember, and two other guys whose names were not mentioned.
before loveage went on, ming & fs did their set. now, personally, i don't enjoy going to shows where you stare at the dj while they're doing their thing. i mean, really, what's the point of that? that said, i really liked their mix of hip hop and drum'n'bass. the problem was the crowd. this was not a dancing crowd. this was a stare-at-the-dj-and-nod-your-head crowd. and they seemed really bored. the only time the crowd came alive for ming & fs was when they played a remix of faith no more's version of "war pigs". that should tell you something. despite this problem, their show was really good. hopefully i'll hear them again one day in someplace that's more condusive to dancing.
next was the loveage "experience", and i'd say that's a pretty accurate description of what took place. i know you've all seen the handsome boy modeling school pictures, so you can pretty much imagine what the whole scene looked like: silk robes and gold chains for the fellas, skintight dress for the lady, cognac flowing, incense burning, you get the idea. i don't actually own the loveage album, so i can't really compare the live experience to the recorded experience. but the music was really good- mike patton and the chick singing lustily over dan the automator's and kid koala's beats. the anonymous guys played guitar and bass, and mike patton also played some other random instruments for added sound effects. altogether, the music was incredibly lush and sensual.
since i know that no one is reading this, i feel safe in writing what happened next. towards the end of the show, mike patton announces that what new york needs is "a little... sweetness". it started off innocently enough, with mike and dan handing out a box of chocolates to the audience up front. then everyone left the stage except for kid koala, who was still spinning. after a couple of minutes, i realize that mike and dan are now in the audience. i couldn't really tell what was going on, but i heard a lot of cheering and yelling. they make their way through the crowd holding a flashlight. as they came by i took a few steps back to let them pass, but they stopped right in front of me and dan yelled, "she wants chocolate!!" oh shit. dan's carrying a bottle of chocolate syrup with him, and he proceeds to pour it in my mouth. (hey, i really didn't feel like i had a choice in the matter.) then he started pouring it on my face. i was like "what the hell?!" and mike said, "don't worry sweetie, i'll take care of that." i'm thinking he's going to hand me a tissue or something, but instead he proceeds to LICK THE CHOCOLATE OFF MY FACE. if *ever* i wanted the ground to open up and have the earth swallow me whole, that was the moment. i'm not sure what was more mortifying, that or having to explain to the bitchy bartender why i needed a cup of water to wash my face. ("dan the automator and mike patton just poured chocolate sauce on me!")
while i was washing my face, they played a few more songs and also pulled a couple of people on stage for "the loveage connection". they redeemed themselves (in my eyes) by doing this hysterical cover of "i'm real", with the girl doing ja rule's part and mike doing jennifer lopez's part.
if this show comes to your town, you should go. however, do yourself a favor and stay in the back. that way, you won't have to face the humiliation that i did.
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MSN IM name: azucar18
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i am jesus's little sunbeam.
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