I've been struggling with alcoholism since I was 22.

When my primary said I would get cirrhosis in 10 years, I took it as a challenge of sorts.

Little did I know I would get S4 cirhossis at 28...guess I won (?).

The ledge of knowing I'm standing at the end didn't keep me from relapsing again. I finally went to rehab in Waxahachie, TX on Dec 11 and came back to El Paso on Jan 22.

Attended AA, kept in contact with my good friends at rehab, counseling, etc. Still, I was at arm's length from feeling my bottom.

The main culprit for me is being complacent and not sticking to the routine I had established prior to returning back to the 915.

It's unfathomable that I would *want* to drink *knowing* I have this death sentence...but the grip has me.

And here I am. Relapsed b/c "this time it'll be different."

That's why when I read godleeluv's post, I felt i had to share as well (despite me being a lurker for years).

Godleeluv, get whatever help you feel is comfortable for you. Whether that is AA, SMART recovery, counseling, etc.

The lifelong dependency of a poison to want that head change or because it's out of habit, is not worth the long term damage it does to the mind, body, soul, and bridges that'll burn to those you hold closest.

I pray you'll get through this.

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No need to get my mental status cold stressin