She talks about them all day, every day, or at least as often as she is free to talk at a call center.

She shows me videos of her dogs doing.... I dunno. Dog stuff, I guess. Just being dogs. Two minute videos of them simply fucking existing. Wagging their tails an shit. I have to be careful saying anything about my kids because she'll spend five minutes babbling about her fucking dogs and the cutest things they did, like it's remotely similar.

But that's not the worst of it. She talks about her kid constantly. For the first few months next to her, she'd talk about how cute it was when he'd cook for her. She'd say spend five minutes talking about him hurting his finger. She ranted and raved about a $300 phone bill because sent a gazillion texts to girls one month, and how, one day, I'll go the same thing. Then she told me how cute it was when she came home and he was cooking for two girls.

So after two months or so she commented on how I dont have pictures of my kids. So I showed her a couple pics from my phone. She's if I want to see "my Devin" (sic).

I say sure. She hands me her phone and I see a fucking 30 year old man staring back at me. I don't mean he's a big kid. I'm not being facetious. He's a Grown. Ass. Man.

I thought he was 15-16, tops. Early on I thought he was about 10, but further context clues lead me to conclude he was a teenager. But no. He's almost as old as me. And she talks about him like he's a goddamn 5th grader. Meanwhile, I'm staring into the eyes of a tall, square-jawed adult while his mommy gushes over the most minute bullshit he did that day.

I swear by all that is good in this world, if she shows up asking me to by almond milk chocolate bars for this motherfucker, I'm going to snap. The dog nonsense is fucking annoying, but talking about your grown, failure to launch ass son in terms that consistently indicate that he's an actual child is maddening.

For a minute I wondered if he had a mental disability or something, because a friend called me a judgmental dick for being irritated by the revelation he was an adult, so I started asking some questions to get me clues and by all accounts, he's just a regular adult living with mom. She started calling him her man child after i asked a few too many questions, and I get the impression that they're both a bit codependent.

Whew. It felt great to get that off my chest.