A father's "presense" (or lack there of) has an impact on our lives. Please understand, my father was far from perfect. He could have -and should have- done much more for my sister and I, (both financially and emotionally)than he did. But he didn't. And it affected me, as your father's "presence" affect you and your siblings. IMHO, here is where this issue gets tricky. Because of our fathers' irresponsibility or absence, as children we are hurt. (Like I said in my previous post, my father was the first man to break my heart.) And because these men have abandoned us, in one way or another, some sistas learn to take care of ourselves and become fiercely independent. They learn to protect themselves, and provide for themselves. Now, ain't nothing wrong with being strong, but most sistas who "don't need a man" this is their story. And the irony is, this attitude was born because we did need a man (our fathers) to be there for us, and he wasn't. And now that you have learned that we have learned that we are self-sufficient, and that we can handle our business "we don't need no man". But it is with that ideology, that we will subject our children to the same pain that we experienced. Now, don't get it twisted, I believe a sista should be resourceful and independent. But she should also be whole, and behind that statement (I don't need no man) is anger. And were there is anger, there is pain that hasn't healed, and therefore we aren't whole. So let's heal, become whole. Because even though I don't need a man, I love the balance that comes with having (the right) one. It's all xing & xang. Think about it how would you define hard, without soft... lol