Everyone needs a Daddy. The importance of father-figures has been minimized. My Dad was 20 when I was born, and 5 months later my mother was killed. My maternal Grandmother, then took me away from my Dad (she was able to because my parents weren't married, and his name didn't appear on my birth certificate)and reared me. For the early part of my life my father was there, but he wasn't (he was a hustler, so he always was in & out). He would pick me up every weekend, and drop me off at his Mom's house (I am very close with my paternal Gram as a result). But when I was around 4 years old, my Dad was arrested and spent a few months in prison. There he learned about Islam, and adopted the lifestyle whole-heartedly. My Dad became a "knowledge junkie" and everything was about knowing your true history. So, I had tons upon tons of books. For my fifth grade graduation, the school presented the valedictorian (sp?) with a thesaurus. My Dad presented me with the same exact one the next day. I had Fredick Douglas & Harriet Tubman comic books. My Dad brought my a tape player/recorder, so I could read the newspaper into the recorder and then play back myself read aloud. The majority of my gifts were either books or things related to learning. By the time I hit High School I had a library most scholars would envy. But I hated it. I just wanted a Daddy. Not a college level lecture on the role of the Black man in America. I never was Daddy's little girl. My Father always spoke to me, and related to me in a very adult, matter-of-fact tone. Everything was very logical and somewhat devoid of emotion. My cousins teased me consistently. You would not believe the number of Malcolm X jokes I had to endure. But when I was 16 my father broke my heart. He stopped speaking to me. For 2 years my father didn't speak to me over some ole' bs. (To make a long ass story short) because instead of trusting my judgement, he assumed the worst...and he was very wrong in his assumption.
My father was far from perfect, most parents are...but he definitely gave me a sense of self. And (hindsight is 20/20) my earlier interaction with my father has shaped how I relate to men. I am extremely matter-of-fact. If it doesn't make sense, you better make it make sense before you bring it to me. I can not stand a man who is ignorant, and doesn't recognize the importance of educating oneself. If you don't read, or can't speak intelligently on a subject...pleassse keep moving. If my husband says something devoid of common sense, my skin crawls. And the funny thing is, my younger sister (we share this man that I called father) is EXACTLY the same. Our personalities are identical. Now, I have an older sister (we share the same mom, but she has a different dad) she is lost ...My younger sister has an older sister (same scenerio, same mom different dads) she is lost also . Both suffer from addictions. So, I said all of this to say...you cannot minimize the importance of the father's role in a child's life. Because of my father's influence (although, he wasn't all we needed him to be) my younger sister and I are educated, positive, productive women. Who have a great sense of self-worth, and value.