All fun romantic notions aside, money is near the top of the list when it comes to things that end marriages.
On a personal note, I can see that it's something that will likely to be an issue in my own life. I'm about 31 right now and the women that seem to show the most interest AND be the most compatible, are either single mothers OR they're in their early 30s and that biological clock is TICKING. They're often looking for a rather traditional household, so even though she'll have a career - I'm really the guy supporting the household, doing the whole "man of the house thing". We share all money earned by the both of us, since in each of these cases, I earn a lot more - it's expected that she would be able to tap my cash for whatever, I'd do like of my friends/colleagues and set her up with the nice car, house, Nordstrom money, vacations, etc.
As one woman put it on our first date: "I just want to go to work, come home and take care of my Man and my kids and then went on to imply that she expects certain considerations back, likes the old fashioned financial arrangement, etc.
Mention Prenup around these women and you may just get cut, or they want it so it expires eventually.
Thing is - I don't want that:
- I loathe Marriage - Don't want children - I figure we support the household 50/50 or a least proportionate to our incomes. We can have shared household cash, sure, but I figure the Bulk of my assets are, well, my assets, ditto for her. If she earns $10M a year and I earn $30k, well, aside from having a bigger house (I'm assuming) I'd be parking my Civic next to her Lexus. Now, granted, Mein Auto is not a Civic and I don't make $30k but you get the idea. I just don't see how her money, that she earned is mine - I married her, not her asssets.
Anyway, these views tend to piss women off. Even ones that swear up and up and down how independent they are, how they barely want marriage or kids themselves.
To be honest, I don't think these women are gold diggers AT ALL. They just feel that once your married, you merge everything.
About two years ago, I was in a relationship where I paid 80% of the bills because I made 80% of the money, it kind of annoyed me as I could tell she didn't feel she really had to work. She never asked me for much, if I bought her a $70 Sweater she'd say I spent too much. BUT, she would nag about finances sometimes. Which was irritating as she didn't know much about finance was just Parroting some mis-interpreted nonsense from some alleged finance expert.
In her defense, unless you come back at me with a financial analysis that trumps mine, better math, etc - I'm not changing my tactics, particularly if I think you don't know as much as I do. This can cause issues, when someone is uncomfortable with something.....(See CC Convo) or even the housing one.....
So my questions are:
1) For the married/engaged/co-habitation folks, how do you do it? 2) What are your general thoughts on relationships and finances?
We talk so much about how to manage our money on these boards, but a lot of ya'll have to go home and run stuff by someone else, so let's just bring that to the front and discuss the implications.
Note: I'm not here to debate/criticize how you run things, I'm more interested in discussing what works and doesn't work for you any why.