73846, i've noticed that you're quite big on refrains
Posted by mindful, Sun Apr-27-08 11:36 AM
being used in short stanzas...
i've read this, and the fact that the work is so short, the refain is truly not needed. i mean, for me, it disturbs the flow. i thought that using it after the first two lines and then again at the ending would have been appropriate. the poem itself though? passionate, emotional, honest, and sensual. it sort of has this bittersweet tone to it, which i can truly appreciate.
the ending though is what i liked most:
couldn't find the words couldn't find the courage
but here I lay again
in your arms
Peace~
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http://www.clutchmagazine.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/132318
I'm an emotional cripple. Šjaney
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