| Go back to previous topic | | Forum name | Freestyle Board | | Topic subject | In Your Arms | | Topic URL | http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=73436 |
73436, In Your Arms
Posted by AfternoonDelight, Tue Apr-15-08 04:38 PM
I wanted so much to tell you
how much I've missed you
in your arms
I wanted to say how sorry I was for leaving
in your arms
I wanted to tell you how I hated you
because I couldn't rid myself of these feelings
in your arms
I wanted to say I love you
in your arms
couldn't find the words couldn't find the courage
but here I lay again
in your arms
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73846, i've noticed that you're quite big on refrains
Posted by mindful, Sun Apr-27-08 11:36 AM
being used in short stanzas...
i've read this, and the fact that the work is so short, the refain is truly not needed. i mean, for me, it disturbs the flow. i thought that using it after the first two lines and then again at the ending would have been appropriate. the poem itself though? passionate, emotional, honest, and sensual. it sort of has this bittersweet tone to it, which i can truly appreciate.
the ending though is what i liked most:
couldn't find the words couldn't find the courage
but here I lay again
in your arms
Peace~
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I'm an emotional cripple. Šjaney
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